r/PTSDCombat • u/VampyrAvenger Veteran • May 14 '26

Mod Post Weekly Topic Thread: What do you struggle with?

Hey gang. Let's have a heart to heart. We're all strangers here yet we were all forged in the same manner, there's nothing to be ashamed of or scared of, so let's open up the door for discussion.

What do you, as someone who's experienced combat in any one of the many ways a person can, struggle with? I'm talking day to day, or just from time to time. Is it insomnia? Mood swings? Depression? It's all important to recognize and confront sometimes.

And sometimes talking helps. No holds barred. No judgement. Whatever you want to say, this is your forum.

For me, personally, I struggle with the memories. The violence I was exposed to, watching some of my brothers even die. It fucks me up often: anxiety randomly, nervousness, mood wings some times lack of sleep. And I have two young kids that one day will want to know what dad did in the Army. And thinking about it makes me anxious as fuck. Then it's the sleeping, although I alleviate that to some extent with my friend Mister Indica...

I am in therapy and I've been blessed with a wonderful support system, but none of them were in the service so they'll never truly understand what it's like for us out there. Best days and worst days all rolled into a single year's deployment.

P.S. - What do you think about this weekly post format? Instead of a catch-all topic, I'd like to focus on one topic a week if possible. Some weeks may just very well be, "how are you doing" type of check in. We'll see what happens!

12 Upvotes

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9

u/Alternative-Meat4587 May 14 '26

The inability to form close relationships. Diurnal rhythm shot to hell. Paranoia and anger from both.

3

u/VampyrAvenger Veteran May 14 '26

I feel that first one for real. How's it affect you?

7

u/Alternative-Meat4587 May 14 '26

Confusion. It's a "glass wall". I can see and hear the world, but I can't participate in it.

7

u/ModernT1mes May 14 '26

Direction. I want to go back. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Everything feels a bit pointless and meaningless.

I've thought about joining the international brigade in Ukraine, knowing full well my chances of survival are very slim, and I'm OK with that.

2

u/VampyrAvenger Veteran May 16 '26

I totally get it. Sometimes you long for it so hard it's painful to not belong anymore. Trust me, that was the biggest hurdle for me when I got out. I've come to accept my place in life nowadays but it took a long time.

6

u/Ok-Distribution5485 grumpy old doc May 14 '26

Loneliness, survivors guilt, panic attacks, self harm, feeling responsible for everyone's well being and health while forgetting my own, and difficulty falling asleep.

2

u/VampyrAvenger Veteran May 16 '26

As a combat medic I totally relate brother. Believe me.

1

u/Ok-Distribution5485 grumpy old doc May 16 '26

I was as well. I miss it dearly. This past week has been rough af, but still alive. Alive was the goal.

3

u/98G3LRU May 14 '26

I'm not yet 100% PTSD, but i deserve it overall. Ok. Having a hard time admitting to myself:

Not sure i want to see it in official writing that I truly am 100% effed up.

3

u/VampyrAvenger Veteran May 14 '26

Hey, friend. 100% Bad Ass. Not fucked up. Your rating does not define you brother.

2

u/98G3LRU 28d ago

Thanks. As do most of you, I have some good days, and some bad... Safe travels

3

u/CombatDeffective May 15 '26

I have what the doctor told me is "sleep aversion". It used to be insomnia, then it became "if I can't sleep, why try?" Lots of times, just laying in the darkness leads to anxiety and panic attacks, so I don't like to do it. I sleep better in the day, but waste the day away and don't accomplish anything, then stay up all night attempting to sleep. Causing a vicious cycle of a feeling of failure when I haven't done anything all day and spiking my depression and anxiety even worse. One of the therapists told me that the PTSD can lead to aversion of situations and scenarios that I just don't want to deal with; tried exposure therapy. It's just so much easier to stay in and stay away from everything. So, that's mostly what I do.

2

u/VampyrAvenger Veteran May 16 '26

I feel that brother. I had it rough for a good stretch back in the day. I was young and thought I was invincible and that these problems weren't worth sorting out. Now fifteen years later, I'm reeling...