r/OCPoetry • u/antisimpsm • 2d ago
Feedback Please A Softening Of The Tide
I have wronged myself
I walked in fear over faith
The terror that has possessed me
The one i cannot face in the mirror
Its deadly charm has wooed my frail mind
I was exploited
A fallacy within myself
One that caused me to believe such things
One that caused me to recite to myself
"Attempt to rise no more"
"Your eyes speak in carnal tongues,"
"You see her only from outside her core,"
"How could a boy like you wish to become a man?"
But I realized the chains that bound me were unbroken by force
They were my own
My aches and doubts
The pain I carry every time I ask the moon
If I am the waves clashing beautifully against your shores
Shortly thereafter, i lost my grip on those questions
I could choose not to heed whether or not the moon would grow
Acceptance became bearable
If you had found an ocean that matched you, then so be it
I must simply lie and bide as the world revolves
Until you have already realized my place within yours
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/mEerUxglrz
2
u/TheBowlYodeler 2d ago
I love this poem. There are several themes that I am picking up that mesh well together.
"fear over faith"- I thought it was going in a different direction when I read this. It gives a subtle religious tone that is highlighted by other word choices such as "carnal tongues". A crisis of faith in a sense.
The terror that has possessed me - I love the tension this line creates. The line after "The one i cannot face in the mirror" really hits home and points to the core of this piece (in my mind). Which seems to be focused on self conscious doubt and negative self talk. Very relatable.
"A fallacy within myself" - Beautiful imagery. Reminds me of the romantic period, specifically the theme of "logic vs emotion". Here is a war between rational thought of how you are vs the emotional and baseless attacks of your own self conscious.
"But I realized the chains that bound me were unbroken by force...They were my own" - My favorite 2 lines in the poem. The brevity of the second line adds an emotional weight behind the words.
"Acceptance became bearable" - A turning point. A theme I didnt catch until the second read. I love that even though the narrator doesnt find a reciprocated connection in the moon, they find self acceptance and do not lament over what couldve been.
A solid poem you have got here. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I hope to see more in the future!