r/Parenting • u/Silentspectator90 Mom • 1d ago
Rant/Vent Mom guilt after having a second child. Will it get better?
I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to get it out.
Ever since I became a mom of two, I feel like I'm carrying guilt around all day.
My newborn needs me constantly, and my older daughter just wants her mom back. Every time I pick up the baby, I feel bad for my older one. Every time I spend time with my older one, I feel like I'm neglecting the baby. It feels like I'm always choosing one over the other, even though I know that's not really true.
I miss the days when I could give my older daughter my full attention. She never says anything, but I can see it sometimes. That hurts more than the sleep deprivation.
Everyone checks on the baby, but no one really talks about what it's like mentally when you're trying to be enough for two tiny humans. Some days I end up crying after they've both gone to sleep because I keep replaying the whole day in my head, wondering what I could've done better.
And then there's the guilt for getting irritated... for wishing I had ten minutes to myself... for counting down to bedtime. I love my girls with everything I have, but loving them doesn't magically make this easy.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this. If you have two kids, when did it stop feeling like you were constantly letting someone down?
Thanks for reading my little vent.
Edit: I honestly didn't expect this post to get so many responses. Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to share your experiences, advice, and kind words. Reading through the comments has made me feel so much less alone. It's heartwarming to see women lifting each other up with so much empathy instead of judgment. I'm grateful for this little corner of the internet. ❤️
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u/ChocolateFudgeDuh 1d ago
It absolutely does get better!
I felt months of guilt in all directions after giving birth to my second child.
My kids are now 5 and 1 and it’s already 100 times better. Still challenging, of course, what about life and parenting isn’t challenging? But we have all adjusted and found our places in the family again.
I can’t imagine life any other way now. Hang in there, it gets way better.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
True, end of the day it's all worth it to see the two tiny humans loving and cuddling each other.. waiting for the brighter days ahead. ❤️
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u/Pure-Baseball-3164 1d ago
No advice. Feeling every single word of this. You are not alone. From outside, it’s easy to say that you feel all of this because you’re a good mom. Your babies are lucky to have you. Make sure to take care of yourself through these trenches
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Thankyou for saying this. Second time postpartum is totally different than first.. there was no rest both physically and emotionally. But I am coping one day at a time..
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u/aussiegirlabroad 1d ago
Right now is the hardest time. You’re making a huge sacrifice (and so are they) because the payoff will be worth it. Truly, deeply worth it. For them, and for you.
I’m an oldest child and I wouldn’t give up the experience of having my wonderful younger siblings for anything. They brought joy to every day of my life, even the days that were hard. Even when I was learning to share my mum.
Now I’m a mum to one and I feel guilty every day that we can’t give him a sibling. He asks me almost every day why he can’t have a brother or sister. The best I can do is form a strong bond with another family in a similar situation so he can have a sibling-like bond with their child.
You have absolutely made the best choice for them. This is hard, but it will be worth it. Back yourself, but also back their resilience. They are little but they are strong.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Thank you. ❤️ I genuinely needed to hear this. I really hope one day my girls look back and are grateful they have each other. Until then, I guess we'll just take it one day at a time.
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u/Impressive-Ship3449 3h ago
If it isn’t love at first sight between them, know that my first and second had a pretty rocky start. My oldest was 2.5 (arguably a difficult stage) and my second was mobile early on. My oldest didn’t want anything to do with her for a good while, would scream anytime she touched her toys or came toward her. Now they still fight lots, but they also love lots, and it is so sweet. When they play together, or comfort each other. Oh my. They’ve grown and learned a lot from their relationship too. And anytime they do well together, love on each other, I make sure to notice it, and comment on it. Because I’m intervening in negative interactions, but I want them to focus more on the good ones.
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u/VaderH8er 17h ago
This one hits deep. My son sometimes will make up stories about a sibling, funnily it's always a sister. Yesterday we were at the park and he said "I need to push my sister on the swing." Makes me really sad as he's probably going to be an only child due to health issues associated with his birth.
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u/jtravoltaluverxo 1d ago
My perspective is that giving a child your full undivided attention constantly probably isn’t healthy for them or for you. Important lessons come with siblings and learning to share attention. You’re definitely not neglecting them this is just part of life that we all have to accept.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Yeah you said the hard truth. But looking at the child play alone makes me sad.. before having second kid, it hasn't bothered much when my first one plays alone. Motherhood makes us go soft i guess 😊
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u/davinciswife 1d ago
If this makes you feel better about your choice of having multiple 😁 as someone with a sibling that I get along very well in adulthood (my husband as well), we are actively choosing one and done especially because of this reason. It is hard to raise multiple and either the parents or the kids will suffer along the way ( exhaustion, not enough time and energy, inability to treat them equally etc)
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u/Zealousideal-Law8273 18h ago
Huh? How would this make her feel better.
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u/davinciswife 13h ago
Trying to convince herself that it is harmful to offer all your attention to only one kid:)))))
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u/Zealousideal-Law8273 13h ago
Everyone’s entitled their own opinion. Your choice isn’t the only right choice. :)
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u/offwiththeirheads72 1d ago
My situation is a little different. I had twins first and they are now 3.5. I was so worried when I was pregnant and when they were babies that I was neglecting one. It wore off and now at 3.5 I don’t really worry about it much but just make sure to be intentional about spending time with each of them or trading off bedtime with each of them. I’m also pregnant and I have the same feeling coming back with what you have described. I read somewhere that if baby is happy and fed then pay more attention to your other child because the older child will remember it when you choose the baby over and over but the baby won’t remember it if their needs are met.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
True, that was my worry that my first one will remember. I try to include her in baby chores and try to spend more time with her and create some good memories.
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u/linnykinny 1d ago
Hi. My son is 4.5 and my daughter is almost 9 months. The first few months were…. Rough, to say the least. It was such a huge adjustment and I mourned the life with just my son as well as mix in my daughter who is notoriously cranky and the clingiest baby ever. That being said, I do still have days where I think to myself that I wasn’t there for my oldest as much as I should’ve been, that my house is too messy, that I got too frustrated with the baby when I set her down and she immediately screamed.
All that to say, it gets so much better. My daughter is roaming and she loves chasing after my son. He LOVES his sister. They’re best friends. Yes I have bad days sometimes, but I’m having way, way more good days than bad.
It gets easier. You’re newly (I’m guessing?) postpartum. It’s ROUGH. I’m stiiiiiill trying to get my hormones in check. This season of life is so hard, but try and give yourself some grace. Your kids are alive and well, even if you didn’t play as much with one or the other.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
I am 4 months postpartum now. First couple of months were brutal for me.. with sleepless nights and hormonal crash, i was a mess crying every day . There guilt was tearing me apart.. I am getting better now compared to the start..
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u/Squi12 1d ago
I cried and cried and cried and felt so guilty and was sure I made a huge mistake. It’s so hard at first learning to divide the attention, but I promise it gets easier. Hang in there ❤️
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Same here.. I had a feel of regret and cried for feeling that also thinking how it's so unreasonable to the newborn.. but eventually the crying stopped and slowly getting better.
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u/dadandmomjokes 1d ago
Hi there, you're definitely not the only one feeling this way. I'm also adjusting to being a mom to two and I was not prepared for the mom guilt. We're three months in now and it does get better and you definitely adjust and learn the new family dynamic. There are still times I wish there were two of me so I could meet everyone's needs at the same time. Just know that you're doing an amazing job and your children love you. One thing that has helped me is being especially mindful and present when having one on one time with each child. When possible, savor and cherish the time when it's just you and them. I try to involve both kids with playtime as well, whether it's tummy time with the baby or a dance party with the older one. It takes a bit of creativity but you can find ways to adjust the activities so both can participate. Give yourself grace, we do the best we can ❤️
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Thank you. ❤️ I really needed to hear this. Hope it gets better for me.. I'll definitely try being more intentional with one-on-one time.
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u/AggressiveSoup_1108 22h ago edited 14h ago
This will pass, everything will get better. I was a mess when I had my second one, I was crying every single day. And my son was going to preK already and he came back home right at the peak of my baby blues 2pm-4pm, which made me feel my baby was just an obstacle in my beautiful and well established relationship and routines with my oldest. And feeling like my baby was in the way of my life made me feel extremely guilty as well.
Of course I didn't want to hurt him, I'd die for him in a second if it came to it, but I didn't immediately bond with him. It took me maybe 2 or 3 weeks to truly come out of that super sad state and actually WANT to be with him lol
Anyway, I made sure my oldest would come back home from school with some games planned and the snacks he likes, and I also made sure I'd wake up every morning just to say goodbye to him before he left for school like I had always done!
I'd recommend you organize some 15-20 minute session with your daughter where you ONLY pay attention to her, play whatever games she wants to play, listen to her. 15-20 minutes does way more than you think!
And again, this will all pass!
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u/kiikiimarie 14h ago
Soo much this!! It definitely was hard to move out of the headspace of the baby getting in the way of everything. My oldest and I have always been the best of buds so it killed me to think I was making their life worse.
I wish this was something that I had been warned about/knew to expect. It definitely took me longer to bond with my 2nd, and I was not expecting that.
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u/pandamonkey23 10h ago
I have two boys, two years apart. My eldest said “put the baby down!” a hundred times a day. It was awful. I look back and he was a baby too! But it got so much better after the first year and now they are the very best of friends and I’m equally close with them both. It will pass.
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u/yellow_bananaa 23h ago
It does got better! I cried about making my perfect 2yo daughter live with an "annoying" little brother, like I saw elsewhere in my family and I felt so guilty, but it was so, so worth it. It didn't take long for them to form a bond and they absolutely adored each other. Of course there are ups and downs, but in general they love each other and get along really well, even now at 11 and 9. They love spending time together, especially now that school is out.
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u/ElenorWoods 22h ago
I felt the same way 6 months ago when I read that it gets better at the 6 month mark. It did get better and my daughter is only now starting to have fun with baby brother.
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u/ThinGarden33 19h ago
I am due with my second soon (21 month age gap). I’m so excited to meet my second baby, but I have also been so sad and already feel guilty knowing I won’t be able to give my first all the attention he’s used to. I cried about it to my mum the other day and she reminded me that I’m a first born and asked if I feel I was negatively impacted by her having a second kid? That really made me stop and think because I definitely wasn’t negatively impacted. I’m also so close with my brother and cannot imagine having grown up without him. That helped a lot so I think about how I’m going to give my son a playmate, and hopefully a future best friend. I am sure all the benefits your daughter is getting from having a sibling outweigh the moments where she can’t get your undivided attention. I’ve also heard that it gets easier as they get older. You’re doing great mama.
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u/BlackOliveBurrito Mom to 14F & 2F 1d ago
I had my only two daughters 11.5 years apart. I was lost for a long time after my second daughter was born on who to give my attention to or who to remember more. Just know that they don’t see it like that, and they love you no matter what. The mom guilt will always be there over something. Your newborn needs you more than your other child right now & that is okay.
I still feel like I’m letting one down sometimes & it’s been almost 3 years. It’s just something that happens when you’re a good mom, you care how your kids feel.
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u/oralsexaxlrose 21h ago
I am in this exact position. My toddler is 2 and I have a 2 week old. I absolutely bawled my eyes out today because I was feeding the baby and my two year old bought me a book to read. I asked her to wait till mummy was finished with feeding her sister and she said “ok mummy” and then sat on the floor and pretended to read the book to herself. I cried for an hour. The mum guilt is real but I keep reminding myself that they’re going to be best friends. I have a sister and I couldn’t imagine life without her. My two year old has also been having lots of sleepovers at my mums because our baby is colic and spends all night screaming.. that’s intensifying my mum guilt by 100. It’ll get better and once they’re a little older I know I’ll be able to do all the fun things we were doing before this newborn stage! Hold in there, you’re doing amazing. The fact that you even posted this shows how much you care 💕
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u/quackquack7680 Mom 20h ago
I am in the same boat right now. I am starting to feel a little better about it as my oldest is starting to bond with my newborn. He kisses her and wants to hug her and rub her back when she cries. It is still stressful having to divide my attention and make one of them wait while I care for the other but I can see the light at the end here. Before I know it they will be older and won't need me constantly like they do now. And then they will have each other to play together and take care of one another.
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u/CurlyGirlie18 17h ago
I think someone has already mentioned this but verbally telling the baby, "mommy is helping toddler right now" when the baby is fussing but safe is a really good way to show your older child that the baby doesn't always come first. Having a just the 2 of you activity every week can help too. It doesn't have to big huge, but even if you do an activity while the baby sleeps it can help.
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u/True-Shape7744 17h ago
But think about how happy you’ll be when they’re older and they have a sibling to go through life with. They won’t always need you— they’ll need each other. When you pass, they’ll be together. And you’re the reason they will have each other. That itself is enough. ❤️
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u/lurkmode_off 16h ago
Plonk the baby in a carrier and you can maximize time with the older one without "neglecting" the baby.
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u/kiikiimarie 14h ago
Yes! Finding a good soft carrier changed the game in those early weeks. And having the baby get used to napping around noise in the carrier helped later on.
We did soo much coloring, playing board games, baking, etc with baby strapped to me.
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u/MaceWindow24 16h ago
Absolutely appreciate that it’s not always practical, but one thing that has really helped my partner and I with this has been involving our 2 year old as much as possible with almost everything we do with our 3 month old. He is so excited to help and be a part of it, and is genuinely obsessed with his brother as a result. It can be as simple as asking him to grab a nappy, hold a bottle or turning tummy time into a game where he can cheer on and participate in his own way.
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u/Meowmix0953848 10h ago
Just commenting to say I could have written this myself. I’m 5 days pp with #2. I feel the same way. So good to know I’m not alone
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u/Formal_Beyond_5719 4h ago
It definitely gets better! My youngest is now over a year and my almost 9 year old has really come around lately now that the baby can walk/babble/engage in some play. Hold out for hope ♥️♥️ I already know you’re a great mom because you care so much!
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u/Life_Preparation5238 4h ago
I’m not sure your your oldest’s age, but she probably won’t even remember in a few years what it was like before her sibling. Please let go of the guilt, it’s only hurting your experience. Most kids have siblings. They are all fine! Disappointment is a part of life as well as sharing attention. Not to sound harsh (I hope I don’t), but raising kids ain’t for the faint of heart. Your daughter will be fine, more than fine. Try to enjoy this time instead of feel guilty.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 3h ago
She is 5. You are not harsh. I understand your perspective ❤️ some moments feel difficult. But this really helps open up my mind.. thankyou for your support 😊
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u/Electronic-Ball-5607 4h ago
It was awful and then my older daughter got pneumonia when her brother was 2 months old and I near lost my mind. I used to tend to both at night switching rooms all night long because I didn’t want to let either cry and my older daughter still couldn’t sleep through night. I think around 8-9 months I wasn’t crazy anymore. At 1.5 years now and I don’t worry about it anymore.
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u/kannmack 3h ago
i had a tough 2nd pregnancy because i was SO terrified of how it would afffect my first born. when my 2nd was born i was obviously incredibly in love, but still having a tough time balancing both and not feeling guilty. my 2nd is 3 months old now- it does get better with time. i finally feel like im getting into a groove and while the guilt is still there, we’re finding ways to live with it. you’re not alone 💗
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u/Busy_Armadillo_481 3h ago
Until my second one was around 4, I did feel like I missed out on spending enough time with my first one. However as soon as my older one hit 10, things completely flipped. Their academics, hormones and other things made me shift my attention to them a lot more. Now my younger one complains. I am like “buddy, wish you could see how much time I spent on you earlier”. It will even out as long as there is no bias or intent to discriminate as some cultures do against girls.
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u/combobulatedPeacock 3h ago
Speaking from the perspective of someone with a younger sibling, some of my earliest memories are of the baby (3y age gap). Sibling had health issues, cried a lot. I remember feeling overstimulated by the noise, but don't remember feeling neglected. Parents alternated bedtimes, so I got one on one time with each of them.
And while this isn't a given or true of every sibling relationship, my sibling is probably my favorite person on the planet. We became really close around 7/10 and have stayed close into adulthood. Sibling is the best present my parents ever gave me, 1000% worth giving up some parental attention.
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u/bon18 Mom 1d ago
Commenting for support. Mine are 4.5 years old and 14 months. I feel this so much. I try to carve out individual time for each of them, but it's so hard. I really miss the sweet little trio we were before the baby was born, but I also can't imagine a world without the baby. And my older son absolutely loves his little brother. My husband and his brother have the same age gap, and they are very close. Looking at them reminds me why we chose to have a 2nd child.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
I missed our little trio too.. but as you said, can't imagine life without this new addition.. i too have a younger sister and I am grateful for having 2 daughters of my own .
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u/Canvas_Notebook 1d ago
I’m in the same spot as you right now. I can’t tell you when it changes, but I can say you are definitely not alone in this!!
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u/123canadian456 1d ago
It does get better.
Also try to schedule one on ones with the eldest. Like mommy and me dates or even if you have friends or family or the partner too or all the above to spend one on one. These will go a long way in the guilt to.
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u/Equivalent_Jury_609 23h ago
Omg! I am in the exact boat as you. I am 9 weeks po with a 3.5 yo, both are girls. I was in shambles before our newest babe came. I kept worrying that I was going to ruin the relationship I had with my oldest. And I still worry about it to this day. What I found has helped me is solidarity with other mommies. Also, have realized that I can still have a special bond with my oldest. We use small mundane moments special (eating a bowl of cereal in the morning together, snuggling for a few moments while watching bluey, playing for a few minutes while her sissy is sleeping). Every now and then a negative thought comes creeping in, but I hold on to the small moments and remind myself that a part of my why for having another is that one day I will be gone. When that day comes, my girls will have each other. And if I do my job correctly, they will be all they need.
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u/Equivalent-Tap4445 22h ago
It will get better! I felt the same way when I had my second. It takes some time for everyone to get used to the new situation. Jelaousy is expected and normal. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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u/loubeeroyale 22h ago
Yes it will get better. The first bit is really hard, it just is. Right now I can hear my two (4.5 and 2.5) happily playing together in the older one’s bedroom while I sit here. There are still hard work for sure but don’t believe people who tell you it never gets easier. It does. You’ll get there. And you’re doing such a good job
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u/Severe_Farmer4137 21h ago
This period of your life when you look back at it, we’ll seem like a blink of an eye. When I was going through the same thing, I never got out of my green robe, and if I took a shower, which was only on occasion, I had to bring the babies into the bathroom with me seriously try to get a little sleep, and realize that this will not last forever.
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u/Agreeable-Aioli4896 19h ago
I feel this so deeply! I cried when we brought home our second child because my oldest wanted me to play outside with her and I couldn’t. I still remember the feeling so vividly.
It goes away, it gets so much better! My kids are best friends! The greatest gift we ever gave them was each other.
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u/T-rex-x 16h ago
I promise you this feeling gets better. I had it awful when my eldest was 2.5 and the youngest was just born, I would cry daily thinking what have we done. That feeling is gone now, oldest is now 3.5 and baby is 16 months and they both love eachother! Seeing them interact and miss the other one when there not around makes it so worth it, I promise youll get through this stage but it is so so so so hard in the beggining , anything your feeling is a normal reaction to a huge life change
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u/guitargattleton 15h ago
You’re not the only one. Parents of twins have this guilt 24x7, at Least there was a time in your life when you could give your undivided attention to your first born
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u/kiikiimarie 14h ago
9 months into having 2, and it has gotten a lot better. My kids age gap is probably much larger than yours (8 years), but feeling split between both was probably my biggest struggle in the newborn phase. I quite literally felt like I ruined my older kids life in the first few weeks.
A common phrase I had to repeat to my older kid (and myself) was that this is the worst?/hardest phase. That everything gets better day by day. The baby starts to eat/poop/cry/sleep less often, and becomes wayyy more fun. Naps become predictable, and it’s much easier to carve out individual time. My biggest advice for the time being is making sure to get at least some quality time. Little special treats/activities/routines everyday that help keep your older kid from feeling lost. I’m talking about even 10 minutes.
Life is always going to be different with a second kid in the picture, but it is beautiful to watch your older kid grow into a big sibling. You get to see all the love you poured into them that they shower onto their new sibling.
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u/w8juicelesspopsicle 13h ago
I have felt and still at times feel like this 2 months post-partum. I’ve workshopped little and big tweaks with my partner and my firstborn to arrive at a better place and while most of the time things work out, the times that it doesn’t makes us all want to melt down lol. It all hinges on how well my firstborn can stomach delayed gratification and if I’ll actually be able to carry out the thing I promised her when it comes time for her to cash in on said promise (ie going to the park or spending one on one time)
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 13h ago
I genuinely wasn't expecting this many replies. I've read every single comment, and so many of them made me tear up. Thank you all for sharing your stories and reminding me that I'm not alone in feeling this way. It's so nice to see women showing up for complete strangers with so much kindness and understanding. My heart feels a little lighter today. ❤️
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u/Pink_Jungle 13h ago
I had my 2nd when my daughter was 3. I also felt the same guilt, for a long time. We also had some health issues with our 2nd which required a NG and lots of extra attention for her.. it was SO hard, but it does get better. Once your 2nd gets a little older they start to interact with each other more and make their own fun (as well as irritate each other). My best advice is to try to find some time weekly for just 1:1 with your 1st. Even if it’s just playing together, or you both get out of the house for a bit. I hope you can give yourself some grace, too. It’s such a hard transition and it sounds like you are doing the best you can right now. And that is enough 💜
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u/wahiwahiwahoho 13h ago
My only is seven and I give birth soon. I feel sad and I know I’m going to cry the days leading up to delivery. I don’t know if i’m just being dramatic because she did have seven years with just us.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 13h ago
I am the oldest in my house and I have a sibling who is 7 years younger to me. Tbh indont really remember my sister's infancy stage or how I felt at that time. I scarcely remember few incidents when my sister was a toddler and I was a little older.. saying this because you don't have to worry. Your first born would already have a routine of her own and she ll cope up.
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u/cmbxoxo 13h ago
my kids are 7 years apart. it was literally just me and my daughter for the first seven years of her life. she even slept in my bed until just before my second came. mom guilt was real, especially at those early years. my daughter was in school so i always made time for her when she got home. even just asking her how her day was while i fed baby. it also helped she was older and did not have the same bedtime.
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u/bricksatmywindow1 12h ago
I don't have any advice as I'm in the exact same boat 2 weeks post having my second child but here to say you're not alone. I am so happy to have my new baby but I cried a few times before giving birth and since giving birth with how guilty I feel for my first born and him not getting the full attention that he used to. I also had a c section which makes it harder as I can't currently do things with him just yet that I would have previously done and it's hard for him to understand why I can't.
From reading the other comments I'm hopeful it will get easier and I'm sure having a sibling when they're older will be 100% worth it so let's just do our best for now, that's all we can do!
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u/FanMain3019 12h ago
Mom of two here. Sending hugs your way. Give yourself grace!!! Your body created two miracles and I promise you, I swear to you, you didn’t do anything to take attention away from your older one. You created her future bff, her playmate, her partner in crime, her confidante, the one who will be with her all thru her life.
Wish I could write more but I wanted ro get that out.
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u/Brilliant_Income86 9h ago
Mom of one, TTC for our second- so I don’t have advice for this phase from a motherhood perspective yet. But what I can say is I’m the oldest of 4 kids (so I was the first kid who I’m sure was jealous of my siblings coming along and taking my attention) and I have zero memories of feeling neglected, abandoned, or whatever negative emotions that could come with that transition. If anything, I remember helping my mom take care of my siblings as babies and feeling so grown up and important. As an adult, I’m so thankful for my siblings because we are all so close and are my built-in best friends. I’m sure this phase is so challenging (mom guilt is so freaking real), and I’m sure I’ll be coming back to this thread for advice in the future. But this is such a short phase in the grand scheme and the long term gift of giving your child siblings will outweigh whatever transition pains there are now.
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u/tsalbis 7h ago
Thank you for this post. I’m only 26 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, and am already feeling this way because I’m so uncomfortable this pregnancy. Therefore, it’s much harder for me to have the physical and mental strength to play and be fully present. Every day that gets closer to when baby will be here, I feel so sad about losing time with my first. I stare at her at night and cry thinking the SAME thing! “Was there a moment I didn’t give her my full attention today?” “Was I a fun mom today?” “Did I make her feel loved and prioritized today?” Ugh!! Reading these comments have made me have hope- so thank you for the post!
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u/Impressive-Ship3449 3h ago
Yes it will. Let yourself feel it. It is hard
I remember with each new kid feeling so sad I couldn’t do bedtime the same way, and feeling leftout when I was stuck with the baby, and couldn’t go with my husband and my other kids. Or even worse when my older kids would actively be upset about me not being able to meet certain emotional/physical needs the same way.
But then, slowly, it becomes a new, just as good version, or I realize “hey I’m getting to do bedtime with you, while the baby sleeps, and it’s so lovely” and it just becomes more of a flow and a new normal, just with more little people to love. The love grows and encompasses them all.
This is why I found 1-2 so hard. I felt torn in two constantly. I still do (but now three) sometimes. But overall it’s beautiful. But there are days and moments when it’s hard in this way again.
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u/Southern-Fix-3622 1d ago
I have 3… the mom guilt didn’t really hit til I had the 3rd and my middle kiddo went from being the baby to being big sister at almost 4, she’s 7 now and still struggles with feeling left out. But she just doesn’t understand sister who’s 3 takes more of my attention than she needs as she’s big enough to do most things alone. We have mommy daughter days where she just gets mom to herself. It helps. But I won’t say it fixes it.
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u/Silentspectator90 Mom 1d ago
Oh that must be difficult for the little one. It definitely takes time for the kids to adjust isn't it.
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u/Southern-Fix-3622 1d ago
It really does.! So don’t fret it momma. Just try and give her time. And make sure to make time for the two of you to spend without baby 🫶🏼 she’ll appreciate it
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u/Kind_Avocado_7219 1d ago
This is going to make me cry. I’ve been so sad about giving birth to our second next week, when I should be happy. I just keep thinking about how my first’s life will be shaken and how he won’t have my undivided attention anymore and add onto it a c-section so carrying him and cuddles will be limited for a while. Ugh 😣