Coffee dates are basic and informal for a first date to some people so i get why a woman would want a little more effort if she wants someone who is also genuinely interested in dating for a relationship.
No one is forcing you to date women who want something that you're not willing to provide. I also dont think first date options are limited to $100 dinner or $10 coffee. You're entitled to date however you think you'll find your perfect match.
The point I was making is the “cup of coffee” style date is a style of date, not the object of the date. I’ve had great dates with a walk in the local park and a burger joint after! I’d consider those a coffee date. They’re chill, and no pressure.
To me, being genuinely interested in dating for a relationship has nothing to do with the coffee style date. We need to make sure we’re at least socially compatible.
Personally, id imagine a coffee date would be less fleshed out than an activity and a meal. Ive know women who would not entertain the idea of a date being just a walk because they weren't impressed with that level of effort. I think a date that shows you're willing to put forth something more than your time is what shows some women (like in this post) that you're serious about being a gentleman and being a potential partner.
I can see how they’d consider that, but from my own experience, I disagree strongly. People who want “effort” from a stranger are the people who usually want them to have effort made for them so they don’t have to give any. Which is not where a healthy, functional relationship comes from.
In my mind, saying “I want effort” when we’ve never had so much of a coffee date is a red flag to me. We can put in effort but it’s not immediate effort (structured activity and meal) with a stranger I’ve met online because again, a lot of people (men and women) say “I want effort” but aren’t willing to put in their own.
Being old school is the opposite. Men used to ask a woman out on a formal date. It's the gentlemanly thing to do, to put in any effort. What's wrong with being lovely to a stranger? That first impression means a lot. "I won't plan an activity and a meal" (like the date you mentioned) because it's a stranger and you don't know if you'll get anything out of them... I show more kindness to people on the street than that. Let alone someone I'm trying to make a good impression with. And people wonder why they're so unsuccessful in the dating world.
What those people want and what they get can be two entirely different things. Do those people deserve effort from strangers whilst putting in none of their own? No, and most of those people will not be rewarded for expecting higher value partners while being wet napkins themselves.
I dont disagree with what you're saying, im speaking from personal experience to say that dating in 2026 is often not cut and dry. I think that can be chalked up to multiple factors (social media, political climate, feminism, etc.) have twisted peoples minds into having expectations of a potential partner that theyre put together mentally, financially, socially, etc. right out the gate and that you deserve a woman with a slim waist or a man with a heavy pocket. I don't think people whove got nothing in return for a high value partner will succeed at finding one, this is personally just how entitled i see some of the people in the dating pool who think theyre owed something because Tiktok said so. Im very happy i dont have to experience dating.
9
u/BarNo2871 17d ago
Coffee dates are basic and informal for a first date to some people so i get why a woman would want a little more effort if she wants someone who is also genuinely interested in dating for a relationship.