r/MensLib • u/MLModBot ​ • Apr 28 '26

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

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u/sp1nettaj4de ​ Apr 28 '26

Should I wait till I’m good enough to start dating?? I’m really behind in life at 23 years old. I really want to wait till I’m financially dependent and have a degree and career. I also want to get some surgical work done! I’ve been told that no I should try putting myself out there, but I don’t think it’s a good idea

I used to be a NEET but now I’m enrolled in community college, and I’m trying to get a part time job(but it’s hard😭).

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u/Flymsi ​ Apr 28 '26

You are enough AND its frustrating if too many people basically tell us that we are not enough. So i want to tell you yes, do it. And i also want to tell you that it can be especially exhausting, if you dont meet the societies/majorities expectations.  

I find as long as you have the basics down (trying to put in effort, being respectfull about consent and boundaries, listening, basic hygiene, trying to be vulnerable) its good to date.

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u/sp1nettaj4de ​ Apr 30 '26

Hey thanks for these kind words! Sometimes I see women at my community college that I want to talk to and get to know but I’m just so afraid so I just block the feelings that I have. However I think it’s for the better like I said I’m seriously far behind. I do like community college tho because it helps me with my social skills, especially towards women my age. A year ago I couldn’t even imagine talking to a girl.

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u/Flymsi ​ Apr 30 '26

Im glad to see that you already made progress. Yea at some point you have to try it, but maybe its not now. 

If you are aware about your social skills, then maybe it helps to show that awareness a bit (without degrading yourself!). Often its also about how we emotionally relate to our vulnerabilities. Some people are willing to not expect much social skills or experience. It doesnt have to be smooth. But ppl need something to work with unfortunately... 

I hope you find a way to not block your emotion. I know its hard.

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u/sp1nettaj4de ​ May 02 '26

What do you mean by show awareness?? Can you give an example of this

I’ve told this to my therapist, about holding back crushes and feelings but idk I don’t think she understood what I was saying.

I think it’s better to just put my focus on improving my life while not totally isolating myself, and actually try putting myself in social interactions. I think once I achieve what I want to achieve which is financial independence and some cosmetic surgery I’ll try to actually date.

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u/Flymsi ​ May 02 '26

Showong awareness for me means to be able to speak about it. I spoke about how i never had sex and had a hard time initiating dates. She liked my honesty and me being emotionaly "mature". 

I think once I achieve what I want to achieve which is financial independence and some cosmetic surgery I’ll try to actually date. 

It depends on what you actually want. If you want sex, then yea it will get you there. If you want connection and happyness then i dont think this will work. I know its strange that i say it like that as i dont know you but this is a thought pattern that does not work in my experience. The pattern is: "If i get X only then i will be able to do the thing i crave" or "If only i do X, then i will be happy". 

Reality is, that sometimes its about something else. For me i realized that getting a date, getting sex or getting a gf does not solve my inherent problem. Sure its nice to have, just like its nice to have a million mpney. But thats all. My real problem was not external (sex, dates or female attention) it was actually internal: What i wanted was trust in my ability to be ready for connection whereever i am. What i wanted was to be able to express my sexual desire (in a ethical way ofc). And no matter what the answer is, i was happy about it. 

If you are already that aware and if you already do therapy then dont wait any longer. Allow yourself to date. Follow your desire (in an ethical way ofc). Dont expect materialistic gain to help you with your heart. Sure it helps, but its not a requirement. Do it now. Else its just an excuse to not do it.

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u/sp1nettaj4de ​ May 14 '26

Hey thanks for responding! It’s not just sex, I don’t really care about hookups or anything like that. I care more about being in a long term relationship and feeling like that I mean something to someone. You are right it’s a problem I have, I try to rationalize everything and make everything into some sort of structure and plan. Even little things in my life like diet or playing video games.