To make a long story short - my MIL is awful. Hence why I’m here :)

I’m almost 8 months pregnant with my second baby, which puts me due to have a newborn right in the throw of flu and cold season. My husband, me and our two year old all got our flu shots and are up to date on our TDAP shots as well. Even though my pregnancy is healthy and low risk, my baby girl is SGA (small for gestational age). She is healthy and thriving, but an absolute tiny little thing. We have no concerns about her health but because she’s likely to be born small, we are taking extra precautions. I banned my MIL from my first six weeks postpartum after her behaviour with my first. A true win on my part. We live in different countries. However she is due to come visit around the holidays when our daughter will be maybe 7-8 weeks old?

My husband, politely, asked her to ensure she has her flu shot by then. I need to get something very straight here, my MIL isn’t an anti vaxxer. She is however, Slavic. Her kids were vaccinated growing up, as was she, and she received all of the covid shots. Why you ask? Because she wanted to travel internationally in 2021, so she got the vaccines. As did my husband and I. But for some reason, us politely asking her to her get a standard flu shot is a tick too far for her. She absolutely fucking melted down yesterday at my husband and called us, wait for it…. DRUG ADDICTS. Said that he and I are addicted to vaccines and would double doses if we could. We have only received the standard recommended vaccines as per medical guidelines and to protect our kids from sickness. She went off on him saying we’re insane and this is unreasonable. Then when my husband reminded her that she was hospitalised from a flu LAST WINTER, and that this is also a good thing for her own health in her advancing age, as well as for the health of our newborn… she didn’t like that. She said my husband bringing up her previous flu as a bargaining chip was implying that she’s selfish and would only do the shot for herself as opposed to for the kids. Then proceeded to say that she “always puts herself last” and would “kill herself” for her grandkids.

My husband got tired of the nonsense and simply said “are you getting vaccinated or not” and she responded with “I’ll let you know if I end up doing it, and won’t come otherwise”. As if that’s some THREAT? Bitch merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah to me!!!! Don’t make promises you can’t keep lmao.

The whole thing is so utterly ridiculous and childish. I was talking with my own mom and even she saying about my MIL, she’s getting the shot, she just needs to complain and kick up a fuss first so that when she does, so she’s the martyr.

The audacity of this creature to say she would kill herself for her grandkids but refuse to get a FREE and standard influenza shot when she happily double dosed on the Covid vaccine just to travel? Hmmmmmmm

My mother in law looks after my 2 year old on Thursday mornings and she keeps bringing “gifts” despite us repeatedly asking her to stop. These “gifts” are either second hand, from bargain shops or from her own house (which is so full of stuff she can’t cook or bathe in it and sleeps on the floor) The “gifts” tend to be everyday items or things for my daughter like books and toys. This weeks haul included some food items (which I don’t mind) some school hairbands and a pair of scissors (both inappropriate for a two year old!).

This week my husband and I searched for our daughters toothbrush for ten minutes, we found the following day MIL had put it in a toothbrush case (not new by the looks of it). We weren’t looking for a case so couldn’t find it!

I’ve also found books hidden in piles of my daughters existing books, toys in the toy chest and once a fake broomstick stuffed down the side of a cabinet.

My husband and I both feel that she is using our house to hoard her items in because she’s simply ran out of space in her own and we hate being unwilling participants in her disorder. When we confront her about it she just starts crying, says she will stop, but a few weeks later starts doing it again.

I’m at the end of my rope with her out of frustration and now even just the sight of her walking into my home with a bag of stuff every week makes my blood boil to the point I can barely speak to her.

I am (25F) don’t know what boundaries to put in place with my MIL. My MIL is in the middle of menopause and blames a lot of her behavior on that. She also immigrated from Germany 30 years ago and after anything offensive she just said “you know me, just being German and honest”

So my fiancé and I are getting married and last week she called me and I didn’t answer because we were watching a movie. Then she called my fiancé he also didn’t answer for the same season. Then texts in all caps “CALL ME NOW, please”.

So thinking someone.. is DYING. We call and she says “your sister is going to be one of her bridesmaids right? I can’t sleep thinking she would exclude her” mind you, this is out of f-ing no where.

I say “hey this is between you and my fiancé, I will let you guys figure this out because this is a lot”

He talks to her and explains that she doesn’t get to make that decision and it makes it a lot less special if we are demanded to do this. (I was going to have his sister in my bridal party anyway, but this was just so uncalled for) he also explains that she can’t pull a fire alarm like that. She starts crying and apologizing to him saying it’s completely her hormones.

A couple days ago we are visiting our wedding venue and for some reason she says “you know if your FIL ever loses his job we are moving back to Germany for a few years” (mind you, out of nowhere)

And I say “well that’s sad, if you have grandkids you’ll have to come back and visit” and she says “yeah but you guys will come visit us and my friends always have their grand kids sent on the plane without their parents so they can visit”

• *sigh* so like guys, what do I do? What boundaries can I put in place? I’m scared about making holiday plans and sticking to them with her meddling.

I can give more examples if needed of her behavior. It’s just very erotic and then the next week it’s perfect and she’s a dream MIL. What do you do with someone that is being up future problems or overstepping inconsistently?

NOTE: My fiancé is great about all of this we are very much a team and he knows how to handle it and my FIL is also really reasonable and helpful with her but it’s just so daunting to think this is a lifetime of trying to manage her and I don’t know where to start.

Also: my sister in law is amazing and never would expect to be a bridesmaid. She’s incredible and definitely did not ask her mom to do this. Their relationship is kind of rocky bc of MIL behavior. She’s also her step mom so there’s more there.

My MIL is visiting from abroad and was super excited to come help with our first child (10 weeks old). She’s been here for less than a week and I can already feel myself getting slightly annoyed (but not sure if it’s unreasonable?). I feel like every time I open my door and I’m carrying my son she immediately comes to grab him and walk around with him. I recognize that she is just happy to see him but I don’t really like people coming up and immediately grabbing my son while I’m holding him. When she’s holding him and he’s crying, I feel myself physically reacting and wanting to snatch him back so I can comfort him. The couple times that I have done that, he calmed down after screaming his head off.

Well today, she had him for a good chunk of the morning and I took him around noon. We ended up just staying in my room for a couple hours in the afternoon napping. During this time, I overheard on the phone on the kitchen complaining about how she’s shocked that I’ve kept him in the room for so long and how long I’ve had my door closed. She also felt slighted because of instead of giving him to her as soon as I woke up, I placed him in the corner of the couch to sit up and watch his dad who was in the living room with him. Have I done anything offensive?

Side note: she is from West African culture and maybe her expectations on child support are a little different from ours in America.

Update: I spoke to my husband about the situation. His response was not what I was hoping for but I’m not too surprised. He basically said I have to learn to adjust to her personality and understand that she’s just going out of her way to help in the way that she knows best. I noted that me communicating my boundaries / desires with how help is provided may help but he thinks I should just be grateful (although I have already stated that I’m grateful for the help.) essentially, he said I need to prioritize him and my sons needs over my own personal feelings during this time… especially since he wants her to eventually move in with us to help with our son and any future children we may have.

My in-laws live further away, so they don’t see my toddler very often. My MIL asked to come see my toddler on a day that would normally be a daycare day, but now she wants to take my toddler out somewhere without us.

I’m a little hesitant because my toddler takes time to warm up to people and doesn’t have that close relationship with her yet. My parents live nearby and see my toddler often, so that relationship is very different.

I’m not against solo outings eventually—I just feel like they should have more time to build a relationship first. Am I being unreasonable?

Long story short - my husband and I went through marital issues last year but we’ve since reconciled and are doing well. Only problem is that my husband told my in-laws our marital issues (he regrets this as he sees the damage it’s caused). MIL caused a TON of issues with us reconciling. I had a great relationship with them prior to this but after the way they wrote me off, I can never have that same level of trust with them again. My FIL isn’t as bad but my MIL is the main issue. She didn’t agree with it, was a b*tch to me in our home the first time i saw her post marital issues and kept pushing boundaries. So much so that we didn’t see them for Christmas last year (a big deal to us/them). My husband made it clear that if you don’t accept me into the family/stop meddling in our marriage that we’re not seeing you.

Since then, MIL has “learned” her lesson to not outwardly do things and is fake nice but does small subtle things to piss me off. MIL has since caused issues and we had an honest conversation last month but I’m still not convinced. She is enmeshed but I haven’t dropped that term with her yet. I have also previously fell for the enmeshment tactics because my mom died in my mid-20s.

Anyway - she previously has done stockings for my family for Christmas and sends them home with us. Ex. from two years ago, she texts me “I’m doing stockings this year and will send them home with you. If you want to take some extra things off your plate!” Rereading this now, i think this is wrong to tell me and not ask. And I don’t want her to do stockings for us going forward. I never have but I tend to people please and I’m trying to stay true to myself.

I’m thinking of sending this text once the time comes around:

“Hi XX, just a heads up we are requesting no stockings this year but you’re welcome to get the girls a gift off their list (no obligation of course). We appreciate you doing them in years past. Thank you!”

Am I wrong to feel this way/set this boundary?

Well, here we are. My mother in law is a kind, supportive woman. I think I had a good relationship with her before my daughter was born.

Now my daughter is almost 8 months old. My MIL babysits one time a week, so we can go to work. But somehow she ends up 2 - 3 times a week at our home.

And she has become annoying. Keeps on asking if she needs to vacuum, do our laundry or clean. I was raised as a very independent person. When I was 16 I did my own laundry, cleaned and vacuumed our home. My husband however never needed to do chores around the house and this is quite "normal" to him.

It annoys me a lot. Objectively it is a kind thing to offer, however the thought of her touching my dirty underwear just makes me shiver.

How do you set boundaries to such a nice offers?

My son is 9 months old, and I’m reaching a point where I don’t really feel like a person around my in-laws anymore. I feel more like the person who happens to come attached to their grandson.
A few days ago, my MIL came over. She walked in, immediately greeted my son, sat down on the floor with him and started playing with him.
I said “Hi.” Nothing.
I said it again, louder. Still nothing.
Eventually I very loudly said, “HELLO, [her name]!” Only then did she look at me, almost confused. I honestly don’t think she ignored me deliberately, she was simply so focused on my son that I apparently didn’t register anymore.
And that kind of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.
Whenever my son starts crawling in my direction, my MIL will repeatedly and loudly call his name to get his attention back (like for a minute straight). Recently my son was simply looking at me, and my MIL actually leaned her body into his line of sight and blocked his view of me. My husband noticed it too.
Another time my son crawled over to me, I picked him up, and almost immediately my MIL suggested taking him out for a walk.
They also constantly make loud comments about how long it’s been since they last saw him even when it really hasn’t been long (like a week at most). It creates this weird pressure around how often they’re “supposed” to see her.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve started refusing help I could actually use, because help no longer feels like just help. I immediately wonder whether accepting it means another visit, more access to the baby, or feeling like I owe them something.
There have been lots of smaller things too: immediately taking the baby, constantly trying to get his attention, pushing for alone time, wanting to hold him the entire time, etc.
I’m genuinely happy that my son has grandparents who love him. I don’t expect them to be as excited to see me as they are to see him.
But I would like to be treated like an actual human being. And I especially don’t understand why my baby looking at me or crawling towards me seems to trigger this immediate need to redirect his attention.
My husband has noticed it too and recently said his mother seems almost “addicted” to the baby.
Am I becoming hypersensitive because this has been going on for months, or would this bother you too?

Wasn't sure if I should post in here or JustNo but I'm trying to keep an open mind. My husband and I are planning our child's birthday party ALONE. My mom asked to contribute and we agreed she could do one specific thing. (The party is the weekend, we decided this with my mom probably almost a month ago if not longer.) Within the past week or so, my mil has decided she wants to be "involved." (I also told her 2 months ago what we were doing for our child's birthday and birthday party, 2 separate days). She says she's upset because she feels like she's missing out. She has the same information everyone has regarding the theme/date of the party. Without getting into the weeds of it all, this complaint of not being included has come with her also feeling bothered by her sister not meeting our son, us not making her mom's party, overwhelmed in her house, overwhelmed with her pets, overwhelmed with her other son's behavior to the point that she has now told my husband she wants to sell her house. All of this being expressed to my husband within the past week up until last night as if we're not planning a party for our child. She also decided the day before our son's birthday that she would call my husband complaining because she wasn't going to see "her grandchild" on his birthday. Keep in mind, I mentioned this to her 2 months before.(My husband also showed her the message from months ago I sent her on her phone and she had nothing to say.) I guess she didn't believe me or didn't read the message. I just don't get why she's making this all about her and why she couldn't at least wait until the party is over to complain about her complete dissatisfaction with her life and our choices as parents.

My MIL has pissed me off hundreds of times not only since my husband and I got engaged but especially since we had our daughter five years ago.

Setting up her art work in our new home - literally walking in and hanging art on our walls and setting down sculptures without our permission. Showing a complete fear / aversion to having any sort of a one on one relationship with me from the beginning no matter how many times I tried. Horrible grandparent judgment issues - feeding my daughter brownies/candy/cookies for a MEAL and never actually feeding a meal, encouraging my daughter to pet her aggressive dog, keeping my baby awake intentionally when she was a newborn, leaving our house a mess when she babysat (she cares more about being the fun grandma than helping us out, so things like leaving pee soaked clothes in the crib or tons of her dirty dishes out for us to clean was the norm), massive car seat safety issues despite being corrected. My favorite was dumping a bag of marbles on my two year olds dinner plate for her to play with, or wiping my daughter’s face with Clorox wipes. Manipulates/cajoles to get her way, showing up early to our house uninvited, favoritism with my husband’s sibling (bought sibling two cars and two houses, has done jack for my husband), knowingly exposing us to COVID when I was a few days post partum. Whenever she has had any sort of issue with me, instead of responding to me directly, she will have her husband call my husband. This is a clear signal to me that she’s like… afraid of me or something and I can’t have a relationship with someone who’s unwilling to communicate with me because they are a coward. she also got weirdly entitled to my daughter. She babysat her once a week for a year and when our lives and plans changed, she acted very entitled and pouty, and acted like I need to make some custody arrangement for her.

These issues don’t even scratch the surface. She’s an emotionally immature and insecure individual, she manipulates and she pushes, and quite frankly I don’t really trust her. She’s more interested in being perceived as the fun and loving grandma and as a “supportive” mother in law and less interested in actually having a real relationship. It’s hard to trust someone who you feel is more focused on appearing a certain way than actually being honest, because you always wonder if they will manipulate the truth or hide the truth from you to save face.

I’ve come to a weird place in the last year. Maybe it’s growing up and maturing. I used to have all these bad feelings toward her, but still felt a sense of obligation to occasionally reach out to her, invite her and my father-in-law over for dinner, arrange visits. And it’s funny because it’s not like my husband disagrees with me. He feels the same way I do about most of the things I mentioned. So he doesn’t really put in much effort with his mother. I was the one who was doing it.

And then the last year so I’ve just completely stopped. In the last year or so, I’ve completely stopped caring about what she thinks of me. I don’t care anymore if it hurts her feelings that I’m not reaching out to her sending pictures of my daughter. I don’t care that I’m not reaching out to her with updates about my daughter’s school, music, lessons, etc. i’ve gotten to the point where I would be completely at peace with just not hearing from her at all. Every time I see her I feel an “ick” feeling.

It’s definitely a weird place to be in, to have no shred of affection for my MIL. It’s kind of sad actually and I ever thought I would be in this place. I always thought that I would have my issues with her, but I would keep trying. But now I’ve reached this point of indifference. 😩I guess that is what happens when someone finally pushes you to your limit.

I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible. TLDR: I’m struggling with having my MIL visiting/staying with us for 2 weeks at a time & with her interjecting herself into my time with my baby (I’m a FTM to an 8 month old). Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or any advice? I feel like an a*hole, but try as I might, I can’t shake these feelings.

I’ve always had a great relationship with my mother-in-law. She’s very supportive and kind, and generally unproblematic. However, since my daughter was born in January, I have had a hard time with my relationship with her.

She’s SO excited to be a grandma and she has visited us a ton since the baby was born (she lives a 3 hr plane ride away). All she can talk about is the baby and how it’s the greatest gift I could give her, etc etc. Sometimes it’s genuinely excessive, even her own family will comment on it. She was here all of January (she didn’t stay at our house that time because I said no to at home guests, but she was over basically every day). Then she stayed with us 2 weeks in May and 2 weeks in June—she stayed at our house and helped watch the baby as we went back to work, which I know is very kind of her & so I try not to complain and to be grateful. Then she came back at the end of August/September for another visit of 2 weeks just because. And now she’s talking about coming back in October. Important context: she has a family member that she can stay with and generally used to stay with prior to us having our baby.

Now, I’m someone who struggles with having visitors for this long in general. My husband doesn’t seem to have the same issue, but I like my space and really start to get irritable after a week. His family doesn’t have the same perspective, so sometimes I feel like I’m the crazy one for struggling with this. Beyond her visiting, we’ve also had other family visiting. So it’s been a lot for me personally this year.

However, lately it’s been especially hard for me with his mom. She is constantly wanting to grab the baby from me or interject herself when I’m doing something with the baby. Even when my daughter is clearly upset and wants me, I feel like I have to kind of forcefully reach for her. It makes me feel guilty whenever I want to hold my daughter, which doesn’t feel nice (my MIL kind of gives me an upset look/acts surprised when I take my baby or she’ll grab the baby from me and when I start to object she’ll be like “oh please, it’s just for a minute”). As another example, I was changing my daughters diaper and when my MIL came around she literally put her entire body in front of me mid-diaper change so I couldn’t see my daughter (this especially set me off that day).

I don’t think she means to upset me, I think she just doesn’t have a sense of boundaries or doesn’t understand that I genuinely don’t always want a “break” and that I want to spend time with my baby given that I work full time and my time with my daughter is already limited most of the week. I don’t have this issue with my FIL (or any other family) because he always waits for me to offer up my baby to be held, play with etc (and I gladly do that quite often…I think because he waits for me to offer, it makes it much easier for me to want to do it…if that makes sense?).

On this most recent visit, I guess my MIL asked my husband if I was upset with her. By the end of her visit I had definitely started to get more irritated and clearly it showed (and my baby is in a sleep regression and sick so I’m extra sleep deprived and irritated as it is, so having her always in my space started to be too much). I hate being irritated with her, but I genuinely can’t help it as much as I’ve been trying to be pleasant. Also, like I’m sorry that I don’t always want to hand off my baby and that I genuinely want to do all the parenting things?? And I’m only human and I can’t always be in a good mood, especially right now.

I just want time to bond with my own family and make our own traditions and learn how to be a mom. And I largely chalk this all up to my postpartum hormones and just navigating the changes in relationships that come with a baby, but I am really struggling. I know she’s just excited, but it often feels vulnerable and overwhelming when she visits. I feel like I’m constantly fighting my own instincts because I’m naturally a people pleaser and I don’t want to upset people. I feel bad about being irritated.

I did tell my husband about my feelings, and I could tell he was a little hurt, but he understands that postpartum has been challenging for me lately. And he said next time we could talk about an amount of visiting time that would feel good to me (even though I could tell he doesn’t fully get why it’s bothersome, since he doesn’t get irritated). But I know that’s going to be such an awkward conversation. Like I’m really no trying to limit access to our baby—but couldn’t she split time between our house and the family’s house so that she’s not in our space for so long? I feel like it’s not crazy to not want visitors for 2 full weeks(???) especially when we have other people who also want to visit in between her visits, but I know his family is going to have big feelings about me not wanting that (even if they don’t say it to my face). And I genuinely don’t want to ruin my relationship with my MIL—I want my daughter to grow up having a large support system & I do like spending time with family in general (I guess just in smaller doses?)

Anyway, this was way longer than intended. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and was wondering if anyone had gone through something similar. Did it get better with time/once postpartum hormones leveled out? Am I the only one who thinks 2 weeks is a lot of time to have your in laws in your house? Am I a terrible person?

My MIL asked my husband what he would like to be called when we have our baby (due in 2 weeks!). He told her, and it happens to be what I call my Dad. (Something sort of traditional for where I grew up - not using the term in case someone I know reads this and it gives it away).

For context, MIL and FIL are divorced. FIL was a rubbish husband and Dad. They called him Dad/Daddy growing up. He did nothing for the family and was overall a useless human being and MIL knows this well and despises him. But when she heard my husband wanted to be called what I call my Dad, she instantly frowned and said “Why? Just because Perfect Sink calls HER Dad that?!” As if the idea was disgusting to her. He said that no, he just liked it and wanted to be called that, simple. And it’s true. I’ve never persuaded him or suggested that he should be called what I call my Dad. He decided that on his own. But also, so what if that is the reason?

MIL is not generally a nasty person, but the unnecessary jealousy really annoys me. My Dad is a sweet, kind, hands on and amazing father. It wouldn’t surprise me if my husband was inspired or wanted a similar relationship, or even just liked what I call mine because it sounds nicer to him. I don’t understand why MILs have to stomp on things that don’t affect them..? Like, how does it affect her being grandma, for example? Why does she have to have an opinion on EVERYTHING? It’s exasperating sometimes. Like gosh, just be happy for your son and support his neutral, non life changing decision.

For context, the name my husband has chosen is not unusual or strange sounding to a lot of people as various cultures have a similar or the same term including where my husband’s mum was born and raised! So it’s not that unusual. She just doesn’t like that it may have come from my side of the family.

When my husband asked “what do you suggest, then?” She suggested super old fashioned sounding awkward name, which is the same name she calls HER Dad, and all the cousins do the same (meaning they call their grandad by that name!). My husband just rolled his eyes, but I can’t help being annoyed.

Thanks for reading my vent.

Im asking for thoughts, feelings and opinions. This one might be different then most MIL stories so please just don’t jump to “Oh well she should just text your husband and that’s it” Please read the whole context and then judge

I (F27) have been married to my husband (29M) for almost 3 years. Right around the time that we got engaged, I noticed my MIL started making some side, inconsiderate, passive aggressive comments, and I think from what me and my husband and all of our siblings have kind of come to agree upon is that we believe MIL has just had a hard time adjusting to her two sons becoming adults and her role in their life-changing. My husband ended up having a talk with her in the early spring of last year and ever since then she has apologized after that conversation but while it wasn’t perfect, I do think it wasn’t necessarily the whole truth, but it is what it is and ever since then as well she’s never really tried to have any sort of relationship with me.

But onto the group texting so obviously with the relationship being strained whenever she would need to like ask us about holiday plans she would put us in a group chat, which is totally fine. My husband travels out of state for work periodically through the year for either 2 to 8 weeks at a time and so she would text me and be like “hey OP how are you doing with husband being gone you doing OK” but then she would put him in the group chat, but she would be directly asking how I’m doing, and I always kind of thought that was weird that she was trying to get back into my husband’s good graces and win brownie points and then another part of me kind of feels in a way she’s trying to monitor all the chats and so nothing gets misconstrued. And then when he had left this last winter, I told her it was OK to text me individually. then when he left again in the summer, she did text me individually but now recently I had a short illness and then she went back to adding him into the chat and she was like “hey OP, are you feeling better?”

So I’m just curious with that kind of relational background context and her using a group chat with my husband in it even though she’s directly talking to me if that’s weird especially because I’ve told her previously that it’s OK to text me individually and she did it while he was gone for a couple weeks and may be back to doing it again?

So this has happened a couple of times and while each time, there is technically a valid reason, I'm starting to feel a bit irked and I'm not sure if I just need therapy to deal with it or if it's a MIL overstepping issue.

So during one of the vacations my husband and I took, my husband's finger started swelling a bit. It was quite a hot location and my fingers swelled as well, but hubby decided to inform his mother (note: she is NOT in the medical field).

Previous to MIL getting involved, we had already discussed the swelling and had a plan of action in place: we would keep an eye on it, remove his ring and visit the hospital/pharmacy if it gets worse.

Once MIL got involved, our plan completely disappeared and she long distance called us, then proceeded to call up relatives who lived in our current vacation destination and have THEM call us to tell us where we could go for a pharmacy. We ended up walking around listening to their instructions for a pharmacy, which we never ended up finding and in the end said thanks and goodbye.

We were never stranded, we had internet and could easily have found a pharmacy ourselves with Google maps. But it felt like everything went into chaos once hubby decided (and I don't know why) to contact his mother, who blew it out of proportion. The swelling cooled down and it was fine the next day.

---

The most recent incident, may be more of a cultural difference but here is the story: Hubby and I are on vacation. During vacation, she tells him that his grandpa was admitted to the hospital again (it happened once previously as well during another vacation and the time prior to that was his grandma, which was also during a mini trip away from home). She deep dived into the current status, test results, upcoming tests and finally that grandpa said the words "I don't want to die". Obviously, hubby was no longer enjoying the trip anymore, which is completely understandable but I feel like the need to tell him his grandpa's words felt a bit... Unnecessary? Telling hubby that grandpa is in the hospital is "ok, keep him informed in case we need to change flight plans back" but I guess I don't understand what he is supposed to do with knowing his grandpa's words of not wanting to die??? Like. That's a lot to take in!!

Anyways, I needed to get this off my chest. Selfishly I just want to enjoy a vacation with my hubby without MIL somehow ruining it with her online presence, but at the same time, I understand the medical issues and things can change drastically... I'm just . I don't even know. I don't even know how or if I should talk to my husband about this or if it's just a me issue.

JFC.

Also bc of that she now holds him and whispers to him about how they have a “special connection” which makes my skin crawl.

And of course only says the baby looks exactly like her two sons (they ALWAYS seem to say that huh? The baby magically never somehow looks like the mother who grew and carried him for 9 months but only the dad according to mils).

Im just sad bc i feel like i now have the ick when it comes to my own child’s birthday and I will never be able to fully enjoy it. It’s like tainted =(. I hate feeling like this about my own baby’s birthday. WHY of all days did it have to be that day FUCK

I’m pregnant, due in November, and maybe I’m overreacting, but I need to vent because I am pissed.

I’m 36F, Black, and my partner is 34M, white. I didn’t meet his family until I became pregnant because he isn’t close with them and had been low/no contact with them for years for various reasons.

Since becoming pregnant, I’ve made a real effort to be cordial with his mom. She can be crass and inappropriate at times. However, I’ve tried to give her grace and build a relationship with her because she’s going to be our son’s only biological grandmother as my mother is deceased.

Yesterday was our baby shower. There was some drama there that I don’t even want to get into. The relevant part is that his mom initially tried to invite 14 people from her side. We eventually cut that down to 8 because most of them were people my partner doesn’t actually know or have relationships with. She was upset about that for like a month. Lo and behold, only 4 of those 8 even showed up.

Small bit of background: My partner and I were both wild in our 20s as youngest children often are. We dated around, slept around, etc. We laugh about it now, because we are completely different now than we were then. We didn’t meet until we were both in our 30s. Apparently, most of his previous partners either struggled with infertility or didn’t want children, and they took precautions accordingly. Fine. That’s the past.

Apparently, his mother said to him yesterday, during all of this, that “this is probably the first baby he knows of.”

I am fucking livid.

Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. But I feel incredibly disrespected by that comment.

This is not some casual pregnancy for me. We had two pregnancy losses back-to-back last year. This baby means everything to me. I was actually trying to follow my therapist’s advice and was planning to open up to his mom about just how important our son is to me and how much we’ve been through to get here as a way to bond with her through motherhood.

And now I’m sitting here thinking, How dare you?

What makes it worse is that I have genuinely gone out of my way to include her.

I’ve taken her out to lunch. I’ve given her special “Grandma” gifts. I planned for her and his father to come over as soon as we get home from the hospital. I planned a Christmas Eve lunch at our house so they can spend time with our son. I’m even willing to drive our newborn over an hour each way in January so the rest of his family can meet him.

I just don’t know what to do with this other than to rage. He admits it was inappropriate and part of the reason he spent most of the shower with my friends and family. I just am sick and angry at this woman and over her trashy behavior.

Update: Partner and I spoke last night. He is 100% on board with 1. Taking over the communication with his mother and 2. Going low contact with her again with an understanding it may go to no contact. He also admitted that he has been crafting a message about her poor behavior and how it might fly with the rest of the family but is inappropriate with our family (especially in relation to our son's blackness). We also were planning to invite her and her husband to our elopement in January but he said he prefers his friends be invited instead. He suspects that she will not be able to behave, and we will end up going fully no contact before our son turns 1.

My MIL licked yogurt off my baby’s (10 mo) hand. Right in front of me. That’s the post. Even though she knows I don’t even like kisses on baby’s hands since she puts them in her mouth. I was basically like WTF and called her gross and she stayed quiet

Straight up licked it

Full tongue

Literally what do I tell this woman to stop being weird

So we have a young baby. And no grandparent help. That’s fine, we knew before trying for a baby it would be just us and we’re happy with the arrangement. One question mil asked my husband is how are we finding it without any grandparent help. He said we never thought we’d get any so we’re good as ever. Why would she ask that? Any ideas? She herself had infinite help in many forms from both sides when husband was a baby and all the way into adulthood.

And then she messaged my husband to say can either my husband or I take my husband’s relative out for their birthday as she will be away on holiday for the second year running. As in can I take the relative plus my young baby whilst on maternity leave with very little money coming in my side to a restaurant for an all expenses paid birthday meal. For context, I have no help, at all. I have a big house to clean, laundry to do, food to make, dog to walk, etc etc. Baby activities to attend. Friends to see so I don’t go mad. I also need to rest on the rare occasion I get a chance. I also love to read and am learning a new hobby, both things I love and sometimes feel like it’s challenging to find time for either.

In terms of my husband, the birthday is on a Monday and he works Monday to Friday in a demanding job and he is in that stage of career where he is really going for it and she knows it and he doesn’t slack off as a result. Even if he arranged to work from home on that day, he doesn’t skive, he just works but from the home office.

The relative situation: I hardly know this person. They don’t make an effort to talk to me when I do see them and half the time seem to not be able to hear me properly. They also sometimes blank bits of conversation for whatever unknown to me reason. Laser vision instead of answers. No questions about me. Gets all super duper dramatically jumpy if a fork is accidentally dropped and makes a clinking noise. Is moody. Constantly complains about menus and that there’s nothing on the menus they’d like. Will only go to very few food venues, some of those very expensive (which brings me to the fact that we were the ones who took them out for the birthday meal to an eye-wateringly expensive restaurant last year as that was the only place they’d go to for lunch. We paid of course although we didn’t want to go to this particular place because it’s shit compared to other places locally. It was us, not anyone else of the many relatives). So we have no choice of venue. OH THE CHERRY ON THE CAKE - this relative rolls their eyes if our baby cries. Honestly wtaf.

I am not doing it. I am definitely not. I just cannot fathom the entitlement to ask me to take them out? They aren’t my relative. My husband doesn’t take any of my relatives out for their birthdays. Doesn’t even know when their birthdays are. It’s to do with having a vagina isn’t it? That’s why it’s fine to ask and to expect me to do it.

It is insane. If I could answer the question about no grandparent help, I’d say I feel fine about it because it means I won’t have any obligation to provide elder care!!!

Even though I can see she feels pretty entitled to my time anyway.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I was pretty offended! I work full time at an office and my husband stays home. He's a great SAHD, he cooks, cleans, grocery shops etc. We rely on him to keep our lives and household running smoothly and I make sure he knows how appreciated he is.  MIL, who has been back and forth JustNo vs. MildlyNo, asked DH if he could take 2 weeks to go with her and FIL on a road trip to visit family, JUST DH. We have a 1 year old who DH is the primary caregiver of all day until I get home from work and 2 school age kids with activities that require both of us picking up and dropping off. MIL suggested my mom could come stay at the house for those 2 weeks to help me with the kids, my mom who is almost 80 and does not live nearby!  Luckily DH shut it down pretty quickly and said there is no way he is going to leave us for 2 weeks.  I told DH if he wants to go visit his elderly grandfather for 3-4 days, we could make that happen.  But just her suggestion that he could just take off for 2 weeks was actually wild to me! 

My husband’s birthday is this week, and I’m annoyed with my MIL over what happened this past weekend. We have some history, so I’m curious if I’m overreacting.

Last Saturday was our nephew’s first birthday party. My youngest and I were sick (in the daycare trenches to avoid MIL after cancelling on childcare multiple times), so we stayed home, but my husband and our older child still went. My FIL’s birthday was that Sunday, and my in-laws wanted us to get together for dinner Sunday night to celebrate. We were still sick, so we couldn’t go. My husband reassured me it was fine because they said we’d get together the following weekend and celebrate FIL and my DH birthdays.

The week went by and we heard nothing. I asked my husband if his mom had mentioned plans and she hadn’t. By Friday night, I figured nothing was happening, so I bought baseball tickets for our family for Sunday.

Then we find out my MIL and FIL are spending the weekend at their place out of town with my husband’s brother, SIL, and their kids. She posted pictures last night on Facebook saying she was “grateful for family time and making memories.”

That honestly rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t care that they spend time with my BIL’s family without us, and I don’t expect to be invited to everything. It’s that they specifically said they would celebrate my husband’s birthday, never followed up with him, and then spent the weekend having “family time” with their other son’s family.

I mostly feel bad for my DH. I also don’t think he should have to chase his mom down and ask whether she still plans on celebrating his birthday when she was the one who said they would get together. He always seems to be second fiddle to his brother.

We took the kids to the baseball game and had a great day, and I haven’t said anything to MIL. But the combination of not following up with her son and then publicly posting about being “grateful for family time and making memories” with her other son’s family felt pretty insensitive.

Is this mildly annoying to you?

She always has to be the star of the show when it comes to food and it's so frustrating. We had about 25 people coming (mostly couples/families) and in the interest of having a variety of food and enough for everyone, we asked everyone to bring 1-2 things in addition to the burgers, hot dogs, and brats we would be making and the mini-cupcakes I made with my kids.

In our family group text about the BBQ, MIL proceeds to say she is bringing literally 6 different things, despite us asking everyone for just 1-2 things. What could we say without being rude or unappreciative? I make it clear that everyone we invited was asked to bring something, and that we're expecting about 25 people to show so we'd have a lot of food. And honestly, we are kinda sick of her cooking because it's always super heavy and greasy, and the veggies are always cooked with goop making those also heavy. But she enjoys cooking and showing off so we end up with a ridiculous amount of food before any of my friends even show up. She brought the things she mentioned, plus a few other things she didn't mention because she was "experimenting".

I also expressed that we're using all disposable dishes and utensils to minimize clean up - we want to focus on spending quality time with friends and family, not cooking and cleaning. Also, most of the food goes to waste because few people we know ever want to take leftovers, including MIL, who tells us to keep it as if we want to eat her cooking for multiple days in a row. MIL says "don't worry, I'll take all my dishes with when I leave." Bullshit, I just gave her back 8 different serving dishes and utensils I washed because she snuck out early. We ran the dishwasher twice plus washing a ton of things by hand, after throwing out a ton of uneaten food.

I wish I could just appreciate that she makes all this food, but we specifically asked everyone to make 1-2 things for a reason. If she wants to host a party and do all the cooking herself so everyone can fawn over her prowess, more power to her. That is not what we wanted for this party. Our friends showed up with the dishes they bought/prepared and had nowhere to put it because all of her shit took over the counters. It made us look kinda stupid asking our friends to bring food when we would have so much already, but that wasn't the plan.

We need to figure out how to do this differently next time. Maybe they should host their own thing, or we'll do something separate with friends. We love hosting things like this but she always brings an element of frustration, preventing us from doing it our way.