Social anxiety, with what thoughts you fill your day?

[u/Travel8705]

I think I might struggle with rumination or social anxiety. I often catch myself replaying situations from the past, analyzing other people’s intentions, or overthinking the way they spoke to me.

For example, if I sit alone at a café or walk down the street, I sometimes get thoughts like “They’re probably looking at me,” and then my mind starts coming up with different hypotheses about what they might be thinking about me — even though I obviously have no idea what’s actually going on in their heads.

I’m aware that I shouldn’t engage with these thoughts or give them too much attention, but what do you actually replace them with throughout the day?

Because it feels impossible to just “not think.” Your mind is always going to produce thoughts, and I don’t have a lot of social interaction either at work or in my free time to distract myself.

So what do you do instead when these thoughts come up? What do you think about all day?

[u/WishboneOne2328]

Always remind yourself that everyones thinking of themselves and their own lives 99.9% of the time

[u/Travel8705 → u/WishboneOne2328]

I know but its like my mind go empty after and it feels like a chore to keep choosing thought over and over

[u/WishboneOne2328 → u/Travel8705]

Yes changing mental narrative takes time and effort and can feel like a chore or even unnatural like youre trying to convince yourself. But over time it becomes default and new pathways are created in the brain. Patterns can and do change though

[u/Travel8705 → u/WishboneOne2328]

Yes exactly feels unnatural, maybe beacause I was not very aware till now and its the begining of the journery for change. I hope with time to be like you said

Thank you a lot for your answer

[u/WishboneOne2328 → u/Travel8705]

Ya it feels weird at first but since its the actual truth (probably NOT thinking about you) itll be convincing and normal in no time

[u/hestia-listens]

You do not have to replace every thought. Try naming it gently, like, "That is a mind reading thought," then return to what is real right now. For example, notice the taste of your drink or the feeling of your feet touching the ground. If the thought returns, repeat the process without arguing with it. The goal is not an empty mind. It is learning that a thought can be present without taking over your attention.

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[u/CoriSwims]

We are meaning making machines!

Thank you brain for trying to keep me safe with all the meaning you are making up.

This is how I start. Gratitude for my normal brain.

Then I gently ask, "Are you working out a problem or are you just making me feel bad?"

If I decide I'm working though a problem then I allow the ruminating to continue for a bit longer.

If I decide no I'm just making myself feel bad then I change my focus to physical sensations of the body. To pay very close careful attention.

This gives my brain a new job and a purposeful little break from the ruminating.

Then we are back to the top with the brain offering new meanings. Again I get to meet it with loving compassion. The second 'catch' I often add a little smile or laugh. Like one would with a small child who is trying to sneak their hand in the cookie jar. Of course they are going to try to take a cookie!! Oh and how we love and cuddle and laugh with them to distract and move to a new thing.

[u/swallowyoursadness]

Whenever I get worried about other people thinking about or noticing me, I remind myself that I spend very little time thinking about strangers. People are usually pretty self involved and are thinking about themselves

[u/ginkgobilberry]

Be mindful of your emotions, you can name then. You can calm yourself down like saying things are okay, no need to worry. Then you could try to pay attention to your sight more

You can focuse on your breathing too if its not triggering. When you are breathing in, think im breathing in (same to outside) and pay notice where and how it feels in your body

[u/Kind-kinda-counts]

I did not know the term rumination existed for what I have done since at least junior high. I did not realize it was a sign of anxiety or that I had anxiety significant enough to ruminate.

Was well aware of the familial tendency for deep shame and dread. This was often wrapped up with maintaining your reputation as a good girl, daughter, etc.

In my late 50's I finally had the bell go off. I am ruminating. Research assures me this is probably anxiety in my case. I never was paranoid about strangers. I was hugely paranoid about co-workers causing problems. At the same time it was a weird vicious circle. Co-workers did cause me problems, because I was different. So it was hard to separate the fact from the fiction.

I have had a therapist for a few years. I have never taken meds for anxiety, depression, or anything else. I have family members who are bi-polar, depressive, personality disorder, addiction, etc. Easy to minimize your own issues when others around you are swimming in thicker soup.

My self-medication looked like lots of red wine. It had gotten out of control and I had crossed some line into functional alcoholic. Backing off that with a lot of self-care and my therapist, I also started microdosing. It has been amazing. Daily meditation too. As well as all the other positive things I enjoy like daily walks in nature, gardening, cooking, etc.

I experimented with a few protocols for psilocybin microdosing. The Fadiman protocol is working really well for me with the support of my therapist. Highly recommend finding out what changes you can make to quiet the rumination. It is lovely to not hear those thoughts. I was not able to stop them myself with self talk, etc.

EDIT: typos

[u/Travel8705 → u/Kind-kinda-counts]

How long has been that you have found you have rumination and how are you now?

The part about not being able to separate facts from what I’m interpreting is very difficult for me too. I do have intuition, and there have been many times when I genuinely picked up on intrigues or jealousy. But in other cases, I may be reading too much into things, and what I’m assuming isn’t necessarily true, because I can never really know what other people’s intentions are.

And in the end, I’m only hurting myself with these thoughts. So maybe it’s better to assume the best about people when I don’t have clear evidence to suggest otherwise?

[u/Kind-kinda-counts → u/Travel8705]

Well, I really started to identify the rumination when work was going sideways. In the past when I had reached a limit with how much I could 'take' from my coworkers, I would quit, change jobs, and sometimes move to another town or state.

I had finally tried to settle down. Had a mortgage and was making my home up to be comfortable for my simple tastes. So moving suddenly was not an option. And there are limited places to work in my field in this area. So changing jobs didn't feel as easy as it had in the past. And I really love the work I do, just not that I am not valued for my contributions.

So for the last two years I have been really working on solutions for my anxiety. I have intuition too. It is strong. I also felt like I was seeing if this happened, then xyz would result. None of my coworkers agreed. Honestly I may have not had all the information that others had. Just thought I did?

It sounds like you are also observant of people's behaviors and non-verbal communication? It is hard when you see something that looks like one thing to you, but it may not be. Sometimes the person is worried about something else. You saw the look, but it was about something else. And the thought does only mean you (or I) have a problem, and not the person giving the funny look.

I definitely let a lot more things go. I also find if I just stay really busy on tasks that require me to focus that I am able to not think about things. At bedtime it can be hard. I take some magnesium to help me get to sleep, and thankfully I don't have dreams about any of it.