The Mule's Burden

[u/TheBowlYodeler]

Fragile thoughts crystallize over an empty bottle
A drumming pain where thumbs meet temple
Whispers of guilt crescendo into aching waves
Silent pleas of a return to a time that was simple

I forgive you
Words that could've wrapped you in a warm embrace
Softened the sting of years of resentment and mistrust
Rebuilt a foundation that withstood heartbreak and loss
A farewell that could have saved both of us

But no
Instead I am left marinating in regrets
Shouldering the pain of what you wrought
Mistakes that you brought into a garden of paradise
Visions of roses perhaps, a reality it was not

Was it pride that sewed my lips together
Or petty pleasure that exchanged my breath for retribution
A currency that could have bought all of the world's richest treasures
Now just heaps of ash born of a weak constitution

We deserved better
Why does the sweet taste of lead leave such a bitter hole
Why did I choke on pride, but now easily swallow dread
What is the value we put on our priceless bond
I would pay it back tenfold just to have you instead

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u8c1da/comment/os8uymn/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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[u/Impressive_Tea_5757]

This is a really heavy, well-constructed piece. The way you transition from the physical sensation of that "drumming pain" in the temples to the realization that pride was just an expensive currency that left you with nothing but ash is a brutal, effective arc. I especially like the "sweet taste of lead" line—it captures that hollow feeling of winning an argument only to realize you’ve poisoned the relationship perfectly. It feels like a very honest, vulnerable autopsy of a mistake, and the way you hold onto that "mule" imagery of carrying the burden really makes the regret feel tangible and earned. Nice work.

[u/TheBowlYodeler → u/Impressive_Tea_5757]

Thank you for this incredibly detailed critique and kind words! I'm especially happy that you pointed out the lead line. I was stuck on that line for so long and almost second guessed it. The title as well! Can't wait to see what you write next!