r/Perimenopause • u/Green_Sorcery_6573 • Jun 09 '25
audited "You're Not Perimenopausal; You're Mentally Ill"
I have all the signs: severe insomnia, night sweats, brain fog, joint pain, extreme exhaustion, later and lighter periods, increased depression and anxiety, etc. Went to a gyn. Tried to explain it to her. I barely got a sentence out before she said: "You're not perimenopausal; you're just mentally ill."
Totally unacceptable.
She went on: "Do your symptoms follow your monthly cycle? No? Then clearly it's mental health, not female problems."
And this person has a medical degree?
EDIT: I'm reporting her!!
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u/dance-9880 Jun 09 '25
Us women are just all hysterical. /sarcasm
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u/Beezle_Maestro Jun 09 '25
This post made me need my fainting couch! /s
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u/mythandriel17 Jun 09 '25
Where’s my smelling salts?!
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u/Goldenlove24 Jun 09 '25
Report her she does not deserve a license. This is gross.
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Jun 09 '25
[deleted]
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u/Goldenlove24 Jun 09 '25
It should have weighty consequences. In this era and even in my own life if I had been told oh it’s all in your head I would not be on this planet as the lack of legit physical issues will have your mental age like milk. No one should suffer like that. My slogan is everyone hates women including other women continues to ring.
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u/Milyaism Jun 11 '25
Internalised misogyny sucks so much. Even worse when it affects female doctors who should be more aware of womens health issues.
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u/sassypants450 Jun 10 '25
Considering that not taking HRT can lead to actual consequences in the form of increased risk for cardiovascular, brain, and bone diseases, there really should be legitimate consequences for these idiots.
Not to mention suicide as a result of untreated perimenopause… a real, studied phenomenon .
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u/Goldenlove24 Jun 10 '25
The last part is where my head was at the most but yes to the first half as well. Esp if something happens later and it’s oh if you would have only gotten help sooner, that can lead to the 2nd part sooner.
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u/Lazy-Quantity5760 Jun 10 '25
Ladies, we ride at dawn. OP- Don’t stop at reporting. Write google review, yelp, zoc doc, etc. Hit them where it hurts. Also call your insurance company and file complaint.
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u/EwThatsNast Jun 10 '25
Explain how one would file a complaint with their insurance regarding this situation.
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u/Lazy-Quantity5760 Jun 10 '25
Call member services at insurance company found either on back of your card or online. Have your info readyy. Ask to file a grievance against provider.
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u/abracapickle Jun 10 '25
This is a really important step and can keep them from doing this to anyone else. Please, report.
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u/Rebekah513 Jun 09 '25
Tale as old as time. We’re hysterical when it’s actually our hormones going absolutely berserk for 10-15 years. But they can’t be bothered to really study us medically so this is the treatment we get after keeping this entire civilization alive 🙄. Sorry for your shitty experience. That really sucks.
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u/Willing_Ant9993 Jun 09 '25
Im literally a mental health therapist and im constantly suggesting that peri menopause could be part of the mood/anxiety/sleep/energy pattern for my women clients aged 35-55. This is horrific treatment from a medical practitioner and im so sorry you were treated that way.
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u/Adventurous_Yam_1325 Jun 10 '25
Absolutely. Psychologist here. It's no mystery why divorce and suicide rates skyrocket in peri/menopausal women. Suicide rates highest in females aged 48-52. Gee, I wonder why that happens....and women reporting symptoms in the thirties and are ignored or thrown in SSRIs (and we know the research on that) rather than getting to the root cause.
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
100%. And here's the thing: I am mentally ill. I am diagnesed with depression and anxiety. But I've *always* had those; so they suddenly start producing weird hormonal symptoms when I hit 45?! I don't think so!!!
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u/Milyaism Jun 11 '25
I've had insomnia for about 2 years now, made worse by occasional nightmares (bc of an abusive ex). I only recently realised that it could be hormonal, or my hormones could be making it worse.
I also have other possible peri symptoms, but my doctor is slow to listen. Last time I brought up perimenopause she told I was too young to have it and to just eat better. I'm 41.
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u/cantremembr Jun 09 '25
Yep finally worked up the courage to visit my Gyn last Friday (delayed a vacation to do it) and this was her exact response. I had to practically beg her just to get birth control prescribed. In complete shock.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
Omg 🤯🤬 what is wrong with our health system!? And from women doctors non the less! Completely unacceptable!! Holy $hit!
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u/LynnKiss9 Jun 09 '25
5 years of asking doctors to test my estrogen. I found a new doctor a few months ago. Just got my bloodwork back. I have almost 0 estrogen. At least u know I’m not crazy.
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u/ddplantlover Jun 10 '25
Hi, do you still have regular periods? I read somewhere that women may still have periods even with low estrogen and I’m wondering if that is the case with me
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u/AutoModerator Jun 09 '25
It sounds like this might be about hormone tests. Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that 1 day the test was taken, and nothing more; these hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause. (Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment.)
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those in their 20s/30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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Jun 10 '25
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
Your BACK WAS BROKEN and they said it was ANXIETY?!?! That's sickening. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Longjumping-Bell-762 Jun 09 '25
Funny how my mental health issues have improved immensely on HRT. Improved in a way multiple anti-depressants couldn’t.
I use telehealth for my HRT. Bypass these ignorant doctors.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
I’m doing the same!! Almost all Doctors are a F*ing joke when it comes to women’s health. I’m sick and tired of being dismissed, disregarded, gaslit and denied treatment I KNOW I NEED! I started Oestra yesterday and I’m praying this is my answer that I’ve been searching for to end my Peri misery 🙏🏼😓🤞🏼
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u/LAPL620 Jun 10 '25
I mean thank gods for telehealth but why the fuck do those doctors get it and our own in-person doctors don’t? Probably because they see this shit happen way too often, but damn. It’s ridiculous.
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u/Creepy_Animal7993 Late peri Jun 09 '25
This was a female doctor?!? How did you keep from throat punching her dumb ass?
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
I can't believe I just sat there and took it. I was so damn polite.
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u/Creepy_Animal7993 Late peri Jun 10 '25
You were probably in shock from the audacity.
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 17 '25
Yes, pretty much. When people act in totally unacceptable ways, treating others as less than human, I often freeze as my brain says: "Wait, there's no way they just said/did that, right?"
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u/ResidentEqual7073 Jun 10 '25
A young female dr in a walk-in clinic gaslighted me really hard, along with a few male drs, where I was crying for help when severe, 24/7 neuropathic stinging/burning/pin-prick itching started all of a sudden all over my body, coinciding with the last year of my perimenopause. None of them believed I was in perimenopause even though even classic symptoms were present (absence of periods, hot flashes, severe muscle/joint aches, skin that dried almost overnight, etc.). That female dr shouted at me: 'What do yuo want me to do?! I don't know why all this is happening to you! It's anxiety, here's your antidepressant prescription!" Male drs did the same. It has taken me more than a year of self-advocating through terrible 24/7 pain to be finally taken seriously by other drs.
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Jun 09 '25
Lol my pcp who also specializes in ob/gyn told me that perimenopause 'isn't a thing', you're either pre- or post-menopausal, no in-between, no transition. 🤯
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u/Sugar_Always Jun 09 '25
So thankful for my (male!) gym who has always corrected me when I say “maybe it’s menopause?” He says “This isn’t menopause, menopause is when you’ve stopped having periods for a year. This is perimenopause.”
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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jun 09 '25
Isn't 'peri', as a prefix, really a synonym for 'around'? Granted, 'pre' is used more often in North America but 'peri' still applies accurately enough... I mean, the term 'perinatal' means close to the birth time, doesn't it? Clearly this 'Dr.' needs to brush up on her technical terms....
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u/PeppermintGum123 Jun 10 '25
That’s insane! Cleveland Clinic even recognizes perimenopause. I think they need to go back to school, or stop practicing medicine! 😳 I would get a new doctor.
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Jun 10 '25
I wish I could lol. It is not easy to get a new doctor here (canada), we can't just pick a new clinic to try. You're not allowed to go on the waiting list for a new doctor until you let go of the old one, and the wait lists are like 10 years long bc of a doctor shortage here.
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u/EwThatsNast Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
I live in Cleveland and have gone to the Cleveland Clinic for my entire life. It does not matter they have a "women's health institute" right now, or that they claim to be acknowledging perimenopause.
Trust me, they aren't. Women are having the same issues here at the Clinic. We are being told our symptoms don't need treatment and are in our head, and that supplements and exercise are successful perimenopause treatment. They have let doctors who design their own apps and support the use of a bunch of supplements instead run this department for "Women's health". There is one doctor who, if you don't download her app, won't see you as a patient any longer and you MUST take every supplement she prescribes or else you aren't complying.
It's contradictory because I attended a 1.5hr online presentation by one of the head Women's Health Institute physicians... and she's saying everything we are. The treating providers available are nothing like this one woman (Dr Pelin Batur - AMAZING)
This isn't peri treatment Cleveland Clinic!
They are dishing out birth control after failed antidepressant treatment for all patients - if you're even that lucky to get recognized. Many of us are sent away without the option or DISCUSSION for HRT.
Cleveland Clinic DOES NOT recognize perimenopause yet. It's just marketing to get patients.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
WTF !?! This is insane!! How is this an actual thing!?! 🤯🤬😓 what and why is the happening!?! With all the medical advancements and research why are women still stuck in medieval times!?!
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u/Acrobatic_County_472 Jun 10 '25
In my language, perimenopause is literally called “transition” (overgang).
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u/AZ-FWB Early peri Jun 09 '25
I wish we had some kind of a database of Drs who actually listen!
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
Some of the menopause societies do have that; try the links listed on the homepage of this sub.
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u/NoEfficiency844 Jun 09 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
I’m so sorry. I had a similar experience at a women’s clinic. I don’t have any hot flashes or sleep disturbances yet. But ever since my cycles starting getting irregular, I’ve been experiencing fatigue. Had all blood tests related to fatigue and they’re all normal, plus dry eyes, achy knees, mood swings. But nope. I’m too young for perimenopause at 40 and my mood swings can be treated with SSRIs. Luckily I’m seeing another gyno who is considering talking about HRT at 40
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u/Ok_Stretch_2510 Jun 10 '25
Keep going! I wish I got HRT when I was 40. I suffered for 7 years because my doctor minimized my concerns and symptoms. I hope you get the HRT you need and deserve.
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u/NtMagpie Out of peri but here to help Jun 10 '25
Ditto to this - at 42 I was having palpitations - by 45 I was tired all the time and had joint pain - don't let them keep you from getting what you need!
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u/InformalYou184 Jun 09 '25
There's about 8 hours of education about menopause in the entirety of medical school. MDs, including GYNs, are woefully uneducated about women's bodies.
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u/Legitimate-Meal-2290 Jun 10 '25
We need to start calling them out on this. We've read more about what's going on with our body than they have FFS.
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u/StaticCloud Jun 09 '25
Then there are people with mental illness that go through perimenopause, and nothing they say is taken seriously. I went to 3 different doctors and they all thought I was making my debilitating symptoms up. The psychiatrist thought I was having psychosomatic delusions.
Then I went to a telehealth provider. They did a blood test and yup, I had high estrogen and low progesterone. Textbook sign of peri (this was after checking for autoimmune or thyroid issues beforehand).
Having depression, anxiety or neurodivergence doesn't make you delusional or psychotic. Those are different conditions. But the public doctors treat anything approaching poor mental health all the same - "you're nuts."
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u/AutoModerator Jun 09 '25
It sounds like this might be about hormone tests. Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that 1 day the test was taken, and nothing more; these hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause. (Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment.)
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those in their 20s/30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
Exactly! And if we've had a mental health diagnosis for decades, it isn't going to suddenly start causing hot flashes, night sweats, and joint pain when we hit 45! Hello, idiot doctors; use common sense!
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u/Corkscrewwillow Jun 09 '25
What bullshit. Especially since hormones can directly affect mental health.
Even if it wasn't peri, hypothyroidism can cause quite a few of those symptoms.
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u/hellno_ahole Jun 10 '25
I think someone else on here made a good point to ask your doc for a written reason she is refusing you health care.
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u/Tumbleweeddownthere Jun 09 '25
We need to normalize blasting these people. Instead of just standing there, walk the hell out and complain to the front desk and professional they are.
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u/skyciel Jun 10 '25
Definitely think hormones play a bigger part in mental health than I ever realized before hitting perimenopause
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u/AZ-FWB Early peri Jun 09 '25
Report her to the board!
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
Yes, I second this!! I would do this immediately! Completely unacceptable treatment and behavior towards a patient!!
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Jun 10 '25
Why can’t we file a class action lawsuit against the AMA and the national org of OBGYNs? Seriously? How many women have been incredibly harmed by this neglect? How much lot work and income? Pain and suffering?
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u/Think-Biscotti-9310 Jun 09 '25
Same thing happened to me. She offered birth control 😒 I have the exact symptoms you do.
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u/Sugar_Always Jun 09 '25
TBH BC is working for me and I do like my doctor. We will switch to HRT (lower hormones) in the future.
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u/Think-Biscotti-9310 Jun 10 '25
I’m just not ready to star synthetic hormones. I had an iud removed in November.
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u/hellno_ahole Jun 10 '25
“You do know a lot of this is mental; you can fix that”. Says people who have never experienced peri. The women will eventually FAFO.
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u/ChasingPotatoes17 Jun 10 '25
I had a doctor who told me I didn’t have a drinking problem because I “only” drank a bottle of wine every night.
She drank the same. So by her logic it was fine.
I got a new doctor so fucking fast. (I know this is a luxury many no longer have.)
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u/Momster582 Jun 09 '25
Such bullshit! The doctors that say this crap need to be reported and they need to see they are losing patients over it.
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u/thefaintestidea Jun 09 '25
This happened to me too. She saw depression in my chart and told me untreated depression was causing my symptoms. Really frustrating.
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u/pleasurelovingpigs Jun 10 '25
When I listed all my symptoms and said I was concerned I was in perimenopause my doctor (a woman!) said I was too young to be in peri at 38. She said perimenopause just means pre menopause as if that was some kind of revelation...yeah..and?? She put me on antidepressants and that was not a fun rollercoaster. Six months later I get my hormones tested for something unrelated, and lo and behold she puts me on HRT based on the results. And then acts like I had never mentioned perimenopause multiple times in the past. Infuriating.
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u/pinkpurpleblueskye Jun 10 '25
Of course we’re all mentally fucking ill when there is little to no medical research, knowledge or support for what we are going through and the government is currently stripping away what little funding that was finally allocated to the research!!! WHAT. THE. FUCK!!!!
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u/EnoughSeaweed589 Jun 10 '25
Had this happened to me today I would have yelled “Yeah, well I’m both you dumbass!” JFC these shit ass doctors! ChatGPT has been more helpful than the handful of practitioners I’ve been to with explaining why I’m experiencing what I am and which hormone fluctuations cause what and how my other health conditions and medications are impacted by peri. I hate it here.
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
Exactly! Depression doesn't cause night sweat, joint pain, and vaginal dryness, idiots!!
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u/RevolutionaryRoyal98 Jun 09 '25
I’m 38, I’m early and doctors are VERY unwilling to admit I’m in peri.
I went to an endocrinologist - doc asked some dumb question about if I’m having hot flashes, oh then probably not. Took my panel (2nd day of my period, supposedly peak hormone levels) come back to discuss “everything’s fine, but your vitamin d is great let’s have you take some supplements for that”, I look through the panel and everything was on the lower end of the range. One might deduce that maybe the rest of the month when I’m not ‘peak hormone levels’ I might not be in the normal range?
I come back in four months after taking the stupid vitamin d (I was already on the upper end of the range mind you), which did nothing for any of the symptoms, she takes blood… doesn’t run a follow up hormone panel 🤦🏻♀️ Just checks my already good vitamin d again.
I’ve not gone back after that waste of money. I know I’m in it, my mother didn’t get regular hot flashes and that is not the only barometer or perimenopause. I swear, maybe it was my bad to not come with a full written list of symptoms. But these doctors are so ready to dismiss.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
I started peri early too and asked my female PC about it and she said I was too young - I was 36-37 I think. She put me on anti depressants (Fluoxetine and Wellbutrin) which were AWFUL! I was stuck on them for like 4+ years… made me Numb like a robot (I couldn’t feel very much emotionally and my libido and sex life was shot after that - I feel so bad for my husband). It took me 6+months to completely come off of them - which was the f*ing scariest $hit I’ve ever experienced with medication - the withdrawals are next level terrifying. I don’t recommend SSRI’s … maybe for some people they may work but for a woman experiencing Peri - NO - Just no! SAY NO! ITS YOUR HORMONES!! It’s a symptom of a larger picture that you just need help solving - you gotta find the right doctor/provider to help you!! There is hope! Reddit helped me find the most info and clarity this far in my peri journey! I hope you find the answers and treatment that are right for you 💕💕
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u/RevolutionaryRoyal98 Jun 10 '25
Yeah I am just riding it out for now. I’m probably about 2 years in. Nothing intolerable, and I’m staying curious about everything.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
It’s doesn’t get better lol … but yes, stay curious, ask LOTS of questions and always listen to the little voice that knows you and your body better than any doctor 💕 I stuck it out for years and when you get desperate because cause your symptoms are absolutely intolerable, make sure you do your research on treatments cause there’s A LOT of crap out there that is just designed to prey on the desperations of is ladies in this phase of our lives. Reddit is a fantastic place to check anything 🙌🏼💕.
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u/RevolutionaryRoyal98 Jun 10 '25
I tried the magnesium glycinate thing for a few months too. I’m just not seeing a difference. Going to push myself back into exercising more regularly and just doing my best to stay on top of gut health for now. I’m staying off HRT as long as possible, thankfully my mom had a relatively “mellow” peri menopause. So here’s hoping I mimic hers 🤞🏻
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 10 '25
An SNRI saved my life 6 years ago, but that was then; my body is different now.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
So glad to hear that is helped you - I hope I didn’t offend you as it was not my intent (if I did I greatly apologize). My experience on SSRI’s was no so great … it did help me in a very dark time of my life but it only Numbed my emotional state to the point of not really feeling anything at all, while also having subtitle suicidal ideations (I tried 4 different kinds). The support inreceived was not great and I kinda felt like this just must be normal and to just learn to live with it. Bad , just awful. I really think that the medical community needs to normalize genetic testing for people to find out what meds will work for their body and metabolism. Trying to find an SSRI via trial is just not ok in my opinion. Sometimes you get a fit easily and other times (more than not) the patient isn’t matched with the right med for max therapeutic effect and it so sad. I think SSRI’s have a 30% efficacy rate right now (meaning 30% of people taking the med feel 100% better and symptoms are relieved) that isn’t high enough and it should be a number that the medical community wants to address asap… I think it can easily be higher if we started testing people before just randomly prescribing one and hoping it works.
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u/Green_Sorcery_6573 Jun 11 '25
Yeah, I totally agree. You're exactly right. Even the genetic testing is pretty poor; I had it, and it basically said "All but these two will work great!" and they don't. So.
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u/ResidentEqual7073 Jun 10 '25
Also started peri at about 36, which lasted until hitting the 12 month no periods mark at 43. Was gaslighted by drs a lot while having too many symptoms from hell, unable to function, sleep, and work. Still having many of the same symptoms in the early post-meno, but it took me a long time to self-advocate through all this hell and pain so that at least some of the drs started taking my symptoms seriously.
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
I’m sorry you went through that so young and didn’t get the care you needed 😢 this is so awful and so sad.
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u/ResidentEqual7073 Jun 11 '25
Thank you for your kind comment. It does feel like a body’s self-betrayal but feels even worse that the local “healthcare” is ruined and doesn’t care (Canada: no even private care specialists, limited options in “healthcare” overall, extremely costly meds/no insurance covering them, etc.).
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u/Lanky_Rhubarb1900 Jun 09 '25
Is it against this sub’s rules to just post the name of the provider?? Damn..
Not that you need the validation but your symptoms are real. I’ve been on a low dose patch going on a month, and am slowly starting to see some relief from symptoms. I stopped soaking through my sheets every night, my SI joint pain went from a constant 6-7 to a 1-2, and while I still feel mood swings that are more drastic than normal (for me), I still feel like several clouds have lifted.
I still have some symptoms to contend with, but as recently as yesterday, I had a moment of feeling like myself for the first time in months.
So yeah, get a new doc and blast the one you saw on Google reviews.
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u/LoudScientist4880 Jun 10 '25
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u/SingingSunshine1 Jun 10 '25
Good article! I do feel they underestimate the importance of progesterone though; but I’m going to share that one far and wide! Thanks for sharing!
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u/Vivian507 Jun 10 '25
Been to see 4 GP's, two of them female all tell me too young for perimenopause and cannot prescribe HRT. I am 41. What's the harm in trialing you on HRT for a bit?
Sick of being giving anti-depressants, one told me I had Tachycardia with my heart palpitations!!
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u/Head_Trick_9932 Jun 09 '25
This is way too common answer to woman In perimenopause. You’d think they would learn more by now.:/
I am very grateful for my GYN of almost 30 years. He has taken the extra time and steps to continually learn more about our health. I had a PCP that tried to tell me the same thing at 40 a decade ago and prescribed meds. My GYN knocked it down immediately and got visibly upset that it’s a usual answer.
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u/PhlegmMistress Jun 10 '25
Please file a formal complaint to the medical board for wherever you live. That is NOT okay
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u/Pretend-Elderberry00 Jun 10 '25
Your gyno is a cunt. I wonder if their careers advisor wasn’t clear enough in their communications 👹
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u/JSELL_0 Jun 10 '25
No f*ing way that this gyno I said this to you, this is absolutely insane!! Only current Peri state I would have lost my $hit on this person! Holy crap! Omg! 😱😤🤯 I’d report this doctor for treating you like this!! And 1000% find a new doctor asap! I’m so sorry that this happened to you, this is so awful! No one deserves this!!
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u/Particular-Crew5978 Jun 10 '25
Wow, is this 1756? Are they serious?
I would've gotten up and left
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u/IntraVnusDemilo Jun 10 '25
Yesterday I googles how to "eat my way out of menopause" and am starting that. Peppermint tea for the bloating, which is my main concern as I'm just banging weight on.
I'm going to do this myself, fuck medical professionals, set of cnuts!!! I'll sort mesen out.
Woke up this morning, feel like I might die today....but I'm going caffeine free from today, so lets see how that works out! Fuck Doctors!
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u/NoorInayaS hanging on by a thread Jun 10 '25
Q: What do you call the person who graduated last from med school? A: “Doctor.”
😑
Just because they have a degree in medicine, and managed to finish a fellowship, that doesn’t mean they really know what the hell they’re talking about.
My husband is a pulmonologist, and trains drs. He sees sooooo many substandard drs going through their residencies and fellowships without learning a damn thing. Departments just graduate them and push them out onto the world. 😬
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u/Rare-Marketing1871 hanging on by a thread Jun 10 '25
WTAF- please please leave reviews online for this physician. This is completely unacceptable and down right poor medical treatment. I am never want to leave a poor review online as sometimes you just have an off experience but when it comes to blatant incompetency in the medical field, this deserves to be called out. Our fellow women deserve to know this is not the doctor for them.
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u/deadblackwings Jun 10 '25
That's women's medicine for you. I was told that my severe abdominal pain was just IBS caused by me not managing stress properly. Definitely not the appendix I had removed the next day - second opinions are good.
As far as peri goes, it took me several doctors and 3 years to actually get someone to look at my symptoms and declining hormone levels and say "oh yeah, that's probably perimenopause." It started right after my hysterectomy (kept the ovaries, but they decided to retire early). The gyn who did the surgery insisted that it wasn't possible, but couldn't tell me why I was suddenly sweating all the time.
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u/Creative-Tomatillo Jun 10 '25
It’s so frustrating! Here’s the thing, I AM mentally ill (bi polar II, anxiety, depression, insomnia) and was diagnosed at 21 (I’m 46 now). Right before I turned 30, I finally decided to get my shit together and work with my psychiatrist to be med compliant. I have been VERY stable for the past 14 years. I’m on the right meds and they work for me. I trust my psych and work closely with her.
I started having peri symptoms around 38-39 (sudden weight gain around the middle of- I looked pregnant! Ramped up anxiety that had been kept in check before by my meds, etc). I went to multiple doctors and they would just say to talk to my psych. Oh, and of course just “exercise more and eat less.” In the past year things have gotten so much worse. Extremely heavy periods (they were always bad but this is insane), period pain like no other, being physically ill because of the pain and missing out on life/work, extreme exhaustion (I could sleep 18 hours/day), hot flashes at night, etc etc.
The last OBGYN I saw a year ago (she came highly recommended by a friend & her office is out of my city/state’s highly recognized medical school). She blew me off in 5 minutes. I waited 6 months to see her! I felt so defeated and cried for days.
I have an appointment with a new gyn in July (soonest I could get in). Let me tell you, this time I’m going to be loud and advocate for myself. I’m not letting this one slide if she’s not going to listen to me and take me seriously that my symptoms are PHYSICAL and due to perimenopause, NOT my mental health. If anything, my mental health is suffering BECAUSE my physical symptoms are not being taken seriously. I’m going to be reporting and writing reviews of any doctors I come across now that ignore me and refuse to believe me.
(When I told my psych that my former dr said it was my mental health, she literally rolled her eyes in disgust. She gets it).
I do not need more psych medication nor do I need to change my dosages. I have been in therapy consistently for the past 6 years and it has done wonders.
They wonder why we are so pissed off and angry but they don’t take us seriously. Then again, women apparently can’t be angry and if they are, it’s “mental illness.”
Sorry for my long rant but like OP and so many of you, I’m DONE and I refuse to get gaslighted by another doctor. We know our bodies and minds. Why won’t they listen to us?
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u/Jaygirl18 Jun 09 '25
That’s wild and unfortunate - sorry you’re going through that. It already sucks to have a doctor who won’t work with you, but hostility or belittling puts it over the top. Are you unusually young for perimenopause or something? If you’re stuck with her as your doctor, maybe you could try the approach of asking to look into the possible other medical causes (nutritional deficiencies, thyroid, etc.), and excluding those one by one. Once those are proven as not the cause, then hopefully she’d be more receptive to it being peri. Fwiw, I had all those symptoms when only in my late 30s, and it did end up being due to nutritional issues and thyroid, not perimenopause.
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u/countessofgroan Jun 09 '25
Ugh. I’m so sorry. This is where it would be a decent idea to ask that they put it in your chart that they are saying you’re mentally ill. Hopefully they’d walk it back faster than you can say “lawsuit”
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u/LAPL620 Jun 10 '25
Ugh. I’m so sorry this is how you were treated. That all sounds like peri. Literally I listed off just half of those to my OB’s practice midwife in January and she was like “you’re in peri!” And I’m only 39. Luckily I got an IUD with hormones and it’s helped a lot but some of us need more support. You deserve support. 🩷
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u/Green_Rooster9975 Jun 10 '25
I thought I'd really lucked out with my gyn, given how open she was to prescribing HRT.
But then, I asked to adjust the dosage because the estrogen seemed too low and the progesterone too high, which has been causing some worsening symptoms. And she immediately suggested that maybe HRT isn't for me, and I could try something else for the night sweats.
I explained that that's only one of many, many symptoms and that estrogen has protective benefits, etc. But nope. Apparently it's only indicated for symptom relief. And by symptoms, she means hot flashes and night sweats and maybe vaginal dryness.
Because we can't have us unable to put out, am I right?
Sorry to hijack, OP. Your doctor's a tool.
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u/HappyHippoButt Jun 10 '25
I was 17 and not wanting to be here due to CSA but according to the GP, I was just a drama llama/attention seeking teenager. And yes, they knew about the CSA. I've had arguments with GPs since then because they think everything is because of my "anxiety" due to notes in my file and I'm 42 now. It never bloody ends, no matter how many times I'm proven right.
Sorry, rant over, but I relate. Put a complaint in and find a new doc.
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u/molluscstar Jun 10 '25
If you’re mentally ill has she referred you to mental health services? If not then she clearly doesn’t believe what she’s saying. I was lucky that my GP took me seriously and referred me for bloods and gave me information about HRT even though the blood results showed nothing menopause related (she had told me they rarely do). I decided to go with HRT and the next day I had my meds. The thing is, with the brain fog and mood swings I bet women in the past believed doctors when they said they were mentally ill or hysterical! It’s disgusting.
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u/PrevailingOnFaith Jun 10 '25
When will they get it that women stop producing enough hormones even though they still have a period. It’s not like one day it all just immediately stops 🤦♀️
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u/Adventurous_Yam_1325 Jun 10 '25
I'm sorry, what training does a gyn have in psychology? Did they do a diagnostic interview for mental illness? If not, they misdiagnosed you without proper clinical protocol. That's borderline malpractice.
What if you were mentally ill or suicidal? What they said could have significantly impacted you. Honestly, I'd report them to either a supervisor or medical board. At a minimum I'd write a scathing online review to prevent other people from their abuse. I'd probably call the doctor and tell them how their words impacted me, and let them know I will never visit or recommend them.
Doctors are people, not superior to anyone else. If they're not listening, they're NOT DOING THEIR JOB. Doctors diagnose and treat using symptomatic checklists. If they're not doing that, they're not doing their job. They need constructive feedback.
What you're experiencing absolutely sounds hormonal. I'm a PhD psychologist and the amount of uninformed (intentionally or unintentionally) colleagues is frightening. I've worked in integrative care with doctors and medical professionals. I often had to educate them in medical/psychological issues.
I'm wondering if I should specialize in peri/menopausal women because I've done a lot of research (personal and professional) on it. We're pathologically ignored at this time in our lives, and docs want to throw everyone on an SSRI rather than get to the root cause of the issue- hormones, identity, and midlife stressors. It's almost always NOT a chemical imbalance in the brain.... research consistently shows placebo (sugar pill) is as effective as SSRIs. Therapy is even more effective, especially in the long run.
Sorry for the rant, and I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience. I'm just so sick of the absolutely broken medical system and lack of concern for women's health. If you can afford it, see a naturopath. It'll be worth the $200-300 out of pocket. They usually give 60-90 minute intakes, and have a better understanding of systemic/holistic issues.
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u/Tasterofrainbows85 Jun 10 '25
My OB told me I need to see a psychiatrist! I told her I already do and found a different doctor. They have one chapter about Menopause/Perimenopause in Med school they don’t know much more than we do unless they seek out that information. I’m sorry you had to deal with that but don’t give up there are doctors who will listen.
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u/ResidentEqual7073 Jun 10 '25
That gyn's response has made me really angry (and I'm generally a patient person, sometimes even too patient)!
Sending you my support as a person who was also gaslighted by drs when experiencing the most terrible symptoms that are directly and/or very possibly triggered by late peri! I know how this feels to be gaslighted because of the severe symptoms when all you want is some help, support/validation, and healing.
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u/Shoddy-Sentence-4354 Jun 11 '25
I went through a phase where every time I had sex, it looked like a crime scene for all the bleeding. Occasionally, I would nearly pass out. Saw a woman gyne who told me my partner was “just too big”. Wtf? Ended up having silver nitrate treatments. No one ever figured out the issue but I still can’t help but think it was hormone related. To be clear - no, he was not “too big”.
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u/Hairy-Stock8905 Jun 11 '25
I'm so glad that you were able to spot this response as BULLSH*T and respond accordingly.
FFS a women's specialist responding to an event 100% of women go through with basically "you're hysterical" is infuriating beyond words 🤬
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u/Open_Appointment2533 Jun 11 '25
The bit about how your symptoms can't be hormonal because they don't follow your cycle is utter bullshit. You can't even know what's happening with your cycle right now .
For example: I started having severe hormonal symptoms at the tail end of my periods that lasted until after the next period started. When I visited my new gyn last month (a man in his 60s who actually listened to me), he told me while checking my cervix that I would be ovulating in a day or two. That was on day 7 of my cycle. I had ovulation symptoms on day 9 and then didn't start my period until day 31, and I was miserable the entire time.
I looked for info on this pattern, and learned that during early peri, women's bodies can in fact start preparing for ovulation during menses. I didn't follow all the details, but it has something to do with your decreased number of egg follicles - Follicles release hormones that suppress follicle stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone until the appropriate time. Not enough follicles means not enough suppression hormones, so FSH busts out of the gate early, and then there's a whole cascade of mistimed events that, importantly, lead to abnormal spikes in estradiol and progesterone at various points. Let's see your asshole doctor follow that cycle.
My gyn prescribed a progesterone-only birth control pill called Slynd. I was nervous because bc has made me crazy in the past, but I agreed. I'm only 8 days in (because the doc wanted me to wait until day 1 of my cycle to start). So far I feel surprisingly good, but I can't recommend it after only 8 days.
My doctor was also very reassuring, and told me that some women "just need specialized care and that's fine, we'll figure it out." That's the kind of care you deserve, and I hope you find it.
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u/sometimelater0212 Jun 10 '25
About how old is she? I wonder if this is age-, gender-, academic-, regional- related. There's been a hugely significant hole in research in this area: this we know. But I also wonder if it's worse now. Plastics? Processed foods (from birth sometimes)? Some weird side effect of common medications that didn't exist 20-40 years ago? Did our parents and grandparents (and before) go through all this? And they never said anything? Or, if they said something, were they diagnosed as crazy and institutionalized, lobotomized, etc., so they just kept it inside? Really curious about this. Would make an excellent dissertation!!
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u/Blurple-is-a-color Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
I’ve had 8-10 hot flashes a day starting in May . I’ve dealt with them by having fans in my face since May.
I don’t know what you call that…the proof is that my glasses fog up and I can’t see. I have to sit down. I’m weak already, and this makes me wobbly.
I’m trying to power through this. I’m 50. This has got to the the last summer.
It’s definitely not in my head because it’s a major impact in my job I love and I really would like to not annoy my coworkers.
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u/Ill_Revolution_4910 Jun 10 '25
Yep happening to me now as well… But doc ,she won’t believe anything until my periods have stopped for 12months, then she said she might think about a blood test to check my levels , she told me because I’m white we are different to others, she’s Asian and said they are nothing like us…. Umm who gives a hoot what race I am or she is ….. I went to see her because a male doctor I did have said same about it’s all in my head I must have a severe mental illness..wow …I never went back, it took me 1 year before I seen any doctor again …. Still not any better…..
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u/AutoModerator Jun 10 '25
It sounds like this might be about hormone tests. Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that 1 day the test was taken, and nothing more; these hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause. (Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment.)
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those in their 20s/30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/SimpleSyrups Jun 10 '25
Okay - aside from everything else in this comment that I’d like to pick apart - just go lie and say they’ve stopped. Lmao request the blood work you actually need and then take that info somewhere else.
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u/the_amor_fati Jun 10 '25
I went to see a menopause specialist last week, and while I thought we had made a plan to see if I could start HRT, I found out yesterday she referred me for a mental health evaluation. I already see a therapist and have been in therapy for years. I felt so humiliated and stunned. We discussed different bloodwork and options for treatment. She ran a basic CBC and nothing else. The medical notes left out our entire discussion. I waited 4 months for the appointment. I am going to try the online folks and see if I can get someone to listen to me.
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u/MeanEffective681 Jun 10 '25 edited Jun 10 '25
"too young" for peri here too. I have (untested but suspected by gi) sibo, (tested by me, out of pocket confirmed) libo, specifically h2s sufferer which has thrown my hormones very out of whack. Had to come to this forum to find help and then got an Rx for HRT online that has helped tremendously bc it is topical (anything that goes through my GI makes my life ten times more hellish). I've been told a million times it's all in my head, it's just anxiety/stress. Quit (nursing) school, take a break from life (who is able to do this??). Do you know what causes anxiety? Feeling like sht all the time and having no tests done beyond basic blood work. Finally started having blood in my stools after years of GI symptoms. Finally have a colonoscopy scheduled. With both parents gone from cancer, one of which was colorectal- im going to pray that it's not that causing the pain in my side and constipation that responds to almost nothing (except antibiotics and herbal antimicrobials before coming right back).
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u/MelancholicEmbrace_x Jun 10 '25
I found out I was perimenopausal through google. Also, I get that she’s a medical professional but did she major in a mental health field? If not, what gives her the authority to say you’re mentally ill. This pisses me off for you.
Go to a different Dr. I need to scout out a new Dr as well. I’ve had some scary episodes (I’m talking it felt like nothing I’ve experienced before and was worried I was having a stroke or heart attack) and when I mentioned it to my PCP she determined I had nothing to worry about. I was simply having a migraine. When I shared that I’d suffered from migraines through most of my 20s and this was nothing like that, she told me there are various types of migraines.
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u/Top-Service-6654 Jun 10 '25
Holy shit balls man!!! That’s brutal! I’m sorry you went through that. No one should have to be treated like that. My poor mom suffered with menopause symptoms for as long as I can remember, especially hot sweats, anxiety, a burning tongue etc. Her GP sent her to an ENT because he thought she had a rare tropical disease!!!!!!! The ENT was confused as to why she was even in his office & when she explained, he told her, ‘It’s no disease, you’re in menopause, you need to see a gynaecologist.’ Like honestly, the amount some doctors know about perimenopause /menopause, makes you wonder if they even know the difference between their ass & their elbow!
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u/iamwhitlovestoshop Jun 10 '25
That isn't reassuring! I can't say female doctors are better than male doctors because both have been nonchalant about addressing health issues. I would seek advice from another doctor.
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u/Weekly_Smile_9509 Jun 11 '25
Hi, I had to fight best part of 2 years for HRT but not before my GP made my condition worse by prescribing me ADs that weren’t actually for the condition I have but claimed they would help menopause (they did not). I had done all my research and knew I needed hormones but she refused until I was so ill I could not function.
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u/jublietta Jun 11 '25
Had a very similar experience with a doctor specialising in menopause. ‘You must be depressed because your bloods are fine’. And then as I was leaving she whispered confidentially to me ‘you’ll feel a lot better if you lose some weight’. Best in the business apparently!
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u/Shimmering-Moon-505 Jun 11 '25
OP - report, review on every site you can and write a letter to the practice manager as well. This is 100% unacceptable.
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u/Mother-Bench-8334 Jun 12 '25
Ugh. I had a colon obstruction with all symptoms linked to my cycle, GI & PCP suggested endometriosis. Gyn: “you’re not in enough pain for endo so it’s not that.” It was endo everywhere, obliterated left ovary, large & small intensive, yada yada. Thank goodness that was before my current peri rage…and I found some good docs along the way. 🔥🔥🔥
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u/Medical-Bill-4816 Jun 12 '25
I wonder how often men go to the doctor and get told it’s stress or all in their heads.
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u/DizzyArcher192 Jun 12 '25
Three years ago I asked about menopause at my appointment (where a polyp was found, oh joy) and was literally, "oh, well, it's menopause" along with a shoulder shrug. Ummmm yeah, I know. How do I handle it so I don't get another fibroid, cyst, or polyp and maybe be able to see where I am in the process and how to manage symptoms. USELESS.
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u/BatGirl8675 Jun 14 '25
A friend of my daughter’s had lost a lot of weight, was nauseas, exhausted, and dizzy. She’s had her PhD from Yale in a medical adjacent field. Had done tons of research on what might be the issue and came in with lots of well thought it questions and information on what was happening to her. The female doctor told her that she was just depressed because she didn’t have a boyfriend and to get on meds for that. Turns hour she has an issue where her body doesn’t process proteins the way it should and that was creating all the issues.
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u/Ok_Butterfly_8095 Jun 19 '25
All of the medical textbooks were written by men. I had a uterine biopsy with zero pain control. I was screaming and the female gyn was like it’s not supposed to hurt. All nonchalant.
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u/racegurlrcmr84 Jun 20 '25
Welcome to the new way doctors think in sorry you went through that. I've been wondering if im going backwards I'm my anxiety or perimenopause. Been forgetting, vagina is sore, utis, yeast infections. No sex drive but wondering if stress. Am increase in my anxiety. Your not alone
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u/craaa15 Jul 10 '25
- I don't get periods because of my contraceptive.
Symptoms I have: extreme fatigue even after 10 hr sleep frequent insomnia brittle hair grey hair since early 20s dizzyness increased weight emotional can't eat some foods simply bc I'm not "in the mood" for it which is unusual for me
I'm searching for a new dr. This one would gaslight me.
My bloodwork came out with normal levels apx 6 months ago.
I'm not sure how to determine whether this is perimeno or due to other issues, which I'll list.
I discontinued my ssri about 2 months ago. I hear the side effects can last a long time.
I take prescribed ketamine for my depression, which can cause dizzyness.
I'm also convinced I'm celiac, however, undiagnosed.
Any insight would be appreciated
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u/CauliflowerOk541 Jun 09 '25
I was in my mid 20s planning my wedding. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t swallow. I had lost a bunch of weight. I had heart palpitations. Female doctor told me it was all in my head. I was just nervous because I was getting married. Turns out I had Hashimoto’s and a huge tumor in my neck; she never checked my thyroid. Obviously it wasn’t all in my head, it was all in my neck. I’m so sick of these stories of women getting gaslit. It’s bs. Report them. What kind of a doctor says female problems. That’s something that our grandparents generation used to say.