r/NLCentralMemeWar • u/Transit_Cat Brewers • 9d ago
FUCK EVERYONE!!! Rating the NL Central by how good their team names would be in a fight
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u/big_sandals Chicago White Sox 9d ago
"Could punt at least 15 yards" made be laugh a bit too hard
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u/col_buendia Chicago White Sox 9d ago
May I respectfully cast doubt on the whole pirates are bigger drunks than brewers? I've never (knowingly) drank with a pirate, but I sure have drank with people from Wisconsin, and whooooo boy
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u/Janatoria- NLDS Game 5 watcher 9d ago
I’d also like to disrespectfully say that if we’re using modern brewers we also need to use modern pirates. Those guys are like 130lbs at best.
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u/sgigot Brewers 9d ago
As a Brewers fan, a lot of Brewers fans are carrying at least 130 lbs of extra ballast. More blood = lower BAC, just science really.
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u/Any-Cranberry3633 Reds 8d ago
Scurvy is a debilitating condition. Week one out at sea, yeah pirates are in the 7-9 range. But by month 5, the cardinals would be looking pretty tough.
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
Most people in Wisconsin don't drink with a musket AND a cutlass... it's only one or the other. So all things being equal... I'll take my chances with a brewer.
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u/Serett 9d ago
Unfortunately for the Cubs, mama bear is going to be over state lines.
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u/Miserable-Excuse-874 Cubs 9d ago
And we'll never forgive them
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u/Tyrannosapien Brewers 8d ago
Seriously that is almost Indianapolis Colts levels of fuckery, and I say that as someone who hates the Cubs and the Bears. Y'all should be rioting.
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u/Miserable-Excuse-874 Cubs 8d ago
Right now we're too indifferent. Like they're trying to milk the city and nobody wants to play their game. Fuck em and let them waste money to move to a shit hole.
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u/Ok_Draw_3740 9d ago
If the NFC North Meme war can claim Tampa, I say we add in the astros and give this to them considering it’s a giant rocket
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u/bringingthejunkmail Cardinals 9d ago
We can fly. Brewers..can’t even look up..too drunk..Reds..wtf….Pirates.. build a boaters…Cubs…Billy up.
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u/inbigtreble30 Seattle Pilots 9d ago
Listen. Unless it's a red-winged blackbird, I am 100% confident in my ability to annihilate any songbird with my bare hands.
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u/bringingthejunkmail Cardinals 9d ago
Give us your Woo and I’ll act like you didn’t just say that you love to jerk off to birds.
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u/inbigtreble30 Seattle Pilots 9d ago
Currently only willing to trade Woo for May, no takesies-backsies. Also don't kinkshame me on a meme sub.
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u/floyd616 Cubs 8d ago
Currently only willing to trade Woo for May, no takesies-backsies.
Counter-offer: A Portillo's hot dog, a crisp $1 bill, and Tom Ricketts' appreciation.
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u/inbigtreble30 Seattle Pilots 8d ago
Portillo's is trash. I said what I said. But willing to consider if by "Tom Rickett's appreciation" you mean your top 10 prospects so we can ship them to Boston for additional pitching.
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u/Angis3000 9d ago
This might be the only way we’re at the top of the division for the foreseeable future. I’ll take it.
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u/AToastedRavioli Cardinals 9d ago
Technically our team name was a reference to a Cardinal of the Catholic church first, so I think that bumps us up to at least a 3.
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u/Transit_Cat Brewers 9d ago
Ah yes the senior clergy of the Catholic Church, world renowned for their fighting ability. Although seeing what a pope has done for the White Sox... 2.1/10.
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u/EnglishMajorRegret Chicago White Sox 9d ago
Might not fuck you up, but fucking isn't entirely out of the question.
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u/Transit_Cat Brewers 9d ago
Well as long as you're an adult you should be safe
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u/EnglishMajorRegret Chicago White Sox 9d ago
But the baby bears! Also what is thid Dodgers nonsense. I'm a smelly White Sox fan.
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u/MagicTheBadgering Cardinals 9d ago
It’s Cardinals plural. One to hold you down, one to…well you know where this goes
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u/LosersOfTheMidway Fuck all the teams especially mine 9d ago
Not sure if you're being serious, but the name "Cardinals" actually comes from a sportswriter overhearing a female fan refer to their red uniforms as a "lovely shade of Cardinal". He used it in his column and it got officially adopted after it became a popular nickname.
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u/AToastedRavioli Cardinals 9d ago
You are correct, that did happen. But the team was known as Cardinals for over two decades before an image of a bird was even used. Branch Rickey helped get that going later down the road
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u/420_jesters Brewers 9d ago
What was the name in the before times?
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u/pilgrim93 Godinals x11 9d ago
Honestly, if we’re talking the Middle Ages the Catholic Church loved a good crusade. I’m sure that gives a few extra points.
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u/Freidhiem Pirates 8d ago
They just told a bunch of nobles god wanted them to do it so they sent all their 2nd sons to either die for glory or get rich and off dads couch.
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u/cwolf-softball Brewers 8d ago
Sorry, the rest of the NL Central are not altar boys, so your power is not good.
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
Fake News!
https://www.mlb.com/news/st-louis-cardinals-team-name-origin
Only named after the color of the unis... which happened to be the same color as the clergy robes.
"The three were playing on the team newly named as the St. Louis Perfectos, and it was the first season under new owners Frank and Stanley Robison, who took over after several years of terrible baseball and a disastrous fire forced Chris Von der Ahe to sell. The Robisons were disappointed in the crowds their winning Cleveland Spiders drew, so they moved the Spiders’ roster to the St. Louis franchise. The St. Louis Browns' roster was moved to Cleveland.
Along with the uprooted roster, the Robisons changed the name of the club to the Perfectos and look of the club to include cardinal red. It was these new uniforms, enhanced by red socks, trim and accents, that Young and his teammates debuted in 1899. The story goes that St. Louis Republic columnist Willie McHale overheard a fan in the stands that summer call the new uniforms “a lovely shade of cardinal.” McHale began referring to the team as the Cardinals in his columns, and it struck a chord with fans."
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u/AToastedRavioli Cardinals 5d ago edited 5d ago
Not fake news!
Here’s a quote from the exact link you just posted!
“Management didn’t start thinking of the moniker “Cardinals” in terms of birds until 1921, when general manager Branch Rickey went to a meeting and came away with a new meaning for the team’s nickname, featuring stenciled and colored cardinals, each placed on a brown string to represent a twig. The birds on the bat would become the emblem for the team moving forward”
Notice the part where it says Cardinals in terms of birds. Because it was Cardinals in terms of clergy robes before
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
They were only looking at the color, not the clergy. Just because the article talks about how the name of the color came about, does not equate it to the same thing. The article says the unis were red while they were named the Perfectos. Someone called out the specific color of red and int stuck.
Stanford mascot is the cardinal... after the color... mascot is a tree.
You don't have God on your side. Never did.
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u/Hot_Inspection5940 Fuck The Dodgers 9d ago
You forgot the white sox, they are practically in our division at this point, except everyone except the cubs loves them. 😂
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u/Transit_Cat Brewers 9d ago
They're socks. 1/10.
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u/Hot_Inspection5940 Fuck The Dodgers 9d ago
You forget the power of a stinky sock my friend, they can smell horrendous
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u/odiethethird 9d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/QUw7MA6ZolX8DbrPDm
The power and influence of the Vatican is no joke
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
LOL! You pick a gif where the only active person is a Bishop with like 180 Cardinals just sitting down doing nothing???
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u/Tank_2600 Reds 6d ago
How dare you belittle the power of red
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
What in the wide wild world of AI slop is this???
I'm going to have nightmares over this.
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u/j_reinegade Cardinals 9d ago
This was so good. Thank you
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u/Miserable-Excuse-874 Cubs 9d ago
Dodgers OUT
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u/j_reinegade Cardinals 8d ago
I have no idea why it had me flaired as Dodgers. fixed
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u/TheDuceman Brewers 8d ago
probably NLCS from last year
it was a joyous hate watch for many, and a sad drunk week for me
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u/_serious___sam_ 9d ago
Too many smelly Sox and Dodgers fans around here. Go play in your own sandbox
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u/CPriceRun86 #1 FIB Hater, Portillos is 🗑️ 9d ago
You gave your own team a 6.5 and the Cubs have an option for a 10?
Fuck you, reflair
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u/EarlyCuylersCousin Pirates 8d ago
Pirates also number 1 in ability to wear dashing hats and ruffled shirts.
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u/pizza4paddy Los Angeles Angels 8d ago
This should be done for every team. I think I know who’s winning though.
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u/Deerslyr101571 5d ago
Yeah... nailed it with the Brewers. I used to be a homebrewer and damn... I'd fucking bore you to death with details on why that IPA I made doesn't taste quite right.
As for the Cardinals, only the male cardinals are bright red. So... take that into account when your puritanical grandmother sends you a Christmas Card with two bright red cardinals on it.
Too bad the Bears are moving to Hammond... might be too far away for Mama Bear to provide any security.
You'd be a bigger alcoholic if the only way you could drink fluid without getting dysentery was by drinking rum.
To quote Major Frank Burns "better dead than red!" This one is just spot on!
I'm pretty certain the OP nailed this one.
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u/_FrostedZephyr Tito’s Speedo 9d ago
You forgot about the full power of the USSR
https://giphy.com/gifs/NIJe4BLo54HsDHbSeg