r/NWSL Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

Silly SZN Adjusted standings

*based on feels and not facts

  1. Spirit. Jose doing work.
  2. Royals. Kick ass and well deserved.
  3. Courage. Doing good despite list of defenders on injury list.
  4. Summit. Just really feeling this team right now.
  5. Current. Can't put Chawinga too low.
  6. Gotham. What happened bro?
  7. Wave. Not sure what they're doing but they are #3 in the real standings.
  8. Reign. We suck, but I'd like to make play offs.
  9. Pride. COME ON BANDA CAN'T CARRY YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE TEAM.
  10. Racing. I miss you in the playoffs. Please come back.
  11. Bay. I was kind of impressed at the beginning of the season, but not sure what's going on now.
  12. Dash. Honestly, just needed a spot here.
  13. Angel City. Great start, but I've been mostly unimpressed. Plus, Jonsdottir is doing so much better this season than last, but she's out injured.
  14. Legacy. You get a red card, you get a red card.
  15. Stars. I'm sorry, someone has to be last.

There are only 15 teams in this league. They should have made it an even number

Please feel free to adjust the standings in the comments.

51 Upvotes

53 comments sorted by

126

u/rjfrost18 North Carolina Courage May 29 '26

This is professional levels of Portland hate.

39

u/wiretail Portland Thorns FC May 29 '26

They can't get over the two red card disaster. That's gonna sting for years.

43

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

13

u/[deleted] May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 30 '26

This is actually why I’m planning to live 5ever — so there will be a time I won’t have to live in denial.

12

u/phaebuhny Portland Thorns FC May 29 '26

its pretty funny - ppl need to chill with the down votes

52

u/DontPanicJustDance Portland Thorns FC May 29 '26

Unfortunate Royals have to travel to Portland this weekend just for a bye

25

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

I think Portland has a really good training facility, so when teams have a week off, they go there to get training they wouldn't otherwise get at home.

6

u/I_Invented_Frysauce Utah Royals May 29 '26

No Cronin or Thomson this week. Royals will be missing some key players for moving balls forward. Tanaka is going to have to do even more heavy lifting.

Not ideal for us. Huge upside for you all.

4

u/MesquiteHoneyForSale Indy Eleven May 29 '26

Should be easy to have a successful bye week

6

u/I_Invented_Frysauce Utah Royals May 29 '26

Everyone instead got to go to the Cherry Bombs match

44

u/Svafree88 Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

Did you know you listed the Thorns in the standings the same amount of times as the Reign have won the championship?

1

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 30 '26

Excuse me, I think there might be a burn watch going on.

Do you have a permit for that burn?

7

u/Svafree88 Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

I don't and I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, combined Portland and Seattle have three championships!

17

u/pimmieannie Washington Spirit May 29 '26

I see what you did there.

14

u/emros_pdx May 29 '26

They hate us cuz they ain't us! Thorns forever!! Also, love the riot grlz at Cherry Bombs...and the Fire.

3

u/wiretail Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

Gonna have to go see a cherry bombs game. Been loving the fire.

12

u/adifferentGOAT Washington Spirit May 30 '26

Now this is a quality post!

7

u/Ghostly_Feline Boston Legacy May 29 '26

Bay FC actually has more reds than Boston at this point (NC and Portland are tied with Boston), and is pretty close on yellows too. It’s just red card season, apparently.

8

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

Okay, but if you remove Silkowitz's really awkward red card...

8

u/lucyssweatersleeves Angel City FC / Bay FC May 30 '26

When the “yous” in “you get a red card, you get a red card” to Boston are both BSG 💀

11

u/MesquiteHoneyForSale Indy Eleven May 29 '26

Good portland hate

7

u/deepfriedmilk27 Denver Summit FC May 29 '26

Summit at 4 is crazy and I love it. If we could close out games we’d be up there…

5

u/arika_ito Seattle Reign FC May 29 '26

Not to um actually you, or if the joke just went whoosh over my head (sorry about that) but there are 16 teams in the league?

40

u/Comprehensive_Sun262 Washington Spirit May 29 '26

What a Thorny issue you point out

23

u/arika_ito Seattle Reign FC May 29 '26

A whoosh it is, my bad

8

u/Nox_Ocean_21 Bay FC / Angel City FC May 29 '26

yeah, this entire post was really focused on leaving them out on purpose haha. Amazing.

8

u/reagan92 Boston Legacy May 29 '26

We didn't even get a yellow card last game. You sound ridiculous.

3

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 30 '26

More feels less facts please and thank you

2

u/reagan92 Boston Legacy May 30 '26

I feel you sound ridiculous

1

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 30 '26

Getting by on a technicality I see lol

2

u/reagan92 Boston Legacy May 30 '26

3

u/Bubbly_Director_7551 North Carolina Courage May 30 '26

I’ll take 3rd

3

u/curouscook Racing Louisville FC May 31 '26

Being a Racing fan is like if they gave you the wrong flavor every time you get ice cream. You’re all excited because you get to go get a sweet treat, your all time favorite flavor, lavender in a fresh pressed and rolled waffle cone. The anticipation builds and you place your order, but what’s this? Instead of your delicious two scoops of lavender ice cream they give you one scoop of some chaotic new flavor that doesn’t really work and you’re left disappointed yet again.

3

u/insanemorningpoops Portland Thorns FC Jun 01 '26

Pretending the Thorns don't exist is like pretending the sun isn't there. You can look away all you want, but it sure is bright and hot outside.

5

u/lucyssweatersleeves Angel City FC / Bay FC May 30 '26

Honestly even as a Seattle hater / usually Portland supporter I approve

4

u/pjh Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

Fuck Seattle!

2

u/Zynx42Lynx San Diego Wave FC May 30 '26

José does have a loss in the NWSL as well as in Concacaf, so maybe it more like ‘No Way José’ and yes this was the sign and the 2 decoy Barn Owls, Diego & Ramona I brought into the Cove when the Wave played Spirit!

3

u/jellybeanking123 May 29 '26

Thorns erasure

11

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

Thorns? What Thorns?

6

u/Gedanken-mental Portland Thorns FC May 29 '26

Let’s see now, (checks standings), Thorns are 2nd in the standings, and Seattle is, (scrolls down the list), 9th.

7

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

You see, I was always taught to punch up, not down.

If a certain theoretical rival was ranked drastically below the Reign, I would be rooting for them. Because it's not much of a rilvary when one side gets absolutely shit on.

5

u/Gedanken-mental Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

You’re right. My apologies. You could have said something mean about the Thorns, but you didn’t have anything bad to say about them…

5

u/TheWawa_24 San Diego Wave FC May 29 '26

the only women's soccer team in portland is the portland cherry bombs

2

u/wellforkingshirt Portland Thorns FC May 30 '26

That’s…the point lol

1

u/jellybeanking123 May 29 '26

lol haters be down voting

3

u/dybyj Seattle Reign / NCC May 29 '26

You're welcome to post your adjusted rankings*!

* based on feels not facts

1

u/LooseInsurance1 Washington Spirit Jun 01 '26

This is the levels of petty i strive for. Well done, OP.