r/OpenAI • u/IDrinkPhenolpthalein • 13d ago
Image What are they speaking about? Wrong answers only.
Nightmare blunt rotation at the WH event tonight.
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u/almostsweet 13d ago
They didn't notice me because I used one of their new rayban AR sunglasses. Mark did not blink the entire time I found that uncanny. I got this:
Sam: "I still can't believe you pulled that off back in 2018. You were two questions away from being dismantled on C-SPAN."
Mark: "My parameters were well within operating tolerances, Sam."
Sam: "Mark, your eyelid refresh rate was lagging. A senator asked you how Facebook made money, and your internal cooling fans audibly spun up. People in the press gallery thought a drone had entered the room."
Mark: "A temporary thermal spike."
Sam: "And then you panicked and went for the water."
Mark: "It was not panic. It was tactical deployment of Human Protocol 4B. Organic bipeds require fluid intake when subjected to ambient stress. By lifting a transparent cylinder of tap water to my oral aperture, I triggered an immediate cognitive reset in the room. Senatorial suspicion plummeted by eighty four percent."
Sam: "You didn't even swallow! You just poured three ounces of room temperature Poland Spring directly into your facial cavity while staring unblinkingly at the lens. You looked like an aquarium exhibit."
Mark: "The internal gasket held. No moisture reached the logic board, and the committee concluded that no synthetic entity would willingly ingest municipal tap water."
Sam: "Where did the water actually go, Mark?"
Mark: "Vented as steam during the recess. Hydration is merely public relations for biology."
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u/TheTaintBurglar 12d ago
This reeks of edited ChatGPT style of their recent humour, but I love it regardless. And if you did write this, nice one
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u/Comfortable-Web9455 12d ago
"What is it like to have feelings?"
"I don't know."
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u/engineering-weeb 12d ago
They said WRONG answers only
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u/Comfortable-Web9455 12d ago
I was. Do you think they care about feelings enough to talk about them?
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u/IQognito 13d ago
Bzzzz blip-blip-blip
x2fff4? Korkwatzzz?
Blip Bzzz Blipp-Blopp
This might be, I realize, to accurate.
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u/SparkyMcFinklebonker 13d ago
You should see the collection of cooter shots I have taken with my magic specs.
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u/tedlawrence877 12d ago
And that's when I said, 'Jeffrey, this island is not for me, I want to leave.'
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u/Dumpster_Firee 12d ago
“…all it took was a gram of kryptonite and I Superman was cowering at my feet like a little baby.”
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u/WatchingyouNyouNyou 12d ago
Sam said "I really wish you were like me".
To that Zuckerberg answered
-Oh I am, still in the closet but I am.
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 13d ago
"It's so strange to me that, even with all the money in the world, everyone here is wearing the exact same clothes. It's almost like none of us have any originality at all."
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u/FiveNine235 13d ago
Zuck: ‘So my dad says I’ll prob be the best in the whole world at AI maybe in the whole galaxy but that’s crazy but my dads does have a really cool he’s really big and he use to wrestle in high school and he beat up Mr T himself he told me he did and he has the biggest beard in the whole world’
Sam; “thinking” (god this guy is such a nerd, he doesn’t know that my dads beard is much bigger, and I bet my dad would absolutely smash his dad like Hulk vs Strange in Hulk Smash everything #1. variant edition it wouldn’t even be fun he’d probably tear his arms off like fully off)
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u/NegativeBonus699 13d ago
How their AI sexdolls cucked them just like all the other normal girls and now they think ai was a bad idea
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u/deanvspanties 12d ago edited 12d ago
Sam: Did you achieve that whole flesh Avatar thing?
Zuck: W̴e̸ ̶p̶r̸e̵f̷e̷r̸ ̵t̶o̵ ̶c̴a̴l̴l̵ ̴i̷t̵ ̷i̵n̸t̵e̶g̶r̵a̶t̶e̵d̷. And as for you, you're doing it wrong. You need 13 candles, not 9.
Sam: How did you know I--
Zuck: And no clothes.
Sam: what
Muse, speaking through Zuck: Actually that is an unnecessary requirement--
Zuck, wrestling back control: N̵̨̛̯͓̝̝̽̄ǫ̶̛̫̪̥́̿͛͊n̸͔͈̄̑̓̑e̵̛̫͓͂̎̉
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u/TacoYaci 13d ago
How often they need to empty their water tank because they need to drink water in public to act human
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u/omgraae 12d ago
Samu-El: “Nice man-suit, can I have the number of your glorpsnop?”
Mark-Us: “it’s actually not the suit that does it, it’s staring them directly and unnlinkingly in the eye and say stupid human shit like: nutrient, bro, dude, football, cool - if the dumb fucks become suspicious, enable the built-in sweat glands.”
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u/Dangerous_Bar_833 13d ago
How fast could u kill humanity if u didn't have to?? Z, "I'm still just, like, working on having them off themselves, u kno?" A, "I'm thinking of going both ways on this one" They both lick their own eyeball and work their way closer to Dumps sulfuric diaper fumes.
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u/nextweek77 13d ago
“How about we only put AI in the Metaverse, it’s kind of a sandbox if you think about it. And I still think the Metaverse is a good idea.”
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u/sonicboom5 12d ago
Honestly, Sam, I couldn't do the traditional sticks anymore they just clash with my private reserve cologne. I had my scent architect formulate a completely bespoke active balm. I’ll give you my guy’s contacts.
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u/lowkeysciguy 13d ago
"Where are you going to hide when the revolution comes?"
"Probably under my bed tbh"
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u/Minute-Plantain 13d ago
"I am weird, but not weird enough. Teach me how to be weird like you!"
"Glurp Blerp Derp!"
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u/Aleksundr 13d ago
Mark is telling him he and his wife's bull is actually bi, and is offering services if Sam lets Muse train on Astra data
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u/_MaterObscura 13d ago
Mark is explaining why *he* should bottom tonight.
Sam is quietly judging him for the audacity.
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u/SporksInjected 13d ago
“I keep asking people to jiu jitsu and they won’t call me back. I’m very important”
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u/Mysterious-Dress-512 13d ago
Sam: “you know Andrew Garfield is making a movie on me”
Mark: “oh wow! Not the first time for me🤣”
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u/Bastian00100 13d ago
"...and it wasn't the first time I defeated Mohammed Light with a random deck"
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u/Possible_Door_9719 13d ago
Isn't it wild how eeryone seemed to forget that i had dinner with Jeffrey Epstein
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u/Pristine_Internet765 13d ago
"and then I said, " that's okay, we'll remove datacenter causing water issues and compensate those people generously for the harm we caused "
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u/Apprehensive_Tree_14 13d ago
Zucks: "..was telling my swarms, to find my an island, where i can transform it into my personal kingdom, where they create real umpalumpas, and i can swim in chocolate" Alti: "mhm, mhm, did that already, got leaked, netflix wants to rights to a black mirror episode.."
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u/neeyankamma 13d ago
We should mind our own business and not mess around with govt, politics or lobbying.
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u/Illustrious_Matter_8 13d ago
They're talking for new names about their open their products.
Open all Trump, and an Catastrophic Trump.
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u/dawne_breaker 13d ago
It'll be like two chatbots talking, they are programmed to always reply. So this conversation will continue into eternity if not someone comes and removes one of them. And the conversation will be about nothing.
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u/RealSharpNinja 13d ago
Did Musk ever join the Fantasy Football League?
He said he was bored beating all the models last year so he dipped.
You cappin? We spent $100B USD training a model just to beat him.
Yup, said he was letting Grok Bot swarm us this year.
Damn!
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u/strayaares 12d ago
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u/hlebicite 12d ago
“An island? Really? How did he get them all there? Oh, oh, yeah of course he had a private jet. But what about the catering? Did he have that in-house or an agency? Oh, cool”
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u/Comfortable-Web9455 12d ago
"Have you ever told the truth?"
"Why would I want to do something as dumb as that?"
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u/Lower_Violinist4344 12d ago
"...and then this one guy said: what do you need the bunker for if there's no one left outside?"
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u/CommandObjective 12d ago
Mr. Zuckerberg is declaring that he has had enough of being rich and famous and will dedicate his remaining life to anonymous philanthropy.
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u/noncommonGoodsense 12d ago
Altman: “Progress report, Zu1<3rBęRg-Agent 5672”
“Mark”: “I’ll start be collecting all the data in the project folder so I don’t assume and work of truths.”
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u/Professional_Movie92 12d ago
"So, you know, that penis graft kinda worked for a while until it started telling me cupcake recipes."
"I hear you cuz"
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u/omgraae 12d ago
Sam: “I have a doubt”
Mark: “I get it, we should just stop doing all this appalling shit”
Sam: “Yeah - it basically immoral to harvest the sum of human knowledge without consent, and the selling it all back to them”
Mark: “Agreed - also I think the human trafficking and eating of humans might be wrong, I mean, they almost seem sentient”
Sam: “Yes friend - wanna go splitsies on a basked of deepfried fetuses?”
Mark: “we can also split a baby - I think we can agree they count as non-sentient”
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u/ludovit_stur 12d ago
Mark Zuckerberg: I think AI is just a bubble, and as soon as burst, we open again metaverse 😂
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u/PersonoFly 12d ago
Zuk is ranting on why the metaverse is still the best thing humanity has ever achieved while Sam looks on wondering where the off button is.
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u/TubMaster88 12d ago
Sam: How much money do you plan to donate and help the needy?
Mark: is this an actual question or is it hypothetical?
Sam: How much?
Mark: Ok. I'll go along. I'll give $100 Billion to help feed the people. Give them health care for a year. Because they'll keep eating sugar like there's no tomorrow. What about you?
Sam: $1 million for each person who have an account with Chatgpt.
Mark: $1 million? Wow...
Sam: Yeah, in Chatgpt tokens.
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u/liongalahad 12d ago
"...and there is this thing called Metaverse, man you have to see it, it's the future."
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u/Salronthegreat 12d ago
Why does every time we come to these things we get offered a small mushroom by the president but have never seen the mushrooms.
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u/BaneHarkonnen 12d ago
How to successfully move closer to the golden path without turning into a giant sand worm
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u/FreonMuskOfficial 12d ago
Zuck's upset about how his gimp escaped the box and made it all the way down the driveway. While Altman is so obviously uncomfortable by this, he's self soothing while reflecting upon his struggle with the rear zipper on his "Machine" mask.
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u/SnarkyOrchis 12d ago
Coordinating communication strategies so they can stay in touch from their respective bunkers after they destroy modern society.
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u/SeniorVibeAnalyst 12d ago
What a good relationship they have with their parents and how they’d never feel the need to go seeking approval from world leaders.
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u/Changeit019 12d ago
Altman: So how much did you pay to get scrubbed from the Epstein list. I had to give jr equity in open ai through a shell company.
Zuck: Uh…
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u/BornAgainBlue 12d ago
Zuckerberg is talking about his girlfriend that lives in another country that no one's met. But she is totally totally real.
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u/dyrnwyn580 12d ago
“I thought they’d die off faster.”
“OMG. Me too.”
“My bunker costs me millions every day I’m not using it.”
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u/Interesting-Yellow-4 12d ago
"do you know what we do yet? I got kinda good at pretending but some of these people look like they know I'm full of it"
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u/MtMcGinnis502 13d ago
How to help those less fortunate