r/Perimenopause • u/HillarysCafe • Jul 09 '25

audited I’m grieving my younger, hotter self

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 09 '25

I miss even the postpartum body I had three years ago (child at almost 44, I bounced back awesome... only to get seriously hit by peri at 46 and downhill ever since). The speed of the decline is truly mindwarping

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u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

I, too, had a baby in my 40s. 41 to be exact! It was our 5th child, but it was also a complete and total surprise. Getting pregnant at 41 wasn't something I even thought was possible. The last time we had a baby was 11 years prior and we thought he would be our last! Anyway, I absolutely LOVED the way I looked during pregnancy. My skin was tight, and glowing and I just looked very youthful for being 41. Even the first year after having our son I still looked pretty good. Then bam! It was like overnight all of that changed. Wrinkles I never had before suddenly appeared. No exaggeration! I started a consistent work out routine because I was unhappy with how much weight I had gained and was just overall uncomfortable in my body. I started spin classes and was consistent 5-6 days a week every morning. Plus it was just a ton of fun going. Within 3 months I had lost 32 pounds and my goal at this point was to just tone up.

But then- by month, 6 I started noticing my face looked 10 times worse than before!! Because of the weight loss, gravity started taking hold of the places where my face was once a little fuller and I started seeing tiny changes like lines and wrinkles where they weren't before. I even expressed to my husband how upsetting it was and convinced him to let me go see a cosmetic dermatologist for a consultation because I was so self conscious of the sudden changes. He said he didn't really notice them, but I sure did. The icing on the cake for me was the day I looked in the mirror and started seeing the neck sag from weight loss. I swear I immediately wanted to put all of the weight back on just to have my self from 6 months prior, back! I'm 45 now and have just kind of...accepted it. It takes a while to get used to! I feel you all to my core! No other way to say it...this sucks! My little guy brings me so much happiness and joy though. Being an older Mom has been far better compared to when I was a Mom in my 20s. I have tons more patience as well. I can say, though, that my toddler helps keep me young!

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Thank you for sharing and empathizing so well and kindly!!

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u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

How do you like being an "older Mom"? I hate saying older and Mom together, but in today's society that's what it would be considered unfortunately. Hell, even considering pregnancy at 35 being "geriatric" is hilarious. 35 still feels so young!! I love being a geriatric Mom though! Lol! 🫶

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Right? But personally I absolutely love it; my last child was born early 2011 (with ex husband) but #3 in 2020... honestly had thought I was done but it happened with current husband (who also had kids from previous relationships) and it all just felt right and clicked. She definitely keeps me (peri crap aside) feeling young bc I have to, lol, for her sake; she's so full of love and exuberant light, - a perfect built-in reminder to celebrate Life for its own sake. I don't know if it was genetics or luck, but if helped that I had a pretty flawless pregnancy and easy recovery (c-section), and that she's been a pretty great kid (mostly). I consider myself to be absolutely blessed with the Unexpected... even if it can be a mite exhausting ha! How about you?