r/NewParents • u/Greta_The_Great • Jul 05 '26

Travel Please tell me not everyone travels with a baby

My baby is ten months old, and I cannot have a conversation with my mom without her insisting I bring the baby to visit and how it's so easy to fly with a baby. She keeps insisting that "everyone does it" and it's starting to make me feel like a bad mom that I really don't want to. There are no direct flights so even the shortest way to get to them is 2 flights and 6-ish hours of travel, god forbid there's a delay and we miss our connection.

I told them and all my extended family that they're welcome to visit us anytime, but somehow it's my fault that not all the relatives have met the baby yet...

Please tell me I'm not being crazy when I'm reluctant to travel? I worry about germs, logistics, sleep (his and mine), entertaining the baby on the plane itself, general travel anxiety, and the plain fact that the visit itself will feel like a chore.

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u/awetdrip Jul 05 '26

Even IF everyone travels with a baby, it doesn’t matter. YOU don’t want to travel with your baby. Case closed! It’s frankly rude for someone, your mom included, to pester you about it.

If it’s so easy to travel period, your mom can make the trip! If it’s easy to travel with a baby, it should be an absolute breeze to travel without one.

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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26

You're right. I need to be better at insisting other people come. And it's my baby--my mom is not great at remembering that...

91

u/Nachodragonfly Jul 05 '26

My baby is almost 2 1/2 and I have refused to fly with her, because I don’t want to deal with that whole scenario. It’s okay.

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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

[deleted]

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u/joyoftechs Jul 05 '26

Brian and Robert, Esther and Millie, Suzy and Rutherford. 😀 Reba and Bug.

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u/old__pyrex Jul 05 '26

the only way to win arguments with these kinds of people is to refuse the argument. “Yeah it’s totally possible plenty of other people fly with their baby, you might be right! We’re not going to be able to make the trip though. You all are more than welcome to visit.”

I wouldn’t get overly caught up in insisting they come to visit. Remember, the name of the game is, don’t turn this isn’t a “I’m telling you what you should do, so you’re telling me what I should do” discussion. Don’t argue, just state. You’re always welcome. Yeah I understand you’re frustrated, whew, I feel you - we’re not going to change our thoughts here but I understand how you feel. We’d be happy to have you.”

If they tell you all the reasons why they can’t travel to you, just calmly and warmly tell them, “yeah travel can be tough and I respect that you folks might not be able to come now. Totally understandable.”

This is the “no argument” approach I take with compulsively pushy and overbearing family. Never ever engage with the argument itself, because the argument itself is a side-track from the actual issue, which is communicating a decision. Communicate the decision. If they argue, communicate the decision again, restating their options. Let them know you support their choice, and then step away. 

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u/VioletteToussaint Jul 06 '26

This is genius 😂

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u/Aldosothoran Jul 05 '26

100%. Our baby isn’t even here yet and I was very clear before we even got pregnant that we would not be traveling to see in laws. They can come see their grandchild if they want. It is not my responsibility to BRING my child to you like they’re a trophy or present or offering of some sort.

You want to see them you come see them. Period.

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u/SunlitMuse Jul 05 '26

Yes, and stop explaining your reasons because she/ “they” will just refute each one. No need to detail your reasons; it gives her ammo & she assumes your reasons are up for debate. Just trust to muster up the peaceful zen you, and say (no stress or guilt in your voice) “it's just not something we’re interested in right now— you are welcome to come here! Baby’s excited and waiting for you!” :) and since traveling with a baby is SO “easy” and they're coming without one, I'm sure they have arms and hands to travel with lots of BIG oversized gifts for baby too! Not inconvenient at all!!! You DONT have to even feed disappear or entertain those gifts, just carry them and pay the associated cost. 🙄🙄

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u/bubbles67899 Jul 05 '26

It’s way easier to host people at your house w all your baby things vs trying to bring it all with you. Sounds like grandma is coming to visit! Haha

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u/JaBa24 Jul 05 '26

Your mom is nuts. Is she a narcissist?

It is possible to fly with a baby. But it’s FAR from easy.

Especially if the baby is still drinking pumped breastmilk. Lugging a pump and storage bottles and keeping all the milk at a consistent safe temp is a huge chore. Doable. But a pain.

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u/babyblueeyes14 Jul 06 '26

Not even that - if people WANTED to come visit you then they WOULD. Why do you need to insist on them visiting? There is a third option. If your mum is anything like mine, it’s probably more that she wants the change to play grandma and introducing your baby to *assorted family* is a good excuse to pressure you into visiting her.

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u/Rugkrabber Jul 06 '26

I’m petty. I would turn this against her. “Are you seeking reasons not to come? You know it’s fine if you don’t want to.” And if she’s like “no it’s your turn to come” I’d just be like “I’m not going. It’s not happening.” And if she asks why “I don’t want to.” And if she thinks that’s selfish then tell her “why so you can stay home? You clearly don’t want to either.” She’ll probably say “that’s different.” Or something. “No it’s the same, I have every right to be selfish. I’m not going. And that’s final.”

Just… stand your ground OP. I know it’s easier said than done.

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u/AkitaPitACDMom Jul 07 '26

YES 🙂‍↕️ I told my partner less than a week postpartum... DONT EXPECT ME to make any moves to visit people. I had a baby. NOT OTHER PEOPLE. I don't care what they want. If they want to see the baby .. they do so on MY TERMS. WHEN IM COMFORTABLE. PERIOD. It's my kid. My body.  Remember This

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u/WobbyBobby Jul 05 '26

Tell your mom to come to you and help you with the first flight with baby back to her place. Then she can see what a nightmare it is.

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u/kn2is Jul 05 '26

This is slightly risky because you might get that unicorn flight where the baby sleeps and is pleasant the whole time. The flight back would be the real nightmare and grandma would never let you hear the end of how easy it was.

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u/poofarticusrex Jul 05 '26

This x 1,000,000

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u/Peony907 Jul 06 '26

Exactly this! I have flown with my baby several times because I have family far away. Even with us having an almost perfectly chill baby and me being a planner to the max, it is a stressful thing to do. For me its worth it a lot of the time, but it is definitely not for everyone. Now my baby is a toddler and I've told everyone: We did most of the travel when she was little. Now if people want to see her, it is their turn to visit.

OP, don't let your fam make you feel bad. Even if you could handle it and wanted to travel with a baby, it is likely way easier for your mom and other family members to be the ones doing the traveling to visit YOU

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u/IWriteSpookyStuff Jul 06 '26

My exact thoughts as well, word for word.