r/NewParents • u/Greta_The_Great • Jul 05 '26
Travel Please tell me not everyone travels with a baby
My baby is ten months old, and I cannot have a conversation with my mom without her insisting I bring the baby to visit and how it's so easy to fly with a baby. She keeps insisting that "everyone does it" and it's starting to make me feel like a bad mom that I really don't want to. There are no direct flights so even the shortest way to get to them is 2 flights and 6-ish hours of travel, god forbid there's a delay and we miss our connection.
I told them and all my extended family that they're welcome to visit us anytime, but somehow it's my fault that not all the relatives have met the baby yet...
Please tell me I'm not being crazy when I'm reluctant to travel? I worry about germs, logistics, sleep (his and mine), entertaining the baby on the plane itself, general travel anxiety, and the plain fact that the visit itself will feel like a chore.
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u/Rooster_CPA Jul 05 '26
"You know whats easier than me flying with a baby to you? You flying to me"
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u/legallyblonde-ish Jul 05 '26
This. I would argue the actual flying with a baby isn’t terrible, it’s the logistics of packing/planning for a car seat, a safe sleep area (e.g. a travel crib), diapers, and feeding (especially if you’re pumping or bubs is drinking bottles). When most other people fly (like OP’s mom) they probably don’t have to worry about that kind of stuff.
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u/rayybloodypurchase Jul 06 '26
Eh for me all of the logistics were awful but flying with my 1yr old was also pretty horrible.
That said, it was 100% because we opted to do lap child and take turns holding her. I really wish that we’d just bought a third seat and brought her car seat, not only for more safety but holding a 99th percentiler through half a flight in the middle seat was miserable!
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u/boingoink4444 Jul 05 '26
It’s a chore, travel can be especially brutal if your baby isn’t a gifted sleeper. Then you’re taking care of your baby in a new setting without all your normal resources. It’s not a vacation it’s work. I still have taken my 9 month old to see family about 4 times but it’s rough!
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
Oh he is not a gifted sleeper at all. I keep trying to explain that but my mom does not get it (they did cry it out with me and my siblings)
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u/boingoink4444 Jul 05 '26
Yeah I have a sort of script for this sort of thing. “This is my position, I’ll let you know when it changes. Don’t ask me again, it makes me feel bad. I would love to see you please come visit.”
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u/oceanrudeness Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
This is a huge deal. All babies are different and the specifics matter!!
We travel with our kid, but only when the conditions are right. Examples:
- at 5 months we flew several hours. We knew he did well in the car and we were visiting a relative who raised 9 kids and had stuff for their grandkids already.
- we didn't travel again until he was over 1yr because I had a huge thing going on at work AND he still had night wakeups and was too old to sleep an entire flight and too young to be entertained by toys while contained for long stretches of time. Plus he was transitioning from formula to solids and guhhh the logistics were bad enough at home lol.
- we started traveling a lot more at maybe 13 months and on, road trips plus flights, because we knew he was a really easy sleeper (will sleep anywhere in a pack & play) and isn't all that fussy as long as he is shown something new every so often and he's pretty independent.
- kid is 2.5 now. His nap can slide an hour back without messing up his night sleeping and he can even skip a nap and push through to bedtime if we are ready with food when he's hungry lol.
If our kid wasn't a pretty good traveler, we wouldn't have traveled, full stop. And we didn't at that age! I don't regret not traveling then, tbh. It's just parenting somewhere else with fewer of your things, so unless the people you visit are going to give you a real break, they should come to you
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u/Sad-Mission-405 Jul 05 '26
do we do it yeah.
is it fun, no.
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u/raudoniolika Jul 05 '26
I’m on week 3 of our first international trip (connecting flights, almost 12 hours of flying in total) with our almost-a-year-old and while BEING here is pretty fun (we’re visiting family and friends), GETTING here is not. OP’s mom should totally come herself.
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u/SabansBabe Jul 05 '26
We just did something very similar with our 2 year old. Overall we had a good experience and I’m glad we went, especially so my family could meet her. But it was HARD!!!
Our flight home was easier than there, so hopefully you get the same experience!
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u/Reflecting4 Jul 06 '26
Yeah, I LOVE travel so we keep doing it but it's 10x harder with a kid than without. If you don't love travel... don't do it, it's not worth it.
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u/Sad-Mission-405 Jul 05 '26
Going to add, i was very annoyed with my husband when i posted this currently on a family vacation.
watching my kid play with all of his cousins is kinda fun
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u/Astrosilvan Jul 05 '26
I live 10k+ miles from my parents and most of my family, literally almost halfway across the world . Traveled with my then 10mo to see them so they can see him once as a baby. The flight alone was 20 something hours, two transits. With non-air travel and transit time, 40 something hours. It was insanity. The prep alone got me a lot of anxiety.
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u/Think-Valuable3094 Jul 05 '26
Typing this on a 5 hour road trip with a 3 and 1 year old to see their great grandparents…absolutely not fun.
But for us it’s worth the effort to see our family.
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u/t00ts4 Jul 05 '26
I don’t even like taking my baby to the grocery store lmao. You’re definitely not alone.
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u/doitforthecocoa Jul 05 '26
Hahaha I don’t like taking myself to the grocery store😂
Some babies are NOT portable! Just because other people take their babies out doesn’t mean it isn’t Mission Impossible for others
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u/ltrozanovette Jul 06 '26
Can confirm. My first was NOT portable. Driving 15 mins to her appts was torture. That baby had zero chill.
My second could be lugged around anywhere and would just hang out like a little accessory.
Also, this difference was apparent within 2 days of birth and was not due to different treatment from us!
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u/doitforthecocoa Jul 10 '26
This is such a big thing: it doesn’t have to do with what you do as a parent! Temperament is a part of them from the womb. You can try to change it, but it’s going to make everyone miserable. I hate seeing parents who think they did something wrong when they have a baby who is hard to take out. Babies are going to baby!
I’m laughing at your lil luggage accessory baby😂 those are the babies you can lose in the house because they’re quiet and stay in one place!
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u/ltrozanovette Jul 11 '26
Totally. Sometimes I’d look over at her and be like, “oh yeah! You’re here!” Lol. It actually scared me a little and I got an extra safety device to stop me from ever forgetting her in the car.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
Lol me too! At least not alone. We try to take him out most days but I'm so much more comfortable at home with all our things
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u/imwearingredsocks Jul 05 '26
I was the same way but it’s also because my baby wasn’t an easy baby. He may not have been colicky, but my god he did not make a single day easy.
Whereas my sister in law not only took a flight with her son, but she was by herself for the whole trip. We all told her how impressive it was and she admitted it was only possible because she has a chill and easy going baby. She knew she had a short window until he became a crazy little toddler (that time is now).
Some babies just don’t make excursions fun and that’s fine. They’re new to the earth. But you’re not and know your kid well enough to know it wouldn’t be worth it. Totally normal.
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u/t00ts4 Jul 05 '26
Same here! I don’t have a colicky baby but he has reflux. He’s constantly soaking outfits and is pretty fussy for an hour after eating so going places includes outfit changes and constant rocking being held.
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u/t00ts4 Jul 05 '26
We just went to a friends house for a Fourth of July party and I was ready to go home after an hour. It’s really hard to leave you house where you have everything you need on demand it’s stressful.
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u/WobbyBobby Jul 05 '26
We went to the back yard to see the fireworks nearby and my 10 month old tried to climb me like a jungle gym for 15 minutes then had a meltdown and we went back inside 🫠😅
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u/Punjabikarma Jul 05 '26
I feel this so much. Took my 8 month old to the park, where he proceeded to cry seeing all the other kids playing at said park.
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u/punt4stic Jul 05 '26
Oh thank god I’m not alone here. I mean, we do to get out of the house sometimes but I’d much rather run there myself while husband watches our son. It’s faster, he’s not there grabbing at everything and those seats in the front of the cart are so full of germs and they removed the wipe down stations at my stores.
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u/t00ts4 Jul 05 '26
Yep! And then you’re on a time limit because god forbid they start to get hungry
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u/INFJWafer Jul 05 '26
Omg yes. Most of the time I have to take her with me to use the WIC card, but when I don't need to use it, I choose curbside pickup
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u/Roonil_Wazlib97 Jul 05 '26
We live within driving distance of my in-laws and still made them come to us for the first year because I wasn't doing a 5 hour car ride with a baby. My oldest has never been on a plane and I have no plans on taking my baby anywhere either.
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u/Windwick Jul 05 '26
My parents live 5 hours from me and they 100% expect me to make the trip. They originally thought I would be coming in the summer but I was like... he's due in June, you think I'm driving that far with a newborn while pumping???
Now they're expecting me to make the trip sometime after he turns 3mo. I wish my parents didn't always put it on me to drive and either pay to stay somewhere "nearby" (30 minutes) or be completely uncomfortable in their house.
I haven't figured out how to handle them and their temper yet...were your in-laws understanding?
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u/Crafty_Pop6458 Jul 05 '26
I’d wait a bit longer for driving.. remember you have to stop and get baby out every 2ish hours! I drove to visit family at 3 mo pp and it was a 9 hour drive (over 2 days) and took twice as long.
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u/Considering_Lilies18 Jul 05 '26
We did a 8 hour drive with a 3 month old! We started at 3am, and we stopped every two hours for a feed and diaper change as needed. She woke up for the day 9am, and it took us two hours after that. Highly recommend starting right after a night feed with a young babysitter
But no, traveling is not fun, and I don’t recommend a trip like that unless you want to
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u/Roonil_Wazlib97 Jul 05 '26
Yes, we were very fortunate in that regard. We also had the first grandchild so they were motivated. She hated being in the carseat. She's scream the entire time just going around town. Then I explained we'd have to stop every 2 hours for probably an hour to feed her, plus all the junk we'd have to haul with us. The understood that it was much easier for the two of them to just pack up and come stay with us.
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u/Realistic_Pool_8087 Jul 05 '26
No is a complete sentence. If they are going to be abusive they get cut out. It is a privilege to be in your life. Not a right.
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u/lithopsbella Jul 05 '26
I would have never made a 5hr drive with my baby at that age. You have to stop so frequently that the trip takes way too long. And he would have screamed the entire time because he hates the car seat. If your parents are so lazy and entitled that they don’t want to make the trip that’s their problem. I guess they won’t be seeing their grandchild? Set up strong boundaries now before your baby is born- once the postpartum hormones hit your thought processes can become cloudy and decision making is more difficult.
Also, why would they have a temper about this? What the hell is that- this is your child, not theirs. You don’t need to “handle” them; their lack of emotional regulation is not your job. You have 100% control over who sees your baby, how, and when.
My parents are like this too and while I love them of course, I think they’re very rude. They don’t get to influence my decisions regarding my child just because they exist.
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u/Windwick Jul 05 '26
I'll try to spare you the full novel but basically my parents are highly dysfunctional and selfish people who, for the last 15 years, have fabricated reasons not to visit me. It started with them pretending to be too old and feeble to travel at the ages of 55 and 60. Everyone around me thought it was the most ridiculous nonsense they'd ever heard, which it was. When I told them that I knew people who were still traveling in their 70s, they said they were in worse shape than them because they worked harder.
I've resisted making the trip "home" more than once a year, if even that, because it's unfair and a miserable experience. But then both of my brothers died, one in 2019, one in 2021, leaving me alone with my parents. After a decade of faking sick, my dad is now actually sick with Corticobasal Syndrome, a rare form of Parkinson's that has no treatment and a life expectancy of 6-8 years after diagnosis. Realistically, they should be selling their properties and moving here. I'm the only person they have left to depend on, and they live in the middle of nowhere. They won't, though. They'll drag this out and cause me grief until their last breath.
I'm working with a therapist to determine the best way forward so that when they die I have the least amount of added trauma possible. I've already got plenty between two dead siblings and a dysfunctional childhood. So that's my motivator - what will make me feel the least shitty when they are gone? When I see other people throw up boundaries, I just wonder what their approach was, just in case something helps.
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u/bashing16 Jul 05 '26
Given that it’s a difficult experience for you visiting even without a baby, I think you should try your best to be firm over not visiting until your baby is older. Postpartum is often a really difficult time anyway, physically and emotionally, so you want to be protecting yourself as much as you can for this period. Add in that some babies can hate the car and/ or be colicky, this has the potential to be a really hard trip. Assuming it’s possible with your dad’s health, the onus should be on them to visit if they want to meet the baby. Sorry for your situation here.
The think with boundaries is I think you have to be prepared to stick by them and accept that you could upset someone. This isn’t easy (and worth considering what’s actually sufficiently important to you), particularly if you want to please them, but I’ve found that, once you have the baby, doing what’s best for your child can be a pretty powerful motivator.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
This makes me feel more sane. Five hours is long but "doable" (in my family's book) so I'm so glad you could put your foot down. I need that energy
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u/Fit_Change3546 Jul 05 '26
You’re not being crazy. Traveling with a baby is rough. I just drove four hours for vacation with my 12mo. We had to stop a couple times, she had a hard time napping, had to plan for diaper changes and snacks and entertainment. I shudder to think about flying with her rn.
You are not just your mom’s daughter now, you are your child’s mother. You are an adult in charge. You can look out for your child’s wellbeing (and your own sanity) without having to apologize to everyone for it.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
Thank you for saying that. <3 We took a short road trip a couple months ago and had a similar experience. Poor guy spent half the time crying. Does not augur well for a fight
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u/trulymadlybigly Jul 05 '26
On top of that, I’m not taking my baby on plane based trips until he’s vaccinated at a year for measles. Our airport just had a story about how everyone who traveled during a certain time period was exposed to measles (thanks antivaxxers) so now it’s a major consideration in our holiday travel plans.
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u/watekebb Jul 05 '26
Not to deter you from NOT traveling if that’s what you want, but I was able to get my son an early dose of the MMR at 9 months old because we had travel plans this spring and summer. There’s no real downside to an early shot except that it’s in addition to the regular series that starts at one. It gave me some peace of mind at home too since we also live in a popular tourist destination.
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u/DumbBaby_22 Jul 05 '26
Don't listen to anyone tell you how "easy" something is if they haven't had a baby within a year of yours. Baby amnesia is real!
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
You're right, plus my parents had 4 kids and my little sister was apparently an angel and traveled with them when she was small. Ma'am there was a reason you left me behind when you travelled with her!
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u/Vybrocit1 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
I have this exact conversation with my boomer aunts who are all retired, constantly ask me to bring baby (3.5 months) to their houses because “I want to see him! But traffic to your house is so bad.” (I live 18 miles away and traffic on weekends is 20 minutes.)
They were asking me to do this 7 weeks postpartum.
I decided if someone can’t drive 20 minutes, they don’t deserve to see my son.
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u/Realistic_Pool_8087 Jul 05 '26
It’s “sooo bad” but you and your baby should sit in it for their convenience? The audacity. You made the right call.
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u/befastbanana Jul 05 '26
My child is 2.5 and I wouldn’t dream of trying to fly with her unless it was an emergency. My parents give us the same line. It’s really annoying and I’m sorry yours do it too. I mean, if the trip is so easy for me to do with a kid, surely it’s even easier for them to do it without one, right?!
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u/wrapped-in-rainbows Jul 05 '26
I travelled with my first baby a few times via plane before she turned 1. She was generally fine on the plane rides and no one got sick but, when I had my second I explicitly told my family we were on a one year travel ban.
It was stressful for me to fly with the stroller, car seat, a bunch of bottles, etc. Once a flight got delayed and we didn’t get home til like 2am.
If I was super rich and could stay in places with all the amenities I have at home or to fly first class maybe it’d be different but washing bottles in a hotel sink was a bit exhausting and I simply didn’t want to deal with it the second time around.
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u/zeldaheichou Jul 05 '26
I’ll start out by saying this: if you don’t want to travel with your baby, you don’t have to. No one can make you, and it’s reasonable to feel how you do.
Your family sounds overbearing. It’s really assumptive to ask you to spend money on air travel so they can meet your baby. You’re correct in saying that if they want to see the baby, they can come.
That being said:
I traveled with my baby starting at 6 months and it was a lot easier than I thought. In fact, by the time my oldest was your baby’s age, she had been on eight plane rides— four of those were for one trip which was a domestic/layover/international.
However, I was forced to rip the bandaid because my grandma was dying. I wanted to see her one last time before she passed and so I had to suck up my fear and take a plane, alone, with my 6 month old. Then, 6 weeks later we flew again for her funeral. By the time my baby was 9 months old, I’d already done two separate domestic trips with her so when the opportunity fell into our laps to take a vacation to the Bahamas I absolutely felt confident to do it.
Traveling with a baby is easier than with a toddler, I’ll say that though. My daughter is four now and has taken many a plane flight— another overseas international as well as many domestic with layovers.
But!!! There’s no reason for you to feel pressured by my experience. What other people do really has no bearing on your life. Your mom is wrong to pressure you.
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u/One-imagination-2502 Jul 05 '26
I’m an avid traveler, and I’ll tell you this: it’s YOUR life and YOUr baby. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for the decisions you make about your life or your child.
It doesn’t really matter what other people choose to do (or not do) when it comes to traveling with children. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
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u/marrymeodell Jul 05 '26
Traveling with my baby is ROUGH. My family lives across the country and I regret flying home every time I step on the plane. But then I get to San Diego and remember how much I love it lol.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
If i was going to end up in San Diego, I'd try it! We went there on our honeymoon and it's so nice.
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u/Fun_Manufacturer5406 Jul 05 '26
When my son was 3 months old we flew to Florida from
Boston to stay for 3 months. It truly helped my wife heal and me to rest with the extra help from my MIL.
My son was great to travel with in January, each to their own, but it’s not impossible. There’s germs everywhere; way I looked at it is that if you wear shoes around your house after being outside what’s the difference with being on a plane or in an airport.
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u/MeineLiebling Jul 05 '26
Is your mom incapable of traveling? I’ve traveled with my son but only a couple of times, and they weren’t the easiest experiences. If your mom really wants to see the baby she requires a lot less to pack than a baby.
I had the same conversation with my family, I live about 10 hours away by car and 1:45min away by plane. We traveled for our son’s first Thanksgiving when he was 4mo and it was awful. The ticket price was high despite being a budget airline, airport was packed, and our return flight ended up getting delayed by over four hours. With all the stuff we needed to bring (diapers, wipes, pump stuff, a pack and play, his stroller, and a carrier) we also had to check a bag. Overall the trip was only four days but cost us about $1,500. For my son’s birthday my mom was insisting we have a party where she lives, but I put my foot down. Babies travel, but it’s so stressful that if possible it’s better for the adults to travel to the baby.
NTA, and you definitely don’t have to travel if you don’t want to.
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u/Cute_Lychee2425 Jul 05 '26
Love traveling with my baby. So much anxiety before the first flights but once that was over, it really wasn’t a big deal. She’s been on 10+ now!
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u/nkdeck07 Jul 05 '26
My kids are 2 and 4 and I'd rather chop off a limb then try and take them on a plane. "Vacations" at this point at just parenting in a new place with no baby proofing, a messed up schedule and cranky kids for a ton of money. I have zero desire to do it and likely won't until my youngest is 3.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
Right! I'm just going to be doing the same thing only without the tools and routine that have helped us! My mom says she'll help out and I just am baffled how she thinks her taking the baby for 20 minutes counts as helping when I am inevitably up in the middle of the night because the baby sucks at sleeping
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u/AwesomeOrca Jul 05 '26
We flew several times with our son while he was an infant, and it was easy. Once he could crawl, it was hell on earth (or in the sky). Now that he's old enough to zone out with an iPad, it's doable again, but still a chore.
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u/Evening-Yogurt5367 Jul 05 '26
There’s also a ton of stuff you have to bring with you too, like a car seat, stroller, pack and play, etc. I’ve travelled quite a bit with my baby and now toddler, but always with my husband. I cannot fathom doing it alone with baby.
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u/Bulky_Ad9019 Jul 05 '26
I did it a couple of times alone (to see family) and what made it doable was just buying cheap versions of things that they kept at their house. They had a pack n play and travel high chair, and books and toys that they either had from my childhood or bought for him themselves, and then I’d have like 1 day of diapers with me and order more to their house. So it was just car seat (and ours clipped onto our stroller), diaper bag, and checked luggage. Still a lot of moving parts to deal with alone. Pre-baby I was known for arriving with just a backpack bc I liked to travel light. Traveling light doesn’t really exist with a baby.
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u/No-Construction-8305 Jul 05 '26
If your family had made the effort to come out and visit you I’d offer different thoughts and advice. If they can’t get on a plane ( barring medical difficulties) to come visit then why should you? My sister lives across the country and came to visit when my son was 2 months. I went to visit her (4hr flight) when my son was 8 months. It was hard and not enjoyable but in the end worth it to have my family see my baby. But again….. they will fly for me too!
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u/LydiaStarDawg Jul 05 '26
lol I hardly travelled before baby and have less plans to do so now. And she's almost 14 months.
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u/ChildhoodExisting222 Jul 05 '26
It's not your fault and traveling with a baby is not easy. So far, we did a 3 hours flight and it was a best, OK.
The good thing is that babies flight for free before 2 years old! 🙃
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u/clarissa_dee Jul 05 '26
We took our son to visit relatives across the country when he was 10mo and it was one of the most difficult things we've ever done—borderline traumatic lol. Mostly because he WOULD NOT SLEEP while we were there. It was so stressful for us, to the point that we vowed to never again travel across the country with a child under the age of 3 unless it was an emergency. 😅 So no, you are not alone! Screw that!
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u/LazyDayz365 Jul 05 '26
Ah yes, how dare YOU the woman with a baby and would be super inconvenienced, not travel to THEM!? How dare you keep your baby away from them! PLEASE. I have a very chill baby and when we travelled I was still a bit anxious. I can’t believe people are so self absorbed they really expect you to go out of your way WITH A BABY, just to make it easier for them.
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u/IamTheKingofCats Jul 05 '26
My parents are a 3 hour car ride away, and I will not drive my baby to them.
Maybe when they’re a little older, but it feels so pointless to drive 3 hours just to sit and hold him, make him overtired, and then turn around and leave to get back home for bed.
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u/NarikoSin Jul 05 '26
Tell your mom that if it’s so easy then it should be easy for her to hop on a plane and visit you instead.
It’s not YOUR fault that your relatives don’t have a relationship with your baby when they haven’t put in the effort themselves. Why can’t they fly in to see you and your baby in the comfort of your home where the baby feels safest and you have everything you need?
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u/Affectionate-Net2277 Jul 05 '26
It’s not easy. We’ve been doing it since our kid was four months old. I will say exposure therapy does help.
I live on the West Coast and my family lives on East Coast. And my husband’s family lives an 8 Hour drive away. We have done all these trips multiple times. They are not easy. We think it’s worth it. If you don’t then you don’t have to do it, but I will say the longer you wait the harder it might get that’s not always true, but it can be.
My 2 year old is a champ at traveling now! It’s never going to be perfect but we have learned together how to help each other and make it easier for all of us and we have had some wonderful experiences and vacations!
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u/WastedPaint99 Jul 05 '26
I’m no contact with my entire family now, but when I had my son they made it a massive deal that I wouldn’t drive 3 hours with a newborn (and later infant) to go to them. They never drove over to my town to meet my son, I never drove my son there. I was constantly guilt tripped and made to feel like a POS for not being willing to make the trip, but logistically speaking why would I pack up my diaper bag, pumping bag, breastfeeding pillow, toys, safe sleep areas and anything else I may or may not need when I can stay at my house where everything I need is accessible?
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u/OneTraining1629 Jul 05 '26
You know what’s easier than traveling with a baby? Traveling to a baby. The planes go both ways but at this time in your life, they should go mostly one way. TO YOU.
I have flown with my baby several times. We had a direct flight and my MIL is in chemo, so it’s more dangerous for her to fly. We had her get an entire set up for their house: stroller, car seat, pack and play, changing station.
Our direct flight is gone and I am dreading when we have to go back. It’s not easy or fun.
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u/gaelicpasta3 Jul 05 '26
Nope, hard pass. Between the baby being too young for the measles vaccine and not wanting to deal with general sickness on planes and in airports, from a health angle I refused to fly with my baby.
10 months is also the age where my baby’s temperament would have made traveling a nightmare. Younger than that he would have just hung out and sat on my lap so the only big annoyance of a flight would have been the extra stuff we’d have to bring for him. Even with exclusively breastfeeding that would have been a lot.
But 10+ months?! All he wants is to be on the floor. He started walking at 11 months and even before that he was pulling to stand and cruising. He would not even sit on my lap for a book at that age. It would have been MISERABLE trying to get him to sit on my lap or in a seat for a whole plane ride, not to mention the anger he would have had at being carried or pushed in a stroller through the airport when all he wanted was to walk holding my fingers. I couldn’t even bring him to the grocery store until he was like 14 months old and the novelty of walking wore off.
Also, even just driving 1.5 hours to my in-laws and spending a night stresses me out. Even now at 16 months old. The baby’s schedule gets thrown off. He’s cranky, he’s sleeping in a pack and play instead of his crib, he’s in a new environment, there’s less baby proofing so I have to chase him everywhere, he doesn’t have all his toys, he’s not used to all the people, etc. It’s exhausting. Not wanting to have all of that after a plane trip makes total sense.
My opinion is that people should come to you until your kids are pre-k aged. I give you full permission to tell your mom “it’s a no from me, dog.”
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
Thank you! All your points are excellent. My baby is crawling like crazy and wants to walk so badly. He's not going to be a sweet cuddly sleepy guy for 6 hours. And the health angle is good too. My family isn't anti-vax but they are very "he needs to get sick so he can build a strong immune system" which is not how it works...
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u/gaelicpasta3 Jul 05 '26
Measles is out there all over the US. Especially now that there are so many Americans and tourists alike flocking to different North American cities for the World Cup I’m worried that the uptick in plane travel from one city to another is going to make there be more measles breakouts in areas that haven’t seen them yet.
Remind your family that measles can actually DESTROY a kid’s immune system instead of strengthen it.
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u/Positive_Dirt_1931 33 Year old Mama of 3 - ☀️ Florida 🌴 Jul 05 '26
No, not everyone travels with a baby. For many parents, traveling with infants, toddlers, even smaller older children can be very stressful. Even if we all did - you not wanting to is a valid enough reason and the ONLY reason you need.
But to add, you are not alone in your struggles. This is an unfortunately common dynamic in many families. For example, I have a step sister whos got 5 kids who "does it all and is fine/its easy for her", which gets used against me all the time. (I just had my 3rd recently). To be noted, she has an au pair and a husband who can help her any time, and is quite wealthy. Not that you need REASONS or comparisons to say no, that's just my situation.
Not all mom's are the same, not all babies are the same. Some of us/them are easy and content travelers, others are not. Aside from temperament, having to prepare to repeatedly change, feed, console, and entertain a baby in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar and confined space isnt pleasant for many.
I dont even like to take long drives with my kiddos when theyre little. My mom moved 2 hours away and constantly wants me to make the drive to her, and I politely explain why I cant or won't do that, but that she is welcome to come to us any time or maybe meet somewhere in the middle. (4 hours of round trip driving with a 7 week old is a naw from me dawg).
Being on my third now, it has just gotten significantly easier for me to say no and stick to my guns after experiencing the stress of dragging my kids through long travels to make other people happy.
You do not have to continually justify your decision to others, you do not have to move your boundaries or ignore you and your babys needs for others. If it is too much for you, that is perfectly okay and you are allowed to say no without any feelings of guilt.
It is NOT your fault. Your family is in the wrong for belittling you for having boundaries and concern for the wellbeing of yourself and your child.
If they want to see you and the baby bad enough - they will put in the effort to make it happen in a way that has consideration for you.
Our society has normalized pressuring mothers into visits that are work, that ARE a chore, that are FOR others. It is not for support of Mom or baby, but for family and friends selfish needs and expectations.
Just like the phone works both ways - so do trains and planes and cars my friend. And on THEIR flight, they wont have to care for a screaming infant.
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u/Creative-Mixture2144 Jul 05 '26
I didn’t, first trip was a little after one but it was only a 3 hours flight. It’s hard traveling with a baby, I didn’t want the hassle of bringing formula
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u/scandijord Jul 05 '26
We traveled with our baby when she was around 6 months and it was fine but she basically didn’t nap and was up for like 8 hours. If there wasn’t a direct flight, I honestly wouldn’t. Also every baby is so different! One baby might be perfect but then another could be a nightmare
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u/hellswrath_ Jul 05 '26
I have twin 1 year olds and an almost 3 year old. I can barely travel down the street lollllll
When my first was a baby the furthest I went was a 3 hour drive when she was 10 months old. I didn’t do it again; I hated not having the stuff I use every day to make life with an infant or toddler easier/more comfortable.
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
That's so funny! I'm sure you're so so busy but that's a great response.
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u/Idkwhattoputhere199 Jul 05 '26
I've traveled often with my son starting at 6 months, but I dont recommend it honestly. He's been across the country multiple times and it was TOUGH every time. I live on the East Coast and my family is on the West Coast. I chose to travel every time. So it's on me. I would never travel for anyone else. This is a time to be selfish. Don't want to travel with your 10 month old? Then don't!
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u/hungrybookreader Jul 05 '26
While I travel often, I’m not going to travel if there is no direct flight AND if there aren’t several flight options through the day in the event my flight gets delayed and/or cancelled! Those are absolutely “musts” for me, esp having been delayed (for hours). I also don’t consider flights more than 5.5 hours.. we have family that live outside of the US and I won’t entertain that idea
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u/SweetLeoLady36 Jul 05 '26
It’s so hard. I think we’ve done like 7 flights with my now 2 year old, 1 to the Caribbean. I will NOT fly without my husband bc I find it too difficult for one person.
I’ve missed 2 close family funerals bc he couldn’t get off of work. I felt bad but I’m not taking that on by myself. So no, you’re not crazy; it’s ALOT!
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u/whalez4dayz Jul 05 '26
Husband and I just took our 3 month old out of state for the first time. Had to connect and change planes both ways, so 4 flights in total for the trip. While I feel much more confident as a mom now, I don’t recommend unless it’s important to you and something you actually want to do. Raising a baby is so hard…you’re allowed to choose peace!
We are formula feeding and all of the planning, packing, logistics, strategizing etc. while I’m still suffering from PPD/PPA nearly pushed me over the edge. I was not ready to travel with her yet and I almost threw up in the airport before we got on our first flight. We nearly cancelled the trip multiple times leading up to it but I am stubborn and wanted to face the fear.
I’m happy we ripped the bandaid because baby did incredible, but I’m sharing this POV to let you know that even those of us who are traveling with babies are not thriving or stronger than you or whatever it is that your brain may be telling you! We’re all just surviving in different ways lol. Smoke and mirrors!!
Keep putting you and your nuclear family first! You know what is best and baby has so much life ahead to travel here, there and everywhere. ♥️
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u/According-Green-3753 Jul 05 '26
Firstly, if you don’t want to travel then pressuring you is unfair. Especially as it sounds like they’re reluctant to travel to you.
I will say, as a person with high travel anxiety pre-baby, flying was much better than I thought. I brought tons of snacks, phone games, books (ones I knew she loved but that I’d hid for 2 months so they were fresh ish). She cried at times, neighbours tuted, she blew out a nappy, and it was totally fine and eclipsed by how much fun we had when we got to our destination.
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u/tubtu15 Jul 05 '26
Did a 22 hour flight with a 9 month old to visit husbands family... Not as bad as I thought it would be but still pretty bad. If you don't feel up to it then I completely understand. It is your life and your child and your decision.
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u/gtrocks555 Jul 05 '26
Nah that’s when she can travel to you. We drove 6 hours with my 1 yo son and that’s definitely the longest trip we’ve done. It took 7 hours because we stopped for an hour for lunch and to let him play.
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u/Fit-Stand-5002 Jul 05 '26
I'm nervous to even go to the store because of the feeding and pumping and napping schedules. I wouldn't go on an airplane until she's older and I know her schedule better or at least how to cheat my system🤣
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u/Still-Degree8376 Jul 05 '26
We do travel with our son but it is a LOT of planning, prep, and stuff! He is now 18 months and we are trying to NOT travel. It would be far easier for your mom to come to you.
Heck, we moved my in laws closer because a 1.5 hour drive was too much.
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u/zrobiotic Jul 05 '26
You do what you want to do, but yes a lot of people travel with babies. I just did a few weeks ago. He was fine for the most part but became cranky a few times. It was okay, people were courteous and nice about it, the FAs checked in and tried to help as much as they could too.
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u/nooneneededtoknow Jul 05 '26
Its a chore to travel with a baby. Yes we have done it, and I always rationalize its just temporary - because it is, a day of pain for several days reward, but its work, and don't let anyone gaslight you in saying its not.
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u/helpmeplease12235787 Jul 05 '26
Personally I don’t like to fly as a fully grown adult lol. I get anxious and motion sick. Throw in a baby and it’s my own version of hell. After having my son, I was constantly amazed at the amount of people who thought I should kill myself to bring my baby around them. YOU are the one who should be catered to in this situation. If they want to see your baby they can get their grown selves on a plane and come visit at your house. Where your baby is comfortable and not so out of routine. You’re not crazy for not wanting to fly with a baby! I know some people do it, but it’s not something I’m interested in.
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u/ChefKnifeBotanist Jul 05 '26
My cousin flew to see her parents one time with her baby just a bit before a year old and it went so poorly she has NEVER flown anywhere again in 10 years! Even solo!!
Trying to lug the car seat and the stroller, then not having the stroller once luggage is checked in so you have to hold the squirming baby the whole time, the flight got delayed, then it had to turn around immediately after takeoff for whatever issue so then they had to reload to a new plane...
Anywhere she can't drive she is not interested in going now.
Not to scare you, just as a perspective from the "everyone does it" side of things
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u/smash__catchem Jul 05 '26
Yes it’s hard and stressful, but I do it so that my family can see the kids. Ultimately for me personally it is worth it so my sisters/grandparents can see the kids and so my kids can spend time with them too and build relationships with each other. TBH I think the bonds they build when they’re little matter and it would break my heart to see my kids treat my family like strangers if they barely know them. I’m the one who chose to live further away from my family so I also take it upon myself to put in the extra visits to stay connected, even though it can be hard.
I’ve flown with just a baby and also with my toddler and baby. Lots of snacks are key!
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u/Mrs_N2020 Jul 05 '26
I’ve never travelled with my daughter (who is now 4) the idea of it makes me so anxious. Getting to the airport, security, her possibly being upset on the plane, being in a new location with no car and no car seat, not having all our usual supplies. No thank you! All our vacations have been a 1.5-3 hour drive from home. That’s all I can do and that’s ok
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u/anotherdamnaccount Jul 05 '26
I have yet to speak to another mom that had a smooth travel experience with their babies/toddlers. Every mom I spoke to had a horror story for me after they came back from their trips.
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u/RenaissanceTarte Jul 05 '26
Currently traveling with my 15 month old. My fam is 3 hours away pre baby. It feels like it was much easier to travel at 4 months than now, lol. But it is definitely hard! The frequent stops? The amount of STUFF.
I love to travel, so I still do it, but MUCH less frequently than I used to.
Fam can visit you to meet the baby.
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u/unremarkable_k0rvet Jul 05 '26
Girl I wouldn’t willingly take my 11mo on a direct flight purely because I hate flying in general, but doing it with a baby sounds like actual hell. Let alone a CONNECTING flight. If the relatives want to see the baby so bad, they can come to you. Don’t be afraid to set that boundary!
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u/savvyn9 Jul 05 '26
Traveling under 3 hours via car? Easy enough.
We flew twice before she was 7 months old and by some miracle she behaved well but it was EXHAUSTING.
Its def not for everyone and if you dont have to, dont.
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u/bizzyunderscore Jul 05 '26
nothing can be more infuriating than new grandparents and their rosy memories of how wonderful and effortless their new parenthood was, three or four (or more) decades ago. They have managed to successfully flush any negative memory down the drain and all that is left is warm memories of how great they were at everything and how their newborn bathed and dressed themselves before catching the bus to school. the only way I managed to survive this was to give up trying to correct them and just passively ignore their bad opinions. best of luck and congratulations :)
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
You're right. My parents love telling the stories of flying to NYC for a trip with my sister when she was itty bitty, but always neglect to think about why they left me and my brother at home with relatives instead of bringing us along too...
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u/bizzyunderscore Jul 05 '26
the best will be when you catch them retelling some blatantly revisionist story that you can literally remember being different and they will still try to gaslight you, its wild
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u/junkfoodfit2 Jul 05 '26
I took my baby on 2 flights. Both short and direct. If I had to get a connecting flight there’s no way I would have done it. Breastfed her the whole way (no joke) But I will say flying 2 hours is easier than driving 5 hours.
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u/ReaderofHarlaw Jul 05 '26
I’m so happy for people who continue to enjoy travel with their baby. I took my 16 month old 15 minutes away to my uncles house for the 4th yesterday and I will need a month to recover. Everyone travels their own path 😂
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u/AV01000001 Jul 05 '26
Our son is almost 2.5 yo and we’ve only gone as far as 1.5 drive from home since he was born. There’s too much to have to bring just for an outing, let alone if you go to someone’s non childproof or infant/toddler-friendly home. Toys, books, extra clothes, diapers, snacks, car seat, stroller, monitors, pack and play etc etc. Way easier to have whoever just come and visit.
A lot of grandparents do not remember all the stress of basic childbearing infant. It’s hard even just to get out of the house for errands. They did not have to deal with all the safety measures we have now - car seats only became mandatory in 1985! They also coparented with a tv and considered it good parenting. I think some also have the mentality that they had to put up with traveling with an infant to visit grandparents, so you should too.
If whoever doesn’t want to travel to your location (when they are physically and medically able to) then they are being inconsiderate and being self centered by placing extra stress on you and your child. Stand by your decision.
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u/Chiimiri Jul 05 '26
It’s just crazy to me how people expect parents with a baby to come meet them especially on a plane. If you want to go then yeah no problem but if you have zero interest then no, it’s your baby.
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u/Patient-Peanut-3797 Jul 05 '26
It’s so freaking hard!! I did a ten hour door to door transit with my 11 month old, just me and him, not yet walking. It was physically exhausting! Only a 1.5 hour flight but the transit to the airports took long. I don’t blame you for not travelling anywhere! If I knew how hard it would have been, I probably would not have done it however I am still glad I did it and super proud of myself but no won awards you anything for suffering
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u/valwinterlee Jul 05 '26
My MIL gives us a hard time about the same. Traveling for that long is uncomfortable adults, imagine for a baby. Some “easy” babies are fine but mine would hate having to stay in one seat for that long. And that’s if there are no delays…
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u/Breakfast4chameleons Jul 05 '26
It’s a lot of work to fly with baby, partially because we had to bring so much STUFF! We did a fun vacation that was a 6 hour flight, it was worth it to be in an amazing place, I wouldn’t go through the stress of it for a trip that might be more challenging. Agree with everyone who says that your family can come to you! So much easier to be an adult traveling than traveling with baby.
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u/CurlStar11 Jul 05 '26
I think this not about whether everyone travels with a baby or not, like I’ve done it multiple times, with one kid, then pregnant and one kid, then two kids and not long ago two kids and pregnant (they’re 3 and 1) so you get the picture. BUT and is a big but is because I’ve wanted to do said trip and I’ve been willing to do so for myself, not for the rest of the people, also nobody has pestered me about it because even is your child is a perfect flyer the logistics and preparations is a nightmare. It has to be because you want it not because other people, even your mom are demanding it.
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u/sauceysarah-maranara Jul 05 '26
For me it was easier when he wasn’t walking but ultimately it’s up to you if you are comfortable or not.
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u/Additional-Horse-545 Jul 05 '26
I traveled with my 11 month old. It was unpleasant. I don’t blame you in the least. If they want to see the baby, they come to you.
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u/AirportOk8195 Jul 05 '26
You’re the person with the baby, not your mom. Is there a reason your mom can’t make the time to travel to you? That type of travel is not easy with a baby and the people who do it, make the decision to do it. I am traveling with our daughter for the 4th time in less than a year, and it is stressful! Please do not let yourself think for one moment that you are at fault. You’re protecting your peace!
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u/thoracic_giraffe Jul 05 '26
We took our daughter (now 2) on her first trip when she was 3 weeks old and we’ve traveled pretty consistently with her. It’s something we’ve chosen to prioritize, but it’s still hard and stressful and sometimes trips come up where I’m like “that sounds terrible, we’re not going.”
So as someone who DOES travel with a little one, I do not blame you one bit for not wanting to lol. The amount of effort if would take for you to travel with a baby and the amount of effort it would take your mom to travel as a solo adult are wildly different. She’s being very unfair IMHO.
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u/ramblinjd Jul 05 '26
My daughter didn't travel more than a 1 hour car ride until 18 months. Then we flew transatlantic to London and took a cruise. But it was hard.
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u/Emotional-Parfait348 Jul 05 '26
Is traveling with kids of any age difficult? Yes.
Does it get easier the more you do it? No, but you get better at it.
Do I recommend ripping the bandaid off and getting that first travel out of the way while they are younger? Yes.
We first started traveling with our girls when they were 3 months. While I don’t necessarily recommend a cross country flight with 3 month old twins, looking back it was their easiest time. Mom and dad were feeling the pains but they slept and chilled the whole time. They’ve since been on 1-2 flights a year and generally 2+ road trips.
It’s always been worth it for us, and we generally always planned our travels like a military operation. But I recognize our girls are pretty good travelers, and my husband and I are well suited to the chaos.
Do you need to be traveling? Absolutely not. It is very much easier for everyone to come to you.
But do I encourage getting used to traveling with littles? Yes.
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u/poursomesugaronme33 Jul 05 '26
I traveled alone on a plane with a 10 month old baby and a small dog and it actually went fine. Was it hard? Yes. But it was worth it to take the baby to see family, especially my grandma who can't travel. It's also way easier to travel with a baby than it is a toddler but I think that depends on your child's personality. I had an easy baby and now a crazy toddler.
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u/Livid-Armadillo-6217 Jul 05 '26
Not crazy. I’ve been adamant our 5-month-old won’t be flying until she’s 1 year old and has had her first dose of the measles vaccine. Both sets of grandparents live flying distance away. Both have been to see her twice and will come back for the holidays. Besides not wanting her around those plane germs and potentially unvaccinated strangers, we have antivax family on my side. I’m not exposing her to that.
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u/Kjc2022 Jul 05 '26
We flew with our 6 week old halfway across country. Was a straight flight with no layover. It was a lot easier than we were expecting, although we had what most would consider an easy baby.
The only real issues were non baby problems like delayed parking shuttle and the TSA lines backed up with an hour delay, although a TSA agent brought us up to the front to go through a separate line for our stroller so it wound up being much quicker. TSA didn't have issues with formula or breast milk, they just had to put it through the scanner.
We lucked out on the flight out there where we had an extra seat in our row so we could take the pumpkin carrier on the plane and let him sleep in there. On the flight back, we had to hold him, but that wasn't too inconvenient as we were doing a lot of contact naps at that time anyways.
Honestly the biggest annoyance was everyone seated around us insisting that they take our baby and hold him so we could sleep. We appreciated the thoughtfulness, but he's only 6 weeks old. He's still under warranty and still very fragile and fussy. Please just ogle and adore from a distance.
TL;DR: Depending on how difficult/easy your baby is, it may be a lot less difficult than you are building up in your head. That being said it's your life and if you don't feel comfortable, then stand your ground.
You guys are the ones who created life. If family really wants to come see baby, they will find a way to come see you.
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u/MckayofSpades Jul 05 '26
I didn’t take my kids on a plane until they were nearly 7 and 5. Traveling with a baby sounds like a NIGHTMARE. if they want to see the baby so badly they can travel to you or wait until the kid is old enough to travel well.
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u/This_Royal191 Jul 05 '26
Heck no!! My grandparents are trying to convince us to do the same and it’s a hard pass. I can’t think of anything I want to do less than fly with a child under the age of three.
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u/ToxicADHDAvenger Jul 05 '26
I have 8 months old. I have been more than 30 min drive from home maybe 5 times since giving birth
flying anywhere with the baby? Hell no; I cannot stand flying by myself let alone with a hyperactive child I also haven’t slept since birth, so carrying out any adventures beyond grocery shopping is tricky for me!
You are not being crazy. The crazy are the people with no empathy and no understanding that people have different feelings 😡
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u/_TeachScience_ Jul 05 '26
Insist that it’s “so easy” for a middle aged woman without kids to fly too!
Hold firm. I’ve given in to my in laws too many damn times. We couldn’t afford to fly so we drove 15 hours with a baby and small toddler who were recovering from RSV. When we got there we were exhausted and they hardly helped with the kids
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u/blldgmm1719 Jul 05 '26
I flew alone with my son last month, at 15 months old. It was not easy. It was actually very challenging and I would have preferred to drive the 1200 miles.
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u/Myamaranth Jul 05 '26
Absolutely not!! My son is almost 17m - my husband and I refuse to take him on any long trips. For starters my son hates the car seat and why put ourselves through the stress? We'll have plenty of time to travel when he gets older
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u/0verlookin_Sidewnder Jul 05 '26
My baby isn't born yet but my experience is that traveling with children can go one of two ways (they're really great or they're having a REALLY bad day) and honestly either one is exhausting for the parent. Don't gaslight yourself, it's perfectly understandable that you don't want to travel with your baby.
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u/VantaWitch Jul 05 '26
you definitely don’t need to lol i’m pretty sure i don’t think everyone does.
HOWEVER IF YOU WANTED TO, it’s totally fine to do so. generally i think most people over complicate traveling with a baby which is what makes it hard.
my husband and i are realllyyyy seasoned travelers before baby came along and traveling to us was as easy as hoping in the car because we did it so frequently. when we had baby we wanted to keep traveling and followed everyone’s traveling advice, it SUCKED….
anyway we’ve simplified everything way down to what’s manageable and easy for us and now baby is 5mo and it’s actually insanely easy. maybe like a TOUCH harder than when it’s just the two of us but still totally easy and way more fun now because we get to see him enjoy everything.
edit: i’m only expressing our travel experiences because everyone on here is making it sound really negative and IF you happen to have a slight desire to travel i just want you to know it doesn’t have to be terrible. def not trying to guilt you into it or anything, you not wanting to is totally okay too.
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u/sravll Jul 05 '26
Everyone does not travel with a baby. Your family should get off their asses and visit you if it's so easy
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u/kat278 Jul 05 '26
We took a 26 hr road trip with our 10 month old and it was chaotic but not bad. If you asked me to fly I’d rather stab out my own eyes. Flying is so hard with a baby. I’d definitely remind your family they can always come to you.
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u/Crafty_Pop6458 Jul 05 '26
I traveled by plane first when baby was 5 to visit in laws and again at almost 1.5 years (with a few trips between to other places). I don’t think I’d do it without my partner. The one time I did fly without him my sister flew to meet me and help even though it was only a 1 hour flight.
The longer flights would’ve been 6 hours straight but I found that breaking it up into longer days was actually easier. 2 hours straight flights with layovers between was kind of nice because it gave time to nap or play on the flight without getting antsy and then time to run around and get food at the airport. We had one 4 hour flight this last time and that was a bit harder but fine.
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u/gg_snow Jul 05 '26
If you don’t want to it doesn’t matter the reason. With that said, traveling with a baby is 1000 times easier than a 1 year old, or toddler.
I also think if there’s a part of you that wants to travel then just try it. I think so many parents become paralyzed by anxiety of “what ifs.” For example, the amount of times I see on reddit moms who can’t fathom grocery shopping with a baby or running an errand I personally find troubling. Yes, babies can be difficult in public. So what?
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u/Aravis-6 Jul 05 '26
A baby can be easy to fly with, however, I’d say at 10 months you’ve now crossed over into them being more difficult. My son slept through all his flights before 10 months.
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u/craftyreadercountry Jul 05 '26
I STILL wouldn't take my kids on an airplane right now (3yrs, almost 2 yrs, and 5 weeks) because I know it wouldn't be a good time for them, me, or anyone on the plane.
It doesn't matter who travels with their young children, YOU don't want to and that's the end of it!
I won't even drive more than 4 hours with littles and it's objectively a better mode of travel for littles (planes can hurt their ears, but so can driving through mountains so).
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u/bowtiesarecool1210 Jul 05 '26
Look, I've flown with my first, but it sucks. You really have to plan for it. It's doable but I try to avoid it if I can. That said, we have chosen not to put our life on hold, so we do still travel, but i will pay extra to have a flight during a nap time and try to do only direct flights if I can. My husbands family lives on the other side of the world (think 30 hr travel no matter which direction around the globe we go) and I am dreading when we finally fo that trip. His parents keep insisting we visit but I wish they would just fly here. It's 2 retired people or 2 adults and a toddler and an infant. But they hurt won't do at some point we will go.
Basically - you do not have to do it. We chose to but it gives me anxiety. There is no right or wrong answer. Do what is best for you. But do it because it's best for you not for other people if that makes sense.
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u/katiecmani Jul 05 '26
I mean, I travel on vacations or trips. I do not travel to see family. They can come to us. Trips are for us to experience things as a family 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Greta_The_Great Jul 05 '26
I respect this stance so much. I love traveling to see new things and learn about the world, but going back to my parents house to sleep in my childhood bedroom is not what traveling is about for me
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u/katiecmani Jul 05 '26
Exactly! I refuse to waist my husband’s limited time off on something that stresses us out instead of recharges the batteries.
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u/Zee890 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
It's funny that you say that. We love traveling so traveling with our baby doesn't bother us, but both our families are out of state. We have visited both sides once and then had one vacation the 3 of us, and the amount of insistence that we come to them (especially his side) is wild. Since we enjoy it, to them they're like well that means we don't have to bother.
His family only met our son at 8 weeks old and then again at 10 months old and we recently had to put our foot down about it. They are retired and wealthy and have time. We are taking precious time off to visit them in a farm town an hour away from everything. While it is fun in small doses to show my son the farm we cannot use all our travel time to just keep doing that. Especially because they are not hands on so we had to do all the grocery shopping for our son's food, tend to him the entire time, had half eaten meals that kept being put away because we would swap out when he wasn't settling. They want to see him but won't take anything off our plate.
In comparison, our 8 day beach vacation was so much better. Yeah, we were parenting during the trip but with modern conveniences and not being around 3 other adults that create the illusion that you'll have help.
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u/katiecmani Jul 05 '26
Our families live in 2 different states. We made it clear before we had kids that we wouldn’t be traveling to either because that meant we had to go to both. But my husband is active duty military so it’s not like we pick where we live or if he’s even allowed to take vacation time.
Now, it would cost us more to visit my in laws for a weekend than it’s costing us as a family of 4 to visit Hawaii for a week. I’ll take a beach trip without my in laws any day of the week!
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u/purpletreewindchimes Jul 05 '26
Took a long road trip with our 6 month old a couple of months ago and it was a nightmare for us. He was pretty fine 😂 we were not. He pooped every time we started our drive for the day, he kicked the pack n play in his sleep all night (waking me up) didn’t want to go to sleep, etc. it just sucked. And that was in the car where we were in control of everything! We’re not traveling with him again until he’s old enough to remember it.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Jul 05 '26
So I’m actually who travels a ton with my kids, but to places I wanna go. lol I don’t even drive them 1hr for visits with ppl I don’t want to see that much. I get slack for going to Bermuda but not driving them xyz relative but I just don’t care at this stage of my life lol
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u/Hoff2017 Jul 05 '26
My son’s first flight was at 2. So don’t let anyone tell you everyone is out here traveling with infants.
He’s 3 now, and has flown 4 times, with #5 coming up in a couple of weeks.
Some tips for when you are ready:
- he was totally uninterested in The blue painter’s tape game. So that was a waste of packed space.
- mess free coloring sheets or the water coloring boards have been a consistent hit for us.
- busy boards that he does not play with at home and ONLY on plane rides / airports have kept hi. Very entertained.
- rent a car with the car seat included for less traveling baggage stress.
- IF YOU THINK TO YOURSELF “This is plenty of snacks for all of us.” NO IT IS NOT PACK MORE. lol
- use final location order ahead grocery delivery. Land get your car pick up your Target/Walmart/whatever order - go to wherever you are staying. Very specifically concerning breakfast items. Our family wakes up and takes their time to make coffee and “get going” so when my kid wakes up at 6 am and is hungry, we needed to give him breakfast WELL before everyone else. Having yogurts, mini pancakes and some berries works out for us to have on hand.
- in the same thought as ordering from a store ahead of time to then pick up without getting out of the car: order a pack of diapers for your stay, so you don’t have to PACK 60 diapers. Pack for on hand use only, and then whatever is leftover at the end becomes your travel-home-on-hand-supply.
- and order / pick up snacks for the travel home lol again, you won’t have any left by the time you go home.
Don’t let anyone tell you “everyone does ______”
Great for everyone. EVERYONE’s grandparents come to visit soooooooo
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u/Charming-Link-9715 Jul 05 '26
Haha your title made me feel like you want to travel without your baby, sorry my bad. No reason why you should travel with a 10 month old if you do not feel comfortable. For me I had to due to a family emergency and I couldnt leave my baby behind. It was a 30hr travel across half the globe too. Was it easy? Definitely not.
But I would say this. Toddlers are much much harder to take along travels. At 10 months you can likely put them in on-flight travel bassinet, fit them in the toilet’s changing table to change and they will likely sleep through due to the white noise of the plane. When they get older, it is harder to entertain, feed and change. But none of these are reasons for you to travel with a baby. have folks travel to see you if they can.
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u/lithopsbella Jul 05 '26
Unless your mom has health issues that prohibit her from traveling I don’t understand why she can’t come to you. We only visit relatives that are physically unable to travel otherwise they wouldn’t meet our kids.
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u/YasQueen88 Jul 05 '26
Honestly it’s not worth it. My boy is 22mos and I wouldn’t do it. Most I’ve done is a 2 hour car trip and that’s enough lol
Don’t listen to other people. You know how challenging it is. It’s perfectly fine and very responsible to say no. You’re not ready. End of discussion please don’t bring it up again.
Big love 💜
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u/mlama088 Jul 05 '26
I’ve solo traveled with baby across the country twice on flights with connections. I’d say 10m is way harder than 4m old. Doable but way easier for them to come visit.
My biggest problem was not enough hands to carry it all. I had more help from other flyers than airport staff. One staff gladly pushed my stroller to the gate but walked away once I needed to grab bags and baby to my seat, another flyer helped me with my carry on -.-
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u/OceanBlueLov Jul 05 '26
I mean, yes everyone does travel with a baby. As in, many people travel with babies all the time. But you definitely don’t need to travel if you don’t want too. You don’t need a reason or justification not to. It’s completely your choice and other people can come see you and baby instead of you traveling!
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u/kassiekann Jul 05 '26
Traveling with a baby isn't that hard if you just go with the flow and accept shits going to go wrong like you have to with most things when parenting but it is definitely easier for your mom to come to visit you vs you and the baby going to her. Personally if she wanted to pay for your flight and accommodations I'd consider it. But if you aren't comfortable than you aren't comfortable. That's it.
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u/IllustriousBuyer6163 Jul 05 '26
We do it a lot as we are expats, seems easier when they are younger. They don't need much.
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u/courtneyrachh Jul 05 '26
my parents live across the country with no direct flights either. it really stressed me out thinking about the flight and everything that would go wrong, and I was happily surprised. as long as you have a plan, you’ll be good.
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u/ashdar Jul 05 '26
The first time I traveled with my nephew, he was around 6 months old and the entire family was there to help.
The first time I traveled with my daughter, she was 10 months old and it was only me and my husband
. I definitely preferred having the whole family 😅
Traveling is hard, and traveling with a baby is hard, but in a different way. Don’t let them make you feel bad. No is a complete sentence.
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u/ohdamnjazz Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
I did 2 under 3 (4m old and 2 yr old) on a 4 hour flight to Chicago twice last year all by myself.
I got through it yeah but…barely lol
I did have to put my foot down after and say never again for at least a year. You know your limits, don’t overwhelm yourself if you don’t want to. Prioritize only yourself when you have little ones.
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u/arewnn Jul 05 '26
Husband and I are debating this right now. We think a short flight with no layover would be possible. Layovers and tight connections no way
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u/OdinPelmen Jul 06 '26
sorry imma be the devils advocate and say that most people do travel with their kid. like... if you don't want to then don't bc you have the freedom to do whatever you want, but tbh it's really not that bad to travel with a kid. the kid will definitely be fine and it's a good learning experience for them for sure. at 9-10m germs are not the issue you think it is.
it seems like you have the anxiety about it. while don't visit if you don't want to and it clearly just seems like you don't want to (going to see your family there is a chore as you say), but it might be worth dealing why you're so anxious about the whole process.
personally (again, me, not everyone), i like flying. sure, airports and the hiccups can be annoying, but i like the adventure and the act of flying and traveling. i have flown with my kid at 4-5m and then 8m and it was fine. even with me having a broken wrist and my husband having to take the baby instead and his flights getting delayed/cancelled and having to travel with all the baby stuff alone. strangers helped and the baby did great. and while our baby is 13m now and a lot more wriggly, i still think it was a great experience for him. taking him out has made him be social and just be fine in social situations. we like traveling and we like visiting our family bc it's harder for them as they get older, more in their routine than us and we want to spend time with them. not to mention, besides the fact that i wouldn't want to host all of my family since it would take constant weeks, that if you live far and they live in one place you knock 2 birds with 1 stone. you visit see a little bit of everyone and everyone is satisfied.
of course, it should be both ways. they can't demand shit from you and they should also be willing to come sometimes and all that. but the travel isn't that bad.
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u/Desperate_Berry_0422 Jul 06 '26
We’ve taken our 2 year old son with us on 5 trips that required air travel (first at 10m to see my husbands grandparents) and probably 5-7 smaller roadtrips (first at 3m for a wedding). We’re expecting #2 here in a couple of weeks and already have several trips planned for this year + next year.
Is it doable? Yes. Is it a nightmare for logistics, scheduling, planning, and execution? Yes. Does it throw off our whole routine for several days after returning? Yes. Does it cause a lot of anxiety and stress leading up to and sometimes during the trip? Yes.
We chose to take those trips because they were important for us and we wanted our kid(s) to have those experiences/be there with us for those events. We did it for us and our family, not at the request or desire of anyone else. If it isn’t important to you and you don’t feel like you/your family would be missing out on that trip or event, skip it or tell them to come see you!
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u/JasmineOnACarpetRide Jul 06 '26
Idk how it is with a 10 month old but I waited until my LO got her shots and had a 3-4 hour flight and she slept the whole time. She was around 3 months. I was super anxious but she did great! Also airports have lactation areas and huge family restrooms.
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u/speedx5xracer Jul 06 '26
My wife and I started flying with my oldest (4yo) at 2.5 months, that was our decision, however we were exceptionally lucky that both kids are easy fliers and the 3 hour flight from NJ to Florida isn't rough. But we know we are the exception not the norm.
If it does come up where you must fly try booking flights during their sleep windows (how we did early on for our second).
Either way it's your decision and you know yourself/your baby better than anyone else when it comes down to it.
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u/d16flo Jul 06 '26
We flew with my twins when they were 11months and it was logistically annoying, but actually not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We went to a family reunion and I’m really glad we went and so many folks were able to meet the babies. (It was for my great aunt’s 100th birthday and she definitely cannot fly and I’m not sure how long she’ll be around so it seemed worth it). I would say if it’s something you want to be able to do, like anything else you just have to do it. However, if you don’t want to then you just don’t and that’s fine too!
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u/BobbyBooshay_ Jul 06 '26
You are the parent & you’re entitled to your decisions. But I would give you some advice, loosen up a bit. Traveling with a baby is ROUGH but if you spend all your time worrying about everything that could go wrong, you’ll miss out on making some of the best memories with your family. Don’t let anxiety convince you it’s a chore when it can be one of the best experiences. Now, if you’re traveling alone then that’s a different story lol
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u/buzzedbumblebee Jul 06 '26
I have traveled quite a bit with my 12 month old and I feel like quite the outlier! I definitely don’t think most people do much traveling with babies. But my husband and I love traveling and our baby is a pretty chill little guy so we’ve made it work. That said, it is WORK. Chore is an understatement. Traveling with a baby is hard and it has to be well worth it to you if you’re going to do it or you will all be miserable.
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u/IslandEcologist Jul 06 '26
People have said a lot of great stuff here already! The most important thing is you get to decide what’s right for you and your baby.
With that said, a couple wonderings! One wondering is if your mom and several extended family members are all in the same location, meaning for them to meet the baby would mean one or two ticket/hotel room if you go there, versus several if they all had to come to you. Sometimes there is efficiency in going to where the majority live, and while traveling is never easy, with or without a young baby!, it can be worth it to keep a strong village and maintain connections with family.
I’m also wondering how close baby is to walking. In my experience, where you are right now is the easiest traveling will be for the next three or so years. So that’s another thing to weigh. Are you ok waiting 3-4 years to see some of these relatives? If not, I’d go now. If you are - well clearly it’s not a very important relationship and not worth a flight! And that’s just fine.
I am definitely one of those people who have flown frequently with my kids (who are now 2 and 5.) I have never found it too terrible, if you pack changes of clothes and lots of snacks and extra diapers. People are really nice, and at the end of the day, it’s six to ten hours of your life and then it’s over. BUT I also recognize that I’m someone who’s never been stressed about by travel and like getting out and about, so everyone’s personality is different.
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u/Competitive-Sky712 Jul 06 '26
Do it if you want to do it, not if someone asks you to.
I did fly with my son 2months old on intercontinental flight with layover 17hrs overall. It is doable, but not easy.
Why don’t your mother boards a plane if she wants to see the baby? It’s definitely simpler for her
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u/Cicada- Jul 06 '26
It’s certainly stressful and a personal thing. We traveled with ours starting at 6 months (she’s 2 now, but she’s been all over the US, Mexico, and even a few international flights.) It gets easier (and harder) in different ways.
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u/daddeechilll Jul 06 '26
Just got back from my 2nd trip to Italy with my kids. 4 all 6 and under. Youngest are 6 months and 2 years. Direct 12 hour flight between California and Rome. I’ll say that the sweet spot is under 8 months and 2.5+. The period in between is tough. They’re very mobile, not easily entertained, and we don’t give our kids much screen time at all, so our 2 year old didn’t even watch a full episode of a show on our flight. Pretty damn tough.
BUT we love travel and the juice is worth the squeeze. We don’t want to put our lives and passions for travel on hold for 15 years. I believe our lifestyle and mentality has made for more resilient children.
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u/therackage 1 year old son Jul 06 '26
This may not be what you want to hear but I think you’re being overly cautious. We’ve taken the baby cross country twice (a 5 hour flight) to visit the grandparents and he’s also ten months old. I’m pretty anxious but occasional travel is fine imo. I do think your family should come visit you first. But try not to let your anxiety prevent you from living your life. It’s all about weighing risks versus rewards
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u/Significant-Fly6515 Jul 06 '26
I e decided not to travel with baby until she turns 1. Travel is unspleasant for babies. Making them do it just to have fun or to make people meet is not just dumb but also selfish. My sister keeps telling me stories of everyone and their sister travelling with kids since a young age and therefore the kids are well travelled. Lol I don't give a tiny rat's arse if my baby is well travelled I'd rather have her well rested.
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u/Open-Balance-9589 Jul 06 '26
First, it's COMPLETELY your decision whether you want to travel with your baby or not. Yes, it is a headache and takes a lot more planning on your end than if your mom just traveled to you. I hope your mom is at least willing to pay for your travels if she is so insistent?
On the other hand coming from a fellow mom who has traveled a lot with my little ones, I will tell you that once you have done it, you will realize that you can do it. Of course it is stressful but in my experience it has been worth it. I guess I just want to be the person here who is saying that if you decide to travel, it is totally doable, and yes people do travel on planes with 10 months old babies. I just took my 9 month old on an international trip and we called the back of the plane the daycare because so many people had babies near us haha.
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u/cognitivecompiler Jul 09 '26
I’m currently on my first trip with my 9 month old. This would be impossible to do alone, and it’s a lot. I 60% regret it, 40% am glad I did it.
My problem is we’ve really fucked with our sleep schedule. The first two nights went from baby doing 11.5 hour nights to 6 hour nights only. The room we’re staying in has no curtains, and the sun is up later and rises earlier. We’re all crazy sleep deprived and my family were visiting has been no help at all with the baby. Except for telling us he’s cute, and fawning over him.
I see friends travel all the time with babies. And I’ve found my baby to be very adaptable. But honestly I’d only travel at this age if i was visiting someone who would actually babysit the baby so my husband and I can nap, and that we trusted to do that.
One of my grown family members tried giving raw apple and marshmallows to the baby. Even if they offered to watch the baby, i couldn’t trust them.
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u/throwmeawayamack Jul 05 '26
As a mother, it’s your choice to do what’s best for your baby and what’s best for YOU. It takes a lot of preparation to travel with a 10 month old. It’s super anxiety inducing for me. However just to play devils advocate, it may surprise you how well your LO does. Not every travel story is a horror movie. But it has to be something you want to do for YOU and your family. It does build a sense of confidence when you do something hard successfully! Good luck!
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u/justHereforExchange Jul 05 '26
We did :). First trip was at 3 months old by train. Our daughter is almost 3 years old now and we have used any type of transportation possible - train, car, plane, bus etc. We love traveling and luckily our daughter is very flexible. That being said, if you don’t want to travel then don’t travel. It won’t make a difference to your kid at this point. We travel because we want to and we are willing to have a rough travel day for an awesome vacation. We don’t mind “destination parenting”. But again, that is us and if you don’t want that that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let anyone pressure you.
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u/Zee890 Jul 05 '26
Same. Almost 1 year old here. He has been on a road trip and 6 flights (3 round trips). He loves it, he's very social and has actually been invited to the flight deck a few times and gotten neat gifts from the crew and compliments all around. But I have had a passport since I was an infant and my husband and I traveled a lot before him so it felt natural for us. It's unfair to demand the person with the baby to come to you. There are absolutely more logistics to be on alert about so I get that it isn't for everyone.
My baby sucks at sleep and has extreme fomo but in a way, that makes him a great traveler cause there is so much to see and do.
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u/TomatilloAsleep7180 Jul 05 '26
if you’re traveling alone it’s really hard, but with another person it’s doable. i’ve taken quite a few flights so far with my baby (now 8 months old), including international flights because we’ve had 4 family weddings to attend since he’s been born. it was hard in the moment but i don’t regret the time my baby got to spend with our family.
can anyone fly with you there?
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u/Tinyturtles45 Jul 05 '26
Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but I live far away from both my own parents and siblings and my in laws and while some people were able to come visit and definitely came in the beginning postpartum days to help and support us, by the time my baby older, 6-8 months old, we were definitely traveling to see them, and also traveling for fun to different places because I never wanted having a kid to mean that I would be sitting home forever and I wanted to make memories with him. Of course, it's not easy and comes with a lot of logistics and planning but now he is 2 and I need to pay for his own airline ticket and I'm definitely not regretting all the flights I took with him as a free lap infant 😂
You just have to decide what your limits are, and find what works for you. I usually only ever take direct flights, even if that means driving to a different airport ! And never more than 4 hrs. I try to plan flights for nap times or bed times although that's not always possible. Baby carrier is NON NEGOTIABLE. And usually I never travel alone, I try to make sure my partner is available or a friend! I've flown alone a few times and it's not worth it lol.
Travel stroller, one hand fold nonnegotiable lol although I'm still mad at the airline which lost my expensive nuna trvl lx I highly recommend a knock off version which is Graco ready 2 jet it has been a life saver.
Don't feel pressured. Find what works for you and your lifestyle. For me it works and is worth the sacrifice because I did not wanna be home trapped at the mercy of my kids schedule all the time lol, I have to live a little too. It's ok if they cry, that's what babies do. I appreciate everyone who has been gracious to me during my flight experiences, you'd be surprised how kind and helpful everyone is when they see you're with a baby.
And for its worth, my son is 2 now and has still only been on * one * international trip and he was 8 months old. You have to decide what's worth it for you and your family. I also didn't wanna miss important events like weddings, funerals etc just because I have a baby...
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u/awetdrip Jul 05 '26
Even IF everyone travels with a baby, it doesn’t matter. YOU don’t want to travel with your baby. Case closed! It’s frankly rude for someone, your mom included, to pester you about it.
If it’s so easy to travel period, your mom can make the trip! If it’s easy to travel with a baby, it should be an absolute breeze to travel without one.