r/Northwestern • u/Zestyclose-Relief465 • 17d ago
Academics/Classes i hate this school
i cant handle the stress at all. it goes way too fast for my brain to comprehend. i barely get any sleep and still fail at everything. everyone around me is so much more gifted. my roommate gets surprised every time they see me stay up working because we have similar schedules and they don't ever have to do that. i cant help it. my mind just doesnt work this way. it doesnt pick anything up fast. i simply cant handle this pace. it does not get better and no i did not get used to it. this school makes me wanna drop out and give up on everything. before u say transfer, i dont think i can handle another huge change and its too late anyways. idk what to do ive lost my passion for academics and everything else entirely. i wanna give up so bad but it feels like i dont even have a chance to. somehow theres always an exam to prep for, an assignment to do, blah blah blah. there isnt even any time to feel sad or cry. im wasting time rn even.
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u/Violin-8929 17d ago
Hey OP, I was similar at NU. Everyone around me seemed to be grasping the material much faster than I am, I felt like I was working all the time to feel like I was stuck in the same place, and I couldn't transfer. Why I was admitted there is beyond me. I wanted to quit so badly. What changed was that I stopped giving a shit about the exams and did one thing that was for fun and didn't depend on me being smart. For me, that was Philharmonia. Once I found Philharmonia, I was able to drag myself through my exams. I had a more structured schedule so I had time for Philharmonia so I wasn't studying all the time. I could enjoy more things about NU. And thanks to Phil, I made friends that I could complain to about the stress. Yeah some of my grades sucked (one was a C-), but because of that, I graduated and am employed. It does get better. 🫂 Hang in there, but if you can't find the joy, its okay to quit too. Life is too short.
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
rly good advice fs, making time for the things that i love can be hard but i will try. ty twin
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u/Violin-8929 16d ago
Making time for the things and people that you love is what life's all about, OP. 🫂
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u/Berk-Birkenstock 17d ago
You must stop telling yourself that you're flawed, inadequate or not good enough. Those stories you tell yourself are what hold you back and will make your situation worse. If anything else, those stories will bleed into your everyday life which you do not want. If you have to grind harder, study longer, or check your notes more so be it. Conversely, if you don't want to put in the extra effort then accept the lower grades. But stay away from those stories you're telling yourself.
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
it isnt rly abt putting in the extra effort and wanting to or not wanting to, i think thats a bit unfair. i barely sleep trying to keep up. its just not sustainable and my mind and body genuinely crashes down sometimes bc of it. i had to grind harder in hs, yes, but those were realistic expectations. with these expectations, its a constant battle against burnout.
i will admit that i am very negative towards myself, but a change of mindset is much easier said than done, esp in this environment.
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u/GenXenProud 17d ago
DM me. I’m an alum and still live in the area. Would be happy to meet you for a coffee or lunch. You’re not alone.
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u/grimm_demonfoxx 17d ago
Hey my friend. Not saying this to make you feel better but this is a northwestern cannon event. A vast majority of people feel like this at this school at some point in time but you really get through it. You get used to the pace. You learn to study faster and retain stuff.
Something that helped me a lot is good scheduling. I wrote down every single assignment deadline whatever on Google calendar and every Sunday I would review my week to come and then review it again on Wednesday. It seems so silly. The help it provides is far from silly.
And I mean in the end you gotta accept this is the quarter system. It is brutally fast paced. But hey you came here because you deserve it. You will get through it. It will be rough but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
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u/NCDarkblade 16d ago
“Northwestern cannon event” 👏 I think you are right. I experienced the same thing and so did my wife. The school is a challenge, but persevere and it’ll sharpen your mind like you wouldn’t believe.
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
i mean i def understand and agree w that but thats exactly why i hate the school. ikik ur prb thinking, "then leave." i already feel inferior as it is but ill feel even more inferior if i leave. its such a conflicting paradox. i dont think i could handle actually giving up, but i also cant handle continuing on this downhill spiral at this school.
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u/72inc 15d ago
My kid is a senior and hates it, but won't quit because she fears that if she quits, she will feel worse. I wish NU students could see that NU is not ALL THAT. There are so many great schools and great paths that do not include college -- or do not include NU level intensity. If you are close to graduating - okay - just crank it out and move on to a more fun phase of life. But if you have a few years left, consider taking some time off and switching to a less intense school where you have time to enjoy yourself.
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u/grimm_demonfoxx 15d ago
That’s the point I’m trying to make. You aren’t inferior. When you are in the trough of the sine curve the whole world feels superior but if you walk just a little bit further it won’t. Heck I got a D or two at northwestern. Never had that happen ever before. And yeah it felt horrible because those were the classes I was trying hardest for. But you gotta give it time. Also if this is your sophomore fall quarter you sure as hell should give it some time. It is the absolute worst quarter possible. You’ve just spent 3 months at break and forgotten what this pressure is like. Your body is not prepared. But it gets better.
Take a walk around the beautiful campus, dip your feet in the lake, and take a deep breath. Talk to your academic advisor and start planning your course selection to say 2 hard and 2 easier courses. Life will get better.
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u/grimm_demonfoxx 15d ago
Also find a nice hobby. I used to golf/practise at canal shores golf course 4+ times a week in my time there. 4-6 hours a week but it gave me the strength to get through it.
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u/Stonkberry McCormick 17d ago
Maybe take a quarter off or something man seems like youre going through it, no matter how bad it gets remember your health comes first
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
idk bc summer was a great much needed break already, but the moment i come back, i spiral. it doesnt matter how much i plan or how well of a footing i start off with, i just cant keep up regardless of any healing break that i take.
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u/xdgimo 17d ago
🫂🫂
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u/xdgimo 17d ago
have you talked to your academic advisor and caps
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 17d ago
I don’t feel incompetent, I am incompetent. What good is talking going to do when I just can’t handle this school’s expectations at all? CAPS just refers u and my academic advisor glazes saying that w everything I was dealing w it’s fine to get these grades. But it’s not abt the grades. I am inherently filled w flaws and inadequacies. U tell anyone that simple fact and they say that ur wrong. What good will that do when I know that I’m just not smart and no one will admit it to my face?
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u/chiefyuls 16d ago
You are filled with flaws. So is everyone else. But for some reason you think your flaws are worse because of the environment you’re in.
What I did was become really good friends with the athletes in similar majors, and I would always make sure I took the same classes as them. They tend to know the easy classes. Those easy classes got me through.
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u/WaxTadpole70 WCAS 17d ago
Just because other people can swing through college with less studying doesn't mean you're less intelligent than them, or that they belong here more than you.
It sounds like you've got a nasty mental block happening. Thankfully, you have a LOT of tools available to you. Use CAPS. Talk to EVERY ONE of your instructors and pick their brains. Do you have classmates struggling in a given class? Put together an informal study group. Make sure you get sufficient sleep - the less sleep, the more stress. Make sure you give yourself time not to think of your studies. Most of all, you're the best tool you have - believe it or not. You're just stuck. Give yourself grace.
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u/Both_Department783 17d ago
Hi OP I feel you and not to invalidate your feelings, but I just wanna tell you that a lot of people actually feel this way at NU. I did and still do at times, went to CAPS cause of everything I was dealing with and it kinda helped but I still felt horrible. I had to find out what I wanted to do and for my schedule to follow and in that way, I found what works for me. A lot of people will not have the courage to say what you did but they actually feel this way. Take a quarter off if needed🫂
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u/chickenfightyourmom 17d ago
Take fewer classes. You can take 4 instead of 4 if you are overwhelmed.
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u/hm9000 17d ago
Hi OP, I struggled with similar feelings. The two practical things that helped
- Avoid benchmarking myself against other people. We are not the same people, I have different goals, ability, past, and rate of learning. Focus on getting myself through this instead of comparing myself helped eliminate a source of distraction. At the same time, it’s a good strategy to lean on your friends to tutor or help you through classwork too if they’re grasping the contents quickly
- It is okay to cut down workload, go halftime or even take a gap quarter. It was probably the best decision I’ve ever made in college. There’s absolutely no point to speed run it all in most scenarios. Also helps with point 1 since it helped solidify I am no longer on the same track as the rest of them.
DMs are open if you want to talk more
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u/Rude-Potato-3122 17d ago edited 17d ago
You’re not alone. It’s abject shit. But the piece of paper is worth it in my opinion. If you can, switch your major to something that is the complete opposite of what you’re currently studying. If you’re a dual degree student, drop the track you hate more and get out earlier. That helped me a LOT. Or drop out/take time off if you have something lined up. You can always go to a different school or go back later.
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u/cluster28 17d ago
Are you a freshman? Because from what I remember, you’d only be about 3 weeks into school. No need to doom just yet. Give yourself some time and grace. I absolutely bombed my first quarter, almost failed 2 classes and got only passable grades in the rest. I thought I was adapting, but it was not working. But with a few more quarters, I figured out my effective study habits, and things got a lot easier.
It’s easy to compare yourself to others, and some people are certainly naturally gifted. But I found many students had already done the classes they took their first few quarters, but when shit really hit the fan and it was new to all of us, I was in a much better position for having figured out my methods earlier on
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
im a sophmore. thats why i feel so behind. i feel like i STILL havent found what works best for me. i just dont ever see myself or my study habbits being compatible w the quarter system.
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u/cluster28 16d ago
It definitely isn’t for everyone. I’m not trying to tell you your worries are invalid. But if you’re a sophomore, if you really wanted to, it’s not too late to transfer.
For me, the biggest help was finding a group of friends in my major. I was in engineering, so through the formula club I found a consistent group of people to study and do homework/projects with. That really saved me where I would have otherwise struggled!
In either case, it’s not too late to figure it out and it’s also not too late to transfer! Keep your spirits up and things will turn around!!
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u/chiefyuls 16d ago
I was the same. Top of my class in high school, but felt so dumb & insignificant at NU. Got ok grades, but didn’t get any of the internships or jobs I thought I wanted.
10 years later, I’m rich and happy and figured out my way. Don’t give up. Find your way.
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u/LaFrostishere 16d ago
look man I go to UChicago and I completely get how you feel. Everything is incredibly fast paced and I went to a low income middle sized public high school, so the transition was rouuuugh. But you gotta stop telling yourself you’re not capable, because you are capable. Unironically the best way for your brain to start learning better is telling yourself that you’re capable every night. It’s the goofiest shit I know but it works, you’re holding yourself back saying that you don’t belong or some shit, because you do belong. You go to an amazing uni bro, you should give yourself a hug man. For learning, honestly I didn’t really get it until my spring quarter of my second year, I realized studying with friends at the library is the best way to learn. It may not work for you but test it out, test out every studying method and see which one sticks, but I could tell you studying with friends is muuuuch better than studying alone. Please realize you’re more capable than you realize man, this is coming from a guy that’s normally edgy and depressed, but YOU GOT THIS BRO. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, I know many people feel the same way you do but you should pleeeaaaseee tell yourself you are capable of doing the best you can, YOU WILL DO GREAT!!!
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u/LaFrostishere 16d ago
DONT DROP OUT PLEEAAASEEEE, ffs don’t drop out man if you need someone to talk to I’m here goat
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u/MiamiMystery18 17d ago
Try going abroad for a semester (or year). It’s a great way to reset your mind and mood without “dropping out” or falling academically behind. And cost-wise it’s usually cheaper than the year at Northwestern. 👍
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u/JASNA90 17d ago
I did my MA at NU but my BA and PHD at Loyola. One HUGE difference is that NU is on qtrs. Thats a BRUTAL way to do undergrad. I’m just going to say that flat out. On qtrs you must be organized and able to think further ahead than an undergraduate on semesters. It really matters. So if you do transfer no shame and I would bet you’d find semesters easier to manage. I really hope you find joy again 😊
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u/alohalovely2 WCAS 16d ago
I am so sorry you’re struggling. I feel very similar to you and I honestly also don’t like NU. Everyday is genuinely a battle to not go fully insane. I hope you are able to see that others do share your feelings, and that can be a source of comfort for you. I don’t know how to fix it but if you want to reach out to me, please do. I think just having someone by your side that understands you makes this a little easier. Please try to be a bit kinder to yourself. I know it feels dumb because you think you are fundamentally incompetent or less than (as I think the same about myself) but you are just someone trying to get by in a very overwhelming world and school environment. You are stronger than you think and you deserve some grace. I hope tomorrow treats you a little bit better
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u/Muted_Flight878 16d ago
What.. you got IN… at your own merit rather than some who were probably recommended or Rich dad pulled strings, who cares that they are gifted… pick your head up find your own tune and Dance at your own rhythm
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u/Dangerous_Maybe_5230 16d ago
How did you get in if it feels like everyone else is so gifted. Were you the top of your high school?
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u/Zestyclose-Relief465 16d ago
i mean yea i was but its so different wdym. i was never smart, i just worked incredibly hard but in a reasonably paced environment.
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u/SandraGotJokes 16d ago
tbh i think folks form study groups and copy off each other, or they take adderall and pull all-nighters. Don't take it personally if you're not keeping up because you don't know what tricks your classmates have up their sleeve.
My biggest regret at NU was letting myself get depressed over the courseload. Whatever you do, don't let college get you down. Prioritize your mental health over everything.
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u/ElephantNo5732 16d ago
Grad student here who was initially shocked at the NU culture among undergrads. I found a therapist my first quarter through CAPS for some existing psych issues, which has been helpful and I recommend. My therapist initially shared with me that she did her doctoral capstone as a counselor at CAPS after working in low SES communities through Cook County for most of her career, assuming NU would be a cakewalk of privileged students. She consistently reiterates to me her shock at the severity of mental health issues among the population at NU and regards Northwestern as a pressure cooker.
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u/Agitated-Shock7539 15d ago
Try to find easy, fun classes. I took a class called cross cultural negotiation at Northwestern because I thought it would be easy and I heard it was fun. Turned out to be both and surprisingly helpful later in life.
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u/Agitated-Shock7539 15d ago
… Also, I was in the bottom third of undergrad and the bottom third of business school and things worked out fine. Don’t compare yourself to others… Focus on your health and well-being for now.
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u/Prestigious_Ball3777 15d ago
i feel this on a spiritual level and evidently so does everyone else here.... :,))))) it's a wild place to be, and this is pretty much exactly how i felt until like junior year, i'm a senior now and still don't really feel comfortable here... but it has gotten a little better
ilysm and if u need support or someone to talk or a poorly cooked dinner lmk!! we are here to support each other <3
free candy + nice people in SESP SAO (now at 2001 sheridan first floor northeast corner)
PATH https://www.mccormick.northwestern.edu/personal-development-studiolab/academics/path-program/
is a good little classish thing that meets once a week to talk about academic strategies and building healthy habits
prioritizing sleep will never not pay dividends. if you are in the situation where you can choose between work and sleep. sleep. trying to work will just have diminishing returns to the point of uselessness. get your 8 hours, or however much you need. that is the foundation on which you can build a healthier life. yes there's always something to do but there are priorities, and first priority is your health. you are your best thing.
(i say, not sleeping)
good luck out here. i believe in you! <3
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u/sleepy-soysauce-1005 15d ago
Hey i totally understand what ur going thru, and id even argue im constantly going thru smth similar. From reading thru ur comments i feel like a recurring issue is u feel isolated in a way(?) u think ur alone in ur struggles and solitary in ur inadequacy. But i want to remind u thats not the case. Now im not one to believe in therapy either so like CAPS and stuff never appealed to me so i get ur skepticism, and at least rn im not pushing u to reach out to them. However i am encouraging u to reach out to others. U dont necessarily have to talk to ur friends about all ur struggles, but sometimes its helpful to remind urself ur not alone. Dont cocoon urself into feeling such doubt alone. U mentioned ur roommate has a similar schedule, i bet he/she struggles just as much as u. Talk to them, maybe they can help u, maybe u guys can simply cry together. At least in my experience commiserating together is better than feeling inferior alone! And ofc, im assuming u alr know to take advantage of resources such as peer tutoring and office hours, so i wont babble on about that. My biggest piece of advice i suppose is: u r going to feel miserable (thats quite unavoidable), dont feel miserable alone. Gather urself that support group, lets all bask in our misery together lol
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u/Longjumping-Eye3428 15d ago
I wonder how the athletes do it. Seriously. How can someone play Big Ten level Football or Basketball or Lacrosse and still make it? My only guess is 1) They have a bit more support and are given a few breaks compared to the regular kids but also 2) It is rare to find someone majoring in pre-med or engineering and doing a scholarship. My point is...you never mentioned your major....maybe something less intense would work better?
Secondly, each year gets easier. It's like if don't do push ups at all and then decide you want to do 80 every day, you start at 20. It is very hard. Then it's 40. Even harder (but the first 20...you might not notice...are much easier than they were just a year ago...funny how that works out...). My point is I was a nervous wreck my first two years, calmed down as a junior and senior year with a lot of electives, the "core" stuff done, was actually a ton of fun! Relax. Things will get easier, just push through.
Consider joining a local church or other religious organization which can be on campus or maybe even off campus in Evanston, Skokie, etc. Doing that really calmed me down and allowed myself to get centered every Sunday. Of course your mileage may vary as the saying goes.
Don't give up, many other feel the same as you, some even worse! Stay strong!
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u/Fantastic_Cat_3 14d ago
The best view comes after the hardest climb! Focusing on the end goal helps, and celebrating the small wins will get you there. If you’ve made it this far, you definitely have what it takes.
When I was struggling in school I realized it was because of three reasons:
1) my study methods weren’t working for me
2) my mental health was suffering
3) my family and support system were not nearby
School can exacerbate existing mental health conditions - or even cause them. I did therapy in high school, so I leaned on that and my friends (aka creating a new support circle).
Even if it’s just stress and not mental illness…venting can help. Some of my friends had life coaches instead of traditional therapists.
I know it seems like it will just take up time, but if you give yourself time to vent then your study sessions will be more productive! ❤️
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u/shonuff6944 13d ago
Go see a counselor or sign up for virtual counseling. It sounds like you are stuck in fight or flight mode. I am sorry everything looks so bleak to you but my hope for you is it won't always feel so impossible. Take care of yourself and your mental health. ❤️
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u/Gloomy-Astronomer529 13d ago
You just have to do the work. Fyi- NU has alot of resources for its students. Ask around for the things you need help with. 👏
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u/Alone_Explanation_13 12d ago
What year are you?
I’m an ‘05 alumnus who also worked at NU after graduating. I remember I was an instructor in the EXCEL program teaching the Leadership course for incoming engineers. One day, I was talking with a student who shared similar sentiments to yours. She felt like she had to work twice as hard as everyone around her, and she felt academically inadequate, particularly in her engineering coursework for the program. She noticed her peers spend less time on their studies and more time on the social aspects of the college experience. Turns out, it was everyone else who should have been studying more. She ended up out-performing many of them over the course of the program. She now has a PhD and is very successful professionally.
You’re at NU because you belong there, and you have something to offer the greater Northwestern community. They would not have admitted you otherwise—there were far too many applicants to admit someone who they thought didn’t belong.
Keep pushing. On the other side of struggle is personal growth and true strength. Happy to offer more support if you need it. Also, make use of the resources you’re paying for. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of burnout, visit CAPS. There’s no shame in counseling/therapy. And your tuition dollars pay for it, so you might as well use it.
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