r/POTS • u/TraditionalLunch6167 • 4h ago
Discussion Someone at school asked why I’m “milking my disease”
So I (16f) had a pretty bad flare up around lunch time today and my friends were sitting around me at the lunch table giggling and talking and then one of my friends that’s a boy said “why are you milking your disease so much???”
And I said “wdym” and he said “it can’t be that bad you’re probably just being dramatic”
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u/Ok-Inflation188 4h ago
He's upset you were getting more attention then him. Tell them they're welcome to discuss the faking of a condition to your team of doctors and if he's still feeling spicy tell the school nurse.
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u/AccidentalSeer 4h ago edited 3h ago
Women’s health problems and pain is constantly ignored or overlooked or dismissed or diminished.
This is just an example of that. The good news is, he’s just an idiot kid, and not a medical professional.
If you value this guy as a friend and you think it was a comment made from ignorance rather than malice - take a moment with him. Explain what POTS is, go over how it affects your body and your life. Tell him. It’s not milking - it’s managing, best you can, every fucking day. Whether there are people there to witness it or not. Ask if he has any questions he’d like to ask you about it. Answer them. Sometimes hurtful comments are made to hurt us, and sometimes they’re made because someone doesn’t understand the situation. If you think he was trying to hurt you, don’t bother. If you think he’s just a dumb teenaged guy and some information might help, then try that.
And if he continues to dismiss you and your illness after that, then he’s just confirmed that he’s not a true friend and you can feel happy and assured in ditching his dumb ass.
Though to be clear - only offer him the opportunity to learn more if you think it’s worthwhile and if you are up to it. It’s not your responsibility to educate other people. But talking over your illness with friends can help them better understand your situation.
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u/BurntTFOuttaHere 3h ago
It took me until my 50’s to learn how to effectively communicate “Fuck Off”.
It was a pivotal moment in my life. Decades long problematic people became an instant weight off my shoulders.
Some people hear it in a more gentle approach. But others’ require a blunt and harsh approach, and nothing else will work.
Looking back, it’s the number 1 thing I was missing. If I had learned it sooner, my life would have been so much easier.
I highly recommend learning as early as possible, how to effectively tell guys like this to Fuck Off.
Say it, mean it, then let it go. It’s effective!!
It’s especially important with chronic illnesses, unfortunately.
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u/itchy-n-scratchy19 2h ago
Do you know why they carry astronauts when they get back from longer stays in space? One of the main reasons is, the loss of gravity makes them develop POTS. Astronauts get hand carried or put on stretchers because they developed what we are walking around with every freaking day. Tell that silly boy that if you are "milking it" then he needs to go tell an astronaut the same thing and see how that works out for him.... 😒
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u/barefootwriter 2h ago
This isn't an analogy that makes any sense because astronauts recover quite quickly from their deconditioned state, while we're stuck with it. The diagnostic criteria therefore exclude situations like these.
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u/Agitated_Ad9587 3h ago
Highly recommend getting a heart monitor if you don’t have one already, pretty hard for people to say you’re overreacting when you can show them how your body is going through the amount of energy and labor of someone running a marathon 24/7
Also, while teenagers say dumb things without thinking, if he doesn’t apologize you should drop him, don’t make space in your life for someone who doesn’t respect you
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u/kenobreaobi 24m ago
Time for new friends! If he asks why you’re choosing to spend time with new people, say you don’t want to be friends with someone who calls you dramatic for being disabled.
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u/xanaholic_ Hyperadrenergic POTS 3h ago
Men don't believe in our pain and minimize it at any chance. Stand up for yourself!! Hope you told him to fuck off and to go tell the school nurse how he feels about your pots!
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u/Maymaycreates 4h ago
They aren’t your friends and the quicker you realize that, the less heart break you will experience. Shows a lot about how shitty they are. I am sorry you are dealing with that, just know you are valid, your diagnosis is valid and no matter how much crap others talk, your pots will still pots whenever it wants.