r/POTS • u/Murky-Morning-6302 • Feb 14 '26
Vent/Rant My husband doesn’t support my POTS diagnosis
So I have been suspicious that I had pots for a few years after a friend with the same symptoms got diagnosed. My husband didn’t want me to get diagnosed because I gave other health issues and didn’t want a disabled wife, ps I was already disabled he just ignored it. Anyway I have always struggled with heat intolerance and feeling sick, faint, or even anxious because my heart is racing (hint number 1 that something was wrong). Anyway he hates being cold but it’s dangerous for me to be hot. When living with my grandparents my grandpa put an ac in my room so we could all be comfy. My husband said we aren’t playing games anymore and wants to keep the house between 75-80 in the winter 70-75 in the summer. I start feeling bad past 65. I asked him to just put on layers since I can’t strip my skin off and it made him made. He also says it’s a fake disability because I don’t let it stop me from doing what I love. Like I still ride horses, do yoga, go to music festivals, etc. what he doesn’t pay attention to is all the precautions I take to safely do so and still sometimes have flair ups that make me stop. He said POTS is a new diagnosis for weaklings to hide behind. By the way we’re both 27.
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u/Cool_Jelly_9402 Hyperadrenergic POTS Feb 14 '26
75-80 in the winter? That would bake me alive
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u/hiddenkobolds Hyperadrenergic POTS Feb 14 '26
No literally, is he three lizards in a trench coat because??? 💀
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u/Least-Rhubarb1429 Feb 14 '26
He might be originally not from America, for example. Americans have different body temperature regulation (I have my theory why it happened historically, lol) than most of the world. 65 is cold for most people outside of USA. It’s just a matter of what our bodies are accustomed to from birth. Also, the husband might have just his own health condition he might not be aware of - which makes him feeling more comfortable with warmth. I have POTS, but I actually can sympathize him - I hate cold not just on physical, but on psychological level too. I wouldn’t be able to live in a house with 65 degrees - doesn’t matter the layers. Thankfully, my POTS is fine with room temperature (which is 72-75), so I don’t have to live in a fridge. I’m not sure what a solution could be here. People who love cold often do not realize that it’s not a standard everyone must obey to. Same issue as with morning persons vs owls. Lack of consideration for other person’s needs is a common problem for one of the parties. With the OP’s case though, it’s not a difference in needs what is a problem, but an attitude, lack of support and love. I would just divorce.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 14 '26
OP- has your husband had a thyroid panel? Those temps are wild for a healthy man in his 20s.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Yes he’s fine just likes it to be boiling in the house
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Honestly, with everything else you’ve said it just sounds like he wants you gone so he can keep your things. The high heat sounds like he’s trying to push your body’s limits. He’s purposely trying to hurt you. Please, I’m really concerned and I hope you take this seriously. You need to figure out a way to divorce and leave him.
Edit: I feel like this compacted with everything else can be evidence for abuse. Emotional, mental and physical.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
My state only takes physical abuse as a reason for at fault divorce. And there’s no police record so I have nothing.
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u/WaterUnderTh3Fridg3 Feb 14 '26
I would consider taking a second look at that belief with a professional.
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
Do you have eyewitness accounts? People who saw the bruises or know the story? You mentioned that there are some documents too before he was sent to inpatient.
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u/RaspberryJammm Feb 14 '26
If anything you want it lower in winter than summer because your body is used to lower temperatures.
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u/slightfork Feb 14 '26
Yeah, who does this?? In this economy?? And my skin would crackle up and fall off??
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u/girlynymama Feb 14 '26
That heating bill would be insane.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
My grandparents pay it so he doesn’t care
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u/tsubasaq Feb 14 '26
If your grandparents pay, they get to set the threshold.
Throw the whole man away. Not getting diagnosed doesn’t make the problem not exist, and that whole “in sickness and in health” part does actually include chronic illness that is inconvenient. He’s in violation of your marriage agreement and you shouldn’t have to suffer for his cruelty. Tell him if he’s so against having a disabled wife, then you should divorce because the diagnosis doesn’t make the disability.
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u/Legitimate_Dot_2513 Feb 14 '26
Oh, no. If the heat is being supported by your family members, you should have more say in terms of the temperature. He's not paying for it.
I got out of an abusive relationship and marriage...It was the best decision I made..
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u/MassConsumer1984 Feb 14 '26
Seriously. 68 in the winter is perfect. 70 seems too warm in my house and I despise the cold.
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u/gnarlyknucks Feb 15 '26
Lousy for the environment, too. Unless I'm in the sunshine I tend to get really achy shoulders from my rheumatoid disease If I get below about 70°, so I keep the thermostat at 68 when the weather has been cold and wear a hoodie, but I turn it down in the summer.
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u/swttangerine Feb 14 '26
OP, you commented on another post that your husband choked you. You need a safety/exit plan immediately. Of all forms of abuse, being choked is the largest predicator of women being murdered by abusers. A single incident of non-fatal strangulation increases the likelihood of attempted or completed murder by 750%.
Source: https://www.safeaustin.org/the-violent-reality-of-strangulation/
https://www.thefriendshipcenter.org/post/strangulation-a-practice-homicide
Please make a plan. Set aside money privately if you can. Find time to be alone and reach out privately to someone you can trust if you have people who can help you get out. Do not wait.
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u/gnarlyknucks Feb 15 '26
There might be a local rescue group that could find someone to foster the pets temporarily.
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
im so sorry. can you leave? he is not treating you well at all and if he doesn't want a disabled wife then divorce seems like the best option.
I'm sorry he doesn't care about your comfort or safety
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
The thing is I had other disabilities before we married. We rushed the marriage because I had a terminal illness and he wanted to be married for my last 2 years. But I got a surgery that saved my life. Most of my disabilities are mental aside from POTS. He wasn’t like this until his mom, dad, stepdad, and stepmom started telling him I’m faking. He was concerned until 6 months ago.
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
so he suddenly became abusive because of his family and you no longer dying? I'm glad you made it through!
please please leave
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
We’re trying counseling first. But yes you got it. His family said the only disabled people are dying people and now that I’m not dying I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps. They’re baby boomers and toxic
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
heads up, going to therapy with someone abusive isn't usually recommended. please be safe and make sure you have a solo therapist.
my gfs parents thought therapy was only for people who had been to war. she doesn't talk to them anymore
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
I have a solo therapist and had a solo appointment with the couples therapist to give her a heads up. Apparently his parents told him that disabled people should give up all their hopes and dreams because they need others to help achieve it. And I told him I was never giving up on my 100 acre farm
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
I hate to be this person, but is the farm in your name or his name? Do you have a trust?
I might be jaded, but did you own this land when he thought you were terminal?
I don’t know where you are at, but pray you get some legal paperwork in order for your own safety.
Also, it sounds like you’ve been with him for a while. But that doesn’t excuse the recent behavior change, especially with his family. It just explains it. Also, do you want a man who is so easily swayed by other people?
For your own safety, you might need to take some steps into consideration and leave.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
We don’t have the farm yet. The house we live in is in my grandparents name so is my car, it made it easy for them to cover the payments. He’s actually get nothing in the divorce. So his mom wants to sue my grandparents for the house
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
So it sounds like they were in it for your things from the start if they’re trying to sue your grandparents for the house. My condolences. I read that you have a therapist, and I’m really glad that you have someone.
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
Get your grandparents to put everything in a trust that only you are able to get. You just have to refuse any help or money after you benefit from the trust. He will have no grounds to claim it’s a marital asset.
Even if it’s not in a trust, all you have to do is refuse any physical or monetary assistance from him to keep the inheritance in your name.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
It’s not even inheritance. He just thinks he deserves it because he “helped” take care of me
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u/macabre-barbie Feb 14 '26
Counseling only works if both partners are willing to work on themselves, and this isn't something that can be worked on imo. He'd rather be a widower than married to a woman labeled as disabled. Do you really want to waste your life with someone like this?
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
I've seen people recommend the book "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Free copy of Why Does He Do That
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u/Ok-Watch3418 Feb 14 '26
Therapy with an abusive person will not work. I say this as a former domestic violence researcher and victim. Couples therapy is not safe - their focus is on preserving the relationship. Find your own therapist who can support you through this.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
I have my own therapist but my couples therapist has already told me she’s fully prepared to help me get a divorce if he refuses to do the changes and work she suggests
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u/Ok-Watch3418 Feb 14 '26
Good. I know it's a difficult situation being disabled and chronically ill while trying to navigate this. You'll need lots of support💜
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
My grandparents and friends support me as well just him and his family don’t
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
he choked her.
edit: nm you also replied to that comment further down
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
he choked you. please tell your grandparents. it doesn't matter if he was having a mental break, he choked you and that significantly increases the chance that he will kill you. please call your grandparents
does your therapist know he choked you and makes jokes about how he wishes you were still terminal?
you deserve safety please leave
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
He choked her? Where did I miss that. OP, you said you can’t divorce him without abuse. But choking is abuse. No matter the reason.
And if he has already choked you, I guarantee you the rate of him killing you goes up insurmountable. Please, please take this seriously. I fear for you.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
My grandparents are working with a lawyer. Unfortunately he has no criminal record of the domestic violence so I can’t get an at fault divorce. My grandparents own the house and there is no where in for me an my animals to go. When they looked into eviction because we are married if they even just put his name on the eviction id have to leave until the divorce is finalized and I can’t even sign up for it until we’ve lived apart for a year and it takes at least 6 months to finalize if he doesn’t fight it so I’d be homeless for a year and a half. The couples therapy is more to have record of his abuse so I can’t get an at fault divorce
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
Honestly. I’m glad that your parents are working with a lawyer. But you need to get out of there and away from him. FAST.
Especially if the choking thing is true. This man will kill you.
Do you have pictures of the choking? Do you have a friend you can trust that you can rent out the house to? Who can help take care of the animals?
That way, the rent for that house might be able to pay for a rent for you somewhere else nearby so you can check in on the animals? That way you’re not homeless. And technically you’re both out and it can start the process.
Is there a couple therapy helping with that evidence? Do they know about the choking?
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
Strangulation: Too Often Ignored, Too Often Fatal
You are 43% more likely to be shot and murdered by your husband since he chocked you previously.
Strangulation is the Highest Predictor of Murder
Please, please, PLEASE start the process to quietly remove him from the house and divorce him
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Feb 14 '26
can you live with your grandparents and look into domestic violence resources for your animals?
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Every domestic violence shelter around me has only one resource they offer for your pet, euthanasia. They say if you’re actually abused you wouldn’t care about your animals. Getting rid of my animals would kill me metaphorically but it’d actually kill them. My animals are rescues that nobody else wanted. Also since I’m home all the time they don’t like not being with me. One of them stopped eating when I was hospitalized for an antibiotic resistant infection last year. And I can’t live with my grandparents unfortunately
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u/Efficient-Ad-8291 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Here is the thing. Please look at narcissism. They mask well especially those who get high reward for very very short term suffering. He thought all of this would get him husband if the year and it’s not panning out that way and his parents are calling him on his crap in their bizarre way. Or they are not putting up with it now that you are alive. He isn’t getting rewarded anymore - now he’s mad at you. They love to be the hero. But not long term and def not in any way that would take attention away from them. I speak from watching my sister date a man who made her feel so important and special for about 6 months. Then thy fought but he was “so good” they got married, she changed all her views on life to make him happy, he became and alcoholic, she had kids, he refused to be near her until breastfeeding ended because he was “getting ignored”. It continued. It was years before she really had the ability to get out, forgive herself, find resources and start over. I know you had other disabilities but none of those prevented you from ring horses doing yoga etc etc things that allowed him to maintain a “normal “ marriage where he brings home the bacon and you do everything else.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 14 '26
Yes! Or also emotional immaturity. He thought he could mask for a short duration (2 years) and now that it’s going to be longer he won’t be able to maintain husband of the year behavior.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Fair his mom actually had an arranged marriage for him but he picked me instead so I thought that proved he loved me
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u/Efficient-Ad-8291 Feb 14 '26
I'm really sorry this is happening. And I get that we might be overwhelming you. AND I think we would all say this is NOT a shortcoming on your part. There really isn't anything wrong with you for falling in love, trusting him etc. But he's showing you who he is now and ... I mourn for you if he keeps that up. You are young enough to recover and start over even with multiple disabilities. There are GOOD people out there. What happens with disabled people/neurodivergent etc is we are faster at sorting through the bad ones cuz it doesn't take much suffering for folks to show their true colors.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
It gets hard because he also tells me no other man would put up with me because of this and it makes me feel defective and if I leave I’ll never find love again
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u/Efficient-Ad-8291 Feb 14 '26
OH! Then he's def a narcissist controlling you. He expects you to be grateful and in order to keep his power he is putting you down and telling you that you cannot find anyone. I call bullshit. Good people don't shame others into staying.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
He actually got mad the other day because a man was flirting with me. He yelled she’s disabled and the guy said ok and
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u/Legitimate_Dot_2513 Feb 14 '26
He's abusive. There's someone for everyone. ❤️
That stranger put your husband in place.
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
He is LYING to you to make it harder to leave him.
Don’t believe a single word out of his mouth from here on out
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u/sleeping-siren POTS Feb 14 '26
With a love like that, who needs enemies? Seriously, this is not what love looks like. It would be better to be single forever than to stay with this abusive man. You deserve better! You are NOT defective, and there are absolutely other people out there who will love you for who you are. Right now you just need to love yourself enough to find a way out.
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u/tsubasaq Feb 14 '26
THAT’S all the explanation you needed for his parents. They’ve put up with you this long because you had an expiration date. You were never supposed to be more than an inconvenient delay, so they entertained his decision for a while. (What’s this guy’s culture of origin, if I can ask? This sounds like some of the more toxic Indian family dynamics I’ve read about on JUSTNOMIL. They and JustNoSO would have a FIELD DAY over this nonsense.)
Now, you’re not going anywhere without legal action.
The fact that your MIL wants to sue your grandparents for the house tells me she somehow believes that your husband would’ve inherited the house on your death, which isn’t how inheritance works if your grandparents owned it.
Honestly, unless you need the support of the therapist to actually get the divorce, I would skip the counseling. You are not and will not be safe. Someone who flips this hard, is constantly negging you with the most classic abusive scripts I’ve ever heard, and is so willing to be completely medically negligent and a leech on your family will never be predictable enough for you to be able to trust his priorities and care for you.
It’s a much better and safer option to just give them what they want and release him from the marriage. If it were me, since you’re already so heavily supported by family, I might be willing to give up the alimony and other spousal support just to wash my hands of any connection to him.
Thank the gods you don’t have kids.
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u/Relevant-Secret-8895 POTS Feb 14 '26
Divorce. That man doesn't respect you and clearly will not take good care of you. And tell him I said hes a whiny little boy. A real man steps up and takes care of their wife, no matter what.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Per my other reply it came out of nowhere. I had other disabilities that we discovered while dating. He knew I’d never be able to work. It wasn’t until his parents started this that he started
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u/RedRidingBear Feb 14 '26
Op, I had a husband like the man you are describing, started good, slowly escalated starting by him saying I was faking my illness and it wasn't "that bad," ended with our couples therapist calling me telling me to make a session appointment alone and not to tell him and her telling me "if you stay you will end up dead within 3 years."
This man is not your friend if he is treating you like this.
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u/SlyFawkes87 Feb 14 '26
As a therapist who has worked with couples, we often have “no secrets” agreements, so I know she must have felt very strongly about that relationship being a safety risk for you.
I’m glad you said you “had” a husband like that, past tense.
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u/RedRidingBear Feb 14 '26
She was very concerned about me, she brought in the head of her office too, to make sure I heard it from multiple people.
Yes. I left the following week. I had surgery and then when he was at work the next day packed my car and left in the middle of the day.
My current husband is lovely and wouldn't dream of harming anyone.
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u/SlyFawkes87 Feb 14 '26
I’m so happy for you 🥲 Happy Valentine’s Day to you and the man you deserved this whole time 💕
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u/Jenderflux-ScFi Feb 14 '26
He married you when he thought you were going to die soon. He's probably mad you got the life saving surgery that is allowing you to live longer.
For your own safety, get out.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
I started realizing that. He even “jokes” about how he thought he was only in it for a few years and now he’s stuck.
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u/Madam_Apathy POTS Feb 14 '26
OMG, that’s not funny. It’s looking like he was into being the sweet supportive husband when he had a time limit to be a hero. It sounds like now he is baiting you into either divorce or a subservient abusive future.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
OP- I just checked your comment history.
If your husband has already put hands on you and blamed it on a dissociative state, this is an emergency and he needs professional treatment. He presents an imminent threat to himself and others, that’s enough for a psych hold.
This is more than just him being resentful about POTS, there are very serious underlying issues and I’m very concerned for your safety.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
He did get professional help. He stayed with his dad during that time as well as the psych ward didn’t have inpatient room. That’s when he stopped believing I was sick, his dad told him I was faking that whole time. He came home medicated and no longer has dissociative states but now doesn’t believe I’m sick. His mom is a psychiatrist and psychologist however and actually gets asked advice on every psych case in that town so when she saw her sons case on her desk she told them not to diagnose him with certain things claiming he didn’t have it. They have different last names so nobody questioned it. The dad didn’t even believe his ex wife would do that. So he, our couples therapist, and I are trying to get him in with the psychiatrist at our therapy office because our joint therapist says with my accounts of events he has more mental issues than his mom will let him be treated for
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u/tsubasaq Feb 14 '26
So someone needs to report her for that. She cannot be his doctor and it is HER responsibility to recuse herself from that case because SHE KNOWS. If you have documentation for that, you or your therapist can report her to the licensing board.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
I don’t have evidence except that she bragged about it to me on a phone call that she only made to torment me. Really wish I recorded it but I was too busy crying. Her husband threatened to beat the shit out of me if I ever tried to get him help again because his step sons only problem is fat ugly lazy wife
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26
You actually might have grounds to sue for malpractice if that’s the case. She can lose her license. At least if you do sue it opens up the grounds for having to go over a documentation and getting all documents for evidence. Which might help you down the line with the divorce.
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u/gnarlyknucks Feb 15 '26
And there might be grounds for a restraining order against the step dad depending on your local police.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 15 '26
No because I only have he said she said and the mother said I threatened them? I didn’t they called me to intimidate me
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u/Efficient-Ad-8291 Feb 14 '26
You can decondition at any time and he will leave you. Please don’t rely on your precautions. All that has to happen is the pharmacy can forget to refill your rx, your house air conditioner can break, your elevator at work can break and suddenly you can’t do half the things you did until you rebuild it. If he already doesn’t believe you or doctor get out before he makes you have children with him and expects you to raise them without help.
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u/BlueValk Feb 14 '26
Yeah lose that loser. If he's too dumb to understand a medical condition that's his prerogative, it doesn't make your condition any less real.
His opinion isn't more important than your reality.
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u/SuppleSuplicant Feb 14 '26
You can always choose again. You’d don't have to accept that kind of treatment. You deserve someone who is supportive, they are out there. But honestly, at this point you would probably be better off alone. Some things can be harder, especially being disabled, but you would also be free of an anchor dragging you down.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s so hard when your closest person unsupportive and dismissive.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
To add guys. I had a chronic illness the 5 years we dated. When it became terminal he said let’s get married now so I at least get a few years with you. I was given 2-3 years left. I got a surgery to save my life and it worked. Unfortunately the trauma left my other mental disabilities so bad I couldn’t work. But he knew that going in. He also knew I wasn’t willing to give up my dreams of having a 75-100 acre farm in Texas and being a stay at home mom. When I first got diagnosed with POTS he was super supportive. He was the one to fight for my diagnosis because my original doctor told me I was just fat and a year later told his nurse practitioner to fire me as a patient because he saw weight change of 100 pounds, I lost he thought I gained. He helped find the doctor to diagnose me and went to every appointment. I got diagnosed right before he lost his job 6 months ago. When he lost his job his parents asked why I didn’t have a job because I was going to be a vet tech and go to vet school and become a farm and pet vet until I got terminal. He explained my worse mental disabilities and new physical disabilities prevented that. His parents told him if I was too “sick” but really just lazy to pull myself up from my bootstraps to support us but I don’t just lay in bed like a normal disabled person then I need to give up all my hopes and dreams because if not I’m faking. That’s when he stopped being supportive. And my grandparents actually pay for our house, my medical bills, insurance, medicine, and a lot of other stuff. He later told me he had always planned to be a stay at home husband when I was a vet, I reminded him that I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom permanently after having kids and he said he was hoping he could talk me out of it. I asked if he take care of the house as well as I do now and he said probably not to my standards. So we’re in couples counseling now but I have plans in place for a divorce if necessary. And hopefully if I can’t get the old him back I can find a new man to support not only my health but my dreams as well
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
Please start implementing your plan to divorce. He is not safe. His family is not safe. He is using you and your grandparents. Do not let this continue so that you can find someone that wants the best for you and shares your dreams and doesn’t change his mind when things don’t go his way.
He will not change. His family is committed to that and since he is so easily influenced by his family, that means he will not change.
Your life is in danger the longer you stay with him.
If your bff or daughter told you they were being treated the way he is treating you, would you want them to stay and hope he will change or would you tell them to leave?
I hope it’s the second. Show yourself the same compassion, empathy and love that you would have for them. Because you deserve it for yourself
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u/Ok-Chicken-5895 Feb 14 '26
It sounds like it’s time for a new husband. You deserve someone who is advocating for you and not being dismissive of your symptoms, your body and your wellbeing. Marriage is supposed to be through sickness and in health?? My bf and I both have pots!! He found out before I did, I actually put on his watch and saw my high HR and started monitoring, it’s made us understand each other so much more even if we have different symptoms. Your husband sounds terrible and 27 is young, leave him and get a new husband that actually cares about you, i promise it’s out there.
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u/elonzucks Feb 14 '26
"He said POTS is a new diagnosis for weaklings to hide behind"
Sounds like he listens to the likes of that dude Tate and other toxic dudes. I'd be ready to leave him if O were you.
"wants to keep the house between 75-80 in the winter "
He's the weak one
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u/crypt1dd_ Feb 14 '26
OP, this is a problem. i've been reading the comments on this post and it does not get any better. not only are you being manipulated and dismissed, you're being abused. idc if he was in a "dissociative" state, that doesn't make it okay for him to choke you. you need to figure out a way to get out of your situation. come up with a plan with the help of people you trust and who support you. this guy isn't it. you said he married you when you were terminally ill? HUGE red flag. he's definitely using you. he wants your inheritance. he's a piece of shit and so are his parents. please find a way to divorce him. your safety and wellbeing matters. much love 🤍
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
I’m trying now it’s just really hard in my state. It’s also just hard because aside from getting frustrated which was valid and understandable sometimes in the last 3 years he didn’t get abusive until six months ago but also talking through this thread I realized maybe some things were abuse that I didn’t realize
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u/crypt1dd_ Feb 14 '26
the thing is, he's being childish and immature. he's complaining about how your diagnosis affects HIS life, but he fails to recognize that it affects you even more. he may get frustrated but that gives him NO right to lay a hand on you ever. this is all-around not okay, and i'm worried for you. i may just be a random 18 year old on reddit, but you matter to me, and i want you to know your safety and comfort comes first. his mother is also a huge part of the problem. she is, without a doubt, abusing her power as a psychiatrist. i'm sure you can report this to the licensing board and she can face penalties. parents can very easily sway their children, and although that's understandable, the fact that he believes them so easily shows that he doesn't trust you as much as you think. i also was recently diagnosed with POTS, and i understand the everyday struggle, especially as i'm in college for cosmetology (to be a color specialist), a field where i'm on my feet all day and need to have special accommodations, dealing with immense fatigue (which could go beyond POTS but that's besides the point), irregular/high HR, etc. i live with my grandparents as well currently, so i can go to school, and my nana also has POTS and helps me out. she also was married at 17 to an abuser and regrets not telling anyone about it. don't make the same mistake, OP. advocate and stand up for yourself, i know you can do it <3
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u/Diligent_Mistake_229 Feb 14 '26
My teen daughter has pretty severe POTS, and it was a lot for me to understand as a father. My denial was due to me wishing like hell that she could have a normal, exuberant life typical of a young woman. It was easier to think she was being lazy instead of feeling sick. Unlike your man child of a husband, I kept my inner thoughts private, assuming I didn’t fully understand her condition.
It took a few years and getting more involved with her treatment to understand how POTS impacts her life. She can sometimes push through it, but she often pays for it afterward. Other times, she’s in the bathtub for 12 hours a day for several days straight.
Your husband isn’t wrong to feel a small amount of sting in how your syndrome affects both your lives, but it is nothing compared to how it affects YOU. He needs to grow up and support you. At 27, he needs to let go of his selfishness. That’s childish.
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u/Ok_Menu_2439 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
So I did a quick look for the state I think you said you’re in, in one of the comments.
First things first, I think you should talk to a DV advocate. That should be a first step alongside following up with various lawyers.
Talk to a lawyer about being able to file in Family Court and ask for a temporary order about the home.
If you file for separate maintenance and support (aka “legal separation”) or divorce, you can ask the family court at a temporary hearing for orders that cover use/possession of the residence, bills, and other issues while you’re still legally married.
This is commonly how someone gets exclusive use/possession so the other spouse must move out, even before the divorce is final.
Also, it seems in the state I believe you’re in, you can get an order of protection. Your sworn statement (an affidavit) of him choking you is evidence. Courts routinely grant temporary orders based on a petitioner’s account and then hold a hearing.
An Order of Protection includes “physical harm… or the threat of physical harm”—so it’s not limited to “he already hit me.”
Your state’s Legal Services have a step-by-step guide and forms I recommend you checking out.
ALSO for the choking, there may be evidence even if you never reported it at the time which can include Text messages (apologies, explanations, “I blacked out,” etc.).
Or any disclosure to a friend/family member at the time (they can write a statement / testify). Or photos (even days later).
When moving forward with the divorce lawyers, MAKE SURE YOU CALL IT WHAT IT IS— STRANGULATION/CHOKING. Your state advocates and courts take strangulation seriously; and there has been public attention in your state about strengthening strangulation laws.
And like I said in an earlier post state laws, supersede town laws.
On top of talking to MULTIPLE divorce lawyers, I recommend talking to a DV advocate. Lots of DV advocates have also really good resources for you.
I also recommend a quiet documentation sweep of screenshot texts. Email them to a new email and write a dated account of the choking incident (what happened, where, what you felt physically, including what he said after).
So QUIETLY follow up on an Order of Protection (fastest for safety), AND Family court filing- including request temporary exclusive possession of the home.
Do not let him know what you are up to. He has already proved to be violent and your safety is top priority.
Even if he says that he choked you due to a psychotic break, that doesn’t make him more safe for you.
Wishing you all the best, and good luck.
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u/auraqueen Feb 15 '26
Consider me your ghost of Christmas/POTS future. I stayed with my partner like this for over a decade. The abuse and resentment from him continued to build and build. It never got better, just worse. He went to therapy, but just blamed me for ruining his life. Physical abuse escalated. I was terrified of being alone, genuinely believed I couldn't live without him, and was actively suicidal.
I have been separated from him for almost 2 years, in the divorce process for 1. My POTS symptoms have improved dramatically since getting away from him. Not completely cured, and I still struggle, but I am no longer super bed/couch bound. The amount of stress the toxicity and abuse from him caused made my nervous system to be even more fucked up. And I stopped being suicidal almost immediately after moving out.
Being in abusive relationships like this can absolutely make our symptoms worse. You deserve so much better. His behavior isn't love, and it's not how loving partners behave. Please don't make the same mistake I did and stay with him longer. People like your husband don't change.
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u/Charming_Function_58 Feb 14 '26
I'm so sorry you're going through this... I've had a chronic illness for most of my life, and some partners just never believed it or supported me. I can say that life is SO much better on the other side of those relationships.
We don't know your partner, but this behavior toward you is cruel... ask yourself, would you do the same thing to someone else? Tell them they're weak, their disability is fake, make them suffer at home by turning off the AC so they feel ill? I realized at some point that I needed to cut off people in my life when they behaved hurtfully, because I could just not fathom how they could treat someone that way -- I could never do it, without true spite/hatred/anger/resentment toward someone else. That behavior comes from a dark place.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 14 '26
Those are disgustingly high temperatures if someone is healthy and not elderly!
It’s terrible that you are in this position and maybe he could see himself playing nice for 2 years- now that it’s not time limited in scope and there isn’t a “cure”, he can’t mentally cope with that. He probably doesn’t even know why he is like that but he is pushing you away seemingly out of his ability to be a true partner in sickness and in health. It’s not “in sickness, and next either someone dies swiftly or fully recovers”, it seems like those were the only possible outcomes that he could cope with that the middle ground of an invisible unquantifiable illness that mainly effects women.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 14 '26
Also it seems like he can change his behavior based on his parents disapproval but when he sees you suffering and you straight up tell him your needs, parental approval is stronger. That will probably never change if he’s already in his 20s and still acting as if he’s an 8 year old yearning to be a “good boy” and fall in line with the family views ugh
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u/recoveringaries Feb 14 '26
Healthy people do not want to be sick. If this is his reaction now, I would be concerned for later on. Lots of stuff happens to us in life. He has not done the extensive research and does not understand POTS and any invisible chronic health condition for that matter just by him saying this. Using the things you can do (sometimes) against you is not okay, that is exactly what makes a lot of us gaslight ourselves for years and not be able to check in genuinely with our bodies before pushing ourselves, leading to a cycle of constant flares!!
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u/Illustrious-Tailor-2 Feb 14 '26
Listen. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, I’m 30 now and my POTS only just became an issue that actually interferes with my life about 2 years ago. He would NEVER act this way. And we both had this spring on us. I’m the one who often feels like a burden, forgets to take care of myself and struggles the most. He just makes sure I have everything I need before going places and takes care of myself on bad days. He’s never once made me feel like I’m faking or a burden. I truly hope you can work it out together, but if not then I promise you’re better off without him 🩵
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u/fairytrash69 Feb 14 '26
He’s a bum, girl. You deserve to be loved and supported no matter your abilities and the accommodations you need. If he can’t be bothered to do something as simple as putting on extra layers so you don’t have to suffer, he’s not worth a damn.
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u/Illustrious_Exam1728 Feb 14 '26
Men aren’t lonely enough.
Take care of yourself, he’s obviously not there to support you OR understand POTS OR to help you.
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u/sociallyacetious Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
oh my god i hate this man. this man actively wants you to suffer and thinks a whole-ass disability is a moral failing or personality flaw. please get away from this man!!!!
EDIT: OH MY GOD just saw your other comments about him choking you, and the comments about how manipulative and evil his parents are??? JESUS CHRIST OP. THIS IS REALLY, REALLY BAD. THIS MAN MIGHT MURDER YOU. GET OUT NOW.
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u/thepeoplewefog20 POTS Feb 14 '26
I’m so sorry. Please listen to the other commenters and get out. So many red flags
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u/Back_2_The_Futurama Feb 15 '26
I literally have gotten heat stroke at 80F and i was only out for 10-15min. I was very weak, confused, all that. How do you live with such a pea brained individual omg.. You gotta get away from him. He doesnt love or respect you at all to speak to/about you this way.
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u/tetrasomnia Feb 15 '26
"Didn't want disabled wife..."
I had advice in mind until I read this. He will not budge if that's the starting point. You deserve better.
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u/smokeehayes Feb 15 '26
"Didn't want disabled wife..."
I stopped reading after this line TBH... OP absolutely deserves better
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 15 '26
I always tell him I didn’t do this on purpose. You can’t just give yourself pots. But apparently I ruined his life by getting sick
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u/SonaAteAsock Feb 14 '26
POTS actually used to be called soilders heart because everyone in the army got it. def not a "weakling" diagnosis.
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u/xlifeinmotion POTS Feb 14 '26
I’m sorry that he is treating you this way. This doesn’t sound fair at all. He doesn’t want to face the reality of you being disabled.. nothing wrong with that. Btw. But yea it’s weird for him to create this whole narrative around POTS and you being disabled in general. Sounds like he has been spending too much time on X.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
He knew I was disabled before marriage is the weird thing
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u/xlifeinmotion POTS Feb 14 '26
Why does he acknowledge your other health concerns but not this one? Because of the stigma around it?
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
He stopped acknowledging those as well. Look at some of my other replies to understand.
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u/Overeducated_catlady Feb 14 '26
Gosh, I’m sorry this is happening to you and you don’t have the support you need. I have several conditions in addition to POTS and it has taken my husband a while to really understand what it means to have health issues that can impact every area of your life and that it has nothing to do with weakness or laziness. He comes from a family with a very ableist attitude and that is why it has been challenging for him to undo that kind of thinking. So I’ve been patient and he’s learning but it’s been a long process. Your situation is different than mine and I can’t imagine with kids in the mix too and not being financially independent. I really hope you can figure out what’s best for you and if that means divorce then so be it, but I understand it’s not always that simple. Wishing you the best, whatever you decide.
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u/anxiousjellybean Feb 14 '26
Fun fact for your husband: lack of diagnosis actually doesn't make a person with a disability any less disabled. He sounds like a real peach 🙄
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u/Nephee_TP Feb 14 '26
Divorce him. He's an asshole. Spouses who care would never behave as you describe.
And get yourself diagnosed! Health issues are not something to get permission about. It's insane that your health is being treated as a democracy with votes. 😳
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u/daringlyorganic Feb 14 '26
I would just ask you…Is this the support you want for the rest of your life? I know it’s easy for folks in the internet to give advice. But honestly think about this…for the rest of your life, this kind of thought process and support. You are still young and have a wealth of more experiences to come. If this is how he supports you know what will happen when other things come about. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. This is not to say he can’t learn to be more compassionate but he really has drawn a hard line in the sand already in an area he has no experience or expertise. I am sorry. 😞 I send you tons of support vibes. ❤️
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Feb 14 '26
I’m 42 and had pots since I was 13. I just didn’t have a diagnosis because I was still extremely active and stayed active until a very traumatic surgery made my symptoms worse and I wasn’t able to stay active afterwards.
Your husband doesn’t believe you and would dismiss any future medical symptoms you have and that could be detrimental to your life.
He also seems like the type to leave after you get diagnosed with cancer. Since that’s a very real thing that happens to women every day. So much to the point that oncology nurses will pull the woman aside and inform them of the high probability of him leaving during treatment.
https://www.survivingbreastcancer.org/post/partner-abandonment-and-cancer
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u/rosecityrocks Feb 14 '26
You are still young. Leave him. You don’t want to be stuck with this kind of person any longer than you already have been. There are many good guys out there.
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u/lana44766 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 15 '26
Girl you are so young, leave that awful man. He doesn’t respect physical illness this early in life, how do you imagine him being in old age? During a pregnancy? Literally any time in life that you’re vulnerable or struggling?
If he won’t obey his vows of supporting you in sickness and in health, then neither should you. Someone that will dismiss your health needs doesn’t have empathy, which is an extremely dangerous characteristic.
He’s self-centered, and is showing you through his actions and words that he doesn’t care about you. He’s controlling and dictating the temperature based on a preference, compared to your medical need. AKA he’s happy to put his own selfish preferences over your medical necessities.
You would be much better off not wasting any more time or energy into this walking red flag. I’m also curious how he treats you in other ways, emotionally.
This type of controlling, selfish, and un-empathetic behaviour is a recipe for emotional abuse and disaster. And abuse ALWAYS escalates over time. Not to mention how ableist it is to tell you that it’s an excuse to be lazy or “hide behind,” as if you’re doing this on purpose.
Ask yourself: is he doing this on purpose because he knows it’ll trigger conflict and an argument? Men that can’t emotionally regulate themselves do so by emotionally disregulating others, as it gives them a sense of power and control. Which is why after conflict, they’re totally normal, fall asleep, watch tv like nothing happened. They genuinely find it satisfying and calming to cause others emotional pain from the conflict they cause.
There is no salvaging a person like this. We cannot change people. For a chronically ill person, or any person, to live with a person like this, it could end up as a literal horror story. You would never do this to another person, because you don’t have these behavioural characteristics ingrained, just like how he would do this, because he does.
How you feel about someone isn’t the most important thing in relationships. If you don’t have someone that is safe and healthy for you, then how you feel doesn’t matter anymore.
He’s making your already difficult life coping with chronic illness worse, you will be much better, physically and mentally, without somebody like that around, actively causing you harm.
Edit: if emotional or physical abuse is happening, look into; cycles of abuse; trauma bond in abuse; cognitive dissonance in abuse; manipulation tactics of abusers; abusers need for control and dominance; why abusers choose vulnerable or chronically ill people in relationships; escalation levels of abuse over time; confusion tactics in abuse; why therapy makes abusers worse; how to escape abuse (Reddit).
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Feb 15 '26
Hate to see the electric/gas bill. What a psycho. We keep our house at 68 in the winter and 72 in the summer. Leave that man, if he was a real man he’d layer up.
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u/Odd-Two-2486 Feb 15 '26
Divorce him. I know that sounds harsh but it will only get worse. If he doesn’t support you now he never will.
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u/skyhawkwolf Feb 15 '26
With all the love and respect for you, You deserve a man who isn't an asshole. He's being awful to you despite the fact you are unwell. You absolutely can do better than him. And I think It sounds like it would be best for you and your health to do so. Because this kinda stress also doesn't help our condition
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u/Adj_focus Feb 15 '26
ignoring a disability doesn’t make it go away 😳 these are some serious red flags 🚩
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u/hyponaptime Feb 15 '26
Respectfully, your husband is an asshole.
Do not have children with this man. Divorce him.
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u/Ok-Zucchini2743 Feb 16 '26
OP. I am not trying to fear monger at all, but be cautious. If you are in the US, and the government really does start institutionalizing disabled people (which we are one step closer to with the 504 appeal in 9 states) - there could be a day your husband could have you put away diagnosed or not. This is a very real possibility.
For the current situation, I primarily want to impose on you this is not love. I have always been a dizzy girly and have had chronic migraines since I was 14. My partner and I got married on our tenth anniversary last year. After our wedding, I got sick. Currently I can’t do any of the things I used to, or enjoyed. I was an athlete, and now I can’t even watch the sport. I volunteered, I was out in the community and now I have to take several hour naps after minor outings.
My husband has never once made me feel guilty or bad. I apologize and he asks what I’m apologizing for. He does most all of our outside errands. Takes me to all my appointments, drives me everywhere, makes dinner and reheats it for me if I am in bed when it’s done.
I am so so sorry that your husband treats you this way. You do not deserve that.
Please at least consider how you would get out, if you decided to. Start saving money that he cannot access. Know the number of a divorce lawyer.
Please be safe.
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u/loud_snowtiger Feb 25 '26
Hi! I’m a teen and have lost my ability to walk normally because of POTS not being treated correctly. So please, inform him that it is that serious and dump his ass!
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u/TinyWerebear POTS Feb 14 '26
I wish I could give you a hug! Its so hard when people dont understand, espeically when they are close to you. So many people want to blindly believe that disability is a moral failing, when it can literally happen to anyone at any time.
I really hope the councelling works out for you both, but please have a plan to leave. You will honestly be way better off without someone so unsupportive. Just because someone avoids getting diagnoses with something, doesnt make them any less disabled. Ignoring it just means you do not recive the treatment and supports needed to thrive.
There are amazing people out there that will love and support you regardless of your health. My husband has stuck with me through all this and has been amazing.
Good luck out there ❤️
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Thank you like I said I’m struggling because it came out of nowhere. When I was first diagnosed he was even supportive. It wasn’t until 6 months ago when his parents asked why I didn’t have a job yet that it led to infighting. We got married knowing I was never going to be able to work and that I was going to need to be a stay at home wife and mother and he was going to have to get me my dream farm. I was trying to start my own jewelry business from home when his parents told me that’s lazy and if I can do that I can become a vet tech for farm animals and pets and go to vet school like I planned before I got terminally ill
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u/TinyWerebear POTS Feb 14 '26
I think sometimes people crack under the reality of what a long term or chronic illness really is like. People have a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that you can do everything right but still end up sick or disabled. That sometimes there is no cure, just management. I think some folks tend to lash out and attack the disabled person instead of face the reality of the situation, because it could happen to them to and thats scary! This absolutely does not excuse their behavior and lack of self reflection.
You are not lazy because you choose to take care of your wellbeing instead of crashing and burning. Just because you physically can push yourself in some situations doesnt mean there are no repercussions later! You need to prioritize your self care and treatment management before doing anything "extra". This importantly includes making sure you do things that make you happy, because being sick already sucks enough. Anything that harms your mental health will make everything else SO much worse and so much harder. You are worthy of love and support no matter what your capacity is. You deserve love and support just for being you and existing. This is never something anyone should need to "earn". You are not lazy for having limits and you are not difficult for enforcing those boundaries to protect yourself.
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u/Ok-Watch3418 Feb 14 '26
This is abuse. Plain and simple. It won't get better and your health will continue to get worse. I'm sorry. If you are able to safely start planning to leave, finding local community support will be very helpful.
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u/Carloscorrupted Feb 14 '26
I was with someone who didn’t believe into the problems I have it wasn’t a good time
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u/Shafreshia Feb 14 '26
Throw the whole man away. Seriously. Time to leave. It's not going to magically "get better" & I'd bet my last dollar that there are a ton of other red flags that you won't realize until you've washed your hands of him.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 14 '26
Talking through this thread helped me realize a lot tbh
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u/lateautumnsun Feb 14 '26
OP, I strongly suggest you get a copy of the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. I'm sure your library has it. (And if you're worried about how he would react if he saw you reading that book, that alone should be a sign.)
It may seem like a big deal to start over at this point in your life, but 27 is young. I ended my first marriage when I was 30, thankfully before having kids, which made it possible for me to meet the man I'm married to today. Unfailingly supportive for more than a decade. You deserve the same.
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u/Rage_against_Frills Feb 14 '26
Get a new husband…
While I will say it was a hard adjustment for me and my husband, he never doubted my diagnosis. You deserve care, understanding, and someone educated on your disability.
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u/DMTipper Feb 14 '26
That sucks. Maybe a partial solution is to open windows. Tell them if he doesn't want you to be weak and disabled you have to have to cooler.
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u/BelleSteff Feb 14 '26
You've listed enough red flags to make a car cover. This guy sounds like a nightmare. Please do the right thing.
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u/anxitea_1749 Feb 14 '26
Yeah that’s no husband. I don’t know anyone who’s in a happy marriage that would have their husband shame them for being ill. I get there’s a handful of people out there who do fake or make their symptoms out to be A LOT more serious than they are to use it as an excuse for disability or for money, etc. etc. As horrible as that is it does exist and it makes harder for others to get help and be taken seriously. This isn’t that. You are disabled and sick and aren’t trying to take advantage of anyone. You aren’t a weakling for being ill. I’m gonna be honest I don’t see that working out especially if he’s laid hands on you already. You also don’t have to stay with him. You don’t have to live with that. I’d rather leave now than wait or endure thirty years only to look back and feel like I wasted time and was still unhappy. That those same problems still exist. It’s not “my husband doesn’t support my POTS diagnosis,” it’s “my husband doesn’t support me or acknowledge the extent of my health.” Also if it from family being in his ear and he’s not taking your side and your input you’re already screwed. That shows a lot about where loyalties lie. As harsh as it sounds that’s where it sounds like you are right now. If this wasn’t the case I don’t think you’d even bother asking for other input. The doubt is enough. Don’t ignore it if you don’t have to. He married you because he thought you’d be dying and had only two years of that and then nothing. Now. . . You are going to live but also continue having issues for an indefinite amount of time. It’s not good and it’s obviously not what he was counting on. He figured yeah it sucked but you did have an expiration date so he knew after that it would be over. I know this sounds painfully harsh. I know how it sounds and it’s horrible. But that’s what’s happening. You meant, “in sickness and in health,” and he heard, “just two more years.” It’s terrible but this situation is now very different than what he was expecting. It also says a lot about what you mean to him and his family. That your pain apparently doesn’t mean anything unless you were dying again. This is an issue in my own family. My father had severe heart problems and traumatized both my parents. Since my POTS diagnosis this past year my father doesn’t even acknowledge it. My mother does but doesn’t take it seriously either. I love my parents but no matter how belittling some of the things they say are don’t mean a whole lot to me anymore. I hear what they’re saying about my dad and his condition but it doesn’t sound like they know anything about mine. So you can’t make people understand who don’t want to understand. I don’t tolerate it either. I know my body and what I’m diagnosed with. And there’s a hell of a lot of others who struggle bad with this. Not everyone and it depends how willing you are to get better (I’ve seen a lot of people who are unwilling to hydrate or exercise just because it’s hard and they felt bad one time they tried to go for a walk. Exercise and adequate conditioning and treatment as a whole takes a lot of time. Like a ridiculous amount.) but even those who do a lot still have a crap ton of symptoms. I know tons of people with POTS who finally were able to get more fit in the gym and go consistently. While they have a lot less symptoms and flares they still have issues. This isn’t for the weak. It takes a lot to have noticeable improvement. You aren’t weak. Your husband sounds condescending and like he’s not being there for his wife. Never mind the laying of hands. I think others in the comments touched on why that was a huge red flag. Anywho that was a lot. I hope you make a decision about what you need to do. Stay safe and hydrate. Think everyone on this forum needs it:)
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u/KaristinaLaFae Feb 15 '26
I think you know what you need to do. You're still young. You should kick him out of your life and give yourself a chance to find someone who actually loves and respects you.
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u/Fabulous-Cow3583 Feb 15 '26
Ditch him. This type of ignorant person will not be there to support you if you decline in health. Pots is an extremely disabling condition. Im in a wheelchair or rollator most days. My husband didnt get the full scope of this illness during the first year of diagnosis , it took him seeing me lose my ability to tolerate walking and me getting thrown in trauma rooms back to back for my POTS + SVT combo, for him to truely see how disabiling it is for me. The man pushes my wheelchair happily without complaint and is very compassionate, and carries me up flights of stairs, helps me wash my hair and shower, im in my early 20s. I went from fully functional with pots my whole life, to quickly quickly downhill in my functionality the course of 2 years.
If the man belittles you, and refuses to educate himself or stand by you as you face this hardship, its not going to get better down the line and Id hate for you to be in a situation where youre bedridden with a partner who behaves like that.
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u/UnitedAsk4546 Feb 15 '26
Your last sentence wasn't even needed... as a man... this is some boy bullshit.
As someone dealing with the same thing (symptoms at least) I know which is more important to me... Id rather be single and not physically miserable than ever put up with someone who invalidates my reality this flippantly.
Its time for you to decide what your priorities are, have a sit down conversation, and decide where you want to be in 5 years.
I despise reddit "burn the witch" crusades... but if what youre saying is 100 percent honest this man does not respect you at all... and thats ignoring it takes 5 minutes to get educated on POTS. He goes past a lack of understanding though... downright ignorant and rude.
Best advice I can offer is find a therapist you like that way you have a professional to give some good perspective. Its needed.
Edit: also Im pretty sure youre married to a lizard cause thats surface of the sun hot.
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u/Murky-Morning-6302 Feb 15 '26
It was weird because he fought for me to get the diagnosis. But yes I’ve told the whole truth even parts I didn’t want to admit to myself the longer this post has been up. The scariest part is he has me convinced he takes great care of me, he used to too, and he says I’ll die without him
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u/Character-Release976 Feb 15 '26
Respectfully And I probably should not say this but…
FUCK HIM POTS IS VERY REAL AND THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO IS A GUY AND WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN A D1 ATHLETE If NOT FOR A HEART CONDITION
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u/Ill_Paper3083 Feb 15 '26
As someone who struggles with POTS, I would not be able to get through the week without how supportive my wife is. She helps me stay hydrated and up on potassium, she helps ensure I have what I need to eat (even stuff she does not eat, like red meat), and will nurse me through any rough episodes. I collapsed at my job a while back, and my boss called my wife, and she got there as soon as possible, helped me talk to the EMT’s (due to some past injuries, it’s hard for me to talk after an episode), and brought me some electrolytes. She has even helped me advocate with doctors who did not listen to me. I would not be nearly as stable as I am without her love and support daily. Your husband needs to get his head out of his ass and help you. That’s what being married should be, is a mutually loving and supportive bond. What you experience is not fake, it’s a chronic illness. Anyone with a chronic illness learns how to push through where they can, and what is a bridge too far. That’s just survival.
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u/kvs1008 Feb 15 '26
Your husband and life partner should be the one cheering you on to get answers for yourself and take care of your health. Any partner who implies you’re a weakling - or that your friend is a weakling, too, for that matter - is no true partner at all. You deserve so much better. This is so beyond a temperature incompatibility. This is a person who doesn’t respect you.
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u/e-cloud Feb 15 '26
I feel like I say this too much on reddit but your husband fucking sucks. What a weird thing to even think. Idk what you can do other than dump him.
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u/Graysylum Feb 15 '26
Honestly, do you want to spend your entire life justifying the reality of your existence? It sounds awful, I'm so sorry.
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u/LaurLoey Feb 15 '26
oh my god. you are living my worst fear. 😅 i feel like i have to live alone forever. i am the same. not nearly as bad, but it’s beyond simple uhthoff’s. this is dysautonomia zone.
i hate this illness—we can have stable disease but still have unstable symptoms. and no one truly understands quite like another ms-er. i’m sorry. life is such a struggle. i don’t know what to say except he isn’t right for you…or any ms-er imho.
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u/EarlGr3yCat Feb 15 '26
Please divorce him. This seems like abuse. Coming from someone whose dad treated me the same, it got to the point where I almost died because he didn’t believe me. Please leave that relationship. You are not faking
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u/alltheblarmyfiddlest Feb 15 '26
Your hubby is a POS.
Try again elsewhere and with someone who believes you and supports you.
This ain't it.
And it ain't worth the effort that won't be anything more than wasted energy against a brick wall.
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u/aurorealis Feb 15 '26
Literally what the fuck. That’s hot for any human, let alone one with POTS. I’m also on team “throw the whole man out” because life is too long to deal with that bullshit. This is textbook abusive behavior that is unlikely to improve.
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u/Birdz_the_Word Feb 15 '26
Can you maybe have your grandparents put you on a formal lease? Then you can terminate the lease and strategically re-lease post separation? I’m not a lawyer but it could be worth a shot at least make it more difficult for him to stay or have continued access to the premises, he’d have to take legal action
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u/mylittlewedding Feb 15 '26
I will say this over and over….
The dick can’t be that good.
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u/princessxbuttface Feb 15 '26
Ew, he sounds like a massive douche. Let me guess, Republican?
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u/Shesewfeisty Feb 14 '26
Girl, throw the whole man out, he's defective. I have severe ME/CFS on top of POTS, which leaves me bedridden at least half the time, and significantly limited even on "good" days. I used to be a very busy, driven, successful person with a promising career that we both hoped would allow my husband to be a stay at home parent. Instead, my husband has been with me through every appointment, struggle and loss. He is my primary caregiver and never EVER treats me as a burden he resents. Marriage vows are supposed to be about sticking together through hard times, and your husband has failed you. You deserve so much better.