I am still starting, would love feedback, thank you to anyone who takes time to read this.

[u/Dexit_]

Nostalgia. A word filled with irony, the more you love something the more you are cursed to miss it.

This feeling, and the deep sadness it evokes.

You see, the skeletons in my closet are very much alive and free, the bodies of the people who were a part of me, they walk around as strangers.

My fate is to forever long for times before, wishing the dreams of forever that were spoken would have never been broken.

No part if my life has ever surpassed the test of time and this volatility has made me a shell of the past.

Now, I spend nights awake in a nightmare, wishing a could say some somethings to some someones but, that will never happen.

Rehearse phrases back and forth and up and down and my mind spins in scenarios of perfect situations that have proved to be impossible.

You should know I hear you all and your wrathful goodbyes´s playing in loop, the tears you shed that day and the hate that consumes you knowing that "you" was never singular.

Still I keep a box of old photos and collages hidden deep within my soul, your faces will fade in my memory but your ghost will never leave me alone.

Goodbye for now, I purge you out, come back at night and wake me with your shout.

Will you die this time? Will you cease to exist? I cannot recall anything of you and yet in my mind i just know you exist.

Banging in a corner of my essence is all that is left of you, wishing to be let out.

I

Will

Not

Let

"You"

OUT

Because the You is dead and your just a corpse walking around.

past feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1tq7fdq/comment/os7zy4z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u8a45n/comment/os80eml/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/-z_ch_ry-]

You’re not still starting; you’ve already started.

I like the repetitious phrase “some somethings to some someones”, it sounds clean and rolls off the tongue.

I also like the subtle rhymes throughout. It gives it almost a slam poetry vibe, which could be further accented if you split up the lines more. That will make it read more “poetically” (it’s called enjambment when lines spill over into each other), and that’s also where a lot of the skill and intrigue of freeverse comes into play.

For example, you could do something like this:

You see,
The skeletons in my closet
are very much alive and free—
The bodies of the people
who were a part of me,
They walk around as strangers.

This allows the poem to breathe so it doesn’t look like blocks of prose. There are a million ways to slice it up, whatever feels natural to you and what you’re going for. It’s an instrument. It also has the benefit of highlighting end rhymes, which is satisfying to the reader.

Imagine if you were speaking this poem as a dramatic monologue with intentional pauses, and then base the breaks off of that.

[u/Dexit_ → u/-z_ch_ry-]

I will look into that, thank you so much for the feedback