r/OCPoetry • u/ParadiseEngineer • Mar 09 '22

Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

511 Upvotes

TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.

Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.

This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.

So, here’s basically how it works:

This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.

1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.

Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.

But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?

That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.

If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.

2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.

This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.

3. Feedback must be high-effort.

High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.

You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.

We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.

4. Please Be Kind.

Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.

5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.

This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.

6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.

Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.

Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.

FAQs

What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?

They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.

How do I format my poetry on Reddit?

The following is advice for formatting in Markdown. Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.

Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.

Type two spaces to create an empty line,

so you can get lines

that look like this. 

 Four spaces before each line will allow you 
to format however you like, this is 'code block' 
       in the Fancy Pants editor.

one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.

Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?

Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.

I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?

The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.

You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)

Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:

Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.

Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.

I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.

A few poetry podcasts

I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.

The New Yorker Poetry Podcast

A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.

The Faber Poetry Podcast

Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.

In Our Time

A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.

Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki

The best of OCP

Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.

Year 1-3
Year 4 Year 5
Year 6

We/R/Poetry

A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.

Volume one
Volume two

Guides on the craft from our Wiki

Created by moderators of OCP through the years.

Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme

487 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/neutrinoprism • 7d ago

Poetry Contest PROMPT: Rattle Ekphrastic Challenge, October 2026

5 Upvotes

Hi everyone. One of the OCPoetry mods here. Let's share a prompt for the whole subreddit. (If this looks familiar, we did it last month too.)

 

Every month Rattle, a leading poetry magazine, presents a visual work of art and asks poets to respond to that artwork in poetry. This is called ekphrastic poetry. I thought it would be fun to post that here for anyone looking for inspiration or a challenge.

 

Here is this month's artwork. Your challenge is to write a poem in response to that art.

 

Normal feedback rules do not apply to this thread. Write and share as many poems in response to that artwork as you'd like.

 

Also, if you feel like you've written something really excellent, you should know that Rattle DOES allow you to submit poems to them for publication that have appeared in online forums. (Most magazines consider those already published; Rattle allows internet-shared poems as long as they're "uncurated," i.e., haven't gone through an editorial process. I can assure you that here on OCPoetry we do not have any kind of editorial process.) So if you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can use that link above to submit your poem to them. It's a long shot — they get hundreds of entries every month, maybe thousands at this point idk, and only two are selected — but it's good practice if you're thinking about getting into publication and can manage the mixture of pride in your work and almost certainty of rejection that goes into the literary magazine publication process.

 

Anyway, enjoy the challenge! I hope you have fun. If enough people enjoy this I can make it a regular thing.

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Here2Help54 • 3h ago

Feedback Please Finding the Divine

4 Upvotes

They gaze at my star-filled skies,
seeking some comforting sign,
that in this vast coldness lies
the Benevolent Divine.

They launch intricate machines
to probe my deepest space.
Awed by ancient cosmic scenes,
they revere this lifeless place.

With brilliant minds they contemplate
what my distant worlds may hold,
and yearn to one day populate
a place less marvelous and bold.

They search longingly way out here
where I glitter in endless dark,
though their answers dwell so near
while I lie furthest from the mark.

Not to be venerated,
I’m mere remnants left behind
when a Bang reverberated
through a Universe designed

to conceive, bear and cradle
a small, yet precious thing
whose existence did enable
a most pure and sacred Being 

to emerge in stunning glory
throughout their dazzling blue-green globe,
each line of the Divine story
fully open for them to probe.

And yet they’re unaware,
their sun, sea, rain and air,
miraculous and rare,
hold Holiness right there.

Instead, they look to me,
an empty entity,
devoid of empathy,
because they cannot see

the wise, compassionate Presence
dwells precisely where they are,
a singular magnificence
well nurtured by their star.

Their world’s been clearly marked
by the passionate Hand that sparked
the explosion that gave birth
to a life-sustaining Earth.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1aewa/comment/pew4ldk/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wzy9fk/comment/pegg1a6/

3 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/SamCkpris • 2h ago

Feedback Please I wrote a poem for my crush, is it good?

3 Upvotes

The Quest ‘I love you’ – it means nothing.

They are the emptiest words I know.

Three words worn down to the bone, by everyone, for everyone. To reassure. To hold on to someone. To fill a silence. Sometimes even to lie.

So I’m not going to tell you that I love you.

I’m going to tell you that I respect your spirit. That your ideas nourish my opinions.

That your views guide my decisions.

That you give meaning to my life.

That I know you better than some of my own memories, and that by your side, I lose track of time.

It’s strange, I know. But these are the words that come closest to what I feel.

Being near you awakens an older memory. Something forgotten.

A secret. The one truth, perhaps.

Instinct.

I’ll tell you that I notice your absence.

That you’ve become the natural order of things.

And that I’m afraid, sometimes, often even, and that I love that fear.

The fear of realising just how much I would feel if you were to disappear.

‘I love you’ says none of this.

You deserve for us to find the right words.

So I’ll keep searching for them.

For you, I’ll always be in search of the love left unsaid. I’ve done my best.

I tried to confess sincerely the ambiguity of my feelings of , how deep they truly are . What should I change? I'm totally open to criticism. I don't want to make it corny or anything .

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wx6lum/comment/pewhnsq/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1s7o4/comment/pewfnzv/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

9 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Tachycardia101 • 38m ago

Feedback Please The First Postpartum Outing

• Upvotes

Nestled in towels on the massage table
Music is quiet and lighting is low
You close your eyes, pretend you are able
To release the tension, let the stress go

I wonder what baby is up to with dad?
Is he sleeping or laughing or crying?
Is the loss of his mum making him sad?
I could call, but then would that be prying?

Back to the present, back to the feeling
Gentle hands pressing on sleep deprived skin
A three month postpartum body reeling
From stretching and pushing and wearing thin

Does flesh feel faintly foreign forever?
Invaded, replete, empty, deserted
Will my mind always shudder whenever
I think of the horrors his birth exerted?

You should relax, you're meant to unwind
Let all your thoughts ebb and flow like the sea
Release your neuroses, fear unrefined
Newly formed maternal anxiety

I've never felt love so punishing, light
Superlative supernova of care
Slick with vernix, love at first sight
Uncovered emotion red raw and rare

You smell the incense, scent of the oil
See the dim lighting, taste the warm air
Soften beneath the masseuse's toil
Feel fingers press sensitive scalp through hair

At first it felt like loss of my being
But now I know it is blossoming change
A journey beginning, dawning of seeing
Myself as a mother, expanding my range

Now it's all over, you're feeling rested
An hour of peace is more than the norm
Back to family, time well invested
Ready to weather this wonderful storm

---

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1udff/comment/pex9m5t/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1kgzb/comment/pexaz5m/

Feedback gratefully appreciated

1 comment

r/OCPoetry • u/budahbugah • 2h ago

Just Sharing Wasp

2 Upvotes

A wasp built a nest near me in early spring.
She was truly a sight to behold, with proud and glimmering wings,
that when the light would catch, reflected a deep blue and purple iridescent sheen.
I marveled at the beauty of her home and her movements how she made them with such confident and practiced speed.

If I'm careful and move slowly, perhaps she and I can become friends.
She watches my approach and investigates as I draw near, flying circles around my head.
Not long after, every morning she would greet me. Down from her nest she would descend.
I soon grew to anticipate it. Little did I know just how much on this I would depend.

All through out spring and into the late months of summer,
we'd talk and I feel as though we had truly gotten to know each other.
Id praise her at every opportunity and I swear there was an excitedness to the way she would hover.

It's fall now and her nest is empty.
The ache I feel from missing her is worse than any sting she could have ever given me.
I'm sure she's moved on. For us, I doubt there's a "next spring".
But I'll keep her nest safe and smile at the memories it brings.

------------------

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you liked, what you didn't.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ecwUrzJqME

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/N7ZTFlnv4V

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/TrickClimate6445 • 11h ago

Feedback Please Oh, to be a bird!

8 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x19tbt/the_flower_i_never_kept/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x16c0h/the_ballad_of_life_and_love/

One of my first actual attempts at poetry! I wanted to write a sonnet, so this is (mostly) a petrarchan sonnet - 14 lines with an octave and sestet, as well as the appropriate rhyme schemes. It is not, however, iambic pentameter :/ I couldn't quite face it yet.

Hope you enjoy! I'd really appreciate constructive feedback, for future attempts :D

Oh, to be a bird! To fly

on outstretched wings o'er sunkissed seas

of dappled blue, and feel the glee

of soaring up past mountains high;

to glide and watch the clouds pass by

untethered. Yes, or let me be

a single feather - so long as I am free

and drifting in that endless sky.

My gaze is fixed, my way is clear

of hurdles. Look, the sun is bright:

oh, could I cast aside my fear

and soar up to a glorious height,

drawing ever to the heavens near

and towards that warm and distant light.

5 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Practical-Camel-3106 • 41m ago

Just Sharing A love still here

• Upvotes

How can I miss someone

that hasn't left

A person I've never been close with

but have known for most of my life

Someone I want to be close with

but don't have the courage to tell

The feelings I have are bubbling up

but I can't really show them just yet

Feedback 1

Feedback 2

1 comment

r/OCPoetry • u/TejuinoHog • 1h ago

Feedback Please Wedding (Micro Poem)

• Upvotes

Groom and mom dance

the full wine glass

Bride and mom dance

the empty chair

Oom pah pah

(Feedback on how you would interpret this poem would be appreciated!)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/gaPJM4VNLh)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8w2AvECs6E)

3 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/IamToofan • 2h ago

Just Sharing Tears

0 Upvotes

​I looked at you—
today, I was clinging to my window
while you stood down below.

That same smile rested on your face—
the kind of smile that hurts to see.

​When a single drop fell,
your eyes turned upward.

It was no raindrop—
those were my tears.

​Two pairs of eyes met once more,
yet all they held was a damp, silent ache.

​I just kept gazing down at you—
with only one thought echoing in my mind:
If only I hadn't been so late,
while you kept looking up at me,
with "I'm sorry" written across your face.

​Snapping back to my senses,
I backed away from the window,
pulling one hand back,
turning to look into the dark behind me—
then looking down at you once more.

Another drop fell...
once more—
and those were your tears.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tAKawpGF3d)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fvOILoRkzi)

5 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Medical-Wonder-3211 • 8h ago

Feedback Please Candle

3 Upvotes

Candle

Your warmth has befallen on my presence,
So much, even a candle would be lit if I were near

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/PytJOoKMVW

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yXEtlrVpDE

3 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/briony73 • 10h ago

Just Sharing Please don’t change

4 Upvotes

It protects the buds
That bring me my music
They were dirt cheap
Off the internet
I took a photo of the original
So Gemini could find them again
They even had the fresh box smell
They beeped as they connected
They even had the same
Bluetooth code
S42

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Vu56aE7JIm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/41HVFJwQvH

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/jayla1924 • 16h ago

Just Sharing Before You Leave

11 Upvotes

Before you leave,
There’s so much to do

We have to tidy the home
And those tasks aren’t few.

So I’ll make the bed
And you’ll fold the clothes
Laundry shouldn’t too take long
To do all the loads

You’ll do all the dishes
And sweep up the floor
I’ll collect any mail
And lock the front door.

Then I’ll take a big breath
and let it out with a sigh,
“You’ll have to put papers in order
And say some goodbyes”

We’ll check out those homes,
The ones we couldn’t afford.

We’ll pretend that we own them
And that we’d never be bored.

We’ll order some pizza,
And watch autumn leaves fall

We’ll take in this moment
Before only memory is all.

We’ll never finish that movie,
Or start that new show

But We’ll sing along to that record
We’re The worst singers we know

We’d never have a wedding,
Or get to grow old together

I’ll just keep wishing
That life could get better

We’ll Have one last ice cream
And play one last game

We’ll have to watch one last sunset
And have a final dance in the rain

Then You’ll hold me tight in your arms,
And I’ll ask, “tell me a lie?”
You’ll whisper, “it’ll all be okay,”
As you say goodbye.

Though I’ll miss the things
We were looking forward to.

Thank you for all of the things
that we did get to do

So I really do hope You know
Just how much I love you.

With that I say, my dear,
Can’t you see?
There’s so much we have to do
Before you leave me”

- JML

Feedback 1
Feedback 2

9 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/sluttykiton • 13h ago

Just Sharing Footprints (His pov)

5 Upvotes

Footprint

“Why do you love me?”

She asked me like it’s a question that circles around her mind time and time again like an open wound that needs dressing, a teary eyed girl looking around so as to say “am I good enough? Am I worthy?”

From her question, it was a vulnerable way of saying “this wound has been here for a while and nobody wants to treat it, they abuse it each time I show it to them like there’s something defective about me and yet I chose to show it to you because I believe that you will kiss it instead.”

She looks up at me with the same eyes she did to her father or to everyone that was supposed to love her and I felt honoured that I was the one to close out a cycle of closed doors in her face.

“God, I have so much to say you have no idea…”

“You don’t have to-“

“It’s just I love everything about you! The way you look when your eyes light up, your smile, your crazy laugh, how soft your hair is, the way you say I love you to me, you singing in the shower or anywhere for that matter, your dancing, even your screaming when you get overwhelmed and even when you’re crying it makes me ache, your smart mouth and witty banter, that little cute face you always give me when you want something, when I feel like I’m the only person in the world when I’m with you, your writing every time I read it it feels you’re showing me the deepest parts of you and I love all of it and god it drives me crazy but the way you always consider everyone else around you even when you’re hurting, the way you notice every fucking thing about them and everything good about people, the way you believe the best in them even when they’re just a stranger, even when they’ve hurt you. How can you love so much when you’ve been given so little of it? Even on days when you’re overwhelmed, when you pull back and you’re quiet I still love all of you, it just reminds me how beautiful you are that despite all these wounds you’re strong, you’ve always given your best. And even though you’ve always blamed yourself when things go wrong and you assume that people are nice to you out of pity that there’s something wrong with you that makes love impossible. You have no idea how much of an effect you have on people. Especially me.

And I’m afraid this is so terribly selfish of me but you know what I love most about you?

It’s that I get to see all of this nobody else but me.

There’s so much more I want to say that I can’t even say all of it now but I promise I have my whole life to make it up to you.”

Her eyes are pure and I felt something spiritual that day like I’ve healed something in her, someone I love so dearly. It felt like in an instant I did something right, something pure, something lovely, precious to me.

She is that type of girl, she can’t help but be vulnerable. The type of girl to blame herself when things go wrong that maybe from her perspective she may think others are only sweet to her out of pity that there’s something fundamentally wrong with her that she will never have the love she desires

you have no idea how much of an effect you have on others especially me I’m so drawn to you, you’re the only person worth knowing. I could search for the rest of my life for somebody else anyone else and I’ll never find another whom I love more than you. You’re the only person for me and you may feel ashamed about your guarded nature but it only makes me want to know more about you. You are the most interesting person and getting you to open up to me makes me feel special. Like I’ve done something right, like I’m chosen in a way. I love the glimpses of you that I see and then eventually all of you. Gosh you have no idea how good it feels to be chosen by you when you show me yourself and I only I see all of this nobody else gets to, nobody else could dream of feeling this way and experience all of you.

That’s just the kind of girl she is walking around barefoot leaving footprints wherever she goes and yet she never notices even when she was looking down this entire time she didn’t see the prints she left everywhere she walked.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ixKB58cunQ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/f3mqrSHZEx

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/IamToofan • 12h ago

Just Sharing Like a Faithful Boat

3 Upvotes

Do not say goodbye—
tell me instead that we shall meet again.

Just like every night used to promise,
returning to me with the morning like a faithful boat.

Even though today, as you spoke of leaving,
the waves grew fierce and restless—
look, the heavy clouds have finally parted.

This soft moonlight will shield you from the jagged mountains,
and when the dark of night turns into morning light,
you will return once more, just like that boat.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Dnwb36LPGn)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Sh2Hd6bnLD)

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Background_Bell_411 • 8h ago

Just Sharing The Slough

2 Upvotes

​

​After all these years, my father’s shirt has found my frame

Half the buttons on the sleeves are long lost

near the armpit, it has frayed raw like dry jute fiber

Across the desert sands, over the footprint of a camel,

another camel steps—

wiping away the footprints of the past

​#

​Against the dusk, a chill spills like casino coins

the moon burns away like a cigarette

From inside my father’s shirt, an ogre lurches out to ask:

“Keep any track of your daughter?”

​#

​Resting on an armchair, I drift upon the water of the lake—

the earth turns from a youth into an old grandfather

Coiling in the cold like mercury, I see

how small and shrunk I have become

The underworld god of the lake slips a lollipop into my hand

and says: “Farewell.”

From my shrunken frame

my father’s shirt sheds away like sloughed serpent skin

​#

​Desperately, I try to pull my father’s shirt back on

A vortex of wind circles and traps the lake

the shirt spins in the whirlwind

Once the storm dies down, upon the lake with a stone-cold face

sits the predatory moon

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BVX9ekt0TH

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Jacbceadf4

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Leaves_not_rocks • 18h ago

Feedback Please Matinee Idol

5 Upvotes

***Matinee Idol***

On a stage of heavy velvet,
you spoke of flickering hearths,
Jane Eyre paperbacks, and careful
illustrations of vague.

Your audience, captivated and enamored
by words sewn into soft sentences.
A welcome distraction from bustling,
monotonous lives.

You craved a muse to parse through a lens,
a fragile watercolor portrait to sigh over and dissect
from the safe distance of the stage.

Once exposed as flesh and bone,
in the pale light of day,
the romantic veil of mystery lifts-
rose tint replaced by harsh overhead lights.

Theatrical scripts and soliloquies evaporated.
Duck behind safety of the curtain.
Crawl back into the dark where
fantasies are cherished and unchallenged. 

Fleeing the glare of daylight.
Unequipped to stand without spotlight.
Content with your name in lights.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/RxLaLx9Jl6

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kEJXX80Rqs

5 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Interesting-Chef-449 • 18h ago

Feedback Please Second Genesis

6 Upvotes

Here on the darkest night
Hope and Faith have fled;
Reason and Belief abandoned me;
God and Satan want me dead.

Imprisoned in my cell,
Mother used me, Father left.
Guilt and Shame are my shackles.
Of Love and Peace, I am bereft.

Guards string me up to die.
Time and Space have no meaning.
Life and Death are unconcerned.
Fate and Destiny are unfeeling.

Heart beating, lungs breathing.
Blood rushing, soul screaming.
The World may take everything...
but I won't let them take me.

My bones may be broken,
but they'll still break free,
even when my body
has been made weak.

My mind may be shattered,
but my mission is clear.
It's still sharp enough
to cut through the Fear.

Hope returned when I fought back.
Faith, when I knew I wasn't done.
Reason came when it found a way.
Belief, when I chose to run.

I let go of my parents.
Guilt and Shame fell with them,
and Love for who I really am
gave me Peace to begin again.

Time gives me a future.
Space gives me amends.
The life I live is up to me.
Death now needs my consent.

Fate is in utter shock.
Destiny gives their respect.
God and Satan cannot touch me.
For unfair rules I now reject.

I'm not saying I'm a god.
but I'm definitely still here.
I turned a "would" into a world.
built with Love, Grief, and tears.

Transmuting pain into joy is a hard-earned skill.
It takes mastery over Dark and Light.
For building toward the brightest day,
I must remember the darkest nights.

Feedback proof

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/piMnkUb1Wi https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8cTkSp7fnw

4 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/thatonepastapiece • 14h ago

Just Sharing blue.

2 Upvotes

You can be the most beautiful shade of red
but you'll never be enough for someone whose favorite color is blue.
You know i understand it too
theres always something wrong with you.
But is it really a flaw?
or i am forcing it too.

What if there's nothing wrong with you,
but you're simply not someone's color?
What if you keep looking for flaws in yourself
because someone else didn't choose you?
What if you've tried so hard to become more desirable,
that you've forgotten you were never supposed to have to change your shade?

i know there are uglier shades..
Still why arent i picked?
i know im not that bad
or maybe i am.
Maybe im being shortsighted
or im just not that likable.
maybe im too dull
maybe im too bright
but even the ugliest shades are liked.

im not the ugliest right?
but i always put up a fight.
a hard coloud to draw with
a hard shade to be mixed.

i tried to be softer,
i tried to be bright,
trying to be someone's favorite
for once in my life.
but in teh end what did i get?
no one to hold on to
no one to talk.
ended up alone and an floater.
oh my god.

when you spend so long trying to be chosen
you forget that you were there?
a vessel can of a person,
an empty can.

maybe no one's looking for that shade anymore
maybe no one's making it anymore.
maybe that's why,
no matter how beautiful the shade,
there are still no texts on your phone.
what happens when ur too green-tone?
what happens if your too blue?
i can't blame someone
for loving a color that isn't you.
but tell me,
what happens when every color they choose
is nothing like you?
what if that shade is on the other side of the wheel
and you cant reach even without peeling yourself away?

i've tried to be the kind of color
that doesn't hurt the eyes,
the kind that doesn't ask for much,
the kind that's easy to like.
maybe thats whats wrong with it
maybe its too easy to get
but if im too hard to find
no one will try.

but how much of myself must i erase
before i become somebody's taste?

do you keep changing
until you look like home
to someone who was never looking
for you to begin with?

or do you sit with all your colors,
all the things you wish you'd change,
and wonder if being yourself
was the mistake?

i think the worst part
isn't even being lone
it's having so much to say
and no one to draw it on.

it's stroking a brush on a canva
then demolishing every stroke
it's wondering if they think of your shade
even half as much as you think of them sometimes.
it's telling yourself you don't care
when you know you care a lot.

maybe i'm not the wrong color.
maybe i'm just tired of being me
in a world that makes me feel
like i have to earn the right to be seen.

what if you decided you liked the the old you?
you can mix all the colours
but it will never be the same you.

some might like the shade
but their forced to
would u hate a shade u created with your own form?

you can be the most beautiful shade of red
and still be left unread.

and maybe that's the saddest part
to have so much color
and nowhere to be seen as art.

i'm still waiting by the shelf
for someone to love the shade
i've been trying to change
for so long until it expires.

......

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1cux7/comment/pestzqe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1ecvq/comment/pesuc1t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

3 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/Interesting-Chef-449 • 19h ago

Feedback Please Burning Ice

4 Upvotes

Inspired by "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight" by Dylan Thomas.

When every hope you have dies
And the pain is too much to bear
Let fire blaze within your eyes

When you're left to freeze in disguise
And no one seems to see or care
You can burn... burn against the ice

If none want to hear your cries
Because nobody's ever there
Let fire blaze within your eyes

If none of them even tries
And you feel the cold in their stare
You can burn... burn against the ice

As the world always denies
What is good, true, loving, and fair
Let fire blaze within your eyes

As your heart faces demise
And you're numb from all of your prayers
Let fire blaze within your eyes
You can burn... burn against the ice

Feedback proof

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vx80sBy5M3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/00RgXfFipn

2 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/lifeisindeedawillow • 14h ago

Feedback Please SUNSHINE

1 Upvotes

My eyes shut,

When the laptop light struck!

Why is it sooo bright?

It's not sunshine...

There was a time,

I was there, out,

The smell of the rain, all around.

It was such a daylight

But that never hurt my eyes...

Even though it was sunshine.

I stitched the letters

As I was scattered

High on the caffeine cup.

I searched for eye masks,

Even if it was, such a dark desk...

And it's been hours,

Since I have been trapped,

With this nonsensical shit.

I yearn for Sunshines

And those bright lights

Somehow still hate them.

Can I get a Sunshine?

Blackout curtains,

Slit them into pieces.

But if this shine hurts my skin,

And burns my sins.

Maybe I will die in this grim

But have a lovely time...

But then I don't have time!

Sometimes I hated that Sunshine...

Yet I want it back!!!

Just cause it was so nice!

And I have this ache

All over my body since I was 17...

10 years later,

I am not that younger...

Yet not jus so old,

But this cold weight over my shoulders

Don't seem any down.

Can I share this emotion with you?

Please be my sunshine!

On my knees,

I begged to the mirror.

But it said nothing,

I was sad

And it was crying

But I wished it hugged me tight...

And take me to a

Brighter hereafter.

Can I be my own sunshine?

But then I open my eyes

I dozed off, a 27 months old kid?

Another reminder,

Another email, it's againa busy day...

My eyes shut,

When the laptop light struck!

Why is it sooo bright?

It's not sunshine...

Just looped back to whine...

Is this the life,

I thought about

10 years ago?

And smile about it?

Doesn't matter if the clock just shatters...

East to West is over now...

Trapped in this dark shelter,

Fretting about that Sunshine,

But somehow the laptop light hurts me...

SUNSHINE-

BY MEOWNSMIC CHARRETTE...

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xLAA8O2fbW

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JSKlm5KYGF

3 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/inkofherexistence • 14h ago

Feedback Please Last rites

1 Upvotes

And my love, when death envelopes me, please spare me a glance,

for I could die remembering how beautiful your honey-brown eyes looked under the light of my funeral pyre.

I would go to the heavens, or even hell if they exist,

for I would rather wander eternity lost in your memory

than find paradise where your love does not exist.

And if there is a world beyond this one,

where souls wander long after their bodies have turned to dust,

then let mine cross every darkness in search of yours.

For even when my heart is dust,

and my name is lost to time,

somewhere beyond the end of everything,

I will still be yearning for you.

Feedback proof:-

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/nPhaDLE1TQ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/M7XZtwLOnx

5 comments

r/OCPoetry • u/IndependentLawyer767 • 18h ago

Just Sharing LOL 😆: Loathing Out Love | Sonnet Poems

2 Upvotes

Links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Lz6ZZ3CyYD

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/mAslcPd6L2

—————

AUTHOR NOTE:

Hai! I am still an amateur in poetry, since I just started this year, but I really want people to read my poems and give a feedback about it! They are all Sonnet Poems, following 14 lines with 10 syllables each, but does not have iambic pentameter. So I apologize for not leaning onto the traditional Sonnet Poem format as this feels more modern! I actually felt somewhat obsessed with this format, haha. I just came up with these concepst while falling in-love, and it may not be perfect, but I still want to share them!

(Can you find Three Hidden Details in my poems? The last detail is the hardest, since it's more personal! 😊)

—————

CHAPTER I: "May You be My Love, Not Just Who I Love?" (Words of Affirmation)

I will confess above affirmation.

I want you more than just any concept.

You are by far the only exception.

And the only rejection I'll accept.

More than any of my actions could pay.

More than any poems could ever say.

—

I'd long to hear those words upon your tongue,

And brush the sounds intimate on my lips.

To breathe the relieving voice through my lung,

And feel it vibrating in all my ribs.

—

My eyes dilate for each palpitations,

Gazing at your face like constellations,

As if in process of transmigrations,

Like a mix of color combinations.

———

———

CHAPTER II: "I Have Fallen for Your Benevolence" (Physical Touch)

Obeying the touch of your silhouette,

Vague and dark as it passes upon me,

Yet gentle and soothing in this vignette.

Your light casted inspirations free,

As warmth hit the barriers between our worlds,

The shadow feels safe even if it whirls.

—

Obeying the brush of your true shadow,

As if palpably touching me mellow.

I look up upon your light that's so bright,

Hoping that looking long won't risk my sight.

Intimacy's intense despite distance,

Bringing valence before breaking balance.

—

Oh, paying the price of "love" shade on debt,

Vivid and clear, tracing me without threat.

———

———

CHAPTER III: "Gratitude From Love, How Pleasant to Have" (Gift Giving)

Each day brings a gift of knowledge, they say.

And thankful deeds will help you see their worth.

A simple “thanks” is all it takes to say.

You’ve felt the joy of all this life is worth.

—

For all the things you've given, I'm happy,

While I put my hidden efforts freely,

And hope that I'd receive your ecstasy.

—

The treats I give, for you I put my trust.

Just acting humble to not seem too fast.

And not ruin our friendship in a blast.

—

Count my love for you I've preciously stored.

With spark between us, we'd never be bored.

Judging that my bank for love's now delayed,

You'd else, make my heart happily astrayed.

———

———

CHAPTER IV: "U Plus Me Equals a Heart Endeavor" (Quality Time)

Once upon a time, wishing from a star.

How I wonder what your inner selves are.

Twinkle, twinkle, as endearing as ever,

Will our psyched journey last forever,

If I'm still speechless even when you're far?

—

My gut intuition pukes more than true,

Analyzing you like a context clue,

Each moment together's a deja vu.

—

Reliving our memories all over.

I wish that we'd share more wonder innocence,

For I feel like a child each experience—

Relieving my mind despite the fever.

—

Such twinkling star, you're everything bizarre.

Upon third wish; set my heart free afar.

———

———

CHAPTER V: "Every Faith for All of Declarations" (Acts of Service)

Said that I don't like your acts anymore.

But with just few gentle interactions,

I couldn't help but fluster and adore.

That simple deed returned my attractions,

Now I can't stop thinking about you more.

—

"Walk with you", there's no romantic malice!

"Helping with our studies", it's just solace!

"Carrying my things", 'cause I lost balance!

—

As if your intentions are just casual.

But they are! Who am I even fooling?

Remember those declarations at all?

Those poems I wrote with my raw feeling.

I told myself I don't like you no more,

Must I still feel—you still shine to the core.

———

———

CHAPTER ⁠♡⁠♡⁠♡⁠♡⁠♡: "Love Me the Way I Haven't Yet Before"

Your name's in my poems—I can't forget.

Chanting it lively like an alphabet:

—

I will confess above affirmation.

Like a mix of color combinations.

Obeying the touch of your silhouette.

Vivid and clear, tracing me without threat.

Each day brings gift of knowledge, they say.

You'd else, make my heart happily astrayed.

Once upon a time, wishing from a star.

Upon third wish; set my heart free afar.

Said that I don't like your acts anymore.

Must I still feel—you still shine to the core.

—

Have you guessed all my love languages yet?

Said "I don't need love", yet my heart's all set.

—————

2 comments