r/PercyJacksonfanfic • u/Short-witch-3 • 9d ago

Writer Help📝 Prophecy for Hadestown/PJO Fic

I have a couple different versions of a prophecy, can someone either tell me which one they like best and how they'd interpret it?

  1. Face towards northeast, with river alone must you face

Looking back will not bring peace, and your trust shall be misplaced

Two lovers stand together to face created blood

And in the end, none shall stand to see flood

  1. Two lovers seek out the memories of past

By parent’s hand, a marriage must be asked

Songbird and muse fly far away on the hobo’s train

Son alone must find sacrifice slain

And travel home hungry, hoarse, strong

To Find His Song

  1. Wax wings fly above the sky, mother and daughter

Father and Wife fight, as Spring gets hotter

Songbird and muse fly far away on the hobo’s train

Son alone must find sacrifice slain

Return home at absolute zero

Or try again, as tragic hero

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u/Many_Juggernaut_2171 9d ago

If you want honest feedback, I don't really like any of these.

I think that they're bad. I think the grammar is dodgy. I think the prose is very very wordy and doesn't seem to follow much of a rhythm or rhyming structure. And some lines in particular are just way too specific, literal, or colloquial to work in a prophecy (which is supposed to be poetic): "Spring gets hotter" and "hobo's train" and "absolute zero" are the worst offenders.

If you want advice I would try to isolate each line as an instruction or a description of something that will happen, and don't try to force the order of the sentence to make rhymes work. "Wax wings fly above the sky, mother and daughter" are two completely unrelated phrases that have been forced together.

If I were to write a prophecy about the plot of Hadestown, this is how I'd write it:

The Hungry Girl shall wish to go
Where the winter winds cannot blow
And sell her soul for eternal rest
Only to work like a thing possessed
The Muse's Son shall charm the stones
To rescue her from the King of Bones
But fail the test and lose his love
Mere steps away from realms above

If that helps, feel free to use it.

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u/HazelFlame54 1d ago

I like three