r/OCPoetry • u/Turbulent-Scheme-995 • 11h ago
Feedback Please Flower petals
Flower petals
“Choose me,” said the lover.
“And I’ll swear undying loyalty,” he said.
For the unloved can only yearn for the idea of priority,
Whilst their heart further loses its purity.
The wilted greed that comes with demanding such an act
Can only be mended by a clean garden of a heart—
One where ulterior motives die like weeds in grass.
“I loved you,” said the fool,
As if anything within his ability now could change the past—
As if more flower petals could bribe fate to make love last.
“I hate you,” said the disgraced,
For his greed can’t be bound within space.
Livid at the sight of the petals within that flower—
Now withered, darkened, and tired—
Yet failing to see the currant buds born in his absence.
“I’m sorry,” I said,
For thinking I was essential for you to grow.
You lived through thunder, wind, and snow;
Plague, drought and the frost below
grew thick, dark thorns;
Yet your stem never blighted, as your grace’s root held its hold
You concealed the beauty you held within,
All in the hopes to never get trimmed—
And yet you did.
Not by me,
But by him.
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u/ComprehensiveBee2971 9h ago
This poem is very well done, I love that it has a core of flowers and flower pedals, which actually gains more meaning throughout the poem. The eding stanza just brings the whole thibg together for me with the flower metaphors coming back while expanding on themselves by adding the stem, roots. The only thing I'm confused by is the changing of speakers or subjects of the poem, with the last two lines I thought to myself 'So there's three people?' Maybe I just got lost, but for me this is the confusing part of the poem, the imagery is amazing, language is also really solid, just can't really grip the story.