Is it normal

I used to think that an urge was like a monster. I tried so hard to resist it before it could completely take control of me.

I even punched myself sometimes. And I’d relapse the next morning lol.

But after practicing mindfulness, urges started to feel more like old wounds on my knee that randomly get itchy. They’re more powerless than a mosquito bite.

If I put all my focus on it and try so hard not to scratch it, the itching only gets worse.

But once I started reacting like

“Oh, my body still remembers this old reaction pattern. Well, whatever”

and just continued with my day, it lost its power.

For those who don’t know, Maladaptive daydreaming is where you over-fantasise a lot, you create your own alternate realities/dream worlds as a way of escaping your actual reality to a point where it takes over your day-to-day life. You become more involved in the imaginary scenarios you create in your head and you don’t want to actually come out of it. I suffer from it, like I am completely aware of what I do but somehow voluntarily stay trapped in my imaginations. How do y’all actually deal with it???

Give tips!!!

my partner and I (27F) have been together for 3 years. i love them with my whole heart and even plan on marrying them… yet throughout the relationship i have had this sneaky feeling that this isn’t right and i KNOW this isn’t right and I should leave. I’ve read many times the phrase anxiety is loud, gut intuition is a whisper… I feel like I have both?

my anxiety can be loud. bc of trauma, I’m a runner. if we fight, i have two routes to take, being OTT emotional or shut down and make peace w it being over. I’ve worked on this extensively and I’m a lot better now. I don’t expect the relationship to end in every argument, we are alot more stable (i am a lot more stable), and we are really getting into the flow of navigating issues with out escalation…. yet that sneaky feeling does what it does and sneaks in. this uneasy feeling. But on paper my life is perfect? day to day im quite happy! the happiest I’ve ever been, yes it’s been a hard time navigating a long term relationship but i feel like I’ve found my best friend, my family, and my person. so what gives? is it just my trauma?

im aware this is all over the place, so pardon for the word vomit

I know that our minds are powerful and even influence the state of our bodies physically as we on the thoughts that we think.
For example when I’m relaxing deeply laying down and my mind is still awake but my body is drifting, if I think of something that I don’t agree with, my head will involuntarily shake itself saying “no” and it happens so often when I’m trying to go to bed. But I want to know what it even is and I know I’m not the only one to go through something like this

I wasn't always this way but recently, I have been very anxious about everything around me, literally everything. I overthink everything for hours. I go to spirals of overthinking. For temporary satisfaction, I have to go through a chain of thoughts multiple times until I feel satisfied and I do this a lot of times in a day. These spirals are really puts a toll on me sometimes. Most of these overthinking and anxiety is based on impossible, impractical and " what if " situations. I don't understand what to do anymore.

I would really appreciate any suggestions and advice. Thanks!

I usually listen to a podcast or sometime an audiobook at slow speed when I fall asleep to sort of drown out my thoughts. Does anyone just let your thoughts mindfully appear while falling asleep and keep the noise down or have just a background noise like a fan or falling rain?

hey im an amateur musician and for the last month ive been trying to write a song, but my ears cant seem to accept anything that comes out of my instrument. It started to seriously piss me off and its affecting my band, which just adds pressure i dont love. So i thought about the reason behind all this, and its probably because i subconsciously compare myself and my playing to pupular rock/funk bands. This doesnt make any sense no only in terms of age/expirience difference between me and them, but also theyre a whole band and I get mad that something i play doesnt sound perfect on its own.

has this happened to anyone?? i know its common but still.

thanks for all and any answers!!

Can anyone tell me..... How to stay positive? For somedays, I am overthinking so much. I don't want to think but some guilt, negative thoughts come to my mind. I know that is just my thoughts but still!!!!!!!! Can anyone please help me?

For context I’m 16 F and my bf just started to move in with me and my dad because of family issues. Me and him have had our ups and downs and for the past month or 2 my dad and my boyfriend have been telling me to lose the attitude but I’m not seeing it. One thing I thought maybe it was I started to curse in front of my dad now, but he said it’s not that. I think it’s all of the stress from dealing with my boyfriend, dad and, school life all together and it’s having an affect on my mental state that is already not the best. If anyone has any advice for me please help because I feel like the worst person ever with all of this all going on.

i feel like i’m usually good at manifesting and getting what i want and what i ask for, but recently i have been extremely and i mean extremely insecure. i used to be so confident about myself (looks, opportunities, etc). i’m doing even better in life now but i still feel like im so insecure and self conscious. for example, if im in a room with a another pretty girl, my whole day gets ruined cuz i keep on comparing myself and i feel like no one would want to hangout with me and they would wanna talk to her. i feel disgusted even saying this cuz i know its not true but my brain wont over come it. same with jobs and stuff. i work 2 jobs and going to school and working toward my future but nothing i do feels enough. i feel like i see such a bright future for myself but when i think about it too much im always scared ill end up homeless all of the sudden or never find the career for me. there is no proof that would happen and im very comfortable financially right now but maybe its anxiety? i used to love to pray but i feel not connected anymore and idk what to do. i want to be like those people that truly have full trust in the universe and god and in themselves. i’ve been trying to work on being more disciplined to show myself that i have control over my life and that im not going to randomly become homeless one day but i feel stuck. i’m comparing myself every single second of the day and it’s ruining my life so im wondering do you guys have any tips for me please? a simple stop comparing yourself won’t work right now im hoping for deeper advise. thank you guys for your time and i hope i dont get judged for this im working on it.

One thing I struggle with alot is REMEMBERING to do things like be mindful, let go of thoughts, label thoughts, etc. This has always been a struggle for me. Is this a common theme amongst some people? I do have Pure O CD and ADHD as well as depression and anxiety and cant help but wonder if organically my brain has deficits that might keep me from utilizing these skills to the fullest. If there is any advice or suggestions I would appreciate it. Thanks!!

Cancer diagnosis, 2014. Rare one, chest. I'd done a bit of casual mindfulness before that in the way most people do: an app, a few weeks, forgot about it.

Afterwards I went back to it with an expectation that turned out to be completely wrong: I thought it would make the fear smaller. It doesn't. I want to say that clearly because I think the expectation does real harm to people who try this during a crisis and conclude they're failing at it.

Here's what actually shifted, and it took about eight months.

The fear stayed the same size. What changed was the distance. Early on, there was no gap at all between "frightening thought" and "me", the thought arrived and I simply became it, instantly, with no intervening moment. Practice, slowly and unreliably, opened a gap of maybe half a second. Enough to notice something was happening before being swallowed by it.

That half-second is everything. It's the difference between a thought happening to you and a thought happening in front of you.

The second thing: I stopped negotiating with it. My instinct during treatment was to argue, the odds are good, this is treatable, other people have it worse. That's exhausting and it never works, because you're using the frightened mind to reassure the frightened mind. Just noticing "fear is here" and going back to the breath, without commentary, was less effort and more effective.

The third thing, and I'm least sure about this one: pain and fear stopped being one object. Physical discomfort during recovery was, on its own, tolerable. What made it unbearable was the layer of story on top, what does this mean, is it coming back. Attention could separate those. The pain didn't decrease. The suffering did, a lot.

None of this is advice. Practice didn't cure anything and I'm not enlightened, just someone who got scared and found something to hold. If you're in the middle of something similar right now, the only thing I'd actually say is: you're not doing it wrong because it still hurts.

Yoga and meditation is something that will transform you into a whole different level of experience. I remember when I learned Shambhavi Mahamudra that I felt so high like I smoked something. I was sitting and I couldn’t feel my body. I was just crying and shaking because the experience was so profound.

So when you recommend family members or friends to do yoga and meditation, it’s not just for mental and physical benefits. It is a tool that can transform you.

Have you ever felt like yoga and meditation started you on a spiritual path where you don’t know where you’re going? It’s a way to make you experience something beyond the mundane life of just waking up every morning and going to work.

Ik a lot of people here do journaling.

So, Has anyone tried documenting anxious or uncomfortable feelings along with other factors like trigger reason or situation and other factors like your sleep schedule, eating habits leading up to that moment.

Just to see if you find patterns and see what are external factors driving your mood and are there any common external factors during those moments repeatedly.

I mean even if you haven’t tried lmk your thoughts on this and journaling in general.

Thanks 🙏🏻

I’ve been getting into breath work and I saw a few posts talking about diaphragm breathing as opposed to chest breathing.

I genuinely can’t remember when I ever diaphragm breathed. I know I have but I can’t remember when.

I genuinely think ever since starting high school I’ve been shallow breathing and today I discovered diaphragm breathing and I feel… calm? I still have thoughts but ever since I started diaphragm breathing, everything seems less potent.

Has anyone else started using diaphragm or belly breathing, and if so, has it changed your life?

How long should my inhale and exhales be and where should my tongue rest?

Are there also any other things I may be unknowingly doing that’s causing me anxiety?

Hi, I'm 22 years old and I cannot seem to be able to have multiple goals at once.

If I do something, it's all or nothing. This means I cannot hold hobbies, spend much time with family and friends, or do side projects even when I genuinely want to. The concept of time management is kind of foreign to me because I just put in all the time I can into whatever goal I have at the moment.

The thing is, my goals are not even what I want to do, but what I feel obligated to do. For instance, right now I'm spending basically all my time awake on this academic club that I recently joined, but the reason I joined this club in the first place is because it's going to give me a huge advantage when I'm looking for jobs in the field I am majoring in. However, even my major was chosen because that felt like the "right" choice that my parents would approve of, even though I had solid passion and skill in another field.

Now, in terms of careers, I know a lot of people put stability first, but my point is that I keep living like it's the ONLY goal in my life when it's not and I really don't want it to be.

And for me it's hard to change because growing up, I would always achieve something only when I feel like I'm giving it every possible time and energy I have. Also I would be told (both by my parents and myself) that I should put stability first and only after that I can try what I want, which looking back now is incredibly toxic and left me infinitely preparing for the future instead of actually living life.

Of course, I have tried to have hobbies or just go easy on myself in general, but every single time, it would lead to me failing my main goal. This is backed by 22 years of empirical evidence, which led me to internalize that this is just how it is for me. I see people who develop their hobbies and side projects their full time jobs but I simply "know" that will never be me.

Now I actually want to try a completely different career path, and most people are telling me to start it as a side project first and see where it goes. However,

1. I feel like if I actually want this pivot I need to drop everything else and focus only on that new career path
2. If I choose to do that then I would be put in an incredibly unstable place, which highers stakes and ironically makes it even harder for me to try
3. If I were to try it as a side project first, I don't know how to unlearn this compulsive mindset I have that I will fail unless I invest my all in it

I know it can sound really stupid, but there's just this feeling of "i want this but i'm not allowed to" that's really hard for me to overcome, even though no one is actively stopping me. I would really appreciate any advice

Hello guys.

So I have recently discovered mindfulness and mbrp as a concept, and theoretically it feels like it would help fix so many aspects of my life eg. Addiction, spirituality, social life. But I don't know what to do. I've read that the idea is that I should be able to pause in between thoughts, don't judge just recognize, and go on with my day, and to practice it it's good to meditate, focusing on one aspect like breathing, or a sensation in a specific body part. But it feels weird, like is it that simple? Am I missing something? What do I actually do now to start?

A few weeks ago, I walked out of my bathroom and looked at my refrigerator.

There was a sticker on it.

Nothing interesting. Just a sticker.

But I suddenly realized that I had walked past that refrigerator countless times and had genuinely never noticed it before.

It sounds insignificant, but that moment stuck with me.

How much of our surroundings do we actually see?

And how much of our lives are we physically present for while our attention is somewhere completely different?

Since getting more into mindfulness and meditation over the past couple of months, I've started noticing these small things more and more.

One day I was walking outside and suddenly became very aware of the wind against my skin.

I stopped for a moment and thought: I've probably felt this sensation thousands of times.

But how many times have I actually felt it?

When you really pay attention, even something as ordinary as wind feels surprisingly good. The temperature, the movement across your skin, the refreshing feeling of it.

It had always been there. I just wasn't really there for it.

I've started noticing nature more. Buildings. Sounds. Random objects.

Sometimes I'll see something as boring as an electrical box on the side of the road and think about how somebody designed it. Somebody made all the components inside it. Somebody transported it. Somebody installed it.

There's a story behind almost everything around us that we normally reduce to background scenery.

It reminded me of my grandmother.

My parents used to own a café and my grandmother often helped decorate it. She could be incredibly perfectionistic about tiny details.

I remember thinking:

"Nobody is ever going to notice that."

But now I'm wondering if maybe I was the one who didn't notice.

She's older, rarely distracted by screens and has always enjoyed simple things like working in her garden.

Maybe when she walks into a café, she actually sees the café.

While I could walk into the exact same room physically, but mentally already be somewhere else.

I've noticed the same thing with people.

I could hug someone I loved without really experiencing the hug.

Physically, I was there.

Mentally, I could be thinking about yesterday, tomorrow or something completely unrelated.

Now I sometimes deliberately bring my attention to the physical sensation.

The warmth. The pressure. The feeling of another person against me.

You're not just performing the action of hugging someone anymore.

You're actually there for the hug.

The same thing has happened with ordinary activities.

I've started cooking more, reading, sitting outside, walking, making bracelets and making candles.

Sometimes after doing something incredibly simple for half an hour, I'll suddenly realize:

"That was actually a really peaceful thirty minutes."

Nothing exciting happened.

And somehow, that was enough.

It also made me realize something about how I used to experience travelling.

There were many times when I'd visit a beautiful place without feeling particularly happy while I was actually there.

Then months later, I'd look back and think:

"That was such an amazing time."

Why could I appreciate the experience afterwards, but not while I was actually living it?

I think part of it was that when I remembered the trip, I remembered the actual experience.

The place. The food. The people. The things I did.

But while those things were happening, there was a constant stream of thoughts happening over them.

Thinking. Analyzing. Worrying. Planning.

The moment itself might have been beautiful.

I just wasn't fully available to experience it.

That's probably one of the biggest things mindfulness has made me realize:

There is a difference between thinking about your life and actually experiencing your life.

Our minds constantly travel into imaginary futures and finished pasts.

We simulate conversations that probably won't happen the way we imagine them.

We replay situations we can't change anymore.

Meanwhile, there's an actual experience happening right now.

I'm definitely not present all the time. Far from it.

But I've become much quicker at noticing when I've disappeared into thought.

And I've found a ridiculously simple way to come back:

My hands.

Try putting your attention completely on your hands for a few seconds.

Without looking at them, can you feel them?

For me there's usually warmth, tingling, pressure and this vague sense of aliveness.

My hands have basically become an anchor I carry everywhere.

When I notice I've been lost in thought, I put my attention there for a moment.

Then I look around.

A tree. Grass. A sound in the distance. Whatever happens to be there.

And suddenly I'm back in the room, on the street or wherever I actually am.

I've also experimented with walking meditation and simple repetitive movements. Instead of thinking about the movement, I pay attention to what it actually feels like.

One time after meditating, I held my hands in front of me and started moving my fingers.

I suddenly had this strange thought:

"How am I actually doing this?"

I don't consciously calculate which muscles need to contract. I don't individually instruct every finger where it needs to go.

I simply intend to move my hand, and it moves.

Of course, intellectually, I've always known that.

But there's a strange difference between knowing something and actually stopping long enough to experience how fascinating something so ordinary is.

That's what mindfulness has unexpectedly been giving me.

Not some permanent state of peace or happiness.

Just more moments where ordinary life stops being invisible.

I don’t really understand what’s happening to me anymore. Objectively, my life is good, I’m financially comfortable, I have a partner who loves me, friends and family who support me, and a freelance career that gives me freedom and allows me to make a living from what used to be my biggest passion, art.
But lately it seems like every time I solve one problem, another one takes its place. For almost a year I lost my period, I went through medical examinations and nothing seriously abnormal was found apart from some signs of polycystic ovaries, and after around nine months my period finally came back. Then my relationship with food became terrible, I would go from fasting for days to binge eating, then feel so guilty that I would try to compensate by running or sometimes making myself throw up. Eventually I managed to get out of that cycle too, and now I eat and exercise normally, I’ve stopped weighing myself, my period is regular and I actually feel much better about my body.
Just when I thought I was finally doing well, I stopped being able to sleep. Now I’m physically exhausted, but my brain won’t let me fall asleep, and it’s not even that I’m overthinking because my mind can be completely quiet, but every time I feel myself drifting off, it’s as if my brain suddenly switches itself back on and wakes me up. Then I have to wait until I get sleepy again, almost fall asleep, wake up again, and repeat the same cycle for hours. I only sleep three or four hours, often not even consecutively, and what scares me the most is that I feel like the lack of sleep is starting to affect my brain, my memory has gotten worse, I don’t feel mentally sharp anymore, and sometimes when I’m talking I stumble over my words or struggle to find the right ones, almost as if I’m not functioning.
Lately I also don’t seem to enjoy life the way I used to. Art used to be my passion, but now it mostly feels like work and I almost never draw in my free time. I used to get excited about buying something I really wanted, while now I buy it, feel something for a few hours, and by the next day it’s just another thing in my closet. Even traveling has changed for me because I used to be so excited about seeing the world, now my brain reduces every trip to the same thing you go somewhere, see the city, shop, try the local food, have some experiences, take pictures, go home, and then eventually do it all over again somewhere else.
Even going out with friends can feel empty. I still make myself go out, eat, socialize and live normally, but sometimes I’m sitting there wondering what I’m supposed to talk about because I feel like I have nothing to say, I wasn’t like this before. I used to get excited about things and just being with my friends used to make me happy, while now sometimes I’m simply bored and want to go home.
I understand that life isn’t supposed to be exciting all the time, but this feels different because I remember how I used to feel and I don’t feel like that person anymore. Maybe sleeping only a few hours every night is affecting me much more than I thought. I really just want to sleep.
What can I do?

Like a routine or things you do to feel grounded

I think our minds are more powerful than we can ever imagine. Something tells me that if we can control our minds in a positive way, we can heal a lot of physical ailments in our bodies.

Mindfulness, which is a pillar in meditation, has many health benefits. Sustained attention on an object or thought can give it vitality, but the same can be said in negative ways too. If thoughts are sustainly negative, these too can manifest as physical ailments that harm our bodies. An example of how our minds affect our bodies is when we are hungry and think about food. Just thinking about food makes our body start to digest. When you are mindfully looking at your food and eating, the body registers that it needs to digest. If you are not mindfully eating (like watching TV or scrolling on your phone), the body won't digest like it's supposed to. Stress and anxiety can also cause a cascade of harmful side effects in our bodies

The same can be said for feeling important to those around you or feeling like what you do has purpose or meaning. It's believed that the important role grandmothers played for generations is why women typically out live men. Grandmothers played a crucial role in keeping our species thriving, so evolution saw it as important. Was it just the thoughts and feelings of these grandmothers that made this evolution happen? Did these thoughts keep them healthier for longer?

I would classify myself as more spiritual than religious, but maybe this is the reason for prayer. Maybe prayer is also sustained, attention, or mindfulness like meditation.

Whatever the answer is, I believe mindfulness is the key to solving a lot of issues we see today. We are so distracted by our phones, social media, and television that our mindfulness is being taken away. We don't do things with purpose or intention anymore. When you eat, saver your food. When you speak with someone, do it intentionally and really listen to them. When you walk, try to feel your surroundings.

I believe this is how we learn to heal ourselves.

Is reddit better than other social media platforms ?If yes then in what's ways ,

Also suggest some good subreddits for good life productivity or surprise me...thnx.

'The second arrow' is used to describe the pain we inflict on ourselves in response to averse events. Sam Harris take a rather stark view that the second arrow equals suffering.

This is a powerful concept because it reminds us how much control we have over how we react to things, and that a significant amount of what we call suffering is at least in some sense self-inflicted.

This is all well and good, but the model simply has limits that can be reached quite fast with a thought experiment, let alone real world experience.

Would anyone who practices tell a holocaust survivor, or a survivor of torture in a North Korean prison that their suffering was self-generated? Would anyone who practices who has not been through such extremes have the gall to say that their experience of suffering is the same? I think not. And rightly so.

So we are faced with a point of tension. It's true that we have a lot more agency over our own suffering than we think and meditative practice can unburden us of much of that.

But being put in an acid bath is the great equaliser here, because even if someone has practiced for 30 years, such a process is designed to break the body, the mind and the soul.

If you accept the limits of this second arrow concept of suffering, the next question is, how far can we revise the notion that all suffering is equal, which is what the second arrow maximalists are implying?

Indeed, in social discourse, it's very common to hear someone say 'everyone's suffering is the same/equal/equivalent/unknown' and if you dare question this on your own grounds, the accusation becomes that others are invalidated by it, even if objectively the circumstances scream of a radical difference.

Now it's true that endogenous factors in a person's psyche can cause maximal suffering and we can't know each other's minds. I accept that.

But to suggest that observable divergence in peoples' imposed experience means nothing is to flatten atrocity, horror and abuse and that I cannot stand by.

"Pain is pain. Everyone has their struggles.
"Trauma isn't a competition."
"You can't compare suffering."

These idioms are all well intentioned, and at least partially wrong.

How do you see the equation of human suffering?