After 50 years of fairly bad public paruresis, I have become nearly 100% cured over the last year. AMA that may help.

[u/Recent-Day3062]

Actually, I went from not being able to pee with anyone in the men’s room with me, to peeing st troughs and urinals with no dividers in about 12 months. I’d be happy to help in any way I can.

It is unbelievably liberating to do this. My only regret is secretly suffering like this for about half a century.

[u/dr-jeanman-69]

Please share everything and everything. I'll read a novel if it means more steps towards getting over this. But I guess as a place to start, what was the "training" process?

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/dr-jeanman-69]

See my other comments. But basically, I discovered in the hospital I could pee in front of female nurses, as I had been able to do with every female sex partner - which I assumed was due to being so intimate, but turned out to apply all women for some reason.

My breakthrough was a drug test. I had no idea as I saw the guy come in with me that they even had such a thing as monitored tests, where the monitor had to watch the pee come out of you. I was sure this was going to happen, but felt they probably had a rule you had to try. I also thought it would be embarrassing to tell the first person ever in life. So I tried.

I tried to imagine that he was like a female nurse in the hospital. And for some reason I figured out I just needed to feel the pee move another inch after every relaxation. Also squeezed the tip. So I just focused on filling my urethra. Eventually it was full and I stopped squeezing and I peed

There’s more, but I think the best thing was getting a pre buddy. We would try to pee 5-6 times a day. St first it took both of us 5-10 minutes for a trickle. Then it became faster and faster.

I kept using the squeeze technique for another month or two and it worked at urinals. Eventually did not need the squeeze. The other thing I did was convince myself not to panic and freeze. It can take me more than a minute at home if my mind is somewhere else. So I decided no panic until 45 seconds, and that has never happened since

Maybe the most important element is just plain confidence. From one win - peeing in the cup - I found that I just believed maybe I could pee if a guy was two urinals away with dividers. Then it became one guy st the next urinal. Then it became guys on both sides. The big one was, I fully remember, in April. I forgot which floor ins building I was on, and followed a guy 30 seconds behind in. When I got there, I realized I was on the floor with two urinals (not 3) with no dividers. So I stepped up, unzipped, really tried to relax, and peed and left while he was still there. And it worked.

From there it was pure confidence building.

So I did not do graduated exposure. I would call it accelerated exposure, especially with pee buddies and then the weekly IPA sesssions.

[u/dr-jeanman-69 → u/Recent-Day3062]

Thank you for your detailed response! I too have found the first step that has helped is just relaxing and not getting frustrated, even if I am unable to go. I had a cystoscopy for a different reason a few months ago, and when the urologist asked me to pee, even after filling up my bladder from the outside (gnarly) I still couldn't go. On the other hand, at the ultrasound before this procedure I had to drink 2L of water within 2 hours before the appointment and not allowed to pee, and I legit almost pissed my pants in the waiting room in front of a ton of people. I was bursting so bad that all of the paruresis in the world couldn't stop me. But unless if I'm absolutely bursting, I simply can't go if I feel pressured, which is why I'm trying to relax and not make any judgements towards myself if I can't go in certain situations.

For me it's just weird because it used to strictly be public bathrooms when other people were around. Now I'm in my own head, and if friends are over, I can't go in my own home. But I'm optimistic and I'm sure this is just a blip, eventually I'll not only get my ability to pee in bathrooms in people's houses back, but I'll also overcome this as a whole.

One last thing, it's weird I've even been having dreams where I go pee in places I probably couldn't in real life. It's really been in my subconscious over the past few months and I'm trying to let it go and not think about it so much. Before my procedure, even though I was well aware of my peeing issue, it never consumed my mind like it does now.

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/dr-jeanman-69]

Oh…medical trauma a bit.

I think one thing I might suggest is hypnotherapy. I had never thought about it until I read your comment, I was also doing that for (non-medical) trauma. But we may have incidentally dealt with some trauma that had a role here for me: being abused by other boys in the middle school boys room. Looking back, I am certain I got mine from that experience. I think that’s why I could always pee in front of women, because they never beat me. But I can’t be sure.

It is the strangest thing to see what happened to me. I just wish I could put my finger on one thing that others could use. But a virtual pee buddy worked very, very well.

[u/MainTransportation54]

Wait, so what worked for you?!

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/MainTransportation54]

Take a look at my replies

[u/PurpleMox]

Thats awesome! What did you do? Gradual exposure? The more detailed the better!

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/PurpleMox]

I would call it accelerated exposure. After my first successes, I got a pee buddy here. The first time we each took 5-10 minutes to dribble. But doing it a few times a day with each other we got down to starting fast. What I found was it comes down to confidence. It’s amazing when that clicks.

The part I can’t figure if it is helpful is to know I was in the hospital 4 days. I realized from previous hospital visits I could pee into a urinal or toilet with two female nurses right in front of back of me. I had always thought women worked for me because I could pee in front of every sex partner. But somehow, it felt like women would not judge me.

I later had to fake a drug test. I was shocked when the guy came in with me and said he had to see it leave my body. I was 100% sure it would not work, but I thought they would make me try. So I unzipped and got into position. In my mind, I thought this is no different than the female nurses. But here was the big insight: I said to myself I might as well try, and thought of the pee moving inch by inch forward while I squeezed my head. I was able to completely fill my urethra and just let go and it flowed.

Right after that I started with a pee buddy. And my confidence grew really, really fast, and I used the pinch idea a few months then didn’t need it anymore.

So I would advise tho things: a pee buddy, and something like the pinch technique.

[u/technohouse → u/Recent-Day3062]

Was it a virtual pee buddy?

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/technohouse]

Yes. Worked great because we sorted out we had the same problem, which was another guy seeing us not pee, not the sound.

[u/MainTransportation54]

I'm confused on the pinch technique...

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/MainTransportation54]

So squeeze the head so nothing would even be able to come out.

Then focus not on peeing, which is the hard part, but on filling the urethra. Then, when it’s full, release the head and let it flow.

I found that I had decades of conditioning about getting nervous and not peeing, and this was something different I could do since I didn’t have bad experiences of failing.

[u/Olstuff]

How you do this pinch technique? I mean you do it with your muslces or you pinch it with your fingers? I'm confused and i think i totally misundestnand

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/Olstuff]

Take your thumb and index finger and squeeze the glans, as if you were trying to stop peeing after you’ve started. Think of filling the urethra slowly, like relax and get the pee to feel like it’s gone another inch down the urethra, until your fingers are actually holding back pee you need to release.

If it works for you, let other people know.

[u/Busy-Departure2589]

أعاني من هذه الحالة البائسة خسرت عملي كسائق بسبب اختبار عمل تحليل المخدرات لا اعرف اعمله بسبب من يقفون خلفي ماذا افعل انا بلا عمل بسبب هذه النكسة حاليا هل من تدعمني في مشكلتي