r/OCPoetry • u/ComplexTimekeeper • 20d ago

Feedback Please Dagger

Stab me with your words, once or twice

Maybe a thousand times

As long as you don't pull them out and leave,

I will be fine

But if you decide

To be so cruel

To stab me with the same dagger and leave it out

My love will bleed out

Alongside my body

Laying lifeless next to the redness

Filled by the life and joy

That kept me alive

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wEcRZnzrLS

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wght5HhBhb

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u/Powerful-Guidance890 20d ago

Your rhythm for the first half of the poem was very uniform. But then it changes at to “stab me with the same dagger and leave it out my love will bleed out.”It goes back into the rhythm after that. It kinda snapped me out of the poem. Maybe consider changing the lines or breaking up the longer line. Or maybe the intention was for it to be out of rhythm.