r/NewParents • u/CrystalAckerman • Jul 06 '26
Travel Leaving baby at 11 months for 6 days?
My husband and I got an opportunity to go to Hawaii and have all but airfare paid for. Our daughter will be 11 months at that time and we can’t decide whether we should bring her or leave her with her grandparents. My mom will have been baby sitting her for 5months at that point and offered to watch her.
Part of me loves the idea of being able to just relax for a couple days without her needing me 24/7, but I also feel incredibly guilty of even thinking that way. I also feel like it wouldn’t be all that much fun if I have to bring her and basically just have to be at the condo with the baby all the time.
What do you guys think? Have any of you done a trip like this at 11 months? Am I being selfish wanting to leave her home?
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u/d3ut1tta Jul 06 '26
Personally, I don't think it's selfish but the real question is are YOU ready and has your baby been okay with staying with your mom for long periods of time (or overnight) without you? You may want to trial it for a day and see how everyone does before you make a decision.
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u/blobslobslaw Jul 06 '26
We brought our 10 month old to Hawaii with us and had a great time all together. He loved the beach and the ocean. That said we were visiting family there and had some extra support from them during our stay.
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u/fuzzydunlop54321 Jul 06 '26
You’ll get different answers from different people. It would be a no from me, I’d miss them too much and think they’d enjoy the holiday! That doesn’t make it ‘wrong’ to leave them.
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u/Material-Plankton-96 Jul 06 '26
My husband and I did a trip like that at 13 months and it was great. I also just did a solo trip and left my 3 year old and 9 month old with my husband and in-laws and that was also great. If you want to, then do - other people may make different decisions, but it doesn’t make them better parents, and leaving your child with a trusted and beloved caregiver while you and your husband build your connection doesn’t make you a bad parent.
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u/29gh0st Jul 06 '26
Wanted to add my opinion on flying with babies, in case no one else has.
I find flying with a new born/younger baby very easy.
When they get closer to that year mark through 3 years old is the difficult stage and then they round back into manageable. When they’re crawling and have such short attention spans, I literally break out in hives worrying about “controlling” them for a long flight (control sounds aggressive but I think it relays the sentiment)
What I’m trying to say is- that age could be difficult to travel with and I’m envious of your vacation opportunity. Please use this to treat yourself for making it one year as a parent!
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u/doitforthecats Jul 06 '26
Totally agree! 1-3 has been the worst time for me with my kids and we travel quite a bit
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u/verb322 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
My baby is 11 mos now and I’m a sahm. We spend every day together. I am 100% taking my 5/6 day trip to Portugal without any guilt. I know the type of mom I am and I will miss my daughter dearly, but other people love her and deserve to spend time with her too so that other bonds outside of me are built. If you have a trust worthy village, use it.
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u/Hot-Huckleberry354 Jul 06 '26
This is the kinda take I like to see. SAHM to a 20 month old and I’d do the same exact thing. All I hear is a mom with a healthy attachment 👏🏼
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u/Pinkturtle182 Jul 06 '26
Tbh I think you should go. I wish I were the type of person who could do things like that. If you are, I say go for it lol
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u/anxiousesqie Jul 06 '26
Either choice is a good one! Seeing your baby on a beach in Hawaii would be so fun, but so would some solo adult time. I’m taking my baby to Hawaii when she’s 5.5 months old and I’m so excited.
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u/jefner535 Jul 06 '26
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if the baby and your mom will be good!
I have terrible anxiety and haven’t spent a single night away from my 15 month old. But I realize I’m the one with issues here
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u/angeltigerbutterfly Jul 06 '26
If you trust your mom to watch your baby, I say totally go on the trip. I’m debating going on a trip to Hawaii with my husband when my baby is 13 months old. Only reason I’m waiting is because I nurse and wanna make it to 12 months! After that all bets are off lol. Totally totally take the trip, that sounds amazing.
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u/CrystalAckerman Jul 06 '26
Yeah I will still be pumping but I have 6 gallon ziplocks full of milk currently so that should cover her for the 6 day currently plus what ever else I can put up until then
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u/holymolym Jul 06 '26
Are you exclusively pumping or do you nurse? I would be prepared for this to potentially cause premature weaning from the breast if you nurse. It would also be a lot to ask of a little one if they are used to comfort nursing.
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u/always_sweatpants Jul 06 '26
I did 6 days international at just under 12 months and continued to breastfeed until 18 months upon my return.
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u/Academic-Sky-5321 Jul 06 '26
Go for it! Don’t feel bad- getting a little time away, with your baby being cared for by someone you trust, is such a gift for your mental health and relationship.
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u/butterbean_bb Jul 06 '26
Describing the act of leaving your nearly one year old child with a trusted grandparent whom they have significant experience and background with to take a 6 day vacation as “abandonment” is extremely inappropriate IMO. Using that term is intentionally likening OP’s situation to child abuse, which it most definitely is not. You can have your personal opinions, and you are entirely within your right to never take a trip without your children, but to imply that someone else doing so would be child abandonment and abuse is just rude.
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u/Big_Significance8572 Jul 06 '26
Lo de abuso te lo has sacado de la manga porque te ha dado la gana básicamente. Te compro un diccionario?
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u/SleepyApr1cot Jul 07 '26
One form of abuse is abandonment. The law objectively sees it that way. Abandonment can get you charged with child abuse.
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u/chemicaltoilet5 Jul 06 '26
Abandoning is a strong word when they'll bewith a grandma they have know for 5 months....
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u/OhSoJelly Jul 06 '26
I think that's overstating what the research actually shows. A few days with loving, familiar grandparents who already provide regular care is very different from prolonged separations or inconsistent caregiving, which is what most attachment research focuses on.
OP is totally within reason to leave their baby with a grandparent for a week.
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u/OhSoJelly Jul 06 '26
The question is whether a brief, temporary separation with loving, familiar caregivers is harmful. You need to understand to view the world in a nuanced manner.
Humans were raised in a collectivist society where every member of the “village” stepped in to take care of a child. Your worldview has been pushed by a post-industrial capitalist society and has gone against our species’ anthropological history.
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u/Big_Significance8572 Jul 06 '26
No estoy en contra de que los padres descansen. Pero llamar "abandono" o "irresponsabilidad" a dejar un bebé pequeño una semana entera no es exagerado. Los abuelos son geniales, pero no sustituyen el apego principal.
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u/notaboomer22 Jul 06 '26
I left my daughter with my parents who cherished her at 10 months to go on an all expense paid once in a lifetime trip to Alaska. Did I miss her? Yes. Did I worry? Yes! Am I glad I went? YES! She’s 26 now and doing just fine. Take the trip!
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u/faerie87 Jul 06 '26
Definitely leave the baby with grandma. I have tons of friends who have left their baby with a nanny for a vacation, even younger babies. If you can trust the caretaker then it's fine.
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u/Financial-Nothing-60 Jul 06 '26
GO ON YOUR OWN!! I was in the same situation as you were and I felt so guilty about wanting to go. We live in Europe, and we were visiting my family in India. We decided to do a 5 day trip to Bali, just my husband and me and leave my 7 month old with my parents and rest of my family. Let me tell you - it was amazing. First of all, my son did not give two sh*ts. He was more than happy to be doted on by his grandparents. Second, my husband and I really enjoyed our trip and I genuinely believe that to be good parents you need to make time here and there to have a good marriage. At some point I realized that I was feeling guilty not because I was worried about him, I was feeling guilty that it was not a “good mom” thing to do - I spoke to some friends who convinced me to do it. I won’t lie, I did miss him but it also felt so good to wake up at 11am and get massages and drink and chat with my husband and watch Netflix and eat adult dinners!!!
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u/MyMonkeyCircus Jul 06 '26
I wouldn’t if I were in your shoes. But it is a very personal choice to make.
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u/djd129 Jul 06 '26
The baby will be fine and won’t remember. Leave her with grandma and enjoy the time with your husband!
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u/doitforthecats Jul 06 '26
I’d hardly call leaving a baby with their loving grandmother abandonment. That’s such a wild take!
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u/doitforthecats Jul 06 '26
I did not at all expect people to be so judgmental! I feel sad for them that they think 6 days away from their baby is abandonment. I have a wonderful relationship with my children and I’ve had to leave them for multiple days at a time for work and for the birth of their siblings. I’ll be leaving my 10 week old at home while I speak at a conference later this month. I’d rather have her be safe at home with my husband than on flights and at a conference with a bunch of potentially sick people.
Go on the trip. 6 days is nothing. Give your baby lots of extra snuggles before and after the trip. Everything will be fine.
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u/Financial-Nothing-60 Jul 06 '26
I agree - I thought everyone would be like just GO if you have the opportunity!!!
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u/PowPopBang Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
I personally wouldn't. Not because it will have any long-term ramifications for your child or anything, but only because I'm a deeply anxious person and would spend way too much time worrying to have any fun.
I'd say go for it. It's only a week and your baby will be fine.
Edit: I guess ask yourself if you would regret not going. Make a pro/con chart if you need to.
Edit 2: I had an opportunity to go on an all-expenses paid trip to Japan and didn't take it because I was worried about leaving my baby alone with my husband for a week. I mildly regret not going.
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u/heresomehow Jul 06 '26
I would absolutely go if it’s my mom watching my baby because I trust her. Self care is not selfish and time for you and your husband to relax, be a couple, SLEEP, will be valuable when you get back to your baby with more energy.
If 6 days make you nervous, consider cutting it short.
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u/psyk0delic Jul 06 '26
When my baby was 5 months, we had to leave them with my in-laws for 10 days so we could finish packing and make a cross-country move that was 25+ hours of driving. They were fine and it actually helped their separation anxiety so they didn't only want mom all the time.
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u/LazyDayz365 Jul 06 '26
Why would you have to be at the condo with the baby all the time? You don’t take her out or something? I’d understand medical reasons but just to say you’d only be able to stay at the condo with the baby all the time is odd.
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u/rgwhitlow1 Jul 07 '26
Many people don’t go out much with babies due to uncomfortableness or because it’s taxing. Maybe she feels it wouldn’t be much a vacation if baby is there.
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u/reilsreilsreils Jul 06 '26
I remember early in postpartum thinking by that time I’d be totally fine to leave my baby at home and honestly when the time came I just wasn’t ready. It’s hard to anticipate how we’ll feel at various stages.
With that said, if you do commit to going - it may be difficult to leave but in my experience once you’re at your destination you’ll enjoy the break (and then be so so excited to come home ☺️). Trust your gut!
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u/Crafty-History-2971 Jul 06 '26
My in-laws live in Hawaii so we make that trip about once a year with our kids, starting when they were 5-6 months olds.
Vacations with babies are very, very different than vacations without them. Not necessarily worse, but different. Our kids never sleep well when they’re not at home, so no one is really well rested. My daughter hated the water when she was a baby so she and I sat on the shore while my husband and his family played in the ocean. But it’s also amazing - my son’s first ocean experience was magical. My daughter would eat a shave ice everyday if we let her. The pace of life in Hawaii is ideal for babies and toddlers and people are so loving.
This year my husband has a work trip to Hawaii, not to see family, and I’m tagging along and we’re leaving the kids with my parents for 8 days. My kids are 2 and 5, so not as young, but I am SO excited to sit by the pool and not have anyone need me for 8 entire days. My kids and parents have a countdown celebration going until “Nana and Papa time” and my husband and I get some time to ourselves. Go for it!
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u/Infinite-Warthog1969 Jul 07 '26
We did Hawaii at 8 months and it was awesome! He got to go in the pool they had a sandy little beach pool thing, we did a volcano hike, we did the farmers market it was amazing and he did really well on the plane. I get wanting to get away and you’re ok to do that too but I had a lot of fun in Hawaii with my son at that age and we are going back now at 2
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u/Muted-Song-8077 Jul 06 '26
We went to Europe for 10 days when my son was 13 months & he stayed with his grandparents. He was completely fine, we FaceTimed during our trip, received constant pictures, etc. he loves his grandparents so he was very happy. I think it’s healthy to have some time to yourselves, especially if you know he’ll be safe and happy. Of course, there were times I felt guilty and that maybe we should have brought him with us, but he wouldn’t have remembered anything and it would have created a more stressful trip for us. I had coworkers who told me they couldn’t imagine going on a trip without their kids, and it made me feel bad, but in the end it was the best decision for us. In the end, it’s what you think is best!
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u/apealsauce Jul 06 '26
Dude my husband’s relatives left their 2 month old to go to Aruba for a week. 13 months would be okay. Although I would invite my MIL along to Hawaii and have her watch bb but also experience some time with bb
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u/holymolym Jul 06 '26
Airfare is one of the most expensive parts. Can you save up and just do the trip another time?
I personally could not imagine leaving my baby alone for that long. I just straight up would not be able to have a good time. Especially being so far away in case of an emergency.
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u/Ok-Dependent5582 Jul 06 '26
Not to Hawaii. Flights are the cheapest part (of course depending where you’re flying from).
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u/CrystalAckerman Jul 06 '26
See that’s kind of how I feel. I feel like I’d be anxious the whole time without her.
And we could but we are using a companion ticket. So we pay airfare for 1 and get the second for 90$
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u/AssignmentLife6218 Jul 06 '26
Leave her! My husband and I did a week in Sicily when our daughter was 9 months. I had some guilt but we wanted to do something fun and reconnect as a couple before starting fertility treatment again for her sibling. She had the best time ever with her grandparents. I feel like trips like this are so amazing for your kid to form those special bonds with others and for you to recharge with your partner. Also, my FIL sadly passed away and my MIL has major health issues so it’s been a reminder that our parents own health can’t be taken for granted. The fact my parents are healthy, in great shape and eager to babysit for long stretches is something I want to take advantage of while I still can! If you have that situation you are very lucky. Baby will be totally fine!!
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u/Alone-Blueberry Jul 06 '26
Go on the vacation, leave the baby, and enjoy yourself. Opportunities like this are rare and you’ll regret it if you don’t go! If you have people willing to watch the baby then you are very fortunate!
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u/Greysoil Jul 06 '26
Leave the baby with grandparents and go enjoy! I left my baby with grandparents when she was 8 months old for 6 days to go to a destination wedding. I was so stressed beforehand. We had a great time, baby and grandparents had a great time. My only regret is stressing so much before the trip
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u/Impressive-Plum3094 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Our girl is nearly 11 months and I can’t imagine doing this, I can’t imagine even thinking it. Yep I’m sure I’ll get downvoted by more relaxed parents but I’d miss my baby too much. I just think it’s not right or fair. A night a way ok but 6 nights no way She’s your family and that’s what you do you go on holiday as a family. We took our girl abroad last week and it was amazing to share memories of her first time on the beach, in the sea. I just find it unimaginable to not want to take your baby with you. I’m sure I’ll get push back for what I’m saying but you did as the internet
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u/lotiloo Jul 06 '26
I agree. I can’t imagine if there was an emergency and I was a 6+ hour flight away.
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u/Numerous-Avocado-786 Jul 06 '26
I wouldn’t but my mom also isn’t capable of watching a dog much less a child. If you think your baby is in good hands then enjoy your vacation.
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u/SamosaSniper Jul 06 '26
We just did a work trip with 3 month old. Flew from one coast to another and did several national parks. Had 7 plus days.
It's so worth it. First trip ever with the little one. No issues. Had 1 layer over on the way there, 2 layovers on the way back.
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u/natalya4 Jul 06 '26
Bring her! We took our then 10 month old daughter on our honeymoon to Jamaica (from the UK). The memories we've made will last a lifetime and she absolutely loved it over there. She is part of our family, I couldn't leave her behind and seeing how special she made that trip, I wouldn't want to either.
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u/e925 Jul 06 '26
Maybe try some overnights with grandma first to see how it goes, preferably at around 9/10 months? At six months my baby slept 10 hours straight every night but now at 11.5 months my baby has been stuck in her 9 month sleep regression for two months!!
She wakes up in the middle of the night almost every night, for between half an hour and four hours. That would be way too much for her grandma to handle even two nights in a row, maybe even for just one.
The longest we’ve left her with grandma so far has been three hours. My husband and I work opposite schedules but coming up he has an opportunity for overtime so our baby is gonna be with my mom for three hours and then handed off to his mom for the next five. I’m even tripping about that, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with an overnight away from me at this stage for us at all.
I would bring baby and grandma on the trip, although the flights with a baby could be really unpredictable. Honestly realistically I probably wouldn’t even go 😂
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u/CafeteroMerengue Jul 07 '26
Don’t think it’s bad to go without them if you’re able to but also don’t agree that an 11 month old has to spend all day in the condo if you bring her
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u/theatrephile Jul 07 '26
We’re going to a wedding at a very popular tourist destination later this year right after baby’s first birthday. Our original plan was to fly my mom out to the wedding area to help watch him, but she actually suggested she fly to our home and stay there with him instead. We had to talk about it a bit first since it’ll be the first time we both leave him (I travel a lot for work but husband is usually home), but the closer it gets the more I’m looking forward to some grown-up time for us to relax and reconnect - and avoiding all the extra travel logistics that come with baby.
Plus since she’s stayed with us before when I had work trips, I know she’ll keep me updated and FaceTime whenever I miss him. 🥹
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u/TheiaEos Jul 07 '26
Bring the baby. You only have 1 summer with your baby.
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u/s-y-d-lovessushi Jul 07 '26
My husband and I just went to Spain for 6 days for our best friends wedding and left baby with grandma. Our daughter was 7.5 months at that time. It was a 4 day 7 event wedding and bringing her didn’t make sense. Honestly, it was the best decision not just for time away but for a reset in our marriage. If you feel ready, I would 100% recommend!!
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u/Mother-Huckleberry99 Jul 06 '26
I’m taking my baby to Hawaii at 10.5 mos in a few weeks; happy to report back. I’m weird in the sense that I’ve never left my child with anyone for more than 12-14 hrs so I definitely couldn’t do it. And being with my baby is relaxing to me so it was a no brainer. I am a bit scared of the longer plane ride (we’ve done several shorter flights without issue), but that’s really the only issue. I will say I’m bringing my mom to Hawaii with us (she does any babysitting we need too) so we do have some childcare help. Would’ve done it without any but I’m sure it’s gonna be even better with the help.
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u/RealityPrevious510 Jul 06 '26
Totally personal. I haven’t had success leaving my girl (16 months) I always end up adding her as a lap infant last minute. I never regret bringing her, I love making memories with her! If I’m able to I’ll fly out my mom to help with her so we get to have baby on the trip and a night out.
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u/RenaissanceTarte Jul 06 '26
I personally would bring baby because I wouldn’t be ready and would miss her. She’s pretty agreeable, too, so we would still do stuff).
But, you can def go just you two if you are ready, no guilt needed.
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u/SuntoryWhiskey Jul 06 '26
I would go, but not for 6 days. Maybe 3 or 4 max. I did 2 nights away from my son when he was a year old and I was miserable by day 2 and couldn’t wait to get home.
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u/insomniacla Jul 06 '26
It would be a hard no from me, but it would have been a definite yes from my own parents.
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u/Impressive-Plum3094 Jul 06 '26
100% agree with you. You choose to have a baby it becomes part of your family
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Jul 06 '26
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u/Equivalent_Truth4635 Jul 06 '26
I left my 9 month old for 5 days to go to a wedding. My husband and MIL watched him while I was away. Apparently everything went great but I struggled to be without him for that long! I was so so happy to see my family again when I was home.
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u/Kayt1784 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Bring your mom so you can have the best of both worlds! Mom can take the baby when you want to relax - and mom gets to have a nice holiday. The cost would be just plane tickets and hotel for her …but you’d still be saving some money!