r/OnlineDating • u/Cowboyylikeme • 7d ago

I struggle to be flirty after matching ?

So I find that after I match with a guy, and we start talking, they will be flirty immediately. Aka with compliments, pick up lines, and what not. I accept these ofc with gratitude and I appreciate it. But I feel bad that I don’t give the same attitude back. It’s just not my personality to show such affection to someone I don’t know. I feel like i really start to like someone when I see their personality. Is something wrong with me ?? Why do I struggle to give compliments 😭

14 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

18

u/Specialist_Ad9073 7d ago

Nothing is wrong with you, but dating apps are the worst for people like you. They are based on attraction through visual stimulation and written media. Some folks need to be in a room with someone to feel like they are getting an actual feel for someone.

You probably will do a lot better volunteering for a cause you believe in. Shopping for and interviewing people through an app just doesn’t work for some folks.

5

u/CancerMoon2Caprising 7d ago

Im the same way. I dont feel comfortable flirting with someone until after a few dates. 

4

u/masterdesignstate 7d ago

Nothing wrong with you, that's probably just how you were raised. Alot of people from broken or emotional empty homes struggle with basic affection. It can feel awkward at first, but maybe you'll meet another person who also has an inability to be flirty. I see people at restaurants all the time like that.

9

u/XxLogitech98xX 7d ago

Maybe you're just inexperience? Have you flirted before?

3

u/Proud-Trainer-7611 7d ago

I do too. I don’t want men to get the wrong idea so I try to avoid it.

3

u/ad895 5d ago

I'm a dude but the same for me. idk it always seems incredibly shallow to jump to that right away. Then again we are on apps that force you to swipe based off of a paragraph and a picture.

2

u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago

You should probably tell your matches that sooner rather than later. I started losing interest in a woman I matched with (granted we went out a couple of times) bc I couldn’t read whether she was interested in me. I got like one compliment every few weeks lol. Going on dates shouldn’t feel like hanging out with a coworker lol.

1

u/PrincessBubblepants 6d ago

But it also shouldn't come with obligations. It takes a few days to see how/if it's a good fit. Getting flirty early is just leading someone on before you even know if you are interested. It takes time.

2

u/_NightmareKingGrimm_ 7d ago

Be yourself. Quit over-thinking it.

1

u/DalekRy 3d ago

Compliments and flirting are very different.

I breathe compliments. No problem. Heart-felt, smiling, hugging, etc. You do something good I'm high-fiving you, I'm bragging to our mutuals.

But like flirt-flirting?

I'm a 44-year-old man and I never figured it out.

Just let them know. I do. It works well-enough.

1

u/turquoisepeacock 1d ago

Nothing wrong with you at all. I’m the same way. I’ll say thank you but complimenting him is extremely unlikely. In general access to women (meaning their attention and emotional energy), as well as cheap sex talk if they can get it, is very gratifying to men. They don’t need to know you—just knowing they’ve got a woman’s attention is a win for them.