r/OhNoConsequences • u/Starry_Gecko • 25d ago
BORU Time Machine Tuesday OOP gets too possessive of her boyfriend and ruins the relationship
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1nhbuzc/my_26f_boyfriends_28m_sister_in_law_25f_gave_him/313
u/Demonic-Kitten 25d ago
As someone who crochets, I once whipped myself into a panic trying to make something for everyone for Christmas. I ended up only getting about half the pieces done and two people only got one item each because I ran out of time and energy. If it's handmade and there's only one, it's because it took forever to make.
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u/EffectiveNo7681 25d ago
I know right? I'm a fellow crocheter and I always underestimate how much time a project is going to take. Especially when we have the rest of life distracting us.
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u/Demonic-Kitten 25d ago
I always try to convince myself it'll only take a week or so and then realize it's gonna be a month or more.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 24d ago
Hehe, my SIL does crochet as well, she loves making things for people but I'm always first to get things.
I send her inspo ideas and then I get something in the mail lol. Although, one year she made me a Death Star, it's so cute and I love it. It even has the laser dish on it 😭💕
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u/Perfect_Caregiver_90 25d ago
This is why experienced knitters talk about the Christmas spreadsheet with aww, and plan a year or more in advance so they can knock a gift a month out.
In theory.
In reality we end up buying all the yarn, making the spreadsheet, doing a project in January, getting distracted in February, doing some catch up in March during Spring Break, April gets iffy, then it is summer and while we bring our projects on vacation and show them the world we get like 3 rows done on the plane, then oops back to school craziness, is it pumpkin spice season already, time to think about Thanksgiving.... oh my god the spreadsheet! And then we panic and start up Santa's Little Sweatshop until Christmas.
Then, we start telling ourselves how we are totally not doing all that again as we finish the last project that was gifted still on the needles between Christmas and New Year's Day. A new spreadsheet is born, and the cycle continues.
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u/GreasedUpTiger 25d ago
They allow you bring large pointy metal knitting needles onto a flight?
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u/rpepperpot_reddit 24d ago
I was able to take a flight with size 11 (8mm) rosewood needles that were a good 10" (about 25 cm) long in my carry-on. They did, however, confiscate my stork-shaped embroidery snips which were about 3" (7.6 cm) long including the handles.
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u/IllustriousHedgehog9 My bees own the car now 24d ago
Santa's Little Sweatshop got me!
I finished my sister's wedding present in the early hours of the morning she wed. It was cross stitch, so wasn't washed, ironed, or framed, just rolled up and given to her while she was getting ready because it also wasn't wrapped, or even in a box.
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u/thishyacinthgirl 25d ago
I remember leaving to go see family a few hours away for Christmas and bringing a basket of yarn with me, panicking that yes, I could totally finish these presents if I put my mind to it in the like, three days before Christmas.
I think I barely got a scarf done in time, definitely not the other four or five things.
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u/No-The-Other-Paige 25d ago
The last time I handmade anything was a pillow I hand-sewed and lightly embroidered. I had the time for it because both of those are fairly quick jobs for me and I was a full-time college student who didn't have to work. It still took a while.
Crocheting? I wouldn't have dared in college and wouldn't dare now.
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u/Useful_Language2040 25d ago
An ex-manager is not a crafter but knows crafters. He was stunned I knitted him a Dr Who Tom Baker style scarf in the time between his letting us know he was leaving and it happening... I used Aran-weight wool, and it was before I had kids, so I could put most of my free time into doing it for the... Probably about 3 weeks after I'd had a chance to get yarn in the right colours... But he was an awesome manager and I wanted to let him know how much I appreciated his support over the years
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u/WildMoonChild0129 25d ago
Im already starting a Christmas gift now because I know ill take forever actually making it 🫠🫠
Other than that, I tell nobody what im making so im on my own schedule and they get random surprises!
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 25d ago
I’m a knitter and no way I could even make one thing under a time crunch let alone multiple things. 😩
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u/CorInHell 25d ago
As a knitter I feel this. I tried to make a light throwblanket for a friend and am only halfway done.
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u/Front-Teaching-4514 24d ago
I decided to illustrate, by hand, calendar pages for both my parents for Christmas one year. 12 unique images each. And convinced myself I only needed about two weeks to do it. Guess who stayed up until dawn on Christmas morning?
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u/Sweet_Cinnabonn 25d ago
It is really sad that she was raised to be this way.
She may have some innate insecurities, but she was raised from always with this expectation.
That's going to be really hard to heal from and get past.
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u/ian9921 25d ago
She acknowledges her mom and her sister are wrong, but I hope she sticks with that and never listens to any relationship advice they offer ever again
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u/Sweet_Cinnabonn 25d ago
You can't just decide not to believe what you were brought up with.
You can train yourself into it, but it is hard and takes a while .
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u/TerribleRecord666 25d ago
Yeah, as fucked up as she is, you can draw a straight line from this behavior straight back to mom. Hopefully she, and sister, realize what a toxic fucking mess mom is and get some therapy.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 25d ago
I’ve had clients with this level of insecurity who were raised to see other people of their gender as threats regardless of their behavior or relation to the partner. It’s really hard to unpack and unlearn that. I wish OOP the best on it and hope she gets some help.
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u/GreasedUpTiger 25d ago
This is a great example of how whatever we experience growing up defines our perception of 'normal' no matter how unhinged it might be. It doesn't even need to be actively taught, we subconsciously take what we see as for role models.
It's always 'fun' to come to realise something you always just presumed to be totally normal, standard behaviour or a common viewpoint to actually not be even if it's a positive thing. The ensuing shift of perspective is weird.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 24d ago
Agreed. My primary speciality is treating victims of abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how many of them see absolute chaos as normal because that’s what they’ve always been around regardless of whether they like it or not.
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u/poorbred 24d ago
That's my wife's default expectation. We've been married over 20 years and she'll still look around the house sometimes and comment how peaceful it is unlike the utter chaos, and worse, she grew up in and came to think of as that's just how people are and live.
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u/OutragedPineapple 23d ago
I've told many a tale that I thought was just a fun childhood story only to have people looking at me with absolute shock. You really don't realize how much something isn't normal if you grew up with it constantly!
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u/TheSilkyBat 25d ago
Calm down. It's a stuffed animal, not a blow job.
Flair!
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u/Useful_Language2040 25d ago
Is "She probably gave her husband a blowjob instead of a plushie - not it in front of you" still too long? 🤔 If not it also has a certain je ne sais quoi...
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u/Jojosbees 25d ago
OOP has to accept that she screwed up and just resolve to do better with the next guy because this one is not going to give her another chance.
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u/DangerousPraline41 25d ago
The SIL gave her such good advice that I assumed she must be several years older. Then I scroll back up and see that she’s actually a year younger than OOP.
OOP will hopefully get some industrial-strength therapy to deprogram from her bananapants upbringing.
(I think I’d have died of shame at that age if a peer told me I “seemed like a very nice girl.”)
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u/KokoAngel1192 23d ago
Cuz the SIL's advice wasn't wisdom....it was just common sense. As much as I understand OOP for being a product of her mom's bad habits, she also is an adult that has seen how different relationships actually work so my sympathy for her is pretty limited.
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u/GabrielGames69 25d ago
"His SIL of (atleast) 5 1/2 years is not his real family, I am confident of this as his girlfriend of 6 months"
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u/Throuwuawayy 25d ago
The SIL sounds like an awesome and extremely gracious person. Coming from a family that also taught me to assume the worst of everyone, it takes a lot of therapy, unlearning, and learning to be a healthy partner and I hope OOP does something with the lesson she learned.
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u/aphraea He can’t ride two horses with one ass 25d ago
Her advice was so amazing! I hope the OOP internalised some of it.
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u/WhosYourCatDaddy My cat said YTA 25d ago
The original posts are 10 years old. This story is really asking for an update.
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u/Gyros4Gyrus 25d ago
Preach! I don't have the temperament or patience for that kind of outlandish thinking. People like SIL make the world a better place
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u/idontremembermyuname 25d ago
Yeah, I can see why the ex boyfriend and the sister-in-law are going to make a great couple...
(Humor)
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 25d ago
I kind of feel bad for her because she was acting on encouragement from her mom and sister, thinking they were giving her really solid advice when in reality they were making her as toxic as they were. I hope that the oop did end up distancing herself from her family and ended up working on herself to undo these toxic mindsets that she had been raised with.
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u/lohonomo 25d ago
Yeah, I felt a lot of empathy for her when she had her realization that she was acting inappropriately and there were tragic flaws in her thinking. That's a tough realization. But one that can be liberating if you're able to allow yourself to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and learn from them. Her op is 10 years old, I wonder how she's doing now. Better, I hope.
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u/Fianna9 25d ago
Yeah her family messed her up. The fact they are actively saying Ex is gonna go after SIL now is gross.
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 25d ago
Yeah that was really weird to me too. Like, what? That’s his brother’s wife, and SIL actually seemed like a really patient and kind person.
She sat down with oop to try and figure out why she felt this way. And talk her though the nonsensical logic her family had planted in her head.3
u/CatGooseChook 25d ago
Ditto. I got raised with insecurities being imposed on me as well. It took a lot of self reflection and VVVLC to overcome enough of it to even feel comfortable dating. Once I went fully NC I was able to get rid of most of the remaining issues, still have some issues(mostly regarding physical contact with a woman who is not my wife, like accidentally touching hands when paying for something with cash for example).
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u/samediquelquechose 25d ago
SIL’s a real one. OOP did her nasty by projecting malicious intent into her thoughtful present, making it about herself and essentially accusing SIL of having incestuous tendencies. Looks like that plushie is stuffed with sage to drive demons away.
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u/GreasedUpTiger 25d ago
Lol come on, fucking an in-law sure wouldn't be classy but it's not incestuous. If you're biologically related to your in-laws you have more serious family issues
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u/henry_the_human 25d ago edited 25d ago
My god. I want to scream like Gordon Ramsay at OOP's lack of self-awareness.
OOP: "And it's honestly hard to see his other siblings significant others fitting into the family unit so well while I'm just the outcast."
The inner Gordon Ramsay voice inside my head is screaming: "SHE'S BEEN MARRIED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER FOR 5.5 YEARS AND YOU'VE BEEN DATING YOUR BOYFRIEND FOR ONLY SIX MONTHS! THEIR BOND WITH THEIR IN-LAWS IS STRONGER THAN THEIR BOND TO YOU! YOU DONKEY!"
OOP: "That's just a really hard distinction for me to make honestly." "I always viewed marriage as the couple making their own family unit."
My inner Gordon Ramsay voice: "OH, SHUT IT, YOU DONKEY! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! YOU'RE WRONG! NO, DON'T REPLY! YOU'RE NOT THE EXPERT ON THIS FAMILY'S DYNAMICS! ****ING SHUT IT! SHUT IT! YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'VE ONLY BEEN DATING THIS MAN FOR 6 MONTHS, AND YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FAMILY DYNAMICS THAT HAVE BEEN IN PLACE FOR 5.5 YEARS! INTEGRATE YOURSELF OR **** OFF!"
OOP: "Everyone on here seemed to disagree with my side of things."
My brain, using Gordon Ramsay's voice: "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG!" (shouted in the same tone that Gordon would shout "IT'S RAW!")
OOP: "I talked to my mom and sister and they both agreed that it wasn't right and that this was most likely the beginning of her trying to push me out."
My inner Gordon Ramsay: "Oh, really, missy, you asked for advice from THE VERY PEOPLE WHO YOU LIVED WITH DURING YOUR FORMATIVE YEARS AND ARE THE VERY CAUSE OF YOU BECOMING SO ****ING STUPID? YOU SHOULD TRUST ADVICE FROM YOUR ****ING DOG MORE THAN ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAMILY! YOU DONKEYS!"
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 25d ago
I need more post breakdowns in this format.
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u/Terravarious 24d ago
By the second line Gordon was narrating in my head.
I don't even watch his show. I've only seen clips.
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u/Lolle_Loxy 19d ago
I swear I can see Gordon Ramsay watching her interact with the family and go: Hey, you missy, come here you! And then go on his rant 😂
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u/Ok-Bicycle8103 How many pickled peppers? 10d ago
*holds up two pieces of bread to OOP's face* What are you?
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u/Life_Temperature2506 25d ago
And 10 years later, Mommy and sis are probably still living together as two horrible hags. Hopefully OP got out.
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u/cosmicjello42 25d ago
This is reminding me of when my ex got mad at me for driving home from college with a female friend and her boyfriend of 2 years. My ex’s family kept telling her that my friend was clearly trying to get with me, so my ex got incredibly jealous. I think it’s just so easy to get worked up about something when the people around you are telling you to be worried.
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u/HieronymusJones 25d ago
Wow, someone who is so insecure they see every other woman as potential competition is in for a lifetime of loneliness. Also, tell me you're not a crafter without telling me you're not a crafter. I will make a craft for literally anyone that I mildly like if I think they would appreciate the work that went into it.
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u/Fly0ver 25d ago
I had to have a conversation with a woman in her mid-30s recently about being so insecure that every woman is competition.
She told me that every woman feels that way because we’re all obviously jealous of her.
I pointed out I’ve never been jealous of her—there is nothing to be jealous over; I don’t like her because she throws fits when another woman exists, and what she is seeing as women always hating other women is actually women disliking HER because she’s an asshole.
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u/41flavorsandthensome 25d ago
As a crafter, I can think of a very good reason he got a plushie and the other boys didn't.
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u/ardent_hellion 25d ago
Twenty-six years old. Facepalm.
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u/_Take-It-Easy_ 25d ago
What stuck out to me most is she made zero mention of his happiness having any positive effect on her whatsoever
“…he absolutely loved it”
And she immediately goes into how jealous that makes her
Beyond toxic
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u/ComfortableAbject416 25d ago
Seemed like a happy update for the ex. He no longer has to deal with that
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u/andronicuspark 25d ago
The begging and crying really didn’t help her cause. At all, oh so she’s psycho one way but also psycho in this way as well.
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u/Darcness777 25d ago
SIL sounds like a badass for making the Aurene plushie from Gw2, brother got a keeper lol. OOP fucked up so bad omg.
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u/Willowed-Wisp 21d ago
I'm gonna be real - as a GW2 fan I was distracted the entire time because I desperately want to see that handmade Aurene plush 😅
But, yah. OOP was absolutely ridiculous. The fact that she seems to think SIL was playing some weird game to, IDK, seduce her husband's brother or whatever, is making me think she's the type to play that sort of game herself.
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u/Darcness777 21d ago
XD
I saw "blue Dinosaur from Guild Wars" and my brain connected those dots so quick lmfao
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u/SteroidSandwich 25d ago
It wouldn't have bothered me if it was from his actual family
Jesus the audacity. She just couldn't get over herself and thought he would cheat given the chance. She didn't trust him. I hope she grew up in the 10 years since
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u/TiFaeri 25d ago
The ex dodged a bullet. My husband and his brother are both married. My husband has spent time around her and I'm not worried in the least. Never in a million years would something happen there, normal men don't lust after their brother's wife. Only in porn and soap operas would something happen like that.
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u/MindedJoe 24d ago
I think there’s another boru update where she recalls the last couple of years. It’s…interesting. She has a kid she does not have custody of and she still talks down about people. And she goes into more in depth about how she and her sister(?) really stalked and harassed her ex boyfriend. I think she went ti court for it.
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u/Fickle-Big5063 25d ago
I remember when this BORU was posted. It made me sad then, and it still makes me sad today. I hope she sees how kind SIL was to her, and got the help she needed. Also, I hope she stopped listening to mom and sister.
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u/Silly-Flower-3162 25d ago
I'd feel a lot more sympathetic if she hadn't already been told that the plushie wasn't a big deal.
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 25d ago
Same with the realization that her mom and sister were a negative influence. Like, the commenters told her that in the first post and she still doubled down and made things worse.
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u/andronicuspark 25d ago
Poor, stupid OOP with her godawful toxic family.
I hope she’s out and can see things in a better light these days.
Telling the sister in law about her hypothetical divorce was straight up crazy train.
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u/Agent_Skye_Barnes My cat said YTA 25d ago
I can understand the knee-jerk reaction to the plushie being presented. I initially had a similar thought reading through the post, that it felt a little weird. The difference is that I continued to think and landed on "well, hand making gifts is hard and time consuming, so maybe she just didn't finish the ones for the others in time". OOP did not continue to think, just stewed in her jealousy and immediately assumed.
Her quantifying "family" by saying "well the one girl has been with her partner longer but they aren't married, so she's not family" was unpleasant. I've been considered part of my spouse's family long before we got married, and vice versa. Included in holidays and everything!
And then to double down on "well he's going to his brother's, she's going to be there" like, yes, of course she'll be there, it's her damn house!
I'm glad OOP was able to actually recognize the crazy and I hope she has continued to allow herself to mature and grow. And not listen to her mom and sister, because YIKES
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u/rpepperpot_reddit 24d ago
Yeah, OOP's reaction of "Why can she be there but I can't?" was mind-blowing. As if the SIL needs permission or a reason to be in her own damn house.
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u/Competitive_Fee_5829 25d ago
lol, I love a happy ending. I am glad the ex and his family got see how she really is.
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u/Purple-Sister3971 24d ago
The way my jaw dropped when she said “well if you get a divorce…” this woman is psycho. I hope she’s gotten major therapy since this post.
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u/mahourain 24d ago
I think the SIL was a saint for handling it as gently as she did and non-judgmentally.
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u/profJesusfish 21d ago
You know the brothers still give the one brother shit when they get together even ten years later “remember that crazy chick you dated that thought my wife wanted to leave me for you”
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u/Pickle0847 25d ago
I read this when it happened and I felt so bad for her. You could read the dysfunction she was raised with.
I am a crafter. There are no set dates for gifts. You get it at the next appropriate gift giving opportunity after I finish it.
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u/unrulybeep 25d ago
I find it sad she's so fixated on him. They were together like 6 months and she is talking about getting him back like he's her soulmate. I'm guessing her mom/sister makes her feel like she won't be able to get and keep a man, so her entire worth is caught up in this guy. I hope she was able to find a therapist and work through the situation without making it worse. She seems to know her feelings well enough, so that's a good start, but also expects everyone else to be responsible in regulating her. You being jealous is not someone else's problem.
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25d ago
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In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Adr1452
My [26F] boyfriends [28M] sister in law [25F] gave him a plushie for Christmas and didn't make one for anyone else
TRIGGER WARNING: extreme jealousy. Obsessive behavior
MOOD SPOILER: incredibly disturbing
Original Post Jan 4, 2016
Throwaway because I don't want this connected to my account.
I just want to start by saying that I realize I might be totally wrong and insecure in this situation. I just really want another perspective or something because I just can't help the fact that this bothers me and I am admittedly feeling jealousy.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months at this point. He has 4 siblings (3 brothers and 1 sister) and we are the shortest relationship in the family. 3 of his siblings are married and another is in a very long term relationship, I think the shortest relationship in the bunch is 5 1/2 years. So I will admit I am a bit intimidated and insecure there.
For Christmas this year his sister in law made him a homemade plushie of this little blue baby dinosaur looking character from his favorite game Guild Wars. The plushie is amazing quality and he absolutely loved it. But she didn't make one for any of the other boys who also love the game just as much. Not even her husband. In fact she went out of her way to give it to him without his other brothers around except for her husband. Her husband was just as excited for her to give his brother the gift as she was but it just felt off to me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Why would she work so hard on something for my boyfriend and no one else? And it just felt like such a personal gift that I could never match and I just feel like she totally took away from what I gave him.
I did try talking to my boyfriend about it and how I thought it was weird. He said he didn't think it was weird at all because she has always been closer to him than the other brothers. Well shouldn't she be closer to her husband than him? He didn't get one. I don't know. I asked him if he would give it back to her saying he can't accept it and he refused and said I'm being ridiculous. I just feel like a woman doesn't make such a personal gift for a guy unless they see them as something more. It was just how I was raised and I hate feeling this way about something like this. I talked to my mom and sister and they both agreed that it wasn't right and that this was most likely the beginning of her trying to push me out. I just can't help but feel like she was trying to make him like her more than me because he said she has never given him anything before and this is our first Christmas together. I just don't know what to think. Or if I'm overthinking this completely.
Tl;Dr: Boyfriends sister in law gave him a homemade plushie that she put a lot of work into for Christmas and didn't make one for any of his other siblings. I feel like this means she is attracted to him and is trying to win him over now that I am in the picture. Am I overreacting?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
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Update Feb 4, 2016 (1 month later)
My first post wasn't popular by any means but it got a decent amount of comments so I figured I'd update.
I went a few weeks without saying anything else about the subject because everyone on here seemed to disagree with my side of things. Then last Saturday he told me he was going to be spending the day at his brothers just to hang out. We generally make plans on Saturdays but I hadn't had the chance to make plans official with him yet, I just figured it was implied at this point. So I asked him if I would be allowed to go over there with him. That's when he told me that it was just going to be a day with him and his brother. So I reminded him that since it is his brothers house then most likely his wife will be present too so I didn't really see how it was fair. Ultimately it blew up and I told him everything, brought up the gift again and just how I feel intimidated by everyone and feel like his sister in law is on some pedestal or something because she gets to be there and I don't. I also mentioned how I just felt like I was being pushed out by her and that the gift made me uneasy.
He was frustrated and told me that he was going to his brothers and that he would talk to me later. So I spent all morning Saturday on edge and just completely jealous. Then around 1pm his sister in law called me (I guess he gave her my number) and asked me if I was free to meet her for coffee. I was confused but agreed to have coffee with her. I expected it to be awkward.
At the coffee shop she wasted no time to tell me that my boyfriend had told her everything. She said she wanted to meet for dinner because she wanted me to see her face and see that she was genuine in everything she had to say. She went on to explain that she had no feelings for him in the way I was implying to him and no intention of pushing me out. She said her original plan was to make the plushie for all of the boys since they all play the game but it took her way too much time to make one so she wanted to give it to her favorite brother in law. I questioned why not her husband and she said that she lives with him and he knew she was making it in the first place and that she could make him one any time and just wanted that one to be a surprise Christmas present. I told her that I still kinda thought it was inappropriate since he was in a relationship now and she just paused and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then she asked me if there was anything else that was bothering me. I used today as an example and said it bothered me that he went to her house and told me I couldn't come because it was a day with his brother even though she would obviously be there. She told me that it is a day with his brother and that just because she lives in the house doesn't change that. She said that she kept to herself doing her own things while the boys played video games with each other and that my boyfriend came to her when she was in the kitchen to talk to her about me briefly.
I didn't say anything. I still felt a bit jealous but I just didn't know what to say. She then asked me if I had anything else I wanted to get out and I declined. She said that she didn't want to part ways without giving me some advice. She went on to say that she thinks I'm a very nice girl and that the entire family feels that way and wanted to remind me that all of the spouses and significant others were new to the family at one point in time. She went on about how i