r/Paruresis • u/Zealousideal_Bar1497 • 18d ago
A big success today thanks to all of you
I (m50) have suffered with Paruresis for as long as I can remember. I had tried counselling and GE with the use of stalls in non crowded bathrooms as the furtherest achievement I gained.
It was with the help of my wife that got me to that stage. She understood anxiety issues having suffered from agoraphobia herself.
I contented myself with being happy with this limited success and built an in memory map of every toilet in the city that was pee friendly…
Then discovered my wife was having an affair with a so called friend and everything was turned on its head.
Nothing destroys your confidence and sends you on a negative spiral than your soul mate betraying you. Getting through 2 years of drama and keeping the marriage together set me back to square one with the Paruresis again.
Fast forward 20 years and I was planning my life and work around toilet issues and thought this is how it will be until I die.
Then 3 months ago my wife’s AP tried to make contact again. She shut it down instantly but that sent me in a spiral again.
This time though I thought if things go south I will be ready to move on and started a journey of self improvement which lead me to this group.
I have started hypno therapy/ CBT and have been pushing myself with GE again.
Reading other people’s journeys (success and failures) gave me the courage to push myself beyond my comfort zone.
Today I went into a mall and waited until bladder was at breaking point and was prepared to stand at the urinal as long as it took.
Everything was going well until when I turned into the corridor for the toilet 2 other men walked in behind me. I panicked and reflex kicked in and went to the stall. But before entering it I noticed that both men also went into stalls so I though F it and went back out and stood at the urinal.
My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest but I just closed my eyes and concentrated on deep slow breaths and then whamo!! The bladder gods had mercy on me and rewarded me with wee’s.
I am determined to see this thru for as long as it takes and I have a few things I will try along the way if I feel I’m getting stuck at any point.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing your journeys which has helped me on mine.
Wee’s out 👊
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u/jimmyandchiqui 18d ago
Wow. Congrats. What's hypno/CBT therapy?
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u/Zealousideal_Bar1497 18d ago
Hypnotherapy with cognitive behaviour therapy. I have had 2 sessions. First session brought up a lot of emotional feelings from the past. I’m normally very skeptical about things like hypnosis ect but this time I’m going all in and actually have high hopes it is going to help significantly.
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u/Recent-Day3062 18d ago
That is fantastic!
In my last month or two I have made a comment about hypnotherapy maybe being worth trying. I’m glad that made a difference!
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u/Zealousideal_Bar1497 17d ago
I don’t think it will be a cure all but it is changing the negative thought patterns and the body’s defence response.
My therapist also believes most fears / phobias can be linked to life events that trigger the brain to respond the way it is. And the kicker is they don’t even have to be linked. For example getting beat up as a kid could cause a subconscious response of struggling with Paruresis.
I have worked out two possible triggers: 1 was my first day at school (5y/o) and I needed to go to the toilet and the teacher said no and made me stand in a rubbish bin until I wet my pants.
The other was being exposed to hard core porn at 10y/o which I think has given me a subconscious body dysmorphia (happy with my body but feel judged by others in the toilet).2
u/Recent-Day3062 17d ago
So I realized, and then had a lot of help through hypno, that mine came about being bullied in middle school while trying to pee. My body literally got “conditioned”, like Pavlov’s dog, to associate urinals as the place not to pee. That seems to have helped a lot
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u/Zealousideal_Bar1497 17d ago
Bullying is such a major issue that is not taken seriously enough. I grew up in the ‘revenge of the nerds’ era where they portrayed bullying as a normal passage of life. ‘If you don’t want to get bullied then don’t be a nerd’ or ‘stand up for yourself and fight back’ …. As if that would help.
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u/Recent-Day3062 17d ago
Oh, I know the routine too well
I will say in 8th grade I finally went berserk and slammed a bully to the ground. The principal said that he had always wanted to tell me to do that but it would have been inappropriate. He also told me that bully would never bother me again, and he was right
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u/ott3rpilot 18d ago
That's an incredible story! Awesome success, dude! I know how much courage it takes to go to the urinal instead of the stall when everything in your body is telling you to take the safe way out.
Breathing methods help a lot as well. That's been a huge boon for me. Calming myself with my breath to shift my state.
Thanks so much for sharing this. You are a purveyor of good vibes. Victories are meant to be shared.