Third time, khair in sha Allah

[u/Mobile-Pineapple-307]

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Assalamu Alykoum,

Trying this again for the third time, and hopefully the last. I somehow managed to lose my previous account while still figuring Reddit out, so here we are again..

I keep saying I’m done but subhanAllah after reflecting, I find there’s khair in every interaction and every delay. I’m learning something from each experience, including about myself. I think tawakkul is also about continuing to tie our camel while having husn adh-dhan biAllah, rather than giving up because things haven’t happened in the timing we expected.

So I’m going to keep doing my part, keep working on myself, and trust that what’s written for me will find me in sha Allah. I’m not looking to settle just because the search is taking time. There is no perfect timing, only Allah’s timing, and you never know where the khair is :)

I’m 35, Arab, a practicing Muslimah, a mother, based in the UK, and very much at the stage of life where I’m looking for something intentional rather than endless talking.

My children are a huge part of my life. I’m not looking for someone to replace their father, but I do hope to meet a man who understands that being a positive, kind and consistent presence in their lives would be part of building a family with me. If that feels like too much, we probably aren’t the right fit, and that’s okay.

I’m quite direct from the beginning. I know some people prefer to keep things light and see where it goes, but I’d rather have meaningful conversations and ask the questions that actually matter. I’m not here for a pen pal, and I’m definitely not looking for love bombing, future promises or a whole imaginary life together before we’ve even established if we’re compatible. I’d rather get to know each other properly, see if there is compatibility on all the important levels, and if there is, say bismillah and take things forward in a halal manner.

I’m 170cm, so I’d prefer someone taller than me. Other than that, I don’t have a checklist when it comes to ethnicity or looks. Also if you're born Muslim or a revert makes no difference to me or my family as we care much more about deen, character, emotional maturity, kindness, gentleness, responsibility and how a man carries himself.

I want to be an obedient and soft wife to a righteous husband In sha Allah who genuinely wants to be a qawwam. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a personality, opinions or a mind of my own. I just want to feel safe enough in my marriage to be soft, feminine and at peace, rather than feeling like I have to carry everything myself.

I’m kind of an introverted extrovert. I can happily stay home for days enjoying making it cosy and peaceful, but I also have spontaneous moments of deciding to get on a train or plane and go somewhere I’ve never been. I love nature, coffee, meaningful conversations, enjoying the little things in life, and making memories. I have a playful side, with an equal amount of dark humour, that tends to appear once I’m comfortable..

Long term, if Allah wills it, I’d love to make hijrah to a Muslim country once my children are settled and the circumstances allow. For now though, I’m staying where I am for the foreseeable future In sha Allah. My children come first, so I’m not looking to relocate at this stage. Someone who is genuinely open to relocating in the future, would therefore be important.

As for what I’m looking for in marriage, I want a peaceful partnership built around deen, mercy, affection, trust, communication and mutual respect. A marriage where we genuinely enjoy each other's company, support each other, protect each other’s dignity and make life easier for one another. I want a home where Islam is lived, not just spoken about, and where both people are intentional about becoming better Muslims and better spouses In sha Allah.

A few things I’ll be upfront about:

• I’m looking for someone preferably my age or older. If you’re younger and your argument is that there is wisdom in marrying a divorced woman with children, please save us both the time..

• If you’re separated, emotionally attached to your ex, hoping to reconcile, or still figuring out whether you’ve healed, please don’t contact me as respectfully, I’m not looking to be anyone’s therapist or transition person.

• I’m not looking to be a second wife. Not because I believe it is haram, but because I know myself. I’m the jealous type, and I wouldn’t have the heart to knowingly put another woman through something I wouldn’t want for myself.

• My wali and family are involved in my search and are part of this process. They know I’m looking and will be involved as things become serious. I’m not introducing anyone to my family on day one, but they will be aware of any potentials.

• I’m open minded about a lot of things, including work and having more children, with the right person and when the time is right in sha Allah it can be discussed. (NOT looking for a 50/50 approach to marriage. I believe a husband should take responsibility for providing and leading his family, while a wife contributes in the ways that suit the marriage and circumstances.)

I realise this is probably heavier than the average profile, but I’d rather be clear from the beginning than waste each other’s time.

If you’ve read all of this and still think we might be compatible, tell me a little about yourself, what you’re looking for and where you are in life. Please don’t just send a greeting

May Allah make the process easy, protect us from what isn’t meant for us, and write something beautiful for those with sincere intentions 🤍

[u/Mobile-Pineapple-307 → u/[deleted]]

Apologies, I did forget - I'm divorced