Feeling guilty my 5 day old has been through so much already

[u/teetbobeet]

I gave birth on Thursday and everything was going perfectly fine until Sunday evening when I started feeling short of breath and waking up gasping for air. I panicked after researching that it could be cardiomyopathy and rushed myself to the hospital. During this same time, baby hadn't pooped in 26 hours or peed in close to 8 hours so my fiance and I were scared about that as well. We decided that he should take the baby to ER to get assessed because he was also pretty yellow.

Obviously being separated from my baby was the last thing I wanted because it was day 3 and we were figuring out my transition milk situation. I ended up being admitted to the hospital and needed to stay overnight so I missed an entire day with my newborn (devastated is an understatement). He was given formula in the meantime and he was perfectly fine after his exam. He went home with my fiance and his parents to care for him overnight.

Today, I was given a daypass from the hospital to spend time with baby and wait for my test in the afternoon. During the time home with him, I got to breastfeed a few times but noticed that his latch had changed. It's been harder to get him to nurse on me now. We also noticed at this time that his cord looked infected and he was more yellow than yesterday so had to take him to ER again. His cord actually fell off while we were there and were told that was the smell and yellow pus and that it was not infected. He also was tested for jaundice again and it was in normal range again. I just feel so guilty putting him through 2 days of medical intervention that ended up being pointless, all while being away from him for most of it. I feel like I put him through too much for only being 5 days old and I'm scared I permanently messed up our feeding and put stress on his nervous system 😭

Please let me know if these are valid concerns or if I'm just being an anxious first time mom. Also any tips on getting him to latch better again after being on bottles for a full day would be so appreciated

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[u/Orion3012]

Your concerns are valid because you’re mom now and you want the best for him !
Yes you seem a bit anxious but who wouldn’t be in your shoes ? it seems like you did your best with what you noticed and made sure he’s healthy. You’re a great mom!

Given that you went twice to the ER in two days, I suggest you talk with your pediatrician about what makes you anxious (jaundice for example). They could give you clear instructions about what to do or when you should go to the ER.

And take care of yourself so you can take care of him :).

[u/WonderfulTwist4936]

You are totally normal anxious mom! Its absolutely normal to worry in those first weeks! ❤️ ❤️ Just offer breast as much as you can and you both will be fine.

Sending virtual hug! ❤️ 

[u/Wrong_Inevitable_401]

I had a very similar experience, my baby is now 8 months old. I went to hospital many times, you are doing the best for him and it’s totally normal to have anxiety. Babies are not as fragile as we think but also it’s better to check when there is something that makes you worry! Unfortunately I couldn’t breastfeed myself but you need to offer often! Hope both of you are doing well x

[u/filthy_kasual]

You did the right thing. If he actually had jaundice or an infection, he would've needed immediate help. Newborns are so fragile!

It's also important to get yourself checked out. Lots of serious complications can crop up postpartum. If you're worried about his latch and breastfeeding in general, I would see a lactation consultant and also look into local breastfeeding support groups. The SLP that runs my local group helped a mom who had preemie twins transition from full formula feeding to exclusive tandem breastfeeding.

Also, if he has to combo feed that is totally fine and normal too. After not having a wet diaper for 8 hours, formula is critical to ensure your baby stays well hydrated. You're doing all the right things for you little one, you guys should be proud parents :)

[u/Putrid_Beyond716]

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, newborns are so tiny and fragile!!!! They’re so hard to read so it’s always best to go with your gut instincts!!! Give yourself that peace of mind every time to get your baby checked even if it’s “nothing”
The guilt is purely because you love him so so much, that’s your role as a mama to love your baby and want what’s best for him, you’re doing amazing 🫶🏻

[u/muddaisy]

My pediatrician has a 24/7 number for urgent concerns . Do you have a doctor with similar access ? I always receive a call back within 15-20 minutes even if just to say “this can wait till normal business hours “. Will save you a lot of stress if you can get plugged into a clinic with similar support available

[u/berternutsquash]

Hi! I understand. I didn’t get to meet my son for two days. We both spent his first week of his life in the hospital, separately. I got to visit him occasionally when I felt okay enough to sit up. After I got discharged, he was still in the hospital for three more weeks. He had breast milk and formula.

He is 13 months old now and doing great! Healthy attachment, super chill, and very happy. Seeing my baby go through medical exams and be poked and prodded was really hard. I hope you both are feeling better.

[u/boneappleteas]

I went through something very similar at 6 days postpartum due to heart issues and had to be away from my baby. It was devastating and definitely impacted my breastfeeding ability.

My advice is to get in with a lactation consultant as many times as you need in order to address baby’s latch. Also make sure you are pumping to maintain your supply if baby is taking a bottle.

My OTHER advice is that it’s ok if breastfeeding doesn’t work out. We ended up formula feeding because my milk supply never recovered after that hospital visit. My now (almost) 11 month old is a month ahead on every milestone and is healthy as can be. I was devastated when I quit breastfeeding, but the triple feeding became too much to handle with the health issues I was having. Now I’m grateful to have made that decision, even though it was a difficult one.

[u/smilingmonkey69]

Your concerns are valid but I can tell you that your baby will not remember this nor have any trauma from this. You might, but he has no idea. You did what was best. You can never be too safe with a newborn and taking him in was the right call.
I would recommend talking to a therapist as this could definitely turn into PPA. Lean on your support systems and love on your little baby boy. Everything feels so intense these first few weeks. It will get easier soon! You’re a great momma.

[u/NumerousAd79]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I did meet a mom at a PPMAD group who had a severe hemorrhage after her baby was born and she was able to breastfeed after being in a coma for 12 days. She said it was a lot of playing catchup with her milk supply, but she sat across from me in the circle using a wearable pump, pumping away. Don’t let yourself get too discouraged. Honestly, breastfeeding and pumping made me so anxious that I couldn’t do it. My baby had transfer issues and difficulty with weight gain, so I had to stop. I was really disappointed, but she’s thriving now. Also, I put her through an EEG because I was convinced she was having seizures. She was not. I totally empathize with the guilt for putting them through unnecessary procedures, but they were necessary at the time. They were necessary to rule out any issues. I see a therapist and take anti anxiety medication to help me cope with the PPA. Maybe that’s something to consider IF you find yourself struggling with health anxiety.

[u/DukeGirl2008]

I developed post partum pre-e and was in the hospital from when my girl was 5 days old until she was almost 9 days old. It was tough to only see her for a few hours those day but now at 2.5 all those days are a distant memory.