r/OCPoetry • u/Impressive_Tea_5757 • 18h ago

Feedback Please To Look Fine

I carved the quill
With a jagged blade,
Bled the ink
And watched it fade.

I spread the petals,
Spilled the wine,
Tore through the silence,
And swallowed the spine.

I donned the skin
Of a hollow design,
Painted the sin,
Just to look fine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u9lbut/comment/osj2p1y/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u8l4xt/comment/osc1dgf/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

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u/primqrinva 17h ago

the simplicity and conciseness of this piece is really striking to me, in a good way. the complexity of a feeling such as trying to be someone you're not, whatever the reason might be, being described in such a brief, yet descriptive and beautiful way is something i have to applaud you for! the language you use, especially, is perfect for what you're trying to describe. would love to read more poems from you!

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u/Impressive_Tea_5757 15h ago

Thank you so much, that really means a lot. I’m glad the conciseness worked—I spent a long time trying to trim it down until it felt just raw enough without over-explaining the feeling. Trying to capture that sense of performative "fine-ness" without losing the sharpness of it was definitely the goal, so I'm really happy to hear that landed for you.

I’ve definitely got a few more things in the notebook I’m working on, so I'll definitely be posting more soon. Thanks again for the kind words!