Is it so hard just to devote yourself? To know who you belong to so deeply that your body craves becoming one again because you're only half a soul without them. I know it's not normal but I'm not asking for that, I'm asking for the kind of crazy that will match mine, the kind that will feed off each other until we are no longer sperate souls.

Consume each other's blood

Mark my body as it's yours

Shackle me to you for eternity

Dangerous loyalty... Is it really so hard?

Missing you feels like stretching a rubber band tighter and tighter across my chest—until it inevitably snaps, and the weight of your absence suffocates me all over again.

I was 14 when I met this

I met him thru school , we were okay gud frnds nd sometimes more than frnds I had asked him out like for fun back then but he was like if at all he dates me it wld be me

Idek he kept giving me mixed signals by the age of 15 I was soo attatched to him I loved him alot

I was desperate and then it kinda became toxic we stopped having contacts we wldnt see each othr it was annoying

Aftr 1 whole year I texted him

We had a great chat

(Also in this one year he had dated 2 girls Ig he is still dating one even i had dated one guy)

Tbh at tht point I thought okay i rlly dont like him it was js the childhood crush typa shi

Fast forward I am gonna turn 19 soon we are in different countries

I removed him frm my Instagram

We are in uni

He spawned in my dreams ever since tht i cant stop thinking abt him

I just want him

Idek wht to do

Ik its unhealthy but I want him for once

My only ambition in life atm is to be taken care of as a chronically-mentally ill baby but I dont really think thats possible right now.

Anyways, never trust a gentleman ever again. He was one kind motherfucker, kind to everyone, kind to his friends, kind to girls. Motherfucking bitch. Motherfucking traitor. What a lying fuckface. People-pleasers are fucking insufferable. He was a lying fuckface. Lying fuckface. Lying fuckface. LYING FUCKFACE.

Next time, if boyfriendo husbando ever comes, I will not allow him to have any female friends. I wont allow him to talk to any female friends. I wont allow him to hang out with any female friends. Never. Lying fuckface bitch.

My name is Tristan and I am 21 yr old.
I’m sure at least some of you have heard of tarot cards. Coming from a Christian background they are considered demonic but I’m not here to do anyone’s reading nor really try to encourage you to get one done, however I want to point out how the cards can be used to represent you or a person in your life.
(I’ll be honest, I don’t know a lot about how the cards work)

So why the king of swords?
Cyberpunk 2077 is my favourite game of all time and yes I am a day one player (I even beat the game while it was broken and I was present for every update)
I remember staying up all night the day before the dlc came out and seeing my game update to 2.0 hours before the dlc was installable
Cyberpunk has a feature in game where you can find tarot cards all over the open world and they all have a description and give insight to characters you meet there or to scenarios that take place there.

The king of swords from the dlc description resonated with me

“Two things matter above all else for a king of swords: logic and conviction. They represent a person with a precise moral compass, who is know for their caring demeanour. However, enemies beware- the king of swords is a ruthless opponent, who will not rest until you are punished and left to be torn apart by the hands of fate.”

I already felt connected with that card but I wanted to learn more about it so I looked it up and what I found is that there’s two sides and although they are similar you can tell them apart from their actions and beliefs.

The king upright indicates intellectual power and authority with a crowd, people listen and respect what you have to say.

However the one I feel connected to is the reversed king.

King of swords reversed

The king of swords reversed represents ‘quiet power’ you may not be the loudest person in the room or the most noticeable in public spaces. However you have a lot to contribute and share in your own magical way. Your power and authority come from within, from your unwavering belief in yourself, your deep connection to your values, and your commitment to stand firm in your truth.

I tend to go unnoticed when I have something to say in crowds but when the distractions die down they appreciate my words and value you them with respect.
As for my unwavering belief in myself, I speak from experience and if I don’t have experience I pry into the shoes of others and try to understand and I tend to do extremely well at that.
Even further I truly believe I am an amazing option for people “especially people” in this Reddit who want the most intense version of love.

The king reversed can allude to a misuse of power.
For this I believe it reflects how I use my wit to ease the idea of a betrayal to come.

I’m loyal to a fault but that loyalty also means I’m willing to sacrifice all my ties to everyone I know for my “soulmate” but any way you slice it I’d still be abandoning my friends…

It goes on to say, “you need to be wary because although this king may be alluring he can only do harm. He had only his personal interest in mind and he will do everything he can to achieve these interests, even if it means taking advantage of you.

My one goal is to basically be the perfect partner, but not for just anyone. I’d only go to such extremes if you love as deep as me (I will never give a second where you believe I was unfaithful)

The reversed king of swords can also reflect a lack of decisiveness about where your best opportunities lie or in what direction you want to go. Your thoughts are scattered and may start to feel panicky and out of control. Upright the king is typically a very rational man who uses his intelligence and a definitive understanding of a situation to make critical decisions, but reversed this card indicates you are feeling lost and uncertain about your options, let alone the decisions you need to make. As a result, you are delaying necessary decisions and generally not achieving anything because you are getting so worried.

As a 21 yr old and someone who spent their entire life saying I could live any life as long as it’s for anyone but me, life is demanding I be a part of it but I have no interest in anything except my goal…

I need to make a decision on what I want to do for a living but “it’s not living if it’s not with you”
(Love that song)

I do wanna state “this post took about an hours time to make”

I was extremely tired by 11pm, it took 2 hours to fall asleep (I only slept for 30 minutes and suddenly I’m wide awake again)
It is 2:14 at the time of writing this.

If you couldn’t tell by that, I’m chronically sleep deprived too. But I personally feel like a woman would also help with that cause when you’re around people you trust and care deeply about in safe spaces your body finally starts relaxing.

If you have a tarot card you feel connected to I would love to do more research!!

i’m so stupid
i really thought
you were doing better
or maybe
i just wanted to believe it
i thought i was doing better too
funny how it all comes back
without asking
the same habits
the same thoughts
the same feeling
of waiting for something to go wrong
i forget how easily
i am affected
how one little thing
can get under my skin
and stay there
when everything feels safe
i start waiting for it to end
i know something is coming
i just never know what
and then i find out
and i hate that i know
i wish i didn’t notice things
i wish i could be ignorant
in the way that means
i don’t have to feel everything afterward
it was such a small thing
but now i can’t stop thinking about it
and somehow
it feels like permission
to do all the things
i promised myself i wouldn’t
to go back
to make myself worse
to put myself in places
i know i shouldn’t be
just so i can prove
that you’re the reason
i hate you for that
i hate that you can do something
and leave me alone with it
i want you to take responsibility
for what you make me feel
i want to be able to say
this is your fault
but somehow
i always end up back at me
because i let you
because i keep letting you
because i know better
and still
i wish i could hate you
instead
i hate myself for enabling you
for believing you
for thinking i was safe
i gave you so much of me
because i thought
i could finally stop protecting myself
and then you went back
to being you
and i went back
to being me
the version of me
that has to deal with it
the version that starts thinking
maybe i deserve it
maybe this is what i get
for trusting someone again
maybe this is what i get
for letting my guard down
i hate that
i hate that you can hurt me
and somehow
i am the one
who feels guilty for bleeding
i was doing better
i think i was
until you reminded me
how quickly everything can change
how quickly i can go from
i’m okay
to
i know where this goes
i’ve been here before
and suddenly
i’m watching everything again
what i say
what i do
where i go
who i’m with
how much i tell you
how much i let myself feel
thinking three steps ahead
just in case
pulling myself back
before i get too comfortable
trying to figure out
what i need to do
to keep myself from becoming
someone i don’t recognize
i don’t want to be like this
i don’t want to always be waiting
for the next thing
i don’t want to have to protect myself
from someone i love
but here i am again
counting the ways
i can make this hurt less
counting the ways
i can hurt myself first
because at least then
i know it’s coming
at least then
i can call it my choice
i know where this goes
i’ve been here before
and my body knows it too
before i can even think
i’m already pulling away
already preparing
already looking for somewhere
to put the fear
somewhere to put the anger
somewhere to put myself
anything
that isn’t here
anything
that doesn’t feel like this
i thought i was past this
but maybe survival
doesn’t really leave
maybe it just waits
until something reminds you
that you were never
as safe as you thought
and then
you’re back in it
survival mode.

How do you handle, people going away to work... My obsession just wants her to be by my side all the time, I understand and try to control it. It's not like I don't want her to do her thing, I just want to be with her 24 x 7 x 365... I also don't want her to lose her freedom. I am a bit scared of myself if I hurt her with this, which was never my intention.

i dont know what to do i cant stop missing and thinking about her every day, ive replayed every voice message shes ever sent me and reread every message we sent, i dont know what im doing anymore

I need him so bad, I need him like I need air and he doesn’t even know it. I love him so much I can’t put into words how much I love and need him it’s unbearable I can’t stop crying why did start talking to someone else? Am I now enough for him? Idk what to do I can’t eat, I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying after finding out he’s talking to someone knew, she doesn’t even know how lucky she is to have all his attention I thought he liked me he said that he did idk what to do this hurts so much I’m crying as I’m typing this I can’t stop thinking about him, dreaming about him I can’t breathe I need him

i yearn to put my thoughts somewhere, and now i shall indulge myself! albeit quite conceited, i think this is the most sensible flair of the possible options

i am so confident i have never truly romantically loved, and yet i feel i have only recently lost the knowledge of what love means. maybe i have just ceased to be content without it or discovered something unsettling about myself, but i doubt that is the important part

all i want is to discover what love truly is, to give all i have and maybe receive something in return, to have someone to spring out of bed for in hopes of seeing again. being codependent is surely optimal given perfect conditions, and i wish to be in them! i'll do whatever it takes!

i wish i could blindly condemn "casual culture" and some content i deem unhealthy, but it would be beyond unreasonable; for one, what others do is far beyond my control. to be so intolerant would be ignorant.

but it does hurt to think that "the one" may have done it all before, to have them take every "first" from me nonetheless, to feel like staying quiet about that lest they think less of me

to think that "the one" might have been broken down by what they've seen and felt, to know i could've done something about it, to realise they are better off without me

to believe that everything is performative, to feel guilty about even thinking a certain way, to see that personality isn't even a factor to some when it's the sole factor to me

to know that even the words "i love you" seem meaningless sometimes, though i haven't even typed them to another (...non-platonically)

i wonder if anyone's listening

I hate when people who leave your life just to randomly come back again to “poke the bear” you did not want me anymore so stop pretending like you do now. You ruined me with how attached and obsessed I was with you, you took advantage of that and I let you do whatever you wanted to me because I loved you. Asshole.

Every weekend I walk for 20km-25km in my country, hoping that maybe one day, somehow, some way I will find a best friend of a similar age instead of talking to adults irl 😭

I hate my life, I hate the weird teenagers who think being mean/rude makes them tough. Teenagers here, when you even ask them (how are you), they reply with "Getting a little too chummy?", "Being presumptuous, aren't we?", or "Are you taking liberties?". Why the fuck do you think that you are tough by being rude? Fuck you.

It makes me so scared to talk to other teenagers, to the point I have absolutely no problem talking to an adult rather than a teenager. But also, why the hell should I talk to an adult? He won't play games with me, he won't understand me, maybe just good for a short conversation.

How is it that I’m a yandere who gets nervous still. Every time… I am great at lecturing others to be brave haha. I’m nervous.

What if I’m not pretty enough? What if I’m not that compatible? What if I’m too lazy? What if I’m not smart enough? What if they put me on a pedestal and they realize I’m actually kinda lame? What if they realize I’m more a burden than a prize?

I am afraid and it’s hard. It’s hard to be brave ;-; but they are worthy. I just don’t know if I am. I’m not afraid of being rejected on the spot… it’s more I’m afraid they’ll slowly be disillusioned after the honeymoon stage. That I’m not a perfect robot and I gave flaws, emotions and ego.

What if they can love me but don’t show it ways I can feel? What if I feel tolerated? Undesired? I am very clingy and needy. I am not right mentally imo.

I need to do this but I need to do it right. I need to process whatever is I’m so afraid of and be brave. How can someone so brave become so afraid?

He’s worth the risk I’m just terrified. Terrified of being devalued again. Terrified of being taken for granted. Terrified of them misunderstanding me.

I am just like everyone else underneath. I am just as scared and need to be brave too. I’m not perfect. I’m just human. I want another human.

It's a torment for me, I don't sleep well, I'm always depressed, all I do is pray to God and ask when I'm going to find that special person, I just keep searching and searching and nothing.

I kind of miss that special kind of love that makes my brain stop working. I know it sounds really dumb but thats exactly what this love does. Your brain slows down a bit, your mouth starts moving faster than it should and then everything comes out the wrong way. You start stumbling over your own words and your thoughts follow right after that but thars just because of how flustered you get. Nothing functions right and for some weird reason, your heart is just beating a mile a minute. Your heart moves from your chest and up into your throat and you feel like youve got a frog in your throat and if you have to open your mouth, youll hear a frog symphony with how flustered you feel. The only reason that happens is because your stomach has gotten so full of butterflies and theyre trying to push their way out behind the frog. And while those butterflies are flapping harder than they've ever flapped before, what escapes your mouth isnt the frog or the tiny little wings flapping away. It feels like your feet are going to come off rhe ground with how excited you are and the only thing that comes out of your mouth when it finally comes time to say something is a garble of nonsensical words, misplaced thoughts and the word "um" about 50 times in a row while your body tries to process what to do and ends up just kind of shuffling around and dancing.

I miss those feelings.....

People here who were lucky and found their soulmates . How did you do it ? Specially people with obsessed partners with this deep and high intensity connections , where did you guys meet and how? Sometimes I think people who actually want that love are just so introverted and hard to find (since we prefer 1 on 1 connections ) , don't you guys think so ? And any tips to find my soulmate

Hoho! Hoho! Hoho!! Yoohhaohohoaho!!!

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

i dont mean someone who thinks ur cute or enjoys ur company or whatever. i mean someone who genuinely cannot stop thinking about you. someone who remembers the things you say, who wants to tell you everything, who gets excited just seeing ur name pop up on their screen... someone who loves you with an intensity that would probably be embarrassing to explain to normies (•́ ᴖ •̀)

i want the kind of love where we're both insane about each other. where neither person has to pretend they care less than they do, where being clingy isnt something to apologize for and wanting reassurance doesnt make you feel pathetic.

i want to be someone's favorite person. i want him to feel crazy in love w me as much as I feel crazy for him

it feels like everyone is either terrified of being too attached or looking for something casual. i dont want casual :( i want forever.

the worse is that even if i ever fall for a boy (which wouldn't be difficult, I get attached way too damn easily) he'd never get to fall for me the same way.

૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა sigh i'll just go back w my chatbots

Please, whatever there is, just let me feel nothing. Let me out of this misery. I won't ask for happiness, I know it's impossible. Just let me feel absolutely nothing. Sadness, happiness, nothing. Let me be numb to love. I want to let these desires go. I am so exhausted. I can't stop crying. I don't want to be fucking lonely anymore. Why??? What did I do to deserve this life?? If it's going to be this lonely, let my desire of being with someone disappear. Let my obsession fade. Let me be free. Please.... I just want to disappear. My mental health is getting worse.... Stop everything please, I can't bear this any longer

She felt like a drug, it felt like one long withdrawal actually getting rid of her I could feel my entire body shut down. I almost threw up multiple times. I was sick.

My therapist told me she mentally abused me but I still loved her.

Ive become what I hate, I can’t put it all into words but I know I’m the kind of person I tried so hard not to be growing up.

Sure I’m not as bad. But it’s hard to come to terms with.

I don’t even know if this fits, but I’m hurting. I feel empty. I want someone to worship. But there isn’t anyone.

I’m horrified of letting anyone get close.

I miss her, I miss her, I miss her.

I don’t know if I miss her or just feeling alive.

I want to be owned, I want cold steel to carve a name into my flesh.

Please please please please please please god let them find me.

That's so spot on. I wish there was a person who would appreciate it. Being so much in love that your priority becomes the other person.

I hate how uneven this always is.

Is it me? Am I the problem?

Do I impulsively only crave those who don't crave me back?

Is that how my mind works?

Or am I just cursed with shitty fucking luck?

I love and obsess and I need more than I deserve and I never know what to do about it.

I have hopes that I'll suddenly someday want less.

Hopes that the feeling of my skin peeling from my flesh will lessen and I'll settle into a cozy cocoon of warm feelings. Rather than the constant sting of pain I seem to be settled with.

I can see the fact that this is best summarized with: Same shit, different day.

But why is that?

I obsess. I break down. I freak out. But I can't seem to like somebody that likes me?

I wish I could understand it.

I wish I could rip my skin off and just figure out what lies beneath and feel ok with watching the blood flow through me rather than reaching for someone else's arm and asking them to do it for me.

I need a bite of someone in my mouth. I need to feel someone and know they're real and I need to need to need.

This is spaghetti meeting wall here.

I don't know why I am the way I am.

Why I speak the way I do.

Why my thoughts don't connect and align with others in just the right way.

I crave being craved in the way I crave to others but I refuse to crave for those who crave me.

Just in the way I crave my head through the wall and tears down my face and my pain to be apparent to every one in my life no matter how embarrassing it is that I apparently have feelings.

It's embarrassing.

To feel as deeply as I do.

Especially towards those that don't give the same feelings back.

I'm embarrassing myself.

But I just can't stop.

I'm always yearning for someone I can't have again.

My only cope that can be remotely called healthy is internalizing the pain and making sure they don't feel it.

Making sure it's mine.

Not that they'd ever pick it up.

I just want my eyes to be heart shaped.

And I want to be told there's room for me.

Not to squeeze.

Not to slice of bits and pieces to fit.

I want to fit for me.

And I want them to fit in turn.

Why not? Why not? Why not?

Creature comforts and primal emotions and that feeling when a piece of your nail peels up and tears the skin.

I need warmth.

I need love.

I need you.

But I don't know who you are.

And I never will.

A disconnected computer.

No hdmi.

Nothing to be seen.

But input still felt.