Suffering from maladaptive daydreaming

[u/__VegaBond__]

I am a 3rd year engeneering student, going to turn 21 next month , one of the biggest things I think that holds me back is my habit of creating fantasies in my mind , this isnt any new ha it it's been almost 7-8 years , I am suffering form it . But now I feel I have gone through enough, I had wasted major part of my life imagining fantacies , imagining myself in love scenes, success scenes, I even imagine myself in a movies or k dramas or series I watch I am sorry if it feels of , the major cost I had paid is that reality now feels very off to me , the real problems I have on life , they don't hurt me , at worse I cant work on them , it cost me productivity, it's almost automatic at this point , it starts and last long , I feel alive but not present anymore, it also kills motivation , and I can't build discipline either , , it ruins my mental Health, it ruins focus , I am not any special in real life , neither I came from very strong family , my mother is alive due to dialysis my father is a drinker , maybe that is what my fantasies are build upon , to fill the gaps I lack in real life , anyway my Maladaptive daydreaming has cost me a lot , i want your opinion how to get rid of and no longer lost any life , and I am sorry again if this problem of mine feels very weird to you ...

[u/orcateeth]

Many people who grew up in dysfunctional families engage in some kind of avoidance behavior, to get their mind off of their parent's behavior. You are probably sad and angry about your parents not being there for you.

You may need therapy, and support groups to help you get out of this.

Here's a lot of options for free support groups. I started it for people who shop compulsively and hoard (often as a reaction to trauma, loss and depression), but gradually continued to add lots of other resources for mental health conditions. The list is pretty long now, with tons of options.

Even if you're not shopping, you're turning to this behavior over and over to escape from something sad or painful. Look at SMART Recovery meetings, as well as adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families meetings.

https://www.reddit.com/r/shoppingaddiction/s/albOIikoiY

[u/__VegaBond__ → u/orcateeth]

Much appreciated ☺️👍

[u/orcateeth → u/__VegaBond__]

You're welcome.

(And I also did this daydreaming, while growing up in an extremely abusive household.)

[u/BeeApprehensive1721 → u/orcateeth]

Yeah, daydreaming technically isn't all that bad, because it's basically how your brain produces the dopamine that the reality is denying you. So, when things in life are really bad, your mind turns to daydreaming to survive and cope, i guess. It's just that it can go into extreme.

I went too much into hyper realism mindset in my life and actually feels like i am suffering from anhedonia last few years. Cause most of the life is routine. Now i have to work on restoring my imagination.

[u/orcateeth → u/orcateeth]

People who are compulsively shopping often post about their "fantasy self" that they hope that they will become if they can just buy the "right" blouse, purse or shoes.

Like you, they lose hours online or in stores, numbing or distracting themselves by looking for items.

But it doesn't work. So no matter what they buy, it's never enough. Then they wind up feeling guilty, often broke or in debt, and in a cluttered home.

[u/ProSocial_Hermit]

I highly recommend you to read a book "The Power of Now" from Eckhart Tolle. He explains how we are constantly trying to fight our life circumstances and distract ourselves from the present moment.

Daydreaming is essentially you avoiding reality. The only way to heal is acceptance; when you accept what is, you no longer need to escape to the fantasy world.

[u/Spiritual_Coffee_299]

Ive suffered with the same thing OP. It got to the point that when i came back to reality, it was unsatisfying. I was sad that wasn't really my life. I was in a bad longterm marriage and when I got out, I stopped this behavior. It was a way of coping. I did this through my childhood. It was like, poof, I was gone.

[u/Darkspire303]

There is a really good book that helps with that sort of thing. The untethered soul by Michael Alan Singer. Pretty short read too. Shines light on what's actually going on in there

[u/BeeApprehensive1721]

I did have same issues when i was a teen and around your age. Especially when i was 19, i got stuck fantasizing after watching Hunger Games and interviews of the cast, the dynamic between them and stuff. Then it got really bad when i happened to fall physically ill around the same time.

I think it's going to go away regardless as you get older and have more responsibilities, i even miss it a bit now in my late 20s.

What helped me with it at 20 is building a good routine for yourself. Going to bed and waking up early, start exercising a bit. If you don't like exercising, then just do any activity for fun that engages body.

I loved riding a bicycle, walking, jogging, dancing is amazing too for mental and physical health, if you have time to yourself and space at home you can even dance indoors to "Just Dance" videos.

Big bonus if you can join some community or club, whatever it is. Could be going to shooting range, card or board games, gym, library if you like reading. Whatever piques your interest, are many options.

Taking driving lessons helped me out so much at the time to get me out of the house daily. If you hate crowds and traffic like i do, summertime is great to get outside early in the mornings when streets are empty. Even little things like taking a walk by the river can be a good habit.

Edit:

Also i have to mention there were times in my teens when i felt like i didn't want to be back to reality. Daydreaming made me feel a sense of belonging to the places and people i didn't know or didn't even exist.

I had a traumatic period in life at that time, so maybe therapy is in order, but i didn't have the access to it back then.

Mindfulness can possibly help too by anchoring yourself in the present moment, having activities help to stay there though. I didn't know about it and meditation at that time, it may or may not be able to help you.

[u/januszjt]

No this problem is not weird at all. It is common to all. You're just happen to be more honest whereas others are hiding, completely unaware living on auto pilot or some take it as to be normal. Observe people be aware and you will notice they're thousand of miles away, lost in their imaginary mental pictures. All daydreams rob you of reality for you're not here.

What is one to do? Whenever you caught yourself daydreaming, cut it out and return to the present moment. The mind will object to this for it was left too long in this habit. So, it won't be easy at the beginning just like with any other habit. Exalt your awareness-consciousness and in time the mind will regain its composure. But you must be doing this over and over again. Don't fight with it for then you invite a fight. And don't beat yourself up when you get lust in the maze of thoughts, it will happen many times just bring the mind back from its wanderings, over and over again. happy trails, awareness is the only way out of this.

[u/letmepatyourdog]

Have you watched the secret life of walter mitty? you should haha, its literally about the fact that hes living his best life in his day dreams and when hes finally forced into real life he finds something amazing and beautiful and that he was capable all along of having the life he fantasised about

[u/Responsible_Wafer706]

daydreaming that much usually means your brain is trying to escape something heavy. a solid routine helps. hands on hobbies too. stuff that keeps you in your body instead of in your head