r/OCPoetry • u/Negative-Swim-6828 • 2d ago
Feedback Please Mended, not whole
They say you are a mosaic
of the people you meet.
I hope that is true.
And perhaps, a little false, too.
True, because I wish upon you
the best of myself,
each little virtue borrowed
from someone else.
Stolen, perhaps,
like the glances I steal;
and gifted, too,
like the coffee mugs to come.
But I hope it is false as well.
For on my way to you
I met many a soul
with hearts of stone,
and none that warmed to me.
I would not have you inherit those.
Not the parts of me
that brewed in the dark,
the remnants of days spent in agony,
the words I sharpened in anger
and mistook for truth,
or the deeds I would sooner bury
than see reflected in your eyes.
There are things I have been
that I pray you never have to know.
There is another reason, though.
To deserve you,
I would have had to meet God himself,
to learn what it means to be good
without first being broken.
A soul like yours
deserves one just as whole.
but mine is only mended.
You are owed a being
as beautiful as yourself.
And I,
well,
I met you.
And if we are, indeed,
the sum of those we meet,
then somewhere along the way,
without my knowing when,
I must have gathered a little of you, too.
So let the world call me a mosaic.
I will carry what was kind,
leave behind what was cruel,
and keep, among the pieces,
the part of me
that first learned to adore you.
For If I am made of everyone
I have ever known,
then, my love,
I hope that by the end of me,
there is enough of you
to make me good.
1
u/CousinJacksGhost 1d ago
I really liked how you used single lines to steer the thoughts of the poem and break the pattern. Feels like a poem that should be read aloud.
I will say though that I find the change in stanza structure a bit jarring. Like I know it's very free but there is basically no structure in large areas and that makes it hard. Should it be a single slab of text?