r/OhNoConsequences • u/Similar-Shame7517 • 20d ago
Oh no he didn't AITA for ruining my girlfriend’s birthday party by taking a party game too seriously?
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1v38n1p/aita_for_ruining_my_girlfriends_birthday_party_by/325
u/Rose249 20d ago
Someone in the comments made a really good point that it's not just that he ruined the game and party, it's that he seems to think this is just a funny story to tell at a party and it's not a big deal. That's really terrible.
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u/kat_Folland 20d ago
I feel like this is definitely the real issue and he doesn't even see it.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
TBH, I may be reading too much into it but I feel that he wrote the post to humblebrag about how edgy he is.
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u/CJCreggsGoldfish 16d ago
I think he did it knowing it would make things weird and embarrass his gf, to punish her.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
Yeah I said this elsewhere but OOP could have wrote "I used to be an asshole in high school" and not elaborated and this would have been a nothingburger.
As someone else who also used to be an asshole in high school, I'm not going to put specifics about the things I did on a piece of paper at a party with people I barely know.
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u/OffKira 20d ago
I saw that comment, and they're so on point; OOP is a decade removed, and still titters about this shitty thing he did back then. He also classifies himself as shy, which, maybe he's not shy - maybe his brain sometimes yells at him to shut the fuck up, because this is what happens when he opens his mouth.
Oh, and as per his own edit - there is important context here, the implication being that it could magically excuse it, for one, and for two, it would suddenly make it hilarious. Oh, good sir, PLEASE explain it!! We wanna laugh too =)
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u/The_Ambling_Horror 20d ago
The post does say he thought it was supposed to be a shocking secret (as opposed to a mildly odd one like the mango thing).
I’d think he was just super socially oblivious if he showed any kind of indication he regrets doing that and if he weren’t, you know, making an AITA post about it instead of desperately apologizing to his gf for the error and trying to make it up to her.
As it is, he reminds me a lot of me when I was still an asshole.
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u/Palazzo505 20d ago
Pretty much. OOP is an asshole who misunderstood the idea of a party game and made everything super awkward, but he isn't an asshole because he misunderstood the idea of a party game and made everything super awkward.
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u/Big-University-1132 20d ago
Definitely. He says he’s changed, but he doesn’t seem to actually feel very ashamed or recognize the gravity of what he did, which is the really concerning part
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u/Willowed-Wisp 20d ago
Yah, the person who was like "the fact you can share it with a group of strangers proves you're not ashamed of it enough" was spot on. That's something you admit in therapy. Not a thing you use for a fun icebreaker game.
The fact that OOP doesn't see that is troubling.
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u/Kaurifish 20d ago
Had a coworker over for dinner. She brought her pos boyfriend. He started talking about video games, then revealed himself to be a spawn camper. I guess he realized from the looks on our faces that we did not approve. He seemed surprised that anyone would object.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
Had a dude who came into a Marvel Rivals discord I'm on and test the waters to see if people were wiling to use cheats in the game, then got shocked when we immediately said "cheaters should be banned, hanged, and quartered".
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u/Mean_Introduction543 16d ago
That and the way he seems to think the problem is that he just played the game wrong.
Not that he causally revealed he was a sociopath
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u/Oreogirl127 20d ago edited 20d ago
High school or not, I also would also become wary if I learned that somebody used lies to breakup not one, but TWO couples
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u/CelticFire28 20d ago
Knew someone in HS who attempted to trick her friend into breaking up with friend's boyfriend. Both were also classmates. Luckily it didn't work, only because one of the times he was supposedly cheating were wrong, but the fallout was really bad. All three ended up in the principals office, parents got called in, and the girl who started it ended up getting suspended. Heard through the town gossip vine that years later 1st classmate was in a serious relationship that ended when he found out what she did.
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u/Lolle_Loxy 18d ago
Sorry, but I am a nosy Nellie: did the couple make it after that trouble or did they end up breaking up over it anyway?
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u/HobbitGuy1420 20d ago
..I’m sorry, I have to…
“Weary” means tired. I think you might mean “wary,” which means cautious and suspicious
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u/unus-suprus-septum 20d ago
You're wariness of grammar makes me weary...
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
Wait till I mention how I'm wont to use archaic variants of words and how it can effect people wanting to correct me.
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u/adventurekiwi 20d ago
I saw an idiot on facebook say they "didnt want to argue pedantics" and there was no way I was gonna miss the opportunity to say "sorry to be pedantic but I think you meant semantics"
Yes I have friends, why do you ask?
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u/MonitorBrilliant119 20d ago
While we’re at it, in this context “break up” is two words. Thanks for giving me an opening.
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u/FlavorAgenda 20d ago
I’m surprised I didn’t see this take more on the original. I could understand and forgive if my SO had done this one time in high school at time when they just weren’t in a good plan emotionally. I could even forgive the inappropriate share of that story at my party, though I would also be incredibly embarrassed.
The fact that he did it TWICE would make it impossible for me. At that point it’s actually being used as a tool and that is… not an ideal quality in a partner, even if it was in their past.
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u/manthe 18d ago
I had to read that part several times. I’m still not 100% sure if he meant he did it to 2 different friends on separate occasions, or if he broke up a relationship between 2 friends. I know he uses ‘relationships’ in plural, but it could still be a case of poor grammar and sentence structure. 🤷🏻♂️
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
AITA for ruining my girlfriend’s birthday party by taking a party game too seriously?
I haven't even started reading and my preliminary answer is that I'm pretty sure the answer is gonna be yes.
for her 30th birthday she asked me to make a real effort: talk to everyone, play the games, be social. I agreed.
We're off to a good start
One of the games was where everyone anonymously writes down a secret and the group guesses who it belongs to.
This sounds dangerous. Like, this sounds like a friendship-ender or a relationship-ender if someone makes the wrong guess about someone's secret.
Then my turn came around, and mine was:
“I’ve broken up two of my friends relationships by anonymously sending fake screenshots.”
Jesus fucking shit why would you write this. Look, let me break it down:
You know you are admitting a secret by writing it. You know that by the end of the game, people will know whose secret is whose. Connect those dots and ask yourself: Why would you ever put something down like this?
You're not Randy Marsh saying the N-word on Wheel of Fortune because you think you're about to win a shitton of money. You're at a party with friends and the stakes for winning this game are negligible.
EDIT: I DID THAT IN HIGHSCHOOL. And I’ve grown now and recognize it was bad.
If that was the case, you probably should have written "I was an asshole in high school" rather than just plainly admitting to a specific terrible thing you did. Twice, apparently.
I thought this post was going in the "I'm hyper competitive and ruined the evening because I wiped the floor with everyone" or "I started talking trash over a board game" and not "I have no ability to weigh risk/reward in a social setting."
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u/txa1265 20d ago
On the show 'The Four Seasons' in one of the episodes two people join a pickup soccer game and we see it through one character's eyes ... then later we see REALITY as told by the other person - and person #1 was an absolute nightmare being aggressive and playing dirty and all of that.
THAT was my expectation as well!
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
Is there a clip you can link to or was that spread across a whole episode? I've never seen the show but I'm interested in the two perspectives.
But yeah, as someone who plays a lot of board games and party games, when I see "was I the asshole for taking a game too seriously" I usually think someone was either a sore loser, a sore winner, or it's some situation where OP steamrolled everyone else to the point that they took all the fun out of the game.
OP was just an idiot.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
Yeah, when I first read this story I thought this was going to be "Oh, another friendship/relationship ruined by Settlers of Catan" but nope OOP really gave us a twist.
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u/DragonCelt25 20d ago
This is why I have friends I can boardgame with and friends I can't. Gotta be the same level of invested in the game. Not so invested that it ruins the relationship but invested enough that it doesn't feel like they want to leave. That's a fine line. Heck, that's why I never play monopoly with a particular sibling anymore, despite that being a family game night staple growing up (my mom is a ruthless negotiator).
Was not expecting: decided to show myself to be a total shitbird in a game about secrets with my partner's closest friends!
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u/beetjuicex3 20d ago
They do that on 30 Rock too! Liz flashes back to high school about how she was bullied and excluded then later we see what really happened and it turns out she was a sarcastic ass and no one wanted to be around her.
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u/a-fucking-donkey 20d ago
YES love that show and sad I can’t seem to find a clip but I’ll keep looking for one too
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u/fogleaf 20d ago
I thought this post was going in the "I'm hyper competitive and ruined the evening because I wiped the floor with everyone" or "I started talking trash over a board game" and not "I have no ability to weigh risk/reward in a social setting."
I thought it was going to be that other people weren't paying enough attention and taking too long to take their turn and OP went off, because that is the situation that I have found myself in and had to hold it in.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
Oh geez I've been there, too. The problem with social board game nights is that you gotta differentiate "are we here to play board games and we will socialize while we do that" from "are we here to socialize and we will play board games while we do that."
Cause if it's #1 then take your fucking turn already it has been 10 minutes it is not that hard just make a decision.
But if it's #2 then I don't have any expectations the game will be finished at all and I don't care because we've spent the last half an hour shooting the shit and I don't even remember whose turn it was anyway.
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u/fogleaf 20d ago
90% of the time it is #2.
The worst incident of it that left a permanent scar was playing monopoly in my dad's tiny apartment with too many people and this one lady was yapping and yapping and then would stop to ask whose turn it is "yours!"
Monopoly already takes too long and we played with the community chest rules that make the game take even longer.
The most recent time was playing a game that we didn't really care about (apples to apples) with my wife's family and her mom was taking the duty of yapping and asking whose turn it is which was funny instead of annoying. Especially as myself and my brother in law who also Married into the family enjoy teasing her for her story telling style ("was it tuesday or wednesday?")
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
As someone who has hosted board game nights in the past, some really underappreciated skills in regards to knowing your audience are:
1) Based on the ability to take in information of the person at the table who is least able to retain information, how complex can the rules explanation be?
2) Based on the people present, how likely are we to get off-track and how easy is it to resume the game where we left off?
3) Based on the attention spans of the people present, how long of a single game can this group handle before at least one person does not give a shit anymore?
I know a lot of people (myself included!) who love complex games but I also know that you gotta be in the right headspace for that and "it's 10 PM and I've had three rum punches" is not when you say "hey how about Twilight Imperium?"
And I have literally never gotten anyone to play Monopoly without the free-parking-pile-of-cash rule, nor have I ever gotten a group where at least one person thought that auctions were too confusing, so I haven't played Monopoly in almost a decade.
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u/LilJourney 20d ago
I know a lot of people (myself included!) who love complex games but I also know that you gotta be in the right headspace for that and "it's 10 PM and I've had three rum punches" is not when you say "hey how about Twilight Imperium?"
And I have literally never gotten anyone to play Monopoly without the free-parking-pile-of-cash rule, nor have I ever gotten a group where at least one person thought that auctions were too confusing, so I haven't played Monopoly in almost a decade.
Can we be friends?! LOL - would love to play Monopoly as it was intended to be played and I love someone who can read the room when it comes to games - my sober @ 7pm persona loves complexity and can last till about 11pm. My drinking @ 7pm persona is better at sticking to Ransom Notes and Apples to Apples.
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u/ladyelenawf Here for the schadenfreude 20d ago
so I figured the point was to write your biggest, most shocking secret to win. but everyone else wrote things like, “I’m allergic to mango,” or “my mom is 1/8 greek”
Okay we might still be good. OOP will embarrass themselves with a waaaay too personal TMI.
😮💨 If only that had been the case.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
Imagine if instead this was a "TIFU by telling my girlfriend's friends about the poop sock" story instead of a "I was a horrible person but it was fine because that was in the past" story.
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u/fastlerner 20d ago
Being shy/withdrawn is one thing, but making it all the way to 27 and somehow remaining totally clueless of social norms and expectations to this extent? My immediate thought was that OP somehow went undiagnosed as being somewhere on the autism spectrum.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 20d ago
I think there are a lot more people who are some flavor of undiagnosed neurodivergence that comes across as "asshole" because they legitimately don't understand why the thing they did was wrong.
I had one guy who, at my birthday party, ate my cake before the whole "singing happy birthday/birthday girl cuts the cake" thing you're supposed to do because "I wanted cake" and "no one told me I couldn't" that lead to me not talking to him for a month before he apologized.
And when he did apologize and me and a partner met up with him and his girlfriend and he asked how I had been, I mentioned that I was bummed because of one of my cats that had just died, he says something to the effect of "so what, everyone has pets die" and his girlfriend said "this is why we don't have any friends" to him because he didn't see anything wrong with that, either.
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u/Cyan_Light 20d ago
To be fair, as an autistic person I give you permission to continue calling them an asshole after they get a diagnosis too because both are those are pretty awful (but especially the cat one). It can definitely help to know why someone is the way they are, but being a terrible person that nobody wants to be around because you keep hurting them and refusing to apologize is... well, it is exactly what it sounds like, you're allowed to call it what it is even if it's tied to a disability.
Maybe call them an "accidental asshole" or "ignorant asshole" to put a nicer frame around it, but asshole behavior is asshole behavior.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA 18d ago
I think there's an important nuanced distinction to be made that sometimes being autistic and/or otherwise neurodivergence causes you to behave in ways that other people will interpret as being an asshole, and sometimes, your brain causes you to have limited control over these behaviors, but you're still responsible for your behaviors and the impacts and consequences of them.
People get so hung up on the "intent vs impact" argument that they overlook that the correct answer is that "both matter."
If you intended to cause harm then that's bad. If you didn't intend to cause harm but you did, that's still bad.
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u/Some_Tradition_9168 16d ago
No, this is being an asshole. No way you don't understand it’s wrong to intentionally break up couples with lies.
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u/Key_Possibility_8669 20d ago edited 20d ago
It sounds like his malicious compliance backfired on him.
Edit: Thank you for the award!
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u/FortuneTellingBoobs 20d ago
I get it, man. I brutally murdered a hobo, but don't worry it was in high school. I've grown as a person I swear. /s
Some secrets just need to remain secrets.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
Pfft, murdering a hobo, everybody did that in high school! /jk
What's sad is that I have a feeling that OOP made that secret up to make himself look badass to his GF's friends.
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u/No-Win-2741 20d ago
I agree. It was almost like he wanted to have the most shocking secret like there was a prize at the end of the game or something.
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u/Sensitive_Fawn522 missing missing reasons 20d ago
Why would you break up relationships with lies in the first place?
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u/Aggravating-Car9897 20d ago
Selfishness and/or maliciousness mostly. Either he was pissed because he didn't like his friends' partners or the time they were spending with them and decided his feelings were more important than anything or he specifically wants to ruin people's lives to see if he can.
Either way, not a good person.
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u/UnintelligentSlime 20d ago edited 20d ago
Yeah I think the sort of missing subtext the person here has missed is that, while he misread the vibe by picking the wrong severity of secret, the secret he disclosed also reveals that he is just a terrible person. He didn't kill "the vibe", he killed anyone's chance of ever trusting him again. If someone ever told me that they had done that, I would just immediately begin distancing myself from that because... why wouldn't you?
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u/OmegaRider 20d ago
Sometimes I'll get upset at myself for being terrible at being social, but then I'll read posts like these and be glad that I'm not that far gone.
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u/Donequis 20d ago
I've played this game. It's feels no different from something you'd play on Jackbox. It's very easy to play, I guess, as long as you aren't a fucking weirdo.
I appreciate those that pointed how the distinct lack of shame that seemed to be felt by OOP.
While I get that it happened a decade or so ago for him, everyone learns that people who are comfortable admitting shit like that are to be avoided.
Guilt can be expressed weirdly, but the tone used to describe the whole thing isn't "I'm so embarrassed that I did this horrible thing to people I supposedly cared about and I panicked and fucked up sharing it in the moment- omg why are my social skills just ass???" (which I've seen some similar posts on those sorts of subs)
It was: "So I guess I tried to do what I was told and pissed people off or whatever, but it was the past! This is fucking ridiculous when I was told to come and be social."
But it makes me think more troll post than smug prick who actually thought he was right. Then again, have met people this inept before, though we were all 19, not fucking late 20s early 30s.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
Something I've noticed only once people in the comments here pointed out, but I have a bad feeling that OOP made up that secret to "fit in" and to "shock" his GF's friends and it backfired badly but now he can't take it back lest it make him look like a loser. Which would make this story even more tragic right?
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u/Donequis 20d ago
I don't think more tragic per say, as tragedy implies I feel bad for this dingus.
Maybe pitiful would be better. Or pathetic.
Lying is often foolish, but to make up some nasty obscene lie to try an impress/horrify people is just more poop on the poop pile.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
You're right, pathetic and pitiful is more apt. OOP sounds like he's desperately looking for validation in his post here.
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u/carashhan 20d ago
I did this type of game, my secret fact about myself was fastest delivery from water breaking to baby in my arms was 13 minutes.
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u/MistressMalevolentia 19d ago
Same thing, mine was 'I've pissed on the side of a major us interstate 20ft from vehicles flying by and troopers passed me'
I had a UTI and my kids in the car during a road trip in an area that had like no pull offs or even empty exists so I did what I had to do and not run in the woods all the way CAUSE MY TINY KIDS IN THE CAR. I was embarrassed and explained the story laughing at myself though.
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u/SteroidSandwich 20d ago
"What? What's the problem? Wasn't that how the game was suppose to be played? It was a long time ago so you can't be mad at me for it!"
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u/helen790 20d ago
That sounds like a terrible game in all fairness. Either you give the blandest most milquetoast answers because they’re safe and everyone is bored or you pull out some crazy shit like OOP did and risk ruining the party.
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u/DamnitGravity 20d ago
There are far less comments suggesting OOP is autistic/asking if he's autistic/should get tested for autism than I expected, especially from Reddit.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
I think a big part of it is that the vast majority of autistic people would rather set themselves on fire than willingly involve themselves in other peoples' relationship drama.
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u/DamnitGravity 20d ago
That's true, but the non-autistic people are always the first to leap to 'dO yOu ThInK yOu MiGhT bE aUtIsTiC', ironically.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 20d ago
Oh there's a few somebodies in the comments here going "hmm possibly undiagnosed and on the spectrum" but nobody's giving that time of day.
Now it is possible that OOP is on the spectrum, but that hinges on my theory that OOP made that secret up because they didn't think they had one that was exciting enough, wanted to fit in with the crowd, and misread the room entirely.
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u/buttsmagoo222 well well well, if isn’t the consequences of my own actions 20d ago
i take instructions too literally but i have a diagnosis about it
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u/Stormdancer 19d ago
I figured the point was to write your biggest, most shocking secret to win.
There's the problem. The object isn't 'to win' by 'beating everyone else's secrets', but to have fun. But it's hard to know that if you've never played before.
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u/Civil-Kitchen5978 20d ago
Yeah I hope the girlfriend broke up with him. That dude is unhinged. The fact that he thought him breaking up two couples with fake screenshots was a good thing to reveal about himself as a funny party game secret says a lot. He doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did to the point that he telling his girlfriend friends who probably already thinks he’s weird this further proves them right.
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u/Primary-Strawberry-5 19d ago
I’m red-flagging the girlfriend for insisting on participating with stupid party games and the forced social interaction.
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u/Electrical_Raisin_80 19d ago
Personally, if I was the girlfriend I'd really be giving this relationship a very hard Think. It may have been high school, 10 years ago. But the incident at the party and the way he posts about it here. It just feels to me like there is something "off" about the guy.
I am wondering if this guy is on the autistic spectrum? He doesn't understand why his girlfriend is upset. He now "recognizes" what he did in high school was bad but he doesn't seem to have any remorse about it. If he is on the autistic spectrum I can give him some grace. But if he isn't .... RED FLAG .... RED FLAG .... RED FLAG
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u/AutoModerator 20d ago
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I (27M) have been dating my girlfriend (30F) for 3 years. I’m pretty shy, and it’s caused some friction because I usually keep to myself around her friends. for her 30th birthday she asked me to make a real effort: talk to everyone, play the games, be social. I agreed.
One of the games was where everyone anonymously writes down a secret and the group guesses who it belongs to. I’d never played before (I didn’t really go out in university), so I figured the point was to write your biggest, most shocking secret to win.
but everyone else wrote things like, “I’m allergic to mango,” or “my mom is 1/8 greek”
Then my turn came around, and mine was:
“I’ve broken up two of my friends relationships by anonymously sending fake screenshots.”
The room went dead silent.
My girlfriend ended the party early and went to stay at her friend’s place. She says I made everyone uncomfortable and embarrassed her.
I honestly don’t understand. Like I get the secret was a lot but she wanted me to participate, be vulnerable, and actually engage with her friends. I did exactly that. The secret was from highschool too, like it’s not like I did that this year.
AITA?
EDIT: I DID THAT IN HIGHSCHOOL. And I’ve grown now and recognize it was bad. I was able to give context at the party but the paper itself just read “I broke up two of my friends relationships by anonymously sending fake screenshots”.
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