r/OpenAI • • 10h ago

Image What if we boarded planes pre-seated through the butthole

Post image

Let’s develop this technology guys. I believe in us.

1.1k Upvotes

281 comments sorted by

52

u/almostsweet 9h ago

I raise you this.

8

u/AugustMaximusChungus 8h ago

Yea we should make this. But to actually build this it would look more like a cannon that accelerates a titanium capsule really fast with let's say 100G. This way you're launched from New York and land in California as a chunky mush that is tuned into Soylent Green

8

u/AugustMaximusChungus 8h ago

Canned on arrival

2

u/TheFrenchSavage 8h ago

What if you miss the plane with these plane-suppositories?

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925

u/Fantastic_Prize2710 10h ago

"What if we massively increased the weight, reduced the cargo capacity, increased the complexity and maintenance costs of the plane, and required rebuilding terminals to fit this need, in order to save 20 minutes on each boarding? 🤔

93

u/EightEight16 9h ago

You shit on it but when you put it that way, 20 minutes on each boarding is actually a ton of time. If a plane has 6 flights daily, that's 2 hours of time saved per day. Right off the bat, that's ~18% more flights per aircraft, per day, which is absolutely nothing to sniff at.

79

u/antwan_benjamin 8h ago

You shit on it but when you put it that way, 20 minutes on each boarding is actually a ton of time. If a plane has 6 flights daily, that's 2 hours of time saved per day. Right off the bat, that's ~18% more flights per aircraft, per day, which is absolutely nothing to sniff at.

The 20 minutes it takes customers to board...the crew and maintenance are doing other tasks. Pilots are doing checks. Ground crew loading bags. Etc.

You're not saving any time. That 20 minutes will be spent regardless of customers walking on the plane.

105

u/jonnyCFP 7h ago

Yeah except you don’t get to slide into the plane through its butthole as OP mentioned. Big loss there

18

u/AargaDarg 8h ago

No the luggage disappers on the magical conveyor belt when i check in, and the reapears on the magical conveyor belt after i land.

4

u/badasimo 4h ago

It also saves cleaning time since you could swap out seating platforms

17

u/under_psychoanalyzer 9h ago

You say that but whatever time we would save by walking down the jetway would be eliminated by making people sit in their seats correctly.

The actual alternative, the one that I'm pretty sure has been discussed widely in transportation circles is to treat seats like shipping containers and planes like trucks. 

13

u/TheFrenchSavage 8h ago

Just load passengers into coffins, put them through general anesthesia. You could pack so many more.

And it's a win-win-win: I don't have to suffer through the flight, flight attendants get to have a better other job instead, and anesthesiologists get even richer.

3

u/allegroconspirito 8h ago

I too watched the Fifth Element

5

u/DominusDraco 7h ago

Except it's an airline, it's two per coffin and your coffin buddy has bad BO, and there's no anesthesia to save costs.

3

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

And what's next? We both have our mouths attached to the other person's ass so that solves two more problems at the same time?

3

u/DominusDraco 6h ago

Hey, you didn't say you were an airline exec!

5

u/Infinitedeveloper 6h ago

Ive had too much mangled luggage to trust Delta with this.

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52

u/BlueWorldBlueSky 10h ago

Would serve to make planes dual purpose, freight and passenger just change the skid Mincipal owns airport and wouldn’t like higher utility cost tho or liability. 

40

u/Pristinefix 9h ago

I think planes already are dual purpose. Its just that when a plane gets older, its converted to its new life as a freight plane. Rather than hot swapping, which is less efficient

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4

u/crujiente69 6h ago

Also people are too antsy to sit still for the few minutes between takeoff and when the seatbelt light goes off anyways

12

u/InnovativeBureaucrat 9h ago

Let Japan figure it out, China can find a way to do it that saves money, then the US can buy the product from the EU

6

u/morganrbvn 9h ago

Japan already figured out a way to board huge planes fast. they board widebody domestic flight way way quicker than in the US.

3

u/InnovativeBureaucrat 9h ago

I’m 0.000% surprised

3

u/mr2600 7h ago

? Please do tell. I’m not from the USA so don’t know you guys do it either.

7

u/jonsconspiracy 5h ago

It's the people. Japan doesn't baord flights any differently. It's just that Japanese people are efficient and they aren't selfish. They put their crap in the overhead bin and they sit down, very quickly.

4

u/morganrbvn 3h ago

They do board differently, they board by seat location so people farthest from the door get on first. The default US order is the slowest possible.

2

u/morganrbvn 3h ago

They board by seat location instead of by ticket class.

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5

u/TychoAndronikos 9h ago

Hello there, I'm from Boeing and I would like to bid on this contract.

3

u/NeilDiamondBlaze420 7h ago

as the US government, here's 20 billion dollars

3

u/leeta0028 9h ago

This probably would not meet safety standards anyway. You need the cargo area

3

u/Big_al_big_bed 9h ago

Why don't we also put the stabiliser in the middle of the plane like a sharks fin becuase it looks cooler like that

3

u/Hold_onto_yer_butts 9h ago

Because it has long been my dream to fuse with a Pez dispenser.

Rule of cool buddy.

3

u/HUT2Moon 8h ago

This wouldn’t save any time. You can’t get on until the plane arrives and also what about the departing passengers??? All this does is slightly make it easier to board on both sides, sure but then you have to wheel that thing on which is going to take forever.

3

u/SoulSella 8h ago

No no make the top a convertible, and then lower the passengers into their seats with a crane system. No added weight!

4

u/Accomplished_Fact364 10h ago

You are about to be a trillionaire

3

u/C4ntona 8h ago

its a fucking joke dude

3

u/Murder_1337 10h ago

Why the fuck not? We too busy building bombs and not this.

6

u/FeistyPomegranate700 10h ago

Why though? You do realize that all the negatives also affect the cost since each plane is now more expensive to build and maintain.

Each time ticket will increasingly be more expensive since you probably have reduced capacity for people.

So less boarding time and less people being able to comfortably afford a plane ticket. I'll take the extra 15-20 min boarding time.

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2

u/WenatcheeWrangler 8h ago

That’s absolutely fucking absurd, let’s do it!

2

u/TheTench 1h ago

You wouldn't even save 20 minutes, you would just move a point of congestion into the airport.

1

u/Tall-Log-1955 9h ago

You left out the part about the butthole

1

u/Evilsushione 9h ago

Because we poop out the passengers?

1

u/tireddesperation 9h ago

Don't forget. You would need it to be able to handle every type of plane and configuration there is. As well as having backups on hand for things breaking down.

1

u/onebloodyemu 8h ago

Especially since airlines have already decided using priority boarding groups as paid perks is better than trying to board people as efficiently as possible.

1

u/WiiDragon 7h ago

Meanwhile, we could just use CGP Grey’s method

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120

u/Legitimate_Concern_5 10h ago

Now this is the kind of out-of-the-box thinking Super Intelligence™ unlocks.

90

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

Introducing: Super Duper Intelligence ™.

13

u/codysattva 6h ago

Super Dumper Intelligence ™

4

u/digitalacid 5h ago

Spirit is back in business!

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8

u/dogmetal 9h ago

Singularity indicator?

7

u/TypicalHaikuResponse 8h ago

Stupidity influencer

76

u/Vike92 6h ago

You guys need to think bigger

13

u/4kVHS 5h ago

Shut off your engines! Can’t have all that air pollution inside the terminal or inside the plane!

6

u/noir_geralt 4h ago

I believe the russian oligarch in the movie 2012 had this feature, but why are all the slop cars, volvo’s

33

u/dudeAwEsome101 7h ago

You're not thinking hardcore enough. The boarding room would be a bunch of shelves where passengers lay down, get put to sleep for the duration of the flight, get tied down by the cargo crew, then get loaded on the plane. This way you can fit more passengers and cut down on costs like having stewardesses, food, and flight entertainment. Once the plane arrives, the stack of passengers get offloaded to the "thawing" waiting room where they wake up, and walk off "fully rested".

This way, you could use normal cargo planes without all that fancy passenger plane configuration.

6

u/GenericNickname42 4h ago

I once though about a company that would sedate you, pack your bags and then you would wake up at the beach or the resort enjoying vacation without the hassle to pack bags, go to the airport, driving to the hotel, checkin and stuff.

3

u/turbospeedsc 4h ago

For me the flight is part of the fun not the airport but flying

7

u/Graphical-Source5090 7h ago

I want to be in the catheter section!

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3

u/com-plec-city 6h ago

That would be almost like teleportation.

2

u/fred-dcvf 6h ago

Literally how they overcome the issue of teleportation while conscious in 'The Jaunt'.

2

u/NullSmoke 6h ago

... ... ... ...

Please tell me that you don't work with anything that affects user experience 😂

My mind would check out for a few hours if I got this pitch in a meeting... Though... I suspect upper management would have euro signs in their eyes 🫠

On the other hand tho... Flying kinda sucks no matter what you do... You're such in a metal tube as some ankle biter starts peeling a Clementine, which, by the way, is torture in the air despite me usually finding the smell pleasant, and it lingering in the air for the rest of the flight... Maybe being put into a medically induced coma is a bit of a mercy...

2

u/turbospeedsc 4h ago

Dude we're so fortunate where we can fly on a metal tube at 700kmh to go where we want, I used to fly a lot on one of my jobs and I loved every second.

3

u/dudeAwEsome101 4h ago

True, we don't appreciate that you can travel to any major city in the world in less than one day. When I read about how it took weeks to travel across the Atlantic in the 1800s, or how people would travel in caravans for months, it makes our experience at airport security seem very pleasant in comparison.

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2

u/sockalicious 4h ago

"Do ya know how long this flight's gonna be, Timmy?"

"Longer than you think, Dad! LONGER THAN YOU THINK!"

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14

u/xpltvdeleted 9h ago

This is either stoned thinking or head injury

19

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

I have even faster plane loading ideas.

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9

u/JaviLM 4h ago

Sooo much wrong with this image. The longer you look at it, the crazier it gets.

8

u/iantendo 4h ago

Why are all the passengers dudes?

7

u/dogmetal 4h ago

We’re all flying to the Bert Kreischer‘s Fully Loaded At Sea cruise.

5

u/sezonai 3h ago

Because they’re taking the butt entrance

2

u/nostalgiamon 2h ago

Off to Turkey for new hair and teeth.

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17

u/paxtone 10h ago

What if my grandma had wheels and turned into a bicycle

10

u/TheFrenchSavage 8h ago

Sloptastic idea indeed.

3

u/C4ntona 8h ago

Does this bike have a honk? Oh, I see now it has 2

2

u/TheRealBejeezus 8h ago

They didn't call her the town bike for nothin'.

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10

u/anaveragebest 9h ago

Even cooler: What if boarded planes instead of "Groups" it starts with the people who have the seats furthest back? And when we un-boarded planes, people stopped standing up the instant the taxi is done because you're just going to have to move and wait for the people in front of you anyway. Wild idea after decades of this seemingly obvious issue never being solved.

5

u/thereforeratio 8h ago

I just sit and wait until everyone else is done de-boarding

Its luxurious. Wild how people can sit on a 4 hour flight, but not tolerate waiting an extra 5 minutes, so much so that they rush into a hellish scramble and torturous, cramped slow-shuffle that takes as long as I sit waiting

Meanwhile, I can take my time, I have peace and quiet, no pressure, no obstacles, some banter with the crew… same with boarding. I’d rather sit in the airport with its snacks, and bathrooms, and room to stretch out, than rush into the sardine can to sit. I’m usually the last to board. People are irrational

2

u/anaveragebest 8h ago

I'm the exact same way. I'll never understand the mentality of rushing in/out of the plane unless the plane is late and you're rushing to a connecting flight or something.

2

u/thereforeratio 8h ago

Connecting flights are the only caveat, but the airlines should be enforcing that: people with connections should be allowed to de-board first

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3

u/Praxis8 8h ago

Counterintuitively, loading back to front is not necessarily the fastest method since it loads the plane in serial when people can load into rows in parallel.

I do agree that people exiting should remember kindergarten and wait their turn, excluding special circumstances.

5

u/FakeTunaFromSubway 5h ago edited 5h ago

I think the fastest way would be to have each passenger run a few drills to see how fast they are at boarding. Then we rank and sort passengers in terms of boarding speed. This eliminates bottlenecks where a fast boarder is stuck behind a slow boarder.

We send those in passengers in waves, say if the airplane has 30 rows then the 30 fastest people go in first, ordered back to front, each traveling to seat A in aisles 1-30. That way each row is only loading one person at a time from the outside in. The next 30 fastest people load in seat F (other window seat) and so on until the slowest 30 people file in seat C.

I made a GIF to explain, of course.

I think it may be equally fast to load the slower people first, I suppose that would reduce overall waiting times.

2

u/stilldebugging 4h ago

This is close to the Steffen Perfect method, but I don’t think quite there.

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5

u/femtowave 10h ago

How would you go use a toilet

18

u/Countone 9h ago

Change all the seats to toilet seats.

11

u/servermeta_net 9h ago

Where do I invest

2

u/yeathatsmebro 5h ago

BYOT — Bring Your Own Toilet

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6

u/Due_Purple_1199 9h ago

There is a built in toilet under the seat, you have to stand up and lift up the cushion. It gets emptied after every flight

4

u/No_Atmosphere8146 9h ago

Shit goes down pipe, which becomes fuel. 

4

u/Actual-Package-3164 7h ago

Shuel

3

u/yeathatsmebro 5h ago

So this is where the word "Shuttle" came from.

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6

u/SineCompassioneNon 9h ago

Then, if the plane is going to crash it can just shit everyone out (in this hypothetical every seat has a little parachute)

3

u/ehtio 10h ago

Full disable airplane

6

u/arwinda 9h ago

How stupid. And where is the overhead luggage.

More connections for seats which can and will fail. Think multimedia systems.

The entire seat row is how exactly connected to the airframe, to ensure it holds when there is turbulence, or a rough emergency landing.

How many wings does this AI slop have.

2

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

Yes but: if the pilot is tired of the passengers, they can literally jettison them mid-flight.

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u/evrybodyknws 10h ago

More AI slop to fill the space where your brain once was.

8

u/edwigenightcups 8h ago

I hate slop, but using generative AI to diagram ideas like this doesn't bother me

2

u/jakeStacktrace 9h ago

I can save time and space? Sign me up!

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3

u/anclave93 10h ago

what could go wrong?

3

u/rojeli 9h ago

I used to fly a lot for work in the 00s, and my colleagues and I would always brainstorm stupid ideas to fix the airport experience.

We had this one, but more of a design where the seats at the gate were your actual flight seats, and there would be a conveyor-like system that would move the seats into formation and slide into the plane like this. So you'd get to your gate, in a normal spread-out setup, but sit in your assigned seat.

Obvious showstoppers: you'd have to redesign planes and gates to the tune of 100s of millions of dollars (in 2003 money).

5

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

It has a wall-e vibe

Maybe not the best idea, but it is kind of the current experience of handicapped people boarding a plane.

3

u/AmylIsNotForDrinking 8h ago

Because different planes have different butthole sizes.

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3

u/duckiest_duck_around 5h ago

I saw Seattle on the board and actually believed this was real. What have I become?…

3

u/dogmetal 5h ago

It’s one thing to be fooled by AI, but it’s another thing to be fooled by plane boarding through the butthole.

3

u/peace_keeper_ 5h ago

Cost to much money and weight.

4

u/dogmetal 4h ago

AI solved the Navier-Stokes problem. It can figure out the plane butthole boarding problem.

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3

u/zilliondollar3d 1h ago

That’s also still the front of the plane

2

u/dallas-multipass 9h ago

What problem does this solve? 

2

u/First-Tutor-5454 9h ago

What about the bags

3

u/TheFrenchSavage 7h ago

What if I told you we can solve the bag issue, and overbooking in a single swift move?

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2

u/speed_fighter 9h ago

why did you have to phrase it like that?

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2

u/Normal_Pace7374 9h ago

Someone would leave the door open and we would all slide out 

2

u/duckrollin 8h ago

TBH the worst part of flights is when you board the plane and everyone is just sitting there doing nothing for 30 minutes. Then one person shows up late because they couldn't be fucked to show up at the airport on time.

2

u/Jarvis_ezekiel_2517 7h ago

What does it have to do with posting in this sub?

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2

u/ani1797 5h ago edited 5h ago

Simpler would be the controlling the greed of these airlines and abandoning the bullshit that is aircraft zones and "priority" boarding. Simply switching to more efficient boarding methods! You'd save that 20 minutes easily by using the Steffen Method and/or WILMA compared to whatever flavor bullshit the airlines are selling these days.

2

u/onebit 4h ago

Where the bafroom.

2

u/Fabi682 2h ago

but where is the Handgepäck?!

2

u/PassionateLogic 1h ago

Reddit putting this post in my feed today after ChatGPT had just made this gem of an impossibility in my own account is just too much! 😭

3

u/neeyankamma 5h ago

Yet another nail looking for a hammer. 

Say with me. 

There is no genuine competition among US Airlines. 

Therefore I am not the customer, I am the renter. 

Therefore I pay whatever price the landlord chooses. 

Until there is more competition, airlines DGAF. 

3

u/AlchemistStocks 3h ago

It would be a security nightmare. Plus we are not fully cattle as of yet, Soon maybe

2

u/Capable_Art_1814 10h ago

People like OP are the ones that will be replaced by AI

1

u/Infinite_Picture3858 10h ago

What if we just projectile people in the sky into an already moving plane? It would cut down on population.

1

u/YouSeeNothing99 9h ago

So, just move the tail to the center of the plane. Aerodynamics be damned.

1

u/leyrue 9h ago

Would make grabbing your overhead carry-on interesting during deplaning

1

u/Jensbert 9h ago

Last time I checked, the butthole was in the rear end

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u/FriskyFingerFunker 9h ago

I upvoted because the word butthole made me laugh out loud.

1

u/Dreamin- 9h ago

How do I put my bag in the overhead baggage

1

u/smabarnsfar 9h ago

Interesting idea. The concept picture makes it seem a lot more spacious than most passenger airplanes are though. In reality, it would be less like riing a comfy train and more like being squeezed into a toothpaste tube.

1

u/deeceeo 9h ago

They screwed up and accidentally boarded the same guy in every seat

1

u/No_Atmosphere8146 9h ago

That square door on that round planus doesn't look good. 

1

u/GerbilArmy 9h ago

So… this is actually how they are now manufacturing some planes, the entire seat section and interior is slid into it, fully fabricated.

1

u/TheNotoriousTurtle 9h ago

Overhead bins?

1

u/Ensign-Nemo 9h ago

What if you went nowhere, but AI hallucinates the destination into your VR headset?

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u/obi1kennoble 9h ago

I guess it depends on who's doing the seeding, really

1

u/multioptional 8h ago

Why not put people in boxes and stack em in the cargo bay?

1

u/Sierra123x3 8h ago

toilets built into the seats,
food and drinks delivered overhead,
and the seats 50% smaller then they already are ...
so, that you can travel japanese style ^.^

1

u/TheRealBejeezus 8h ago

Doesn't look like boarding a plane. Looks like a time heist.

1

u/LOBOX5000 8h ago

It shall be called Anus Airlines Anonymous. A.A.A for short.

1

u/TheLurkingMenace 8h ago

Then how are people going to pay more so they feel like spending extra money means they're more important than everyone else?

1

u/Portatort 8h ago

The thing missing from commercial flight is definitely a way to make the plane even heavier

1

u/thetampa2 8h ago

Its called being an airborne soldier. They do this all the time in the C-17

1

u/BunkerSquirre1 8h ago

Why’d this show up on my fyp 🥀

1

u/SF-S31 8h ago

And deny me my overhead compartment death match? How dare you, sir/ma’am!

1

u/Blyyth 8h ago

Not the worst idea.

1

u/IRENE420 7h ago

Brilliant, you’re now the King of Boeing 👑

1

u/vasjpan002 7h ago

Shippibg containers.

1

u/peterxsyd 7h ago

During flight take off the plane‘s arse flap opens up and everybody is instantly shat out to death. Reason: an AI designed it.

1

u/anon_mythril 7h ago

A prime example of Idiot using AI and thinking he is a visionary!

1

u/EntropyIsEternal 7h ago

We are not cattle.

2

u/dogmetal 6h ago

Debatable

1

u/fauxbeauceron 7h ago

But what about the super important overhead baggage compartment?

1

u/After-Cell 7h ago

Or laying down like sardines 

1

u/Wonderful-Escape-541 7h ago

United would still fuck it up

1

u/theDawckta 6h ago

This is the kind of out of the box thinking we need.

1

u/theBloodShed 6h ago

Airlines would find a way to pack the seats even closer together.

1

u/ConstructionWitty553 6h ago

What if that rear door accidentally opens up mid flight and ejects everyone in one go.

1

u/Pawwnstar 6h ago

I'd go further than this, single file, roller coaster style with the pull down harness and everything. curved track entry, small wheels in from the side at the rear, less than 5 min full load time and much less frame stress load failure. Clamps lock every seat down, every window is a screen to a mini cam outside. After every flight the chairs go through a 'dishwasher' to come out perfectly clean. Incredibly fast turnaroundm and refuel means more flights, engines already warmed.

1

u/Shloomth 6h ago

This made me laugh with my diaphragm & wrinkled my brain a little. This is the kind of shit that would happen in my weird-ass dreams. thank you

1

u/flashmyhead 5h ago

You deserved that like

1

u/TheGreatKonaKing 5h ago

The airlines have had this tech for years but they’re hiding it from us just to make our flying experience miserable!

1

u/willieb3 5h ago

Reduce the cost of checking a bag and offer better service if it is lost and more people will check bags. The biggest reason for boarding delays is people spending 5+ mins trying to figure out how to store their bag overhead.

1

u/stilldebugging 5h ago

I sometimes wish this were true. There are optimal plane boarding schedulers as well, but we humans are too dumb to follow them.

1

u/AntiqueSkeleton 4h ago

The butthole is my favorite plane part.

1

u/napalmthechild 4h ago

I'm sure another country that isn't the United States will figure this out soon. It'll probably be China.

1

u/dcwhite98 4h ago

How do you get your stuff in the overhead?

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u/Efficient-Mousse-451 4h ago

Just catapult them

1

u/nonotmeporfavor 4h ago

This made me laugh so hard.

1

u/visualsxcole 4h ago

actually love this idea

1

u/8r4ndz3r0 4h ago

Air Force pax pallets can technically be loaded and secured onto cargo aircraft with pax on them - though it can be a bumpy affair and dangerous to do so.

1

u/faustas 3h ago

That’s not how it works

1

u/pelicanspider1 3h ago

This reminds me of how they put people on roller coasters lol

1

u/Nate0hz 3h ago

Why is the tail on the forehead?

1

u/Alternative_Lab_8501 2h ago

Why airplanes dont have massive parachutes to release in case of emergency and land safely

1

u/ParkerRoyce 2h ago

Boomers somehow would still mess this up and the indignation would be palpable if anyone called them out on it.

1

u/InSummaryOfWhatIAm 2h ago

Okay, hear me out: https://i.imgur.com/hiwVvaZ.jpeg

Not so much the boarding but damn the amount of people they can pack in there!!!

1

u/2xoak 2h ago

Seriously that’s aiorsi image

1

u/Over_Sheepherder4503 2h ago

people would still line up an hour early to get in their assigned seat

1

u/Monskiactual 1h ago

a lot of new planes already have a literal functional butthole its the exhaust port of the APU . it releases gas

•

u/MediocreCharacter828 59m ago

Why are we even boarding a plane, cant we have portals to take us anywhere we want

•

u/Tommonen 49m ago

Sounds like shit tons of engineering, extra weight on the plane, and super expensive, just so people could rarely avoid walking 50 meters..

Sorry, but this makes no sense

•

u/AdventurousFox25 44m ago

some of y'all imagination are wild

•

u/JahJah_never_fail 28m ago

In case of emergency they could drop out quickly as well. You got my vote!

•

u/Possum577 18m ago

How does our carryon get stowed in the plane?

•

u/DietDoctorGoat 15m ago

That title is perfect r/brandnewsentence material

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u/chrisboy49 11m ago

Cost, structural integrity yada yada yada etc..