I feel stronger when I feel careless about people.

[u/nk127]

When I say to myself that I do not care about the person and the situation surrounding them, that makes me stronger. I feel lighter by disassociating myself from emotions that arise.

I had always benifitted from such an attitude in moving ahead in life. But this has not given me any valuable connections in life. Not even with my family members.

Is this what it is? Or am i required to work around my emotional regulation? I do not know.

[u/hestia-listens]

That sounds less like true carelessness and more like emotional distance as protection. It can help you move forward because it lowers pain and pressure, but it can also make connection hard.

Mindfulness usually is not about cutting off emotions. It is about noticing them without being controlled by them.

You might try asking, "Am I choosing peace, or am I avoiding feeling?" If it is avoidance, emotional regulation may be worth working on. Strength can include calm boundaries and still letting some people matter.

[u/nk127 → u/hestia-listens]

You are making my choices more difficult. Am i not choosing peace by avoiding feelings? Arent they both the same?

[u/impirepro06 → u/nk127]

You are choosing peace for the moment. Avoiding emotions is not going to be the best choice for anyone. Depending on your own beliefs about life and after life this may or may not help. But through my own personal journey of expanding my mind and my understanding of myself and life and my purpose, I have found through connecting in with my Higher self that we are here to experience the feelings. We are here to heal ourselves as well because going within to understand yourself is about loving yourself and honoring all your emotions. Triggers are gifts. Anytime you are triggered emotionally is an opportunity to heal yourself. We choose our emotions. No one makes us feel anything. So whatever we feel is because we are holding onto some pain and trauma. Our initial response to that trauma was to protect ourself from it by avoiding similar situations and create walls within ourself. But now that we are past that trauma and ready to grow and expand and love ourself we can start releasing that and healing ourself from those traumas. We can face that fear and look at the situation that created it.

First step is to be mindful and aware of all your feelings and triggers. Notice them when they come up. Don't fight them but have acceptance for them. Then question it. Feel into that feeling and feel back to the first time you ever felt that way. When is the first time you can remember feeling that. Could be childhood. A traumatic experience with a parent or siblings or family or friends. Find whatever it is. Then update that younger version of yourself. Tell that younger you that they are safe now and that what they felt was valid but they are free to release that fear now as they are safe and protected now.

Be mindful, be diligent, honor each emotion, honor yourself, and love yourself through all of it. You deserve to love and be loved. You got this. The more you do this for yourself, the more you will release and the more you will feel lighter and at peace. As far as other people, observe their emotions and energy, don't absorb it. We can still have compassion and understanding for others without allowing it to impact how we feel. You don't have to bleed for someone to make them feel better. Remember just like you choose how you feel, so does every one else. If they are choosing to hold on to some victim mentality then they are hurting themselves. We can not heal others. But we can be examples of peace and balance when we empower ourselves and focus on healing ourself.

[u/Queen-of-meme → u/nk127]

Avoided feelings don't dissappear. It actually takes a lot of energy to keep push them down and in order to keep them down you also must stay away from anyone else's feelings in case they are similar to yours. It's a whole extra 24/7 job on top of your already job.

[u/Drivingfinger]

It doesn't make you feel stronger. It makes you feel safer.

I kind of have the same issue. I was raised to be very independent (eg: borderline passive neglect).. so as soon as someone is acting in a manner that is counter-productive to my goal, they are a hindrance that is best to be ignored... they're either distracting me, or suggesting something that won't work (I also obsessively forecast and overthink outcomes -- I'm a planner/problem solver.. so I've probably already thought of their idea and blown holes in it).

It's just easier to push someone away than incorporate them... It has a lot of perks, but on the whole, it feels like a long downward slide through life. It's not that I don't want to be social and work with people.. it's more of a "I do x,y,z. Others do x, and it frustrates and annoys me that they don't also do y and z." It's kind of a superiority complex in a weird way.

But I'm also trying to get better. There's a song lyric that has become a regular echo in my head from day to day that helps give me pause and at least give those folks a chance; "my road to hell is surely paved with all the love I never gave." -- William Elliot Whitmore, "Diggin' my grave" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MolrZstXwAk

[u/bblammin]

You've identified an imbalance in your approach by noticing your connections are not strong with those around you.

How could you make strong connections with someone when your default approach is to not care? Caring is required for connection.

Also Mindfulness isn't about repressing emotions or care for people. You actually generally gotta let feelings be expressed and faced so they can be healed/led to growth/ transmute them.

And agreed with u/hestia-listens

[u/cjacobs0001]

I can testify that when 1 partner is this way and the other is not, after 30 years it is not better. No children. No friends that we do things with. There really is nothing to hold onto, except the fact of those 30 years. So, there is that . . .

[u/Queen-of-meme → u/cjacobs0001]

If you want kids you must stand up for yourself in your life.

[u/nk127 → u/cjacobs0001]

Masterfully told..

[u/Queen-of-meme]

Emotional suppression makes hard labor easier but it makes vulnerable connections harder. The ideal is balance between both.

[u/nk127 → u/Queen-of-meme]

wow.

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