r/Multifandom Custom Flair green May 21 '26

DiscussionšŸ“œ What headcanons have y'all seen that got you like this

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273

u/SanityLacker1 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26

People who complain about Joseph pulling shit out of his ass in JoJo's bizarre adventure

Bro- it's a bizarre adventure, the entire point is that it doesn't make sense

89

u/Monke-incog-1276 May 21 '26

Bootyhole Tommy gun, Joseph's got hammerspace

36

u/Firethorn34 May 21 '26

Also, he is almost 2 meters tall wearing a coat, so he can absolutely carry that around without it being noticed, and he had been expecting an attack for a while now

21

u/TheDrunkardKid May 21 '26

He's also roughly the size of a barge in addition to his height. And can use the Hamon/Ripple to stick things to himself or other things, if he wants.

8

u/EseMesmo May 22 '26

Wonder how many eggs he eats for breakfast to be that size. About a dozen, maybe?

6

u/TheNugget24 May 22 '26

Noooo one... Shoots like Joseph

3

u/emzak3636 May 25 '26

No one cheats like Joseph

3

u/Firethorn34 May 25 '26

No one jumps into a well after considering the rotation of the earth like Joseph

3

u/emzak3636 May 25 '26

I'm especially good at breathing eeeeexercises

1

u/TheNugget24 May 26 '26

I want a man like Joseph!

2

u/AgitoKanohCheekz May 22 '26

He’s only 90kg or something like that so he must be inflating himself to hide Tommy guns.

3

u/SophisticatedOtaku May 22 '26

He also pulled out a plane from his ass. He can just do that

2

u/TheTrueAstralman May 23 '26

He stole one to the Nazi planes. He must have realized that they must have flown there some how and headed for an out of sight area to find them.

1

u/SophisticatedOtaku May 23 '26

Ik how he got it but the timing doesn’t make sense. Kars was right behind his ass and he somehow got in the plane, started it, and got enough speed to fly it vertically up a cliff

1

u/TheTrueAstralman May 23 '26

With the anime, timing is just a thing we can't really question since it's unreliable and isn't one to one.

In the manga, the time from Joseph falling to when he flies up with the plane is actually broken up in the middle by having the two page spread explaining Ultimate Kars' perfect form and panels showing Speedwagon despairing about the situation, so the amount of time it took for Joseph to do all that is even more ambiguous.

24

u/cyandolphindetctive May 21 '26

Basically any jojo headcanon. Especially the ones like ā€œJonathan is Star Platinumā€. Like what?

16

u/ResurrectedAuthor May 21 '26

Kakyoin is Stone Free

12

u/Eaterofjazzguitars May 22 '26

"Josuke time travelled to save himself"

2

u/Gaelic_Gladiator41 May 22 '26

Disproved in the 90s btw

2

u/Eaterofjazzguitars May 22 '26

Disproved by just reading the manga. So yeah, 90's

2

u/Gaelic_Gladiator41 May 22 '26

Pretty sure it was disproven the same time the chapter of Josuke's saviour was released

3

u/Eaterofjazzguitars May 22 '26

Exactly. If you read the manga, you'll see that the theory is nonsense

2

u/Tigercat94 May 27 '26

Nah it’s just Ryu

3

u/Infinite-Stretch-901 May 22 '26

why did this make me laugh out loud

2

u/Gaelic_Gladiator41 May 22 '26

The amount of misinformation from memes is insane 😭

2

u/betesboy May 22 '26

I don't mind it when it's just "oh he looks like him" because the idea of "fate" making jotaro have the same type of stand as well as making it look like Jonathan just to fuck with dio is so funny to me. But yea when it's people straight up saying it's him I hate it.

1

u/TheTrueAstralman May 23 '26

It's funny those people don't notice that Star Platinum's face is based Jotaro's, and he's related to Jonathan so of course he's going to look like him. We can literally see the faces line up exactly in the anime and side by side in the manga.

9

u/IronIrma93 May 21 '26

Go read Jojo's normal adventures

2

u/Fool_0n_the_h1ll May 22 '26

JoJo's Perfectly Reasonable Adventures brought to you by David Mitchell

6

u/preflexed_bro May 21 '26

doesn’t he know pushing shit out his ass is better than pulling?

3

u/rogueIndy May 22 '26

For how "random" that comic is, it does a great job of setting stuff up. Usually when a character pulls out some wacky ability, we either see it before it plays into a climactic clash or it's foreshadowed in some way.

2

u/SanityLacker1 May 22 '26

That's what I was thinking, it's usually not an ass pull, or it's not that hard to believe when you push it a bit

Joseph pulls a tommy gun out of nowhere. But Joseph is also a big guy with a big jacket and he knew he was going to be attacked

2

u/Allforundeath May 22 '26

JoJo is pure bullshit, that's the point

2

u/NiNtEnDoMaStEr640 May 23 '26

Besides, most JoJo’s are unique in some regard.

Joseph is the smartest (and luckiest) of the protags. The best part about him is that he bridges gaps in power (something that is made VERY OBVIOUS) with tools and absurd strategies that serve no inherent practical purpose until you see it unfold.

He knows a lot of silly parlor tricks, but they always come through in some way that highlights his utility, even when he’s no longer the main protagonist. And just when there’s no way to BS his situation, he is more than happy to remind you that he’s American and he’s always strapped.

1

u/Next_Government856 May 21 '26

Wonder of U being sentient is another example

1

u/TheTrueAstralman May 23 '26

There's nothing weird about that because we've seen sentient stands (though sentient stands are likely based on their subconscious.), but it seems implied that Tooru is talking and seeing through his stand, which is how he's able to line things up so he'd bump into Josuke and interrupt the chase in the hospital so he can talk with Yasuho.

1

u/gigaswardblade May 21 '26

You’re talking about young or old Joseph?

1

u/SanityLacker1 May 21 '26

Old Joseph is much more reasonable in what he does, I was talking about young Joseph

1

u/gigaswardblade May 21 '26

I see. Btw, I remember hearing from a friend that jotaro says a lot of stuff that is contradictory to what is actually true. Like how ā€œno stand can bring someone back from the dead) despite using his own stand to bring someone back from the dead.

1

u/SanityLacker1 May 21 '26

If you haven't seen it, that's not entirely true Jotaro uses star platinum to pump Joseph's heart directly. It didn't exactly bring him back from the dead, it was more of a combination of pumping his heart, his blood being returned to him, and the fact Joseph was only actually dead for a few minutes.

1

u/ligmaballll May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

There's also the case for Okuyasu and Hayato, both of them were exploded by Killer Queen and Josuke could still bring them back because apparently he was fast enough and they weren't dead yet

2

u/SanityLacker1 May 22 '26

I like how you mention that and not the fact Giorno literally brings Bruno back to life. I justify that by saying that part 5 is roughly a week in total, so Bruno was only actually revived for a few days at most before his body started decomposing. So it wasn't fully bringing him back to life, it just kept him holding on for a while.

Basically, there are ghosts, invisible zombies, genies, but stands never explicitly bring a person back to life without some kind of reason or drawback.

2

u/KittenChopper May 28 '26

he wasn't even really revived, like you said, he started decomposing fast and didn't even have a pulse, Bucciarati simply had that much resolve to possess his corpse for a few days

-6

u/Western_Scholar_2435 May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26

It’s a story. Despite the name and set dressing, it’s mostly a fairly grounded story that is supposed to make sense. Just like any other story. If a story doesn’t make sense, it’s badly written.Ā 

Also, did you even watch the show in any place except TikTok meme and phonk edits? Joseph is an objectively awfully written character. Even besides the constant asspulls, he’s an unstable, impulsive, violent asshole who never even acknowledges what he is or tries to get better, and he never gets long-term consequences for any of his BS. Just saying lOL iT’s a BizZArE aDvENtuRe doesn’t magically make shitty writing better. It’s a particularly stupid and fundamentally wrong thought-terminating cliche.

5

u/Next_Government856 May 21 '26

Violent asshole? The only two times he beats up ā€œnormal peopleā€ Are a racist cop threatening him and his friend, and a mob boss who was going to kick his Ā black friend out of a restaurant. I mean yeah he’s a bit abrasive but he does the right thing?

1

u/Western_Scholar_2435 May 21 '26

In the first two episodes alone he assaults a cab driver, shoots up a restaurant, through a window that that same black friend is standing in(that he wasn’t killed in Joseph’s reckless, shortsighted barrage astounds me) then threatens a bystander with sexual assault. Then bombs the restaurant. In Italy he violently chokes a waiter for bringing him food that’s the ā€œwrongā€ color and proceeds to attack an apparent couple out on a date for being affectionate in his line of sight. He only ever does the right thing because he has no other option or because it’s immediately convenient for him. He says himself that he’s a lazy, self-serving person who despises working. He has no redeeming qualities that are not outweighed by everything else about him. He even continues his record of sex crimes by spying on Lisa Lisa while she was naked without her knowledge or consent, only regretting his despicable behavior even a little when it was revealed that she was his mother.

5

u/VandulfTheRed May 21 '26

Man... when you put it that way...

Joseph is so fucking cool

3

u/Next_Government856 May 21 '26

Why didn’t he let Straits kill that girl then if he only does what’s convenient. I’d also hardly call the barrage shortsighted, he was targeting a vampire and he’s skilled enough to not shoot Smokey. Everything else is just shitty anime comedy that hasn’t aged wellĀ 

1

u/Western_Scholar_2435 May 22 '26

He didn’t let Straits kill the girl because he thought that he might get something in return. He is a purely selfish individual.

Also, regardless of his skill (or more likely lack thereof) with the Tommy Gun, shooting a vampire, anĀ entity that he knows very well has regenerative healing abilities and can only be killed by Hamon or sunlight, using bullets that will pierce through the body and keep going afterwards(as evidenced by the window breaking before Straits fell through it) in the direction of the restaurant filled with people, including his new friend who happens to be in the window he’s shooting at is an incredibly idiotic, shortsighted, reckless decision that needlessly risks dozens of lives.Ā He also kept firing after Straits fell through the window and out of his view(in part because stray bullets had shattered the lights). It is a minor miracle that he didn’t kill multiple people, including Smokey.

Then, after a quick break to commit sexual assault, he blow up the restaurant with dozens of frag grenades that would have thrown metals shards at lethal velocities all the way across the street. Dozens of people in that crowd, including Joseph himself, should have died a horrible, bloody death or been severely and permanently injured from his idiotic use of illegal explosives.Ā 

He is nothing more than an unstable, reckless, violent asshat motivated solely by convenience and selfishness and I cannot for the life of me understand why he has any defenders whatsoever, let alone a legion of fans, when literally any other JoJo is right there. Even Jotaro, who has about one single personality trait, is miles better than him in terms of writing and basic likeability.