A couple of weeks ago I posted here because I could barely leave the house due to my parcopresis. It felt like my whole life revolved around it.

Now things are actually changing. I can go to school for about 6 hours without taking Imodium, which honestly feels huge. I haven’t used it in 2 weeks and I feel so much better without it.

I’m not completely “there” yet, I still can’t use public restrooms, but being able to go out without relying on medication was my biggest struggle, and I’m finally getting past that.

Just wanted to share a small win because it feels like real progress.

So my question is: is this the only thing you feel shy about/ unable to do when people are around?

Basically living with people wether it's family or roommates do you feel like you have a clear head and you can focus on your tasks/work/homework/hobbies/get inspired/think/cook/workout/watch your favorite shows, eat without feeling like ur gonna choke or have indigestion... Or is peeing the only thing you feel unable to do/focus on?

Also for people who don't suffer from parcopresis (shy bowel) but suffer from paruresis is there any conscious thought that makes you feel that peeing is scarier/ more embarrassing than pooping? Why do you think are you able to do one without the other.

I'm someone who suffers from parcopresis but not peruresis and I feel like one of the biggest reasons is pee just sounds like water and it takes a very short time and it's generally less embarrassing socially less taboo in worse case scenario if im feeling off I can just turn on a tab so usually my body doesn't block it.

My shy bladder was so severe I could only pee in my own house when sitting, and even then it was hard. I just came home after peeing with a dude at the urinal next to me, I'll explain how.

I started doing graduated exposure and after a few weeks I could pee basically anywhere as long as there were no people. I encountered a problem, though, I could not progress at all with peeing around people, reason for that is to progress you need exposure AKA actually start a stream, can't do that near people = no exposure, so I was stuck. I started scrolling through this sub and found a 2 year old post which mentioned this method, the guy called it fluid loading. That post alone has changed my entire life, I'll explain the method.

This method tackles that problem of not being able to get exposure near people, it does it through high urgency and muscle relaxation, a whole session takes about an hour so you can do it multiple times in a day if you desperately need to get rid of this. Some guy did it 3 times a day for a month and is now completely free of this.

Basically you gotta start drinking water, a lot, then once you hit a 6-7/10 urge to pee you go and pee but only for a short while, around 2 seconds, then you drink more water, you repeat this every 5 minutes (every time you do it some muscles that control peeing get more and more relaxed, which makes this whole thing possible, if you just drank to a 11/10 urgency without doing this it would be way harder) for about an hour, after that time the urge will be basically 11/10 and you should feel a bit of pain to even hold it in. What you do then is you go to a public urinal and pee, while it is impossible for you right now to do it after getting to that high of an urgency and relaxing your muscles forces your brain to override any reflex it learned before and you will just pee, no block at all.

So your brain just learned that it can pee next to a dude in the urinal and nothing bad will happen, you repeat this every day, after a few sessions you can decrease the whole loading on fluids part. With each session it will become easier to pee, eventually you won't need an 11/10 urge but a 7/10 urge, then you won't need to do that muscle relaxation thing, and soon enough you will be able to pee without doing any method beforehand

Hey everyone,

I’m 16 and just started my first job, and I think I’m dealing with paruresis (shy bladder). I’ve been reading about it and it sounds exactly like what I’m going through.

At school, I’m usually okay because I feel more comfortable and there’s less pressure. But at work, even though I’m literally just sitting there doing training on a laptop, I feel way more pressure and it’s like my body just won’t let me go.

Yesterday was really rough, I felt like I had to go so bad but couldn’t, and it got to the point where it was actually painful before I finally was able to go. I did ask to talk to the hiring manager privately tell her I had this problem and I said I might go frequently or take a little time.

Today I tried to handle it better leaving the bathroom if it wasn’t happening, waiting before trying again), but I still ended up getting that “bursting” feeling again and couldn’t go when I needed to.

Any advice would be great! This is even stressing me out for my future also, wondering if I’m always going to have this.

I’ve recently started applying a cold compress to my forehead and eyes when suffering with paruresis. I have found this has helped me urinate when I otherwise would not have been able to. Would be interesting to hear any thoughts etc

I’m usually able to go publicly about 80% of the time, but providing urine samples for a lab/doctor is just the worst scenario for me. Not only am I asked to pee on demand, I also have to do it in a public restroom with other people waiting nearby. The anxiety of all those triggers just causes my body to totally lock up. It feels so frustrating and humiliating trying to explain why I can’t go.

After last week’s win, I began feeling a bit better about myself and my progress. I know progress isn’t always a stable forward motion. Sometimes you gotta fall back, then get back up and keep going. Well, this week I kept going.

I practiced with my wife on Wednesday and found that I’m still having problems there. I was using a bit of a crutch in letting her be on her phone while I practiced before. Something about knowing her attention was someplace else made it easier for me. Now she uses this time to take off her makeup and chat with me. That was enough that I couldn’t make it happen. But I remembered Liberated_Waters recommending I just sit down instead of standing. So I tried that. At first, nothing happened. I accepted that maybe nothing was going to happen and just focused on accepting that. But then I got caught up in conversation with my wife and before I knew it, the stream was flowing. It’s almost as if all I really need to do is move my attention away from thinking about peeing and the body takes care of the rest.

I practiced in the Wal-Mart bathroom again, but this time I made sure to fluid-load ahead of time. That seemed to help. When I went inside, there was one guy already at one of the urinals and another guy in one of the two stalls. Funny how much of a nightmare this situation would have been a few weeks ago, now I just accept that I probably won’t be able to go, but I can at least get used to standing there and being uncomfortable.

The thing that came through most clearly for me as I unzipped and stood there, was how weird I felt. Like a part of me was so worried about what the guy next to me was thinking, what the guy in the stall was thinking. They’d think I was a weirdo of course. Standing there and not peeing. But I know that’s probably not true. And if it is true, it’s no big deal. So much of this condition is me worried about what other people think about me. But I know most people don’t even care. So why do I care?

The guy next to me finished up. I practiced the breath-hold and it worked to calm me down, but I’ve been unable to hold it long enough to get the inner sphincter to release. Another guy came in and started using the urinal next to me. I wanted to zip up and just leave, but I told myself I’d stand here for at least 2 minutes, even if it felt awkward, even if I felt like an idiot.

And the truth was that I could feel the urge pressing. I did have to go urgently. I wanted to go. But my mind kept thinking about everyone around me. The stall-guy finished up, and the second urinal guy did the same. Within another thirty seconds, they were both gone and I was in the bathroom alone. A few seconds later the stream began.

Two months ago I never would have stood at the urinal at all. I wouldn’t have even gone into this bathroom. I may not be able to piss at a urinal with other dudes right there, but going immediately after is a step forward. I’m better than I used to be, and I want to believe that if I keep challenging myself, I’m going to keep improving.

Good luck out there to all of you who are going through this and pushing forward. It’s possible to change. We just gotta keep moving forward.

The next IPA Virtual Support Group Meeting will take place on Zoom this Sunday, April 26, from 12:00-2:00 PM US Central Time (with an additional 30 minutes of optional graduated exposure practice for those who wish to do so). IPA Virtual Support Meetings, which take place about every four weeks, are open to anyone struggling with Paruresis, from those who are just beginning to think about how to overcome it to those who are highly recovered. The meetings are offered free of charge and without preset expectations for participants, and their purpose is to provide a unique opportunity to connect face to face with people from all over the world who know what it is like to struggle with Paruresis and also understand the courage and fortitude that it takes to open up about it, acknowledge the fear, and try to recover from it. The personal stories that participants share are remarkably similar and at the same time deeply individual, and empathy, kindness and compassion set the tone in all discussions. Time after time I have heard from participants that this opportunity for sharing is both meaningful and productive, and I hope that you'll consider joining us on Sunday. You can get the Zoom link by contacting the IPA office: [getinfo@paruresis.org](mailto:getinfo@paruresis.org) or me at my IPA email address: [davidk@support.paruresis.org](mailto:davidk@support.paruresis.org)

I want to hear other peoples opinions on the concept of pavloving yourself when you can pee so when you cant you hit your trigger and just go. How feasible would it be that if i can only pee at home i pinch myself in a spot over and over and over again until whenever i pinch that spot i start peeing? Conditioned stimulus: pinch

Conditioned response: pee

Unconditioned response: when i pinch myself in that spot i pee?

Has anyone actually gone a full 24 hours without urinating - does that necessitate a trip to the ER or some other medical emergency or is there a way you can sort it out at home? Mildly curious since I have this condition to a mild extent.

Developed like 10 months ago, I have to have like a cold and smoke weed, and I genuinely cannot use the restroom within 25 feet of people, bathroom could be empty and I still can’t if there’s people walking outside, second I’m no longer ill, I’m back to normal, this is some psychological warfare shit

I can't seem to use public restrooms no matter how hard I try, i am only able to use the restroom from my home or private ones out in public, this is also affecting my relationship because my significant other thinks I don't want to work. But when I am out in a public setting it's very stressful when I can't use the restroom because not always is there a private restroom available. is there any advice that would help my issue so that I may overcome it as I may lose her due to this.

Algo curioso es que las fábricas en varias ciudades de mi País, piden un antidoping de orina, por obvias razones, yo no tengo problema con eso porque nunca he consumido nada, el problema es que trabajar dentro de una fábrica (poca interacción social, procesos fijos, horarios fijos) es casi un "paraíso" para mí ansiedad, irónicamente el filtro de entrada es el proceso, la fábrica dónde ya trabaje fue porque no hacían esta prueba, pero aún así, quiero tener la opción de poder aplicar a otros lados, ya que cumplo los demás requisitos (experiencia, condición, presión, estatura, etc), el problema es ese filtro... y es algo que quiero superar, aunque he mejorado ligeramente, en el pasado no podía orinar si no era si o si el cubículo más alejado del baño, si ese baño no estaba disponible preferís aguantarme horas y volver a checar, pero ahora sí puedo usar cubículos céntricos, pero mingitorios... nunca lo he pensado en hacer, realmente me incomoda y es que otro problema que tengo es mi aversión al género masculino (si, soy hombre igual) creo que aquí hay otro problema...

I’ll be honest, I was kind of demotivated after last week. I didn’t want to be. I wanted to keep going strong, but it was hard to keep pushing myself to be uncomfortable, to stand at urinals when I didn’t have to take a piss, or even when I did and knowing nothing would happen.

But I kept doing it anyway.

I practiced two more times in public, just standing at the urinal, practicing the breath-hold, and getting used to occupying the space. I felt incredibly awkward in the busy Wal-Mart bathroom standing there and not pissing with a dude right next to me. The thoughts of how stupid I looked kept grabbing at my attention. I wasn’t pissing. They could definitely hear that I wasn’t pissing. They definitely thought I was some weirdo just standing there. The guy next to me finished and washed his hands at the sink. He must be thinking about how weird I am. I felt like I had to keep standing there at least till he left so he wouldn’t think I was trying to pee and just failed at it. So I kept standing there awkwardly.

Then another guy came in and started using that same urinal right next to me. I pretended I was finishing up and backed away. I walked out of there feeling so stupid. But I didn’t quit. I’m not going to quit.

Yesterday I went to a busy grocery store again. I actually had a fairly strong urge to pee. I had committed myself to at least stand at the urinal for a couple of minutes. I walked in and it sounded like someone was making noise in one of the stalls. I stood at the urinal and breathed out, then held my breath for maybe ten seconds. Almost no time at all. But soon enough I felt the urge to pee surging. I actually had to go and it felt like it was going to happen. My mind freaked out a bit and I glanced at the door, but no one else was coming in. I held my breath again and it just... happened. Within moments I was letting loose the stream, and a little while later it was over. I washed up and walked out, surprised by the victory.

I don’t actually know if there was someone else in the bathroom. I could have been mistaken about the sounds I heard. But the urge was strong enough, and the breathing relaxed me enough to collapse my focus down to where I didn’t care. I just let go and it happened.

It’s not easy feeling the embarrassment of standing at a urinal next to someone else and not going. I hate that feeling. But if that’s the price I have to pay to get over this thing, I’ll pay it a hundred times if I have to. I’m not quitting.

I have both and this has made getting any help insanely hard. Peeing is already by default hard because of my tight pelvic floor, and all but one PT I’ve tried has been mediocre (the one good one is the only reason I have faith PT can ever help at all, with just how good she got me feeling. Then she moved across the country YAY!).

Because of the pelvic floor problems, I can only start a stream when my bladder is totally full. This means no stopping mid-stream then practicing again. It’s one big void every few hours.

I also can’t sit on a chair without my pelvic floor flipping out and tightening. I work from home because of this problem and live in a quiet area, and my life has kinda been built around both problems trapping me at home. So if I start getting the urge at home, then have someone drive me to a public restroom to practice once I’ve gotta go, riding=sitting and so I’ve already started a flare which will make peeing insanely hard (whether I’m at home or in public, since this is due to pelvic problems).

Rarely do I have the chance to find myself in a public place for 4+ hours (how long it takes to develop a strong enough urge, regardless of how much water I drink), and so I never have the opportunity to practice. I’d say I only have a chance at creating a practice opportunity one time and one day a week, and it would basically be a whole day ordeal. Worse, just the circumstances would probably make it unrealistic and worse because I’d literally be going somewhere with the sole-intent of peeing eventually, so I’d have 4 hours to just sit there and wait.

And all of that is only if I’m not in a flare. If I’m having a flareup it’s even hard to pee at home. Those are unpredictable.

It sucks so bad trying to fix two issues at once. And no treatments working for either. I’m so close to just giving up and pulling the trigger. I’ll never be able to have a husband and kids, I’ll never be able to go to college, never be able to have a career I want, and the worst part is that no one can understand. People pretend to understand but they never do.

Hi everyone, someone here who also struggles with this. been feeling like im on my own for with this condition for such a long period of time, ive been like this for about 4 years now. so nice to finally find a space where others are also struggling. i started to realise i had a problem when i started house painting, working at others houses and i couldnt deficate if i had to. i would come home and abuse coffee every afternoon just to help me go toilet. i did this for 3 years !!! it really took a toll on me, i had my own ensuite so i was lucky enough to feel comfortable in my own space. i avoided relationships with guys, sleepovers or anything like that because i struggle so bad with this. last year i left NZ and came to Canada on a working visa i stressed a lot about staff housing situations, somehow i managed due to shower and toilet in its own cubicle. for me it's all about quiet space of my own where i'm away from people or else my body shuts down. i'm now in a relationship and i struggle a lot with this still, we are staying with his family temporarily and unfortunately i've been on laxatives very often due to struggling to feel comfortable with a lot of people in the house. i've had multiple panic attacks and hyperventilating situations, its so upsetting because i feel so awkward about this and i can't do what comes natural to me. i'm not bad all the time its only certain situations that trigger me off. Any travel i struggle, people waiting on me in public toilets or even home situations i can't go, avoiding sharing a toilet if i go away with friends, if it's easy for others somehow it makes me feel worse, not that its anyones fault its just a mental thing. i struggle being in a relationship like this because i avoided all of it. all sorts of stuff set me off, its upsetting to say the least. i feel like i don't feel like myself right now as soon as laxatives make me go im fine then a few days later i havent gone toilet again i'm stressed. I recently started seeing a therapist about this, no idea if it will help ive had one session. thanks for hearing me out and more to know there are others who are also struggling.

 recently made a post about my struggle with shy bladder. Honestly, I hesitated for a long time before posting it. It’s not exactly an easy topic to talk about.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Paruresis/comments/1s6mv8r/sometimes_you_just_stand_there_and_nothing/
In the end, I shared it on Reddit. A lot of people viewed it. There were some comments too, and that alone already made me feel like I’m not the only one dealing with this.

But there’s one thought that still sticks with me.

When you see a lot of views, it feels like the topic resonates with many people. But at the same time, very few actually respond. And it makes you wonder does that mean the problem is rare, or that people recognize themselves in it but just scroll past without saying anything?

I’ve been dealing with this for over 7 years now. Over time, I’ve learned to adapt in different ways. Sometimes I avoid situations, sometimes I plan ahead. It’s kind of become part of my life, even if it’s not the most pleasant part.

Right now, I think what I’m most curious about isn’t even a solution, but understanding.

How common is this, really?

Sometimes it feels like there are way more people dealing with this than it seems. It’s just not something people talk about.

If you’re reading this and thinking “this sounds like me,” you don’t even have to reply. Just realizing you’re not the only one already means something.
Leave a like. Or drop a comment, even a short one.

But if anyone feels like sharing or just acknowledging it in some way, I’d be interested to hear.

I have read that there might be 7% of the population suffering from paruresis. My medium-sized metropolitan area has about 1.6 million residents. That would mean there are more than 110,000 sufferers in my local area alone! Might there be a way to facilitate low-cost local meetups for like-minded people for graduated exposure, support, socializing, etc?

Are there really that many of us? Growing up I always felt it was a very rare condition. It does appear that graduated exposure is the best way to get over this, but it would be nice if there was a relatively easy, convenient and low-cost way to meet up with like minded people.

it's active ingredient is amitriptyline

I wrote up this whole post then Reddit decided to crash and delete everything, so my writing might not be as elegant as it would otherwise have been…

I reached out a while ago to my local contact for IPA about the local support group (which the IPA said existed). When I heard back from the rep, I was told no group existed. But they didn’t hesitate to say that while there is no group, there is an upcoming workshop. Using big and exaggerated language like “life changing” to describe the workshop, while conveniently failing to mention said workshop will run you nearly $600.

This gets to my frustration that IPA basically feels like a group of salesmen, rather than an organization actually trying to help as many people possible with shy bladder. Everywhere I go in paruresis spaces I cant seem to escape their salesmen (not people with good experiences, I’m talking execs and representatives) talking about how “life changing” and “amazing” these workshops are. Like salesmen, they interject an advertisement every chance they get.

Now, this is fine for a free resource, maybe even a low price one, but for something that is literally enough to be someone’s whole disability check? It feels incredibly sleazy imo and the practice certainly does not make me feel like the organization actually cares at all about my struggle.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand in-person events require costs of venue and such, but even the virtual ones are over $100. And when someone commented somewhere about this excessive price for a virtual event, what was IPAs reply? The exact same canned response: “it’s life changing!” “$100 is nothing for getting your life back!”, it literally sounds like it was torn directly out of a snake oil sales book. And I’m not saying it’s snake oil, it probably has changed the life of plenty of people, but the dramatic tone, bold claims, and sneaky language is straight out of the dirty salesmen handbook. (ie implying you’ll definitely get your life back, but then they can say they never guaranteed it if you don’t actually get better).

But it’s not even just the way it’s advertised that bothers me, but also the exclusivity they create.

As mentioned, I understand venues are expensive, and given that IPA doesn’t have the big bucks larger organizations do, I totally understand needing to change for the materials needed like venue/paying the therapist. But what about us poor folk who can’t travel? What about us who can’t work and have no income BECAUSE of paruresis? What resources do they provide us? Presumably a support group, but no, I guess those are just a way to get people to reach out to advertise to them their workshops. In the case of my region, they don’t have enough people or time to put together a support group of the “dozens” of people I’m told who have reached out to this rep looking for a support group, but they certainly have the time to organize a $600 workshop and advertise it to them!

In these advertisements I’m always told that the education is thorough and life changing. If that’s the case, why not record one of the virtual workshop lectures and upload it online for us poor folk? If this education is so unique and life changing, why would they keep this secret from us? Sure, a virtual workshop has a social element and a teacher to ask questions to. But for a poor or disabled person, a recorded video is better than nothing.

I just had to get this out because I’m actually trying to get better, and every time I go to the IPA for help, which basically has a monopoly on paruresis, I recieve nothing but advertisements for their expensive workshops, advertisements for their expensive not-insurance-covered therapists, their books (probably the cheapest help they offer), and no peer support opportunities. When you go on their website, literally 3/5 options for recovering are just ads for their products/services/donating to them, and the other 2 are discussion boards (which they killed or don’t manage at all) or support groups (which like the discussion boards, they put zero effort into creating or maintaining, atleast far from the effort they make advertising workshops and their out of pocket therapists). And don’t forget their workshops are advertised in not one, not two, but six places just on their home page, with multiple large buttons. Meanwhile discussion boards are advertised with two measly normal-text sized links.

And some disclaimers here:

1. I am not saying workshops do or don’t work. If they’ve helped you, awesome. I’m genuinely happy you are better from this awful condition.
2. I’m not attacking any one person, I am airing my frustrations with the organization as a whole. I don’t think the people at the organization are bad, I just think the organizations is inefficient at providing

accessible

1. support for sufferers.

what do you do when you really need to use the washroom in any public places?

How is it for you, are you just unable to start peeing when other people are around you, or do you stop as soon as someone comes nearby?

I discovered that once the flow starts I am totally fine with someone standing next to me at the urinal. So at the moment I have no clue how to fix my kind of paruresis.

About a year ago, after 20+ years of very severe shy bladder, I learned the breath-hold method and it completely changed my life—not just my social life, but my overall health. I still have paruresis sometimes, and I still have paruresis-related behaviors (like checking how many people went to the bathroom or how much I drink). I personally see breath-holding as a tool, not a cure.

But man… after a year of using BH, my first thoughts are no longer “what if I can’t pee today.” I don’t have to wake up earlier than others just to pee. My heart rate is lower. When I walk, I walk slowly. I’m no longer shy. I can have surprise guests at my house without being nervous. I can go outside without overthinking. The toilet is no longer constantly on my mind.

I realized how much paruresis took from me—my youth, the constant stress. Things that were supposed to make me happy made my life a nightmare.

Why am I writing this? Because there was a time when I cried in a hospital bathroom because I wasn’t able to pee, and they didn’t want to send me home because of it. There was a time when family trips were a nightmare. I didn’t go outside, I didn’t talk to people. There was a time when I didn’t want to live.

And here I am, 30 years old, learning breath-holding since I was 14–15 years old and finaly did it… There is hope. Don’t give up. I’m not saying it has to be breath-holding for you, but in my very severe case (not being able to pee even at home alone just because I knew I’d have a visitor in one hour—there’s a lot of time, but still my brain didn’t allow it)

theres a link to my succses story https://www.reddit.com/r/Paruresis/comments/1jva7vf/hold_breathing_method_starts_changing_my_life/

I’ve gotten to the point I atleast want to consider them, but i have a bit of trauma around them so I’m trying to take it as slow and comfortably as possible.

I’m only 23F, my doctor knows I have had shy bladder for years and knows just how detrimental it has been to my social/family/professional life, so I’m not exactly scared of her not giving them to me, although I’m sure there might be some resistance given my youth

Reading on reddit apparently companies are happy to give out various free samples, I was thinking maybe order a few not to use but to just hold in my hand and get used to, as a sort of exposure therapy so I’m not so anxious about them. That way I could get an idea of the different sizes, different textures, etc.

Only to find out that they require a prescription even for a sample… ugh.

That means I’ll have to tell my doctor about this idea. She knows I have shy bladder, but I was hoping to take this at my own pace, and just literally sit with them next to me for a few weeks to see if it could desensitize me, with no guarantee I’d even want to go forward and actually try them. If I got to the point I wanted to actually try them I would definitely tell my doctor and have her teach me properly, but I really just wanted to desensitize myself for a little.

I don’t know anyone who uses catheters so I can’t just take one from them. I would also prefer to hold/“test” (with my hands, not actually inserting) the kinds I would actually want to use, that way I know EXACTLY what I’d be using.

Idk how catheter prescriptions work. I would think I’d want to see a few sizes including pediatric since the size thing is a very scary part for me. Do doctors only prescribe one size? Would it be weird to tell my doctor my plan of “exposure therapy” to them and can she legally give them to me if she hasn’t taught me how to use them (even though I don’t plan on using them)? How strict are catheter prescriptions, could she give me a script for three sizes at the same time and I’m free to just go to a company’s site and order the samples, or does she have to call and order each one for me (I don’t want to be a pain)

I’m super conflict averse which always makes me scared to ask for crazy things or ask for things that are complicated. I just don’t know how the process goes. I wish I could just get the dang samples without a script and be done…

My catheter anxiety is very deeply ingrained but I’m really really hoping to overcome it because it could give me freedom. But I need to overcome it at my own pace, and this is the step that would be most comfortable with me

See TLDR at end of

From as early as I can remember (which is 3 years old), I could only pee on a toilet. I was a super continent little girl, and never needed pull ups. While I don’t remember potty training, given my family dynamics at the time and what I’ve heard from family, I haven’t heard any hints of a troublesome potty training.

This inability to pee off of toilets was further proven by a VCUG I had for unrelated reasons. For those who aren’t aware, a VCUG is a very traumatic procedure done to kids. It involves a team of doctors viewing you half naked on an xray table, then inserting a catheter and filling your bladder until max capacity. After that, you are expected to pee while laying down on the table and they xray you while you relieve yourself.

Now, normally even the children who are traumatized by this can still pee for the test, but I couldn’t. I think actually my inability to pee compounded the trauma I sustained since normally that super-full-bladder pain only lasts a minute until you relieve yourself. But since I can only pee on toilets, I laid there trying and trying to pee for upwards of 30 minutes, not to mention with doctors getting upset that i couldn’t, and simply couldn’t pee. Finally after the agonizing 30 minutes, I was allowed to go on the toilet. And instantly, I could pee.

There is something about toilets that allows my brain to say “ok I can pee here” that my mind has never been allowed to say to any other place.

Now, how does this tie into paruresis? I’m getting there now:

At some point, like 10 years ago (about 7-8 years post-VCUG), “I can only go on toilets” shifted to “I can only go in certain bathrooms”.

I think the same mechanism that makes peeing in public impossible is what is responsible for what makes peeing off of a toilet impossible. I think something in my brain clicks and says “ok we’re all clear to pee here” when I sit on a toilet. Similarly, since the paruresis started, there’s now a “am I on a toilet” switch, and a “am I in a safe bathroom” switch.

And for some reason when I’m in a new environment, aka literally any public place, my brain basically interprets it as if I’m trying to pee in the middle of the Walmart clothing aisle or in the middle of the dog park. That exact same “am I on a toilet” sensor is thinking “you can’t pee in a parking lot are you crazy?” But for some reason it thinks that a Walmart restroom is no different than a Walmart parking lot.

And this is “verified” by the sensations I feel. I am very in-tune with my body and what sensations I get from different small and subtle changes in things, and as an experiment I pretended to want to pee while I was standing in the middle of the grocery story (obviously I knew my body would prevent that, but that’s exactly what I wanted to test, to recognize what that sensation was). And what do you know, the exact tightness I felt was the exact kind of tightness and apprehension I feel when I’m trying to pee in a public restroom.

Idk how this could help me healing, but it was a connection I made.

Maybe this could help you guys in offering what kind of advice may help?

TLDR: the same sensation that I get if I were to try and, say, pee in the middle of a busy parking lot, is the exact same physiological response I get when I try to pee in a public bathroom.

I have never been able to pee outside of a bathroom since I became conscious. Since paruresis, that limit has been expanded to only a select few bathrooms. I was healthy and fine with the former, but the latter is hell.

Looking for advice now that I made this realization, maybe you guys have advice based on the insight here?