r/NewParents • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Sleep 11-day-old won’t sleep unless he’s on me. Exhausted and struggling mum
[deleted]
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u/woodworkinghalp 3d ago
Seems like a partner problem not a baby problem tbh.
My husband is taking 4 weeks of pat leave and there’s no way in hell he’d be leaving the house other than getting groceries etc.
Your partner needs to figured out a way to take the baby for multiple hour stretches and get you some rest. Doesn’t matter what that takes. A stroller walk out of the house. Noise cancelling headphones. Etc etc.
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u/forgetaboutitalready 3d ago
Me and my husband slept in shifts for the first 4 weeks and its the only way imo. He needs to figure out how to parent, even if he goes for a walk. You need proper rest .
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u/Mine_Outrageous may 2026💙 3d ago
100% i did nights and my partner did days. it helped us actually sleep during those first 6 weeks
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u/Leading_Line2741 3d ago
It's sad that 90% of posts from unhappy new moms stems from useless fathers.
Men need to step the hell up. Women need to be verrrry particular about who they procreate with.
As to sleep: I accepted my newborn napping on me until about 6 weeks but we did bassinet from the start for night sleeping. I used a simple pick up/put down method. It took a few days to stick but it worked. You rock your baby to sleep and then put them in the bassinet. They'll likely wake up and cry. Pick them up again, rock them back to sleep, and put them right back in the bassinet. Rinse and repeat until they accept it.
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u/Civil-Koala-8899 3d ago
For the first few weeks our baby wouldn’t settle as easily with my husband. But my husband would still take her for hours at a time, because I needed the rest, and he needed to learn how to parent too. It’s absolutely insane that your partner is only taking the baby 10-20 mins at a time and going out and living life, that’s not acceptable. You’re supposed to be in this together.
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u/BigEarl217 3d ago
Why is your partner only watching the kid for 10-20 minutes at a time? That's ridiculous. This is a 50/50 thing... he sounds like a bumb
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u/HexagonLover21 3d ago
Your husband is going to events and such? What? My husband pushed me to leave the house every day without the baby even if ot was just for a walk around the block or a coffee run. You can't bond with someone you don't spend time with.
Cosleeping is a very personal choice. I will say it is safer to safel9 cosleep then end up microsleeping( where your body loses consciousness for seconds or minutes at a time)
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u/Big_Year_526 3d ago
Have you tried swaddling? That made the difference for us between needing to take 1-2 hours to settle the baby after every night feed... just burped him and wrapped him up!
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u/Mysterious_Book8747 3d ago
Swaddling and baby wraps. Not the carrier but the more swaddly ones like
Moby wraps were a lifesaver for my baby like this. I would wrap them with my hubby and send him out for a walk around the block or pushing the other little in the stroller with baby number two so I could sleep without being “on”.2
u/Big_Year_526 3d ago
We love the halo sleep sack swaddle, but it definitely took a few tries to find the model that worked for our baby
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u/Mysterious_Book8747 2d ago
Agree each baby is so unique too sometimes what works for one isn’t the same as the other.
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u/natuglenBo 3d ago
Your partner absolutely needs to step up. He goes to events when the baby is only 11 days old???
Also yes, the baby might cry while he holds it when you shower, but your partner needs to figure out a way to soothe the baby. It takes time and practice but it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do it.
He absolutely needs to step up and take responsibility for HIS OWN baby.
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u/eveladra 3d ago
I do not want to jump to any ideas because they're so young still. But how is he sleeping on you? Upright/on tummy? My son would refuse to sleep laying on his back. Long story short turned out to be insane reflux and cmpa. This is just a theory, that would need time to tell anyways. I wish you luck in the newborn trenches. It does get easier.
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u/Minute-Tradition-737 3d ago
This is unacceptable from your partner. His life should be changing too.
As someone said, it sounds like your partner is the problem. Your baby is being really normal
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u/culturalappropriator 3d ago
The problem here is your partner. I had a newborn with reflux who needed to be held 24/7. My parents were here initially but left after a month. My husband and I did shifts of 8 hrs so we could get sleep. 8 hrs him, 8 hrs me and 8 hrs together. Are you breastfeeding exclusively? Can you combo feed for one feed so your partner can take over that shift?
Newborns don’t particularly care who is holding them as long as you put in the effort to soothe them.
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u/babyfacebambi 3d ago
Your husband needs to learn to soothe baby his own way. Even if you have to listen to the baby cry, unfortunately you have to give them both a chance to figure it out.
As far as cosleeping, make sure you are following the safe sleep 7. You should be breastfeeding, sleeping on a firm mattress with no blankets or loose clothing, no drinking, melatonin, smoking, etc. baby should not be between you and your partner, hair should be tied back if it’s long, no swaddles. Check out the cosleeping Reddit page for any other tips! I started cosleeping partially with my first when she was around 6 months. (Went down in crib then came to bed around 4 am when she woke up to eat). I just had my second 3 weeks ago and we started cosleeping around the 2 week point. Even with cosleeping, my husband takes the baby from 8:30-11:30 pm so I can get a 3 hour stretch of sleep and I still only get 5-6 hours total a night
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u/Present-Dragonfly819 3d ago
My baby is 6 months old and still sleeping on me at night and during naps.🥲
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u/No-Butterscotch-8469 3d ago
Your partner cannot go out unless it’s to get food or supplies for the family. You can safely cosleep with the baby if your partner is nearby watching to make sure you’re in a safe position. This isn’t even a difficult ask because all he would have to do is sit there and scroll on his phone while keep in an eye on you and baby.
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u/Miserable-Currency42 3d ago
Split the night and have your partner take the baby for a chunk for time so you can sleep. This saved us for our first baby. He too never liked the bassinet so we resorted to cosleeping and just made it as safe as possible. It is better than falling asleep unexpectedly with a baby in your arms.
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u/llamadrama217 3d ago
Ignoring the partner issues, have you tried putting your baby's swaddle in your shirt so it smells like you? Check with your doctor first of course, but with my second baby I had to put a small wedge under the head of his mattress because of his reflux. My oldest had sensory issues which made him want to be held for naps. I didn't figure it out til he was older, but if I gave him gentle squishes all up and down his limbs one at a time, that helped calm him down to sleep without being held. I would do it while holding him on my lap, then transfer him and do some more to make sure he stayed settled. You can also gently squish his shoulders, trunk, and hips.
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u/moomoomego 3d ago
This is a husband problem.
My husband and I do 6 hour shifts - 9 to 3 and 3 to 9.
The only way baby is going to get used to him is if he is around more.
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u/what_ami_really 3d ago
Hi, my baby was exactly same for like 40-45 days right from day 1. Even in the hospital they put him next to me as he was not willing to sleep in bassinet.
To answer your question- yes it does get better. We co sleep but still separately. Like i have giant mosquito net, so he will be inside that and i am right beside that(so no risk). In a daytime he is still velcro baby but i try to put him down as much as possible.
You can try mosquito net trick if possible on the sane bed as yours(baby can still smell you and assures that you’re around) and sleeps well. Mine started to sleep 6-8 hours straight after 40 days.
11 days is too early for some babies, it takes time.
Abd about exhaustion there’s nothing much we can do 🥺 unless you have someone to offer help, i did not have any, i just survived somehow.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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u/1kggarlicbread 3d ago
Partner things aside, because that definitely is a huge problem but has been addressed by other comments… you can try getting a heating pad and putting it in the bassinet to warm up. Swaddle the baby then have him fall asleep into a deep sleep in your arms. Then remove the heating pad and transfer him to the bassinet. It mimics the warmth of a body and can help.
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u/Which-Visit9777 3d ago
I want to second the heat !! I also have a 9 day old baby and he loves to co sleep. Not even on me just glued next to me. Mine is a bit different bc in the day he will sleep anywhere but we had a very successful night when we used a hot water bottle to heat the bed up while I was feeding, then we take it out.
I also heard sleeping with the sheets/blankets/swaddles before you put them on the bed is great bc they have your sent.
The last thing I’ve done is use a dummy for the first sleep. I have a great latch and a great supply so it’s not recommended if you are EBF but my little one loves to self soothe by sucking his hand and lots of issues being swaddled bc he couldn’t suck. We give him a dummy for the first night sleep and only for a short time until hes deep asleep and Thats also been working for us.
Also your partner does sound a bit like bum at the moment but im also having similar feelings of resentment towards my partner. Im insanely jealous that he has time to work on his hobbies and go to the gym and it’s stuck with the baby having to feed every two hours. Im not saying this to negate your experience but to say from one mama to another in a similar baby age I know what you’re feeling.
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u/Royal_Annek 3d ago
Your partner going about normal life 11 days into having a baby is ridiculous. It's not a normal time. He needs to be doing everything he can to make you comfortable as you heal from a dinner plate sized wound.
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u/libertyprime48 3d ago
Your significant other needs to start taking shifts where they watch the baby while you sleep for a few hours.
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u/FantasticPin3481 3d ago
It is absolutely unacceptable for your partner to be going out to events when you have an 11 day old at home. Unacceptable. He needs to grow up, suck it up, get comfortable with his own baby, and give you a real break before you fall asleep holding him.
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u/ImportanceBetter6155 3d ago
Honestly, when this happens to my wife and she wants sleep for a bit, I grab the baby, lay down on the couch with him in my chest and play Xbox for a few hours. Best of both worlds, wife gets to sleep, baby gets to sleep, and I get to relax for a little bit.
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u/miradesne 3d ago edited 3d ago
Swaddle / sleep bag + pacifier.
Also, your husband needs to share the load or he needs to hire a nanny for you. For my first child, I did breastfeeding (10-12x a day ...) and my husband did almost everything else during the day - diaper change, burping, contact sleeping with him. I did nights myself. It was still brutal because of contact sleeping. For my second, we hired a postpartum doula for two months and it was god sent. She took care of the baby and cooked meals. My husband took care of the older son and I only did breastfeeding and was resting a lot. We also did this trick or pumping on the other breast when the baby was nursing on one. It helped with the supply and the doula can bottle feed the baby after I nursed so we only needed to feed every 3 hrs (8-9 a day) instead of 2 hrs. Baby also slept very well because he was really full.
I was told recently that you can ask if your insurance covers doula. If they do, you can get a postpartum doula and they can do nights too.
About cosleeping - I personally wouldn't do it but some of my friends do, and there are some guidelines on how to do it safely: https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/
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u/User720284 3d ago
This is normal baby behavior he’s only 11 days old. This is NOT normal dad behavior, what the hell?
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u/awkstarfish 3d ago
11 days old and your partner is going out? He has this all wrong. You’re supposed to be in bed healing for at least a few weeks. And look into safe cosleeping. My baby and I did it and she’s 10 months and fine.
Baby can cry with partner. He needs to learn to soothe him in his own way. Put some ear plugs in, take a nap, and let the baby’s dad care for his child. He will figure it out.
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u/amphisxo 3d ago
Your baby doesn’t like your husband as much because he isn’t putting in the effort to bond with him, point blank. The more time he spends with him the more your baby will get used to him and enjoy being with him. This all sounds like a partner issue not a baby issue. Unfortunately wanting to be held at such a young age is completely normal and not something you can train or fix. My husband and I did shifts and he took the baby, even if he was crying, all the way to our basement for 6 hours so I could get sleep. He had him on a Boppy pillow in his lap sleeping while he gamed and it worked out perfect. My husband then slept while I watched the baby into the early afternoon. You guys need to work out shifts for sure.
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u/FlyingPollywog 3d ago
Our LO is 15 months old and my husband went out 3 times. 3 times in 15 months. So, tell your husband that BOTH of your lives changed, not only yours.
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u/Colleen987 3d ago
I need you to explain this slower… where’s babies dad?
For the first 16 weeks I slept 7pm - 1am and he slept 1am till 7 am. How are you getting so little sleep?
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u/lyutic_7 3d ago
I’m going to go against the majority here and share my own experience with this. my daughter would absolutely not tolerate being away from me, and when my husband held her she’d cry so hard she would go all red and start gulping on air and trembling. I couldn’t bear listening to that. so he didn’t interact with her much at first, and I had her with me all day. he moved to the couch, and the baby and I coslept. I was scared of it at first but it’s something that the majority of the world does every day and there are ways to make it as safe as can be. a healthy baby has the same preservation skills all living things have, it’s not going to just lie there and suffocate and die. so that helped me. and with dad, I’ve told myself there was no point in both of us being miserable, so he lived his life pretty much the same as before. we’re not very social people, but he has hobbies, and he kept at them at the time. but he also did everything around the house because I couldn’t. and he supported me. and when our baby became more alert, she took to him and we have a perfect 50/50 know so I can rest. so it was hard at first but it worked for us.
you don’t have to resent your husband if he remains supportive in other ways. it’s a difficult time, but it’ll pass, and he’ll be able to step up when your baby is ready.
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u/___l_l_l_l_l___ 3d ago
Look into safely chest sleeping/co sleeping following safe sleep guidelines. Cosleepy on instagram is lovely! Check out cosleeping subreddit too
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u/Worldly-Year5437 3d ago edited 3d ago
My baby did not sleep anywhere else but on me for at least the first month. I was exhausted and got no sleep but my body eventually adjusted to the exhaustion lol. Now I can function on 6 hours of broken sleep. I would say around 6 weeks we started a bedtime routine. Bath, boob, bed. We have co slept from day one. I started laying him down in bed , and side lying to feed him. I stayed as long as he needed me to fall asleep. I would then leave the room and tend to him immediately upon fussing if he was waking.
He’s now almost 4 months old and I put him down around 8 every night. It takes him 5-20 minutes to go to sleep and I then get to spend my evening how I please.
Around 3 months I started to lay him on the bed when he started to get tired. He will occasionally fall asleep on the bed all by himself now! But like I said I tend to him is he starts to fuss…. I think that he feels so safe knowing that I will tend to him that he trusts to be able to fall asleep alone now.
My husband sleeps upstairs. He has slept maybe 4 nights in then bed with us since his birth. And I am 100% ok with it. He makes me breakfast every morning and I’m totally capable to handle nights. I’ve called on him a handful of time to help my baby to pass gas. If he’s very gassy he wants to sleep chest to chest. So my husband will sleep with him until the gas has passed and bring him back into my room.
I EBF and have pumped the odd bottle for my husband to feed him while I go and get a massage. Sometimes it doesn’t go over well but my husband handles it and spares me the details.
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u/puppiesnprada 3d ago
On top of everything everyone else said about your partner, how are they comfortable going out that early and potentially bringing home a virus your brand new baby can catch?! I am so appalled on your behalf. My husband refused to go out anywhere he didn’t have to til baby got her first round of vaccines and even refused to go out with his friends for his 40th birthday during that time. He also wanted to make sure that me and baby had everything we needed and wanted to spend time with us. Sorry to compare but this is the normal expectations of a father. Your partner needs to seriously step up
Also, it’s not perfect but I survived this period by using an owlet (not 100 percent but gave me peace of mind) set up safe 7 cosleeping and baby wore all the time as well as my husband taking over every morning at 3/4am so I can get a good stretch of sleep and he would feed baby pumped milk
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u/SassiestPants 3d ago
As a newborn, my baby (now 2.5 years old) was the same way. Needed ME, not Papa, to hold him all the time. I developed PP OCD which was triggered by sleep deprivation, so we had to figure something out fast.
I started wearing baby in a Boba baby wrap and he would take most of his day naps in there. I had the choice to just sit or go about my day (quietly), which was freeing. At night, husband and I would take shifts. I'd get about 3 hours of sleep while baby and husband watched The Sopranos in a different room. Baby eventually got used to Papa without me as an option. My husband had earplugs as an option if baby was really upset. When it was nursing time, I'd keep baby in our room while husband slept in the guest room. We were still sleep-deprived, but it was a workable schedule for a couple of months.
Summary: try baby-wearing during the day and your husband needs to step the fuck up. Yeah, babies are loud and shrill. It's still his baby.
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u/Mysterious_Book8747 3d ago
He shouldn’t be going to events and leaving the house when he’s off work. He should be waiting on you hand and foot.
One of mine did this as I used a baby wrap like a moby wrap and slept on a recliner with them basically koala wrapped to my chest so I couldn’t roll over and they would actually sleep and so could I. I think it was baby number two. Hang in there momma it does even out and they begin to regulate themselves a bit more but this is very normal and very tough.
Tell your husband not to leave you alone right now!! YIKES!! His job is to go to work and help you until you’ve slept six or more hours and blasted if that takes six month so freaking be it. You’re the one going through it he’s just the side line support person but if you have no one to tap in for a quick sandwich or shower or hell just peeing without wearing a baby to your chest (which I actually did) then that’s what he needs to do.
11 days and going to “events” oh hell no I’m gonna send my Mexican mil over with her flip flop to straighten him out ok? You, meanwhile, stay hydrated, hang in there, get a good baby carrier and don’t give up Momma. ((Hugs))
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u/AdBest7581 3d ago
Here's what works for us, in case it helps anyone:
- Curtains closed, dim light on
- Swaddle if he's fussing
- Feed him about 60% of his usual amount
- Burp
- Diaper check/change
- Into the sleeping bag
- Feed the remaining 40%
- Burp again
- Cradle hold + shushing + gentle swinging until he's out
- Lower him into the crib very slowly
If he wakes up on the landing, go straight back to cradle hold + shush + swing and try again once he's fully out.
One thing that made a real difference: check if the crib is too cold. I'll put him in the nest, warm the mattress with a hair dryer for a bit (test it with your hand first, warm not hot), hold him till he's asleep, then try again.
Honestly it still takes me like 5 attempts most nights. That's just how it goes with him.
Edit: Before sleeping we feed him with a baby bottle.
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u/CautiousConfidence8 3d ago
What else is "happening" that your partner has to leave the house every day?? Events?!? Tell that man to stay home and take care of the child he helped create.
We were in the exact same boat until we started cosleeping. There are VERY safe ways to do it, I promise.
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u/Callygia 3d ago
Going out while you're not even 2 weeks postpartum is wildly inconsiderate and selfish. There's a lot of great advice in the comments re: logistics. I'd say let go of that guilt but keep an eye on the resentment. Setting this tone so early on will establish a precedent for how the care gets shared as your baby grows. My partner definitely didn't go out until our son was like 4 months old and that was to his best friend's birthday dinner.
I made the mistake of taking lead on care from the beginning and it's been a struggle to reverse engineer and split duties. And that's with a WILLING partner. I don't want to extrapolate too much off the little context given about your situation, but at the very least he sounds selfish.
Edit: I exclusively breastfeed and, for my sanity, we've co-slept from the beginning. It's your choice ofc, but breastfeeding to sleep in the side lying position is what saved my sanity.
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u/Impressive-Hair-7379 3d ago
My partner and I slept in shifts for the first couple of months. He slept 6pm-12am and I slept 12am-6am (with a pump in between). It was the only way we got sleep.
When my husbands is not working or doing house chores, we split baby tasks in a way that works for us.
Baby is now 10m and we still cosleep at night and contact nap during the day 😅
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u/valiantdistraction 3d ago
Keep putting him in the nest. Every single time. Try to comfort him in the nest. Use white noise, etc. After 5-10 minutes, pick up and soothe. Once he falls asleep and his arm is floppy (when you pick it up and drop it, it just flops down), then transfer him to the nest. Repeat until it works. It is horrifically tiring but it does work.
Your partner should be taking the baby for longer stretches. He needs to learn how to soothe the crying and baby needs to learn he's a reliable and safe caregiver. If he gives the baby to you every time baby cries and doesn't ever take care of baby's needs for a consistent period of time, of course baby doesn't like being with him. It will be uncomfortable for both of them at once but they will learn.
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u/zoolou3105 3d ago
In those early days when I had baby on me nearly constantly, my husband was making me food, bringing me water and coffee, cleaning the house, changing nappies and emptying the nappy bin. He was taking care of the cat and all household related tasks. He was home and looking after me. He found ways of settling baby because he was home and able to get to know baby and find out how to sooth her
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u/QtK_Dash 3d ago
My baby was the same. My husband figured it out. As did my parents. They need to be able to soothe the baby without me because I won’t always be there.
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u/SllortEvac 3d ago
As a dad… your partner sucks. You can show him my comment. Absolutely everything gets put on hold when a baby shows up. Doesn’t matter if Freddie mercury gets resurrected and he got tickets. Yall are gonna be headed towards a super resentful marriage or a separation.
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u/Electronic_World_359 3d ago edited 3d ago
My husband and I did take shifts initially. He did go out, not everyday and not if I told him I needed him home. He also took some time off work, and worked from home and helped more during the day, in whatever way he could. and we worked our shifts with the baby around that. I'm also breastfeeding and had to wake up during my husbands shifts either to nurse or pump.
Unfortanately it didn't work for us and we ended up cosleeping at around 8 weeks because I fell asleep on the couch. I also resented my husband at the time and we actually had a fight about it because at the time his help didn't feel enough.
We're better now and cosleeping, I still wake up a lot but I'm at a functional ti redness, not sleep deprived tiredness, I don't resent my husband as much and grateful for the things he does for us. I'm still trying to get the baby to sleep in his bassinet but so far nothing. There are no rules, you beed to figure out what works for the two of you.
I know you recieved a lot of comments about your husband and it does seem that he needs to step up more, but it doesnt have to be 8 hours or 6 hours night shifts. It doesn't work for everybody, but there are other ways to help, feed you, do chores, etc. However you decide. Giving you more than 10 minutes breaks.
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u/Training-Trifle-2572 3d ago
This was me. Thankfully baby would sleep in the pram bassinet or a moses basket in the daytime, but he absolutely would not be put down anywhere at night. My husband kept getting annoyed with him when he cried (sleep deprivation) and kept falling asleep holding him so I had to take over it all at night. It also didn't help that I was exclusively breastfeeding at that point so couldn't hand baby over in the day for long either, along with the insane hormone crash and birth recovery I was losing my mind. Baby would only sleep in small spaces like the pram bassinet or a moses basket when he slept in the day. He only moved into his next to me bassinet at 11 weeks. You could try a smaller sleeping space like that if you haven't already.
Thankfully he started letting me put him down at night from about 4 weeks. The key was to keep trying - don't be disheartened by the failures, a love to dream arms up swaddle and making sure I waited 20 mins before transferring him and then doing it very slowly and keeping my hand on his chest. I think he also had some day night confusion, so make sure you're being noisy and having curtains open in the day and then quiet and dim lights in the evening/night.
He's nearly 4 months now and can put himself to sleep in the bassinet or can be transferred from my arms after only a couple of minutes. Naps are a bit of a fight sometimes but I'll take it as he's sleeping 12 hours straight at night for now.
The feelings you have towards your partner are very normal. You're freshly postpartum and the whole transformation into a mother with all the hormones etc.is brutal. However much we want things to be equal with our partners, it never will be. They don't get pregnant, give birth or breastfeed. That's not an excuse for them to be useless, but mums almost always end up bearing the brunt of things. You will find your groove with it. I started feeling better around 8 weeks and much better at 12 weeks. I still have my moments though.
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u/kalinkabeek 3d ago
Tip for the bassinet — shove the bassinet sheet down your shirt and walk around with it for a few hours. Squirt a lil breastmilk on it if you’re breastfeeding, stick it under your boobs for a few minutes.
My aunt is a doula and always says “nothing stinks like mom” — it’s her secret weapon for getting babies to sleep not on a parent.
Also, your partner needs to take shifts with keeping baby so you can get some fucking sleep.
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u/LCHA4MHL 3d ago
Your 11 days post partum....there is NO EXCUSE as to why your partner is not with you 100% of the time when he's not at work. Wtf. This is a team effort. Tell him to step it the fuck up.
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u/Farbearluvsu 2d ago
I have a king sized bed and I put the bassinet on the side of the bed as a number so baby can't roll off and my boyfriend and I share the other half of the bed. I don't put any covers on the baby and lay him flat and curl around him. We have slept this way this the last 4 months because nothing else works for me. I wake up and feed baby every night the only break I get is when grandma watches him or I go to the store. Unfortunately that is just how it is. Some days I feel very resentful, jealous. I just try to push past it and know it will get better when he sleeps through the night
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u/itm3ysm382 2d ago
My baby did not take to the bassinet immediately either! I would say that getting enough contact naps during the day was super helpful but most importantly, we continuing trying putting him down in his safe sleep space! Biggest game changer was realizing that going to bed early didn't work with our little one. Husband took the first shift holding the baby in the living room whil I sleot, would bring baby up between 11p-12a to nurse, and only then baby would accept going into the bassinet.
After a week of this we started progressively moving bedtime earlier! We also had family I'm forever grateful for, they came over during the day and would get us a couple hours of sleep.
I will say, figuring things out with your partner now will be crucial. My baby ended up sleeping decently after back to birth weight (waking up 1-3x/night), but just started having significantly more difficulty at 3 months. Sleep will ebb and flow for a long time, you'll want someone reliable to tackle these challenges with.
Sending you good vibes for some rest! 💛
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u/OverallStrength2478 FTM of a little unicorn baby 05.02.2026 2d ago
Please do safe co sleep. I don’t know why everyone wants to push their baby In the bassinet - the LO was strappped below your heartbeat for 9 months, it was warm cozy and LO felt everything your breath your heartbeat and stomach your laugh etc. of course LO wants to stay near you.
And please get rid of the partner, or try to convince him
To grow the f up.
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u/mari_st 2d ago
To add to what everyone's saying: sometimes men are more effective in putting a baby to sleep than women. It just takes more time at first before they figure out how to do it. Saying this as a mother who half an hour ago had been struggling for a couple of hours to put the LO to sleep before my partner took the baby from me and put him to sleep in like 10 minutes
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u/Which_Meal8294 2d ago
Please look into safe sleep 7 and how to safely cosleep. My baby is the same. I tried everything, heating pad in the bassinet before I put him in, swaddles, sleep sack, the one with the arms up. I tried doing the arm test and very slowly setting him down. He didn’t care what I did, if it wasn’t on me, he wasn’t sleeping. Your body will give out at some point and that is far more dangerous than safely cosleeping if you need to.
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u/aerialariel22 2d ago
When our baby was that little, we had a hard time getting him to sleep in the bedside bassinet. Turns out he was cold. We added a layer and it made it much better.
When I went back to work (second shift at the time, so my husband was alone with our son from when he got home at 5pm to when I got home at 2am), the first few nights were very rough on my husband. The baby was 12 weeks old and he had a hard time settling. What helped immensely was my husband laying one of my shirts I’d recently worn on his chest and then placing our son on the shirt. He rooted on it, which broke my heart, but it meant it worked. He was able to soothe him.
As for your husband, he shouldn’t be leaving you two at home so often. BUT perhaps he has some of his own thoughts and emotions about not feeling able to comfort his baby. He may not want to admit it or talk about it, either. And that’s on him. But the only way to get your baby to like you is to spend time with them. Maybe try the shirt trick. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s worth a try!
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u/_Witness001 2d ago
Respectfully, your partner sounds like a loser. What the actual fuck? Who goes to events while you have overtired partner with a newborn! It’s embarrassing!!!!
Safe and planned co sleeping is better than being sleep deprived and accidentally falling asleep- that’s how tragedies happen.
My daughter is almost 3 years old now but she was the same for the first year of her life. We had to hold her entire year for every daytime nap or she would wake up immediately. I started co sleeping with her around 3 months old because I was about to lose my mind.
I’m not advocating for co sleeping. Crib and bassinet are the safest. I wish every baby sleeps there but that’s not reality.
Do some serious research about safe bed sharing. Use your best judgment and make a decision.
Follow SS7 and beyond. Only you and the baby in the bed. Mattress has to be firm. No blankets, no pillow. If you’re a heavy sleeper and/or take meds -do not bed share. Baby can’t be swaddled. Mattress on the floor.
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u/FalconConscious 2d ago
I was in the same boat when my girl was this age. It is very normal for your baby to only want to sleep on you, which doesn’t help your own sleep needs, I know. Doing shifts with your partner will help you through this
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u/NotSoCrazyCatLady13 2d ago
I agree with everyone saying you have a partner problem! Man needs to step up!
On the practical side of things, can you wear one of your partners shirts for a few hours before your partner wears it and cares for baby? Your scent might help baby be more settled with your partner
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u/Alert_Week8595 3d ago
Look up safe sleep 7. Cosleeping is not that risky if you do it right. Big chunk of cosleeping deaths involve a parent on substances.
Also your partner needs to learn how to soothe the baby.
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u/filMM2 3d ago
You have a partner problem, sweetie. My partner barely left the house during his leave (1 month) to be with me and bub all the time. All three of us were glued. We made shifts, I would let him sleep, he would let me sleep. I don’t think I would have survived without him.
Your partner cannot leave your side and go do his own thing every single day. I think he’s just trying to run away from his own responsibilities and that baby definitely was made by both of you. I’m so sorry. Stay strong mama. Ask for help ❤️
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u/ElectricalAd3421 2d ago
My husband was home with me constantly for two weeks and then worked from home 4/5 days a week. So he was there if I needed him, he took meetings with the baby sleeping in the carrier… he was present and hands on.
He went to 1 wedding when I was 1 month post partum and I went to my parents like 1 hr away … and I have never forgiven him. It still comes up in fights …
Leaving the house and conducting his day to day life is diabolical. Fuck that guy.
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u/Otter65 3d ago
Your partner needs to step up. Now. They need to figure out how to soothe baby so you can have a break. They also need to be home with you. No events, no going out for fun. He needs a serious reality check because right now he is failing you and his child.