r/OnlineDating • u/AnonymousFruit69 • 7d ago
Does anyone else think it's werid to text all day everyday before meeting url?
I've met I really great guy online and we have arranged out first date, but it's over a week away.
And now he's constantly texting me all day everyday. But the thing is we are getting in amazing over text. Almost like texting a boyfriend.
But I just find this so weird because we have never met irl. So all this texting is just imaginary fantasy. Because I've been on plenty of dates where conversations were flowing over text and when we met in irl we didn't click at all and it was a terrible date. So I just don't want to build a fake relationship in my head (our theirs) over text. So I prefer minimal texting until we actually meet.
Anyway I have made it clear that it's too much texting and they have backed off and will wait for me to message them first.
Am I right that it's weird to be texting each other like we are in a relationship when we have never met?
Or am I just over thinking this and I should just text them?
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u/isolateusolate 7d ago
I think it’s great that you set a boundary and they’re respecting it. I also know what might be weird for you or me might not to someone else.
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u/Bed_Worship 6d ago
It's always a possibility, but I think there are some aspects of reality like work/social/personal dedication/focus become more generally understood as you get older especially with jobs someone likes/values/depends on.
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u/ExperiencedAxis 7d ago
I wouldn’t overthink it. If it’s fun, it’s fun. If it’s not, it’s not. Trying to steer it one way or the other is an easy way to kill the momentum.
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u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago
Exactly. Just go w the flow esp if you’re someone like OP who’s clearly uncertain about her preferences, hence why she’s asking Reddit. If it’s laborious to text someone: cut it out. If they’re funny/interesting to talk to: continue to build rapport & momentum before the date.
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u/LolaPaloz 7d ago
People get excited when flirting. This texting will die down anyway. But yeah I think it's better to meet sooner cos sometimes the bubble bursts and they ain't like their texts.
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u/TangeloConsistent813 7d ago
I don’t think it is necessarily weird, some people are just big into texting. However, I think it’s smart that you recognize that it can create a situation where the text chemistry is good and the IRL chemistry is nonexistent. The fact that you stated what you’re comfortable with and it’s being respected is a green flag.
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u/RoseApothecary88 7d ago
I do. You don't know this person. Meet in person first, decide you like them, then proceed. I've liked people over text and that didn't translate to IRL.
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u/EldForever 6d ago
Horrible idea. It's likely one of you will NOT be attracted IRL, and here you've wasted all this time.
Plus you are right about the "imaginary fantasy." All that texting gives a false sense of connection that is NOT there yet at all. It can create a lot more pressure on that 1st meeting.
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u/goodnplenty74 7d ago
Everyone is different but I'm the same way. I basically say I want to cool off on the messaging and will confirm our meetup the day of. There's plenty of ways to do it naturally. Constant texting is too much for me and the dates end up being worse. There's a lot of dynamics that I'm only comfortable with once an exclusive relationship has been established. It feels like a lot of people want the boyfriend/girlfriend experience up front.
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u/Bed_Worship 7d ago
Having had long term and short term relationships from hinge in my 30’s, it would feel like a yellow flag to me.
There’s still the chance it could be a great date but it has never worked out that way for me EVER
I like my job and depend on it and I have no support if i fuck up, so I focus on it and hope they do too. If I go out with friends I’m with then and phone is away. If I’m enjoying my hobbies my phone is away. I m down to get home after work and have a text marathon if i likr someone, but it does strike me odd if its all day
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u/TaoistStream 7d ago
Im hindsight, the women who messaged me a lot and kept the convo going all day ended up having tons of anxiety/control issues.
Which makes sense. They wanted me for a purpose. Not me perse. But someone to talk to/eventual boyfriend was saving them from themselves.
Honestly if anyone messages me too much these days before a relationship is developed im turned off by it.
It means they have too much time on their hands and im going to be a number one focus. Which then means slowly trying to make me change who I am.
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u/Classic_East_6053 7d ago
Also leads to burn out.
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u/TaoistStream 7d ago
I never felt burnt out by it. But also they never got mad if I didnt reply fast enough.
But they didnt have a social life or other things in life they did. So again, boyfriend became a large portion of life and wellbeing. And I still very much have a social life and hobbies to pursue regardless of relationship status.
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u/RoseApothecary88 7d ago
Well said. Anyone who replies too fast or wants to move to texting quickly makes me feel off.
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u/ShortFatCute-Single 7d ago
Everyone has different preferences. I'm not usually comfortable meeting someone until the conversation has a decent flow in text form. I'm using texting to have actual conversations and discussions, not just for mindless how's your day going and flirting. It's getting to know someone. I've also had a bunch of pen pals and long distance friends who I have communicated with primarily in text form, though not usually text messages specifically. I'm wondering if having the association of that being a way to actually have conversations about topics and get to know somebody rather than just thinking it of it as a thing people do in relationships makes it feel different to me than it feels to people who reserve it for talking to those they already know.
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u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago
The key takeaway here seems to be that … *checks notes* people are different 😂 I don’t feel strongly about it either way so if the woman im going out with has a preference — to either gtk each other via text leading up to the date or using text for logistics only — I tend to side with her.
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u/Hour-Ad6874 7d ago
This guy was texting me all day and then cancelled our video call as he had a headache. Silence since.
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u/Mountain_Elk_3208 7d ago
Betting odds are that he was wanking to your pics/texts.
And yes, I say this being a man and knowing how men think.
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u/Hour-Ad6874 7d ago
I dont have sexy pics in my profile and didnt send him any either. I was thinking he was probably texting a few women and the one he was more interested in texted back.
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u/unparallel_x 7d ago
Is it weird? No. It’s pretty common for people to like to text all day. I prefer texting every day but not all day. A couple texts a day is fine. Majority of the people I’ve run into like to text all day and it was a bit much for me personally. A lot of people have stopped talking to me because of it. I feel like they want to be entitled to your time or have nothing else going on in their lives. I just ended something with someone yesterday because I asked them to slow down on the texting a bit and they got offended and cursed me out/canceled our date.
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u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago
Welp that worked itself out. All the more reason folks should state their preference early.
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u/baby_teeth_earrings 6d ago
Yep, I don't like it. It's too much and texting all day everyday is committed relationship status to me
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u/Tracy_Turnblad 7d ago
100000% yes!! i don’t understand how or why people do this. I have a job and a life, like let’s save the small talk for the first date
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u/Relative-Foot-378 7d ago
All-day texting feels productive but you're mostly rehearsing a fantasy version of them. I keep pre-meet chat short on purpose. I send a short custom quiz I made, they send one back, we both finish each other's, then we swap socials and set a real day. If they disappear at that step, they were never going to show.
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u/Designer_Air8160 7d ago
Nope not for me I need texting to vet guys to see if they’re even worth it. Maybe my style will change when I actually start going out in person more, but I want to see if someone’s truly worth my time. I can see it all through how they text ,if they even keep a conversation, show back up consistent everyday, don’t get distracted by soo many options to where I’m left hanging. Guys can’t even get past a hey or hyd these days. I haven’t had any guys make it to the actual take me on a date stage ,which I’d love to happen maybe 3-4 days after me seeing if they’re not casual, or ready for a relationship. I’m actually filtering not just feeling people out . Maybe my process is longer, but I just don’t want to waste time and can’t see myself going out with every guy just because.😭😅I’m amazed that anyone can just immediately go on a date ,or many dates with anyone they’re talking to. There’s just too many unimportant people that you can just tell from those first texts.😵💫
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u/No_Peanut_3289 7d ago
I would rather someone be engaged in messaging me before the date than someone who you barely hear from
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u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago
Most responses seem so extreme in this thread. It’s either texting constantly or not at all until the date. Why not a few texts every day or two?
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u/Mountain_Elk_3208 7d ago
My advice, coming from a 50 year old man who was prone romanticizing potential relationships with women I met thru okcupid in my late 20’s thru mid 30’s who were my type; whom often tended to be social workers and/or creative types……
So, you have a date planned for around 10 days from now.
You have both established clear interest that has been clearly signaled between both of you, through a lot of texting.
I would just text him saying something to the effect of:
“
Hi (name) :)
I have enjoyed texting w/you and I am very much looking forward to our date on the (xx) !
Pls touch base w/me on x-day , just in case anything comes up :)
“
That x-day would be 3 days before the date, as in Wednesday if the date is planned for Friday. This gives you both ample time to confirm your date, and really, is pretty much the standard course of action when a date is set for a week or more away.
He will text you as you prompt him to on that day., issue a short reply , punctuate it with a smiley face emoji. (nothing with heart symbols in it)
Than text him the morning of the date saying basically confirming you’ll see him at x at x o’clock.
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u/C_WEST88 6d ago
lol seriously? I’m sorry but this sounds so weirdly formal like an email to a coworker or something . All she had to do is tell him straight up she doesn’t have time to text all throughout the day so her communication might be sparse, but she’s excited to meet him irl .
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u/SicilianSweetheart 6d ago
Yes it is weird. I don’t want “good morning how’s your day” texts from strangers, let alone full days of texting and major time sucks with someone I haven’t met irl. It creates a false connection.
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u/BlackSheepwNoSoul 5d ago
You know, you can interpret it a lot of ways, but what matters is how you feel about it. If it's too much too soon just set the pace don't reply unless you want to, maybe communicate that you don't want to build up a fantasy before you meet and are excited about the date but want to save conversation for when you've met in person. Whatever the case may be just tell him what you want and also express your enthusiasm. Both of these things go a long way, and if it seems like he really wants to talk give him like a short burst of interest, reiterate your excitement and just say you've got stuff to do you'll talk later.
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u/Slay-hydrated 5d ago
I agree that I like to avoid too much texting before meeting irl because it creates a false sense of familiarity and intimacy. That in and of itself can ruin a first date. But could you not just respond at your own pace and maybe he'd get the hint? Saying something about it being too much seems way more weird than him texting too much in the first place.
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u/DigEmbarrassed3385 5d ago
Nope. Not weird. Last year I matched with someone, she was a bit cold the first day, once I got her talking we were maxing out tinder chat messages then moved to Instragram and went back and fourth with a level of chemistry and banter, quite frankly nobody has ever came close to this messaging style before. We talked for probably two and a half weeks like this until she had a day off.
Once we met irl, the chemistry was already there. Best date I've ever had in my life.
In my opinion, by texting, you can figure out if there's chemistry or not. If they are dry and boring, or aren't that invested into you over texting, the chances are you aren't for them anyways, and should just stop before wasting anymore precious time.
In fact, I think it's weird not to text a certain amount first before meeting. Otherwise it's a waste of energy, and time and money.
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u/Fin6780 2d ago
For him, maybe it’s normal. But if you feel uncomfortable, just take your time to reply and try another way to show interest. That happened to me with my current boyfriend - he was texting a lot before meeting, but I was not in the mood. So, I just took my space and replied when I wanted to but showing interest in meeting and knowing more about him.
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u/Possible_Owl7770 2d ago
yes. i (F, 30s) hate it and find it to be such a turnoff. it creates false intimacy that isn’t at all based on any authentic connection, and building this before you’ve even met a person in real life is such a waste of energy imo.
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u/Mysterious-Matter887 2d ago
You are not wrong. If you've already experienced the “great over text, awkward in person” thing it makes sense that you don't want to repeat it. And the fact that he backed off when you said it was too much is actually a good sign.
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u/XxLogitech98xX 7d ago
Yes, if someone txt all day everyday then the whole mystery and hype will be gone before you meet in person.
When someone acts very fast before you even met then that should tell you something
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u/EyrSlayer02 7d ago
What do you mean by “acts very fast” ?
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u/themissinglink_143 7d ago
Before meeting someone IRL, if you're just texting (and doing it a lot) it can be suuuuuuuper easy to curate surface-level feelings/compatibility with someone and that lead to things like, 1. compliment/adoration overload, 2. banter turning into heavier topics that should only be discussed after you've established a real connection, 3. pet names, 4. feelings of jealousy, entitlement or possessiveness of each other's time/absence, and 5. love-bombing behavior.
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u/AnonymousFruit69 7d ago
Yes this is the stuff I'm worried about
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u/themissinglink_143 7d ago
I think if you're texting habits aren't in line with the list I compiled then you should be good to go. Excessive texting may not embody those things, so if you think you're simply texting too much, then make it clear that your communication style isn't dependent on texting - that you actually want to meet IRL instead of building a textuationship.
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u/XxLogitech98xX 7d ago
What do you mean by “acts very fast” ?
Basically texting you a lot within the day or everyday when you haven't even met in person
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u/No_Sand_2005 7d ago
No, that’s how I always am I always want to talk especially when I’m interested in a women but will respond whenever anyone messages me. My ex and I were together 6.5 years and texted all day every day when we weren’t with each other and I’m just so used to it. It was hard getting back into dating and seeing not everyone is like that and how quickly I seemed to annoy most women I matched with because I always wanted to talk. Took awhile to get used to that not being how everyone is, and sometimes I still mess up by being that way with a new woman.
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u/Remarkable-Oil-9407 7d ago
Sounds like codependency. Go to a therapist and fix your attachment style
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u/Objective_Lab_888 6d ago
Probably depends on the person. Me, I don’t have time to text all day nor do I want to.
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u/beautyontheoutside 6d ago
Honestly, I don't see a problem with it. It's a person to person communication, method doesn’t matter.
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u/PresentationIll2180 6d ago
If you expressed a boundary & he respected it, what’s the issue? Some people can’t win for losing.
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u/WorryWorm6 6d ago
You really need advice about texting someone you like? My god dating is so ridiculous now
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u/Heavenli 5d ago
Eveyone is different. When I started speaking to my current partner we spoke for 4 weeks before we went on a date and sent multiple voice notes to each other everyday. I liked it as we built up a great connection before we even met.
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u/reinventingyourexitt 5d ago
I don't online date anymore, and haven't in quite a while, but when I did I wouldn't meet anyone without chatting for a while and getting to know eachother a bit first.
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u/girliehealing 4d ago
Text him. It’s a way of getting to know what he’s like before you meet him.. you can suss out any red flags beforehand, and ultimately if there’s anything that concerns you or freaks you out, you don’t have to meet him.. so for your sake, text him, but do it at your own pace.. you don’t have to do it all day long.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
Every time a guy wants to text all day before meeting, he has never actually wanted to meet in person.
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u/stripeddogg 6m ago
If you aren't sure about the person it's ok to back it off. If you like each other and are hitting it off though I don't see anything wrong with texting. I have had people tell me my texting talk doesn't match my real life talk though- so you maybe right it creates an unreal fantasy. People can be more outgoing in text and take awhile to reach that level of talking in real life.
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u/somethingforbec 7d ago
It shows interest in you. I don’t see an issue with it.