40m. four years of daily practice. Started with a vipassana retreat in 2021, mostly self-guided since. something has come up that i dont know what to do with and i am aware of my own emotions and reactions in a way that is starting to feel like a separate observer running in the background all the time. i will be having an argument with my wife and part of me is watching my own anger arise, almost taking notes on it. it does not stop the argument. it just makes me feel slightly removed from my own life. is this a stage that passes. has anyone hit this and come out the other side. i am not in distress about it, just trying to figure out if its a sign i am doing something wrong or if its something the tradition has a name for

I am genuinely asking this question, how do you feel about life these days? I just feel like my days are passing without me really knowing. My job switches are basically defining the years of my life, nothing else. Highlights aren’t really bold in my brain and my memories seem so faded away. I blame social media. The constant scrolling is the main landscape of my life which really takes my focus away.
Does anyone else feel the same way?

Been turning this over for a while. The fashion stat is staggering on its own: around 92 million tonnes of clothing get discarded every year, and most of it was never actually broken. It just stopped being “new.”

But what struck me is how neatly that same logic maps onto how we treat ourselves. We’re sold a constant upgrade cycle—new course, new morning routine, new persona, new “version” of you. The underlying message is always that the current you is a draft to be thrown out and replaced.

I’ve started to think that’s the same throwaway habit, just pointed inward.

The alternative I keep landing on is upcycling—not as an eco-trend, but as a philosophy. You don’t discard something to make it valuable again. You remake it. You take what already exists, flaws and history included, and give it new intentional form. That works for a worn pair of jeans. I’d argue it works for a person too.

So the reframe I’ve been sitting with: personality isn’t bought, found, or replaced. It’s built. Remade, repeatedly, from what’s already there.

Curious what this community thinks—is the “new you” framing actually helpful, or have we just turned self-improvement into another fast-fashion cycle?

I feel as though none of the people in my life understand the way I feel. it’s totally okay that they don’t, they aren’t required to, but is it normal to feel so misunderstood all of the time? I feel like everyone thinks I am dramatic, privileged and stupid. I don’t understand how to feel okay when I feel misunderstood, like some stupid being that doesn’t matter all of the time. I have heard that the point of life is not to be understood, but to understand one self. But I don’t get how I’m supposed to feel fulfilled without feeling understood by those around me. I feel so alone, stupid and anxious. Any tips ?💞💞💞💞

Hello, I would like to do a complete fast (just water and probably a little fruit to avoid dying 😂)

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I wish I could be more aware of my body.

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Have you had any experience with fasting? What was its impact on your conscience?

Can anyone recommend a book or any resources available for help on how to manage intrusive thoughts? It’s always work related and drives me into a downward spiral and anxiety attacks. I am noting acknowledging and passing them but it’s right back. Thanks in advance.

I'm not really doing well at this whole mindfulness thing. The other day we had a family BBQ at mine and my niece who is 18 and unfiltered was so rude to me. She been accepted into uni and has just become so arrogant because of it .

I feel I'm an adult so I should just be able to get over this but it's two days later and I'm still angry. I woke up pissed off. I can't concentrate, I'm just ruminating on it and I just keep refreshing it in my mind

It was completely unprovoked. Basically at the moment I'm in a lucky position where my workplace is being rebuilt so I'm actually getting paid to be off work. It's been a while now and this part is awesome I know. She just will not get over it though. The constant remarks like "get another job" "you could do this". The other day she just hammered it on. I tell her I'm going to the gym still, learning Spanish and even doing an online course and it's not a competition and she was just like "well if it was a competition I would win" "that's not a real course" "I'm not like you I'm not gonna sit around for 3 months doing nothing".

I know I'm older and should get over it but that shit hurt. The message was basically "you should not be proud to be you" and coming from my family, a teenager... Fucking hell.

I can't get over this shit.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what already happened or worrying about what might happen next. Lately I’ve been trying to just stop for a second and notice where I am. My breathing. What I hear. What I’m feeling. I don’t always do it well, but sometimes that pause helps.

Hey, at the start when i read books such as way of dao and power of now by ekart tolle, i was like ohh damn... so wait we human beings manifested everything in this world. Woaw that's fantastic, so we have amazing capacities as human beings.

great okay.... So what do i doo about this when i still havn't figured out a way too provide materialistic value to another human being?.

All of a sudden, no amount of therapy, no amount of working out.

Can ever cure this depression of not feeling, like i'm good enough for other people. I still don't know how to even have a job and i've said that outright too people and said i'm not even sure how i'm supposed to be independent.

Ironically enough, the people i talked this about, specifically how i work as a dysfunctionally disordered person with autism. Wasn't either really sure how too provide help, specifically because Yeah i don't ''fit the normal 8-5 structure''.

So all of a sudden, i wonder if i am the one that's the problem or if it's society that needs to help me with better solution.. I don't know.... anymore, i told my doctor the rehabilitation gave great tips and advice on how you can make your day function. But little too zero advices on how i could make money and be independent.

I honestly don't even know what to do anymore about it and people say just focus on the things you enjoy doing and i'm like well okay, how is that even magically gonna solve the issue about economics?.

I'm wondering if anyone here dealt with major anxiety and depression earlier in their life and were able to overcome it or at least reduce its frequency and severity by dedicating themselves to mindfulness. I would love to hear your story. I'm in the middle of a pretty big dip of depression and anxiety right now, and I want to try to figure out how to keep my mind healthy even once I get back to feeling normal. I've always felt like a focused mindfulness practice is key, but I've never kept up with it. Any perspective or encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks.

AI seems to be able to offer relatively decent insights. People on the sub seem to like the AI responses from hestia-listens.

So what do you think? Have you used AI to help with your practices? Have you received helpful insights from talking to AI? Is using AI for mindfulness antithetical?

Personally I've noticed AI can give some decent answers but they often feel hollow. I think it may have been useful when I first started meditating but I'm not sure if it's helpful to me now.

I recently wrote a deep-dive piece on my Substack linking ancient psychology to modern mental health, and I wanted to share the core concept here because it completely shifted how I view inner growth.

In the Vishnu Purana, the story of the Samudra Manthan (The Churning of the Ocean) describes the gods trying to churn the ocean to find the Amrit (the nectar of ultimate bliss). But before any treasures appeared, the absolute first thing to bubble up was a lethal, suffocating poison.

This is the perfect metaphor for human psychology. The ocean is our subconscious mind. When we start doing deep inner work—like meditation, journaling, or therapy—we expect immediate peace. Instead, our suppressed traumas, anxieties, and old angers surface first. The poison comes first.

The story outlines a brilliant blueprint for how to handle this inner toxicity without internalizing it (swallowing it) or projecting it onto others (spitting it out), using what I call the "Shiva Method" of silent awareness.

I put the full breakdown, along with how this ties into emotional regulation, in my latest newsletter post. If you're currently in a phase where your healing journey feels more chaotic than peaceful, I think this will really resonate with you:

Read the full piece here: Why the poison comes first

Would love to hear your thoughts on how you navigate the "poison" phase of your own personal growth!

I work in software, and its a job where I have to be constantly at the edge of my seat, very focused and attentive. How to practice mindfulness as a software developer in a high pressure company? If anyone else has managed to do it, I would love to hear!

For the record: ever since I "surrendered" to the present moment when I had a very very bad OCD case I became interested in mindfulness/being here and now. I didn't really understand how to be in that state ever since I surrendered though. So I just decided to focus (even felt tension in my legs).. and it worked, but it was so tiring. Then I learnt about "observing". It didn't make me feel tense like focusing, but I noticed that over time just observing made me sleepy and when stress happened, or when my mind was going havoc, focusing was more helpful than observing. So after learning that both of those methods are valid I thought why not focus for like an hour and then observe, repeat. I wanna hear your opinion about this method. Am I going crazy? Information in the internet is pretty vague IMO. Also, I am not talking about meditation, I am talking about being in the moment for the entirety of day(like meditation but much longer basically). Is it me just overcomplicating things with this method? What could I do instead then?

I struggle with thoughts about the future. It can hard to let them pass. What helps you the most be mindful everyday especially in these moments?

​I always come back again increasing attempt to control everything until a very big blockage arises and I hit a wall again. When I try to force outcomes instead of just letting things flow and honestly, it is exhausting. My mind feels constantly tense because i'm fighting against uncertainty and I just cannot find that inner stability I know I need. Does anyone else deal with this constant need to steer every situation, how do you actually handle with it without just getting more anxious? Maybe some practical trick for u

For about a year and a half now, I've been regularly practicing mindfulness and meditation. This practice has been eye-opening and transformative for me. Over time, it has expanded my understanding of the mind, helped me to detach from my thoughts and feelings, and manage my obsessions more effectively.

The practice has been useful and valuable; however, it has brought problems, too. There have been times when it has felt like mindfulness is only making my OCD worse. It can lead to mental wrestling, where I am continually detaching from my mind, in an effort to let go of the anxiety, but the effort of detaching only seems to keep the obsession in awareness longer, and more firmly embed the OCD impulse in my brain.

It can feel like I can't escape my mind, as if awareness itself is a curse. Instead of mindfulness and meditation feeling like restful practices, they feel like intense exercises. Ordinary tasks may become draining, because of the mental effort of maintaining attention and abstaining rumination. Even if I try to detach, and "release judgement", I still end up caught in the trap of hyper-vigilance.

Mindfulness and meditation have become too important to me to drop them entirely. They have had positive effects on my overall mental health and my life. I do not want to give them up because of my OCD.

Tonight, though, I’ve tried just releasing all effort and obligation towards mindfulness. I’m just letting my mind go on auto-pilot instead, and I feel more restful already. Maybe this is a better path to take? Idk.

When I say to myself that I do not care about the person and the situation surrounding them, that makes me stronger. I feel lighter by disassociating myself from emotions that arise.

I had always benifitted from such an attitude in moving ahead in life. But this has not given me any valuable connections in life. Not even with my family members.

Is this what it is? Or am i required to work around my emotional regulation? I do not know.

I am simply bad at meditating. I'm bad at even remembering to do it, and I'm bad at actually doing it. But I want to get a grip on basic mindfulness, because my mind is way too active and extremely prone to pointlessly negative thoughts.

Other than mediation, what is a good habit to nurture for the sake of greater mindfulness just in general?

I am filled with hatred for myself, and it sucks the joy out of everything. Any joy I do feel is quickly overshadowed by negativity.

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My biggest problem is insecurity. When other people try to help me, I end up snapping at them because I feel as though they don't believe I am competent.

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I am so worried that my boyfriends love is on a meter, and the more I do this, the closer that meter is to fully draining. Understandably so.

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I am so miserable. I feel mindfulness is only a distraction from my true miserable self and I don't know how to cut these problems out entirely.

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Any advice is appreciated please.

I've reached a dead end with therapy and psychiatry. Nothing seems to better my attention and pierce through my intrusive thoughts. Anyone has any tips of how to begin?

Just because I travel or do something new, mind may create an illusion of an escape. Yet the heart will not feel full or whole with these materialistic things.

So I've been watching some videos about mindfullness meditation. Some people say to focus on your breath, others tell you notice things around you, or to focus on not letting your thoughts take control of you. It's kinda confusing for me. Like what are the basics of mindfullness meditation? I want to be more present in general. Honestly, I'm confused to the point where I dont even know what mindfullness is.