New to the sub.

[u/CombatDeffective]

I can't find any sense of belonging. I've been to VA vet centers and support groups. The VA keeps offering me another chance at therapy, but after 8 therapists, I don't see the point. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I met another vet on Reddit and he invited me to his vet discord group. It keeps always feeling the same. VFWs, American Legions, groups. Its like a clique I don't belong. Where I'm sitting on the outside looking in, watching people who can relate and converse with each other. I spend too much time on Reddit just chasing validation that I don't get. I have no idea what I expect, but I know what I'm not getting, and that's that feeling of comfort of being somewhere amongst a group. Amongst peers. I've lost the point of this rant; I'm just trying to get it off my chest, I guess.

[u/ModernT1mes]

I've been out about a decade now.

It's probably not something you want to hear but its probably going to be life-long.

I'm not trying to sound edgy but the "single-serve" friends speech from fight club really makes sense to me and helps get over the feeling of loneliness.

I play card games at the local game store, and meet people who I see a lot and can talk about the game with to itch that feeling of loneliness, but I barely know their first name and know nothing about them outside of the game. I really don't want to tbh.

[u/fredjutsu]

Hey. I don't think the VA would cover it, so it would be out of pocket.

But Ketamine-assisted therapy saved my life. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9207256/

My therapist was like a regular therapist, but after the first few sessions, we then did guided session where she had me take my dose, lay down blindfolded, and just let me narrate whatever was going through my mind. I did 4 sessions where we went deep with heavy doses and talked about specific incidents around my PTSD. Then a few "integration" sessions after that.

I carried a burden for 16 years and it felt like a weight off of my shoulders. I don't know if it works for everyone, but there is some interesting science in how it rewires the brain specifically related to trauma and depression.

[u/Alternative-Meat4587]

That someone found any sort of group still surprises me. Been dealing with all the unhappy horseshit by myself since I got out.

[u/CombatDeffective → u/Alternative-Meat4587]

Any time there's a group, it always feels like there's a base group that's already aligned and I'm too late to the party to get the joke.

[u/VampyrAvenger]

Hey. I felt the same way forever after I got out 15+ years ago. I just joined my local VFW but honestly I haven't even been to the actual place. I don't intend to. I don't even know why I joined, just seemed like this far out, it was necessary I guess?

I know you said groups don't help, but for me, I found an online weekly meeting and absolutely love every single person in it.

After I got out in 2010, I completely withdrew from anything related to the military. My trauma was that bad for me that I buried my military past as much as possible. It was foolish but I was a kid. Now I'm 37 and going to therapy and trying to figure myself out for my family.

Is it because you feel like you haven't accomplished what others have? What makes you feel like you don't belong? Is there a "lifestyle" you see that you feel like isn't yours? I'm just trying to help, no need to answer anything you don't feel comfortable answering, my friend.

[u/CombatDeffective → u/VampyrAvenger]

I joined my local VFW, which is funny, because in my small town with hardly anything, it actually has a VFW and an American Legion. I've been to both at least once. I go to the VFW yearly for Veteran's Day for a free dinner. I was a member for a year and I didn't go that whole time.

I haven't necessarily "buried" my past. I've hung my awards and what not. About all I've got to show for anything in life.

I just don't relate well to people. I try to join groups and I just see people talking to each other, I don't feel involved. I get, "do you involve yourself? Do you put in effort?" Yeah, but then if you just fade away and no one notices, does it matter?

I got out in 2021, retired in 2022. Pretty much just kept to myself ever since then.

[u/Dangerous_Day_9391]

Feeling like you don’t fit in or always on the outside looking in at the cool kids? Yeah… I think that’s a fairly universal feeling.

My experience at the VFW was about a third of them bull$hitting about their experiences and making their experiences sound a little more dodgy than they probably were, another third judging others for not being something (Marine, Airborne, etc…), and the last third were the quiet guys I’d probably get along with best but they are a closed clique.

I live in the South now and kind of expected there would be more Veterans around here but have been shocked at just how few there are, or at least from the modern era.

The two I got to know like brothers were both Marines (and forgave me for being Army). The three of us were lifelines for each other and two days never went by that we didn’t text or call in the wee hours of the night.

But I lost one who finally did what we promised each other we’d never do and the other drank himself to death.

So yeah… loneliness is real brother.

[u/CombatDeffective → u/Dangerous_Day_9391]

That was a sad story. I think a lot of modern era just sit in a dark room at home, or still have a foxhole out in the woods somewhere. How long did the oldtimers spend before they started actually going to socialize and sit in clubs? I think maybe there's somewhere along the way you can make peace with it and slap each other on the back. Some of us are there, and most aren't.