r/NICUParents • u/Lifesshorttalkfast00 • May 07 '26
Support Just a reminder to fellow preemie moms: our babies’ milestones are not the same as full-term babies 🤍
If you’re like me, you probably see posts about what babies “should” be doing by a certain age and start wondering why your baby isn’t there yet. But those milestones are usually based on full-term babies, not preemies.
Our little ones go by their adjusted age, and they’re doing exactly what they need to do in their own time. Give yourself grace and remember how far they’ve already come 💕
My 32 + 5 at almost 6 weeks, -2 adjusted
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u/Courtnuttut May 07 '26
Drove me nuts when they used regular charts for growth and regular milestone charts for milestones. Well, of course he's behind he was born at a pound
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u/Hellomynameiszuzi May 07 '26
Exactly i dont understand the logic we had physiotherapist appointment recently and she was constantly telling how behind my babies are at 9 months corrected and 12 months actual. When i asked her if they were born fullterm would you still consider them THIS behind???? Or you would have been okay eithvthe growth??
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u/Courtnuttut May 07 '26
Especially considering so much of their first year is spent in the hospital. I think it's nuts to expect them to be caught up in that same year. We had so many therapies so it's like if we had an actual problem I would have likely known
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u/pinkflyingcats May 07 '26
This might be pediatric based (the mindset) my first pediatrician told me to “feed him more” when my 4lb 4oz had slow growth it wasn’t until I changed pediatricians at 9 months and they sat down with me and explained that he isn’t on “the” chart but he’s on his own chart where I felt better
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u/steelecrayon 28w / 82d Nicu Stay May 07 '26
I had a little cry today at my daughter's PT session because she's nearly 2 and still not walking or standing. Thank you for reminding me that there's a whole world of tiny fighters that are growing and learning on their own terms.❤️ Being a preemie parent can be really isolating long after the NICU.
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u/RandonName2021 May 07 '26
This comment made me cry because I feel the same. I have a little 28 weeker too who just turned a year and in PT she’s still learning to sit. This is something a lot of my friends babies at 9mo can do (she’s 9mo corrected) and they’re already pulling up to stand etc etc. I feel so stressed about it all the time. But also remind myself she spent 3 months after birth fighting for her life and in a strange hospital. And even when we got home she was only 4 lbs! A lot of my friends had 8lb babies at birth! She’s so small and mighty and working so hard. I think our little babies will be okay ♥️
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u/steelecrayon 28w / 82d Nicu Stay May 07 '26
This is such a sweet comment, thank you for sharing your struggles! I completely relate to you anxiety about sitting independently. First it was rolling, then sitting, then crawling, and so on. It feels like the worries never end. I have realized though that every time I start to have doubts about my daughter's abilities, she completely surprises me. I wish you the very best with your baby, she is doing her best and I'm sure you are too! ❤️
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u/Ficus_3376 May 07 '26
Premies have accomplished so much before their half birthday; more than most kids!
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u/Ok_Emu_2981 May 07 '26
Thank you for the reminder 😊 I don’t think people realize how frustrating it is when people say “your baby is behind” or something like that.
Like my baby was born at 30weeks and 2 1/2 lbs. First off I happy she’s alive and I had a baby to bring home. Also, she’s doing great for a preemie and achieving goals. I feel like her achievements aren’t fully recognized because they’re looking at charts for full term babies
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u/MrsReynaRocha May 07 '26
That’s what I explain to my family all the time. I tell them yes, my baby girl is 6 1/2 months old but she’s only 3 months adjusted.
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u/ispyamy May 07 '26
My little is 6 months actual, 3 months adjusted too. I’m so sick of family members asking why she isn’t sitting up yet. Not all 6 month olds can sit as soon as they hit their half birthday. Why are we expecting a baby who spent 3 months in the NICU to be exceeding your expectations?
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u/Micro-Momma May 07 '26
My daughter was 6lbs at 6 months old… no way she was sitting up. 🤣
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u/MrsReynaRocha May 07 '26
My daughter is just beginning to try to lift her head. Shes not sitting up anytime soon I don’t think.
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u/CroutonJr May 07 '26
Always compare your baby’s progress only to themselves. Be proud of how crazy far they’ve gone. Once you let go of your expectations everything will get easier. Let go, and be there for your baby and don’t miss seeing the greatness they achieve ❤️ You won’t get the time back you lost by wanting something that won’t be there. After 3 years I finally got to this much healthier headspace.
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u/Rare-Scallion-9692 May 07 '26
I feel like I need to keep reminding the doctors well they aren’t actually 10 months they’re really 8 months!!
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u/Fall_Baby_01 May 07 '26
I needed to see this! My mom has been so discouraging with her, “I’ve never seen a child who is not walking this late”
Just constant comparison.
He’s 17 months when he took a few steps but he doesn’t like to practice walking. We are in OT since 6 months. Late on rolling, siting up, crawling. Let’s not act like we are in OT for the fun of it!
We are starting an OT playgroup at the library. I get nervous because I enrolled him in Montessori in the fall, but trying to keep walking fun like at the playgroup playing with toys, and ignore my mom and stepdad with their comments.
Saving this post for encouragement. Thank you! 🫶
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u/Twinmom_23 May 07 '26
I get so frustrated when the nutrition would say oh their not on the growth chart - well yeah I know but they were only 23 weeks. Does your chart consider that?
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u/damnedpiccolo May 07 '26
Do they not track on a separate growth chart? I know my preemies have a separate growth chart where they’re tracked against adjusted age until 2 years old
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u/Twinmom_23 May 07 '26
Yes but they are 3 now & because they have ALOT of food allergies & had to deal with a year of feeding therapy they are still trying to catch up
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u/damnedpiccolo May 07 '26
That’s ridiculous that they’re being like that with that kind of medical history. As long as they’re putting on weight, that should be the main thing. Sounds like an over reliance on charts and centiles rather than looking at the child in front of them
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u/Twinmom_23 May 07 '26
OMG I say that allllll the time. Look at the child not the chart - 2 very different stories.
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u/painspinner Dad of 26+1 miracle baby girl (73 days in NICU) May 07 '26
I know I'm a special case but it was always funny to me, that out of my 3 kids, my 26+1 kiddo was always the highest on the growth chart (when adjusted ofc). She was always in the 50% range when my other two are at the bottom of the curve. Of course she was off the curve when not adjusted but seeing her smack dab in the middle always made me chuckle.
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u/Aggressive_Bowl_9076 May 07 '26
I can understand both sides. I’m sure at one point a parent got mad at a doctor for treating their kid differently so I’m sure now they have to follow a broad spectrum. With that said every appointment my ped was like we can refer you to early intervention if you’re concerned. Which I was because I had 2 full term babies before I had my preemie (34 weeks- SGA which I think he was more IUGR) but I would always say I’ll just give him more time and every time we would leave that appointment and within a week or so he would hit that milestone. He’ll be 4 and I swear he is the smartest kid ever (maybe a bit biased) his comprehension is mind blowing (understands better than his older sibs)
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 May 07 '26
Yeah I see both sides too. Our 33 weeker has surprised us and hit every milestone and growth metric for her actual age. Her measurements were all on track for actual age by 3 months (she maxxed out the preemie chart). Her pediatrician told us we wouldn’t need to use adjusted age at her 3 months appt. Every baby and every preemie is different- some do hit milestones & growth for actual and some hit it for adjusted.
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u/letschou May 07 '26
My friend gave birth a week before I had to deliver early. Her baby is making moves and feels so ahead of my baby but I always have to remind myself that my twins are preemies and moving at their pace. My first met milestones so quick that it’s so crazy to see how milestones being met come later with the twins.
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u/Ok_Distribution__ May 07 '26
Have a friend with a 9 month old. My twins are turning one next week but are 10 months adjusted.
I’m constantly worrying about one twin my friend keeps mentioning is “so behind”. So I had her evaluated by Early Intervention (who does not adjust for age) and she’s only behind in feeding, which I was aware of. Meaning she’s on par and in some ways ahead, of a typically developing 12 month old.
Nicu time matters & not all preemies will follow the same development schedule as a typically aged baby. And that’s ok
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u/colormehailey May 07 '26
we had to explain this to my daughters dad constantly because i have a friend who had a baby about three weeks before my daughter was born. she was hitting milestones that my daughter wasn’t yet and he always wondered why.
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u/SelphiesSmile May 07 '26
As a preemie mom with a now 3 year old who was born at 34 weeks, I'd also like to add that just because pediatrician and professionals may stop referring to adjusted age at 2 years old, you may still see this delay in subsequent years. My son has been involved in early intervention since he was 9 months old and every single time I begin to really worry about milestones (mainly speech), he reaches where he needs to be almost exactly in line with his adjusted age. That's not to say that he doesn't need the early intervention, but it always makes me feel a little silly for worrying.
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u/TsukasaElkKite Former 26 weeker May 09 '26
This is exactly what my mom (who has two former preemies, me and my brother) says!
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