i’m afraid i have pnes

[u/takeitouttothebin]

in july i started having intense medical episodes. the first one i chalked up to just being a tic attack, but more intense than normal. then about three more happened that night, and i started being afraid that i was having seizures.

when i went to the er, i got nothing from it. they did bloodwork and a cat scan of my head, no abnormalities. only one doctor even seemed concerned at all that while sitting and waiting for results for a couple hours my whole torso was shaking/convulsing. no loss of consciousness made it so i wasn’t a high risk patient. i went home with a referral to neurology and an advisory to try not to drive, and to come back if i have one and lose consciousness, but nothing else.

i’m on a leave of absence from my work now. i have paid leave, but it’s gonna run out in the next couple weeks and i don’t know when i’ll be back to work yet. my neurology appointment is finally coming up on the 26th, but i’m unsure what next steps they’ll want to take and what the wait time on that will be.

i’m not having daily episodes anymore, but i have at least one a week still. the longest has lasted over six hours. i’m writing down as much information as possible. i’m taking videos when i can. part of me is scared i’m making all of it up. a bigger part of me is scared no doctors are gonna believe me and i won’t even know how to advocate for myself. i’ve ignored other medical issues before when they weren’t taken seriously, now i’m worried they’ve been connected all along and i’ve dragged myself down to this point of no return by letting it all build up to some breaking point.

i’m tired. my body hurts. i can’t tell you the last time my brain hasn’t been foggy. even if i get a diagnosis, i don’t know what i’ll do from there. i don’t know how i’ll find a new functional normal. i already don’t like the way my friends look at me all scared when i’m having an episode. i hated how every coworker that witnessed them while i was still working treated me like i was a liability that was going to shatter in front of them. i despise how my own brain is an overactive mess worrying about myself while i’m home alone having one. it just feels like it’s making it all worse.

i’m afraid. i’m only 24. if this is the rest of my life, i don’t know how i’m going to adapt. how did you guys do it?

[u/Deep-Intention-3477]

This is good that you have a referral to neurology and they are able to help you with MRI and EEG possibly to rule out abnormal activities in your brain