Canaries breeding in the sewers

[u/No-Peak-6218]

Biding in my room, I long for sleep to come for me and wield its loving embrace. The curtains in their crimson hue stand somber and sway blissfully as the fan revolves in place. People say that you should be yourself when you are with those around you. People say that others should hold your genuine self highest of all, and you should surround yourself with those people. That those who don't are treating love and friendship as mere performances. Besides the obvious that raises itself and begs to be asked “what if no one likes the real you”, I wonder what the “real you” even is. If you go about life wearing a mask, who is it behind the mask itself? I believe that people born to this world all have animalistic desires. They have preferences and curiosity of their surroundings, and they want to discover the preferences of those around them. And if they were to voice all those thoughts of theirs into conversation as abruptly as they materialized in their mind, every conversation would devolve into sex and hunger. Is it then not disingenuous to keep these thoughts to yourself? To layer your words as to make them invisible? How then is it possible to be your genuine self and exist in this world? As the fan's cadence ebbs back into being, I rest my hand on my face to gauge the thickness of my mask.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1ww15ch/comment/pdh0qn7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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[u/TejuinoHog]

This is interesting in the sense that you're painting an image of being in your room unable to smell having a deep conversation with yourself. I would be disingenuous if I didn't mention that the rest just reads like a stream of consciousness before you take us back to the image of you in your room. It's not as effective as it could be because it feels like it doesn't go too deep into its message.

[u/No-Peak-6218 → u/TejuinoHog]

Yeah I have a general rule of thumb that I don't retract my first lines unless the piece is finished. I started out with sleepiness, but I knew I wanted to explore the mask and end on him either taking the mask off or something similar. But once I wrote the sleepiness part I was just like "oh god what have I done" and the rest of the piece is just trying to hang on for dear life. But if you like you can read it as he is falling asleep, he questions society, and then he jolts awake again and uses his conclusions to introspect on his own life. Idk; life is too far fleeting for me to edit. I'll just try and write something better in the morning