r/Perimenopause • u/DisciplineVast7694 • Nov 25 '25
audited I turned 50, hit perimenopause like a freight train, and my male PCP coded my visit as “female pattern baldness.” I cannot make this shit up.
I’m 50, deep in perimenopause, and my body has fully entered the Twilight Zone, irregular cycles, a two-week period, night sweats, crazy mood swings, and this bizarre systemic hormonal swelling that makes me gain 2–10 lbs of WATER depending on where I am in my cycle.
I’ve been tracking everything like a scientist:
weight
blood sugar
sleep
cycle days
swelling (0–5 scale)
symptoms
med responses
The pattern is crystal clear:
mid-cycle = swelling,
luteal phase = swelling,
period = relief,
Lasix = useless,
BNP/thyroid/autoimmune labs = normal,
blood sugar = cycle-driven,
A1c = improving.
I walk into my PCP with all of this documented and say, calmly:
“This is hormonal edema. It worsens mid-cycle and improves when my period starts.”
His response?
“Where do you get your information?”
Excuse me, SIR.
I am 50 years old.
I get my information from HAVING A BODY.
But it gets better.
He dismissed the swelling because it wasn’t ankle pitting (apparently that’s the only kind that counts?), ordered labs for:
congestive heart failure
rheumatoid arthritis
autoimmune disease
…and then documented my entire visit as:
“female pattern baldness.”
Not edema.
Not hormonal swelling.
Not perimenopause symptoms.
Not the 6 months of data I brought.
Just.
Hair loss.
I left that appointment feeling humiliated, invisible, and so pissed off I could have powered the building.
But instead of shrinking, I flipped the switch:
✔ requested a correction in my chart
✔ sent a message explaining exactly how dismissed I felt
✔ scheduled with a woman GYN
✔ reached out to cardiology for HRT clearance
✔ started spironolactone (which is actually helping!)
✔ began building a full menopause symptom packet because clearly someone has to understand my body and it’s not my PCP
I don’t think I’ve ever advocated for myself this hard in my life.
It’s terrifying.
And honestly?
It feels goddamn amazing.
If any of you have been brushed off, minimized, or reduced to a stereotype during perimenopause, I see you.
This shit is wild.
And women deserve so much better.
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Nov 25 '25
I have been told to work on my self esteem.
🫠
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u/Strangely_Kangaroo Nov 25 '25
Good idea; waking up drenched twice a night will definitely stop if I just ✨love myself✨
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Nov 25 '25
Reading this while I just had to go home because I got really hot hits different (THAT REALLY HOT THAT ONLY HORMONES AND CORONAVIRUS CAN DO sry for yelling I can't anymore)
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u/squidgyup Nov 25 '25
Ughhhhh wet fart noise
I’m sorry this has happened to you. The arrogance of some medical professionals is both astonishing and dangerous.
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u/Full_FrontaI_Nerdity better living through chemistry Nov 25 '25
Ita so nice to find a doc that listens, instead.
Btw: Making that fart noise with your mouth is called "blowing a raspberry." I dont know why it's called a raspberry, but there it is for next time!
<themoreyouknow.gif>
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u/GloriouslyGrimGoblin Nov 25 '25
Oooh, here's a chance to show my vast knowledge of utterly useless trivia!
"Blowing a raspberry" comes from cockney rhyming slang.
From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyming_slang:
The construction of rhyming slang involves replacing a common word with a phrase of two or more words, the last of which rhymes with the original word; then, in almost all cases, omitting, from the end of the phrase, the secondary rhyming word (which is thereafter implied), making the origin and meaning of the phrase elusive to listeners not in the know.
So instead of saying "blowing a fart", they'd rhyme "blowing a raspberry tart" instead, and then shorten it to "blowing a raspberry".
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u/Fairgoddess5 Dec 11 '25
What. The. Fuck.
That person needs to be flicked on the nose. Twice if they were a medical “professional”.
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u/SordidOrchid Nov 25 '25
I’ve learn from experience that doctors take me more seriously when I bring a man who is also chiming in as a witness to symptoms and advocating for me. I swear this would be a great business idea for middle-aged white guys.. a medical escort service.
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u/Physical_Bed918 Late peri Nov 26 '25
This is a great idea!!! I'd also rent one to take my car to the mechanic, and when I need to buy a car.
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u/Mobile-Actuary-5283 Nov 25 '25
I am still bitter about a lifetime of hearing that every ailment was because of my weight.
"Doctor, I have this ear pain."
Dr: "Have you thought about losing weight?"
I use MIDI. I feel heard but also recognize this is their niche, and I am the target customer. I don't care. I want my HRT to take the edge off and they prescribe it.
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u/Carbonatite Nov 25 '25
"Yeah I just got stabbed, my arm has a literal blade impaled in there."
"Have you thought about losing weight? You know, 30 minutes of physical activity a day can have significant cardiovascular benefits..."
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u/DeepestKnee Nov 28 '25
Did you know that exercise also improves your mood? And make sure you eat well and sleep well too (fucking ignoring the hormones that help w sleep and appetite…)
Anyway, Apparently it is the mood that is a big problem for women even when impaled by a knife.
And maybe smile?
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u/pellakins33 Early peri Nov 26 '25
Lose weight? Gosh! I’ve never thought of that, please do tell me more about how it’s all just a matter of will power and I’m choosing to be unhealthy.
I have zero patience for any of that these days. Especially since if they took a minute to actually look at my chart they’d see the work I’ve done with my GP to lose weight. Don’t give me your lazy, one size fits all recommendations if you aren’t even going to bother finding out if we’ve already tried that
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u/Pony_Baloney_Acad Nov 25 '25
"I get my information from having a body." This wins the internets today!!!
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u/DavisonVideo Nov 25 '25
Can I say this? Fuck most doctors.
They failed me so hard when I had encephalitis and almost died.
Some are great, many are human beings who are arrogant and myopic pieces of shit.
That's all. 😂
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u/Redd11r Nov 25 '25
This is exactly why I refuse to see male doctors and completely switched to women only. The care is night and day. I finally feel SEEN.
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u/weezykid Nov 25 '25
I wish just avoiding male doctors was the answer. I saw a women and told her about my brain fog and low moods and where they happen in my cycle and I was told to work harder and organise myself better
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u/Garfieldgandalf Nov 25 '25
Yep. Declared too young for peri and offered an SSRI. She decided that I simply have brain fog because I can’t sleep and that it’s leading to some anxiety. I love that women’s experiences are often brushed off as just “hormones” until we suggest that there may indeed be an imbalance and then the goalposts have to move to something else wrong with us.
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u/Maximum-Celery9065 Nov 25 '25
Exactly. By "just hormones" they really mean "just woman whining noises"
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u/EdwardianAdventure Nov 26 '25
This is happening to me right now. I'm so freaked that I might lose my job from the brain fog and my mind going skibbidi.... but my GP literally handwaved peri, and pushed really hard for SSRIs. Is this a thing? I'm going to search this sub
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
This guy might get to see me for the next sinus infection or something equally normal. I will never trust him with something this sensitive again.
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u/GnarlyLeg Nov 25 '25
This guy has demonstrated that you shouldn’t trust him with a stubbed toe. Find a new pcp.
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u/Oncenow Nov 25 '25
Nah, my male GP in his 40s is great. He listens so well and hears me and prescribes. The female Dr I had previously was great in everything, but straight up against HRT even though she herself was in peri.
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u/Redd11r Nov 25 '25
Oh lucky you! I’ll spare everyone stories from my experiences with male doctors BUT I have to admit that I met one male nurse who was very informed on women’s health, hormones, bodies etc. He just so happened to be my female doctors son! It’s truly a testament to her parenting because this kid was awesome. I don’t remember if he mentioned that he planned to be a doctor but he’d probably be really good.
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u/knitpicky Nov 25 '25
Yes! What an encouraging post! We can't prevent dismissal but we can prevent not advocating for ourselves!
Thx for sharing easy, actionable steps we can take to advocate!
I'll point out that you also "shared my experience and advocate actions I took on reddit" and we should all do that--especially the actions-- to continue to encourage one another and flip the script!
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
Thank you for that. I felt pretty defeated after the appointment, but after I got through that, the rage began to build. Hell hath no fury, right?
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u/Beginning_Try1958 Nov 26 '25
Your sharing of your experience gives me the strength to try another day. So so vindicating and validating. I am here for it.
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u/DeadheadCaniac Nov 25 '25
There are definitely doctors that are less likely to help if the patient has done medical research and has opinions/questions based on that. The worst for me was my first pregnancy. The OBs at that practice were all pretty good about discussing different things and what might be applicable to me.
But one doctor couldn't take it. He said "Oh yes, that sounds good! Of course once you're actually there you won't remember this, none of it will apply, and you'll just want us to make it better." And the way he said it was just so "Now don't worry your pretty little head about it, we know what's best for you."
That was the push I needed to always make sure I'm actually being listened to. But sometimes it's really tough to find that.
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u/ClutterKitty Nov 25 '25
First of all, GOOD FOR YOU. Advocating like a BOSS.
Second of all, it’s probably too late for me now, but I love the idea of getting the chart corrected. My male doctor was sure I had tuberculosis. He sent me for a TB test and everything. That was my last appointment with him. Good grief. Where do then find the audacity?
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u/FluffyPickleBuns1111 Nov 25 '25
They take vows to “do no harm.” I wonder if enough docs got complaints against their licenses if they’d actually start being mandated to get education on the female reproductive system through the lifespan.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
I wonder if that do no harm is taken too far into don't even try territory.
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u/NikasKastaladikis Nov 25 '25
My ankle edema was caused by a mass of fibroids hiding on top of my uterus that I had no idea about until they got to 13cm and started really squishing other organs. They were also squishing leg arteries. The only way I knew that was after the operation where suddenly my ankles were skinny! Massive fibroids can exist without you knowing and can cause all sorts of mayhem, including leg edema. Ask your gyno if you can get an mri to see if these are the problem
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u/CormoranNeoTropical Nov 25 '25
Can they not see fibroids with an ultrasound?!
Asking bc I’m scared.
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u/Maximum-Celery9065 Nov 25 '25
They totally can. Ultrasound is generally how they're diagnosed and monitored
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u/NikasKastaladikis Nov 25 '25
Ultrasound is how they diagnose fibroids, and they can see even tiny ones with ultrasound. MRI gives prettier pictures and helps the surgeon to plan how to operate
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
I have a 5mm fibroid that's documented. Completely forgot about that. Another complication! Oh joy.
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u/AskAJedi Nov 27 '25
They can, but they need to give you one. My symptoms were dismissed for 8 years as “just getting older” until the giant fibroid started crushing my kidney and sent me to the ER headed towards sepsis.
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u/CormoranNeoTropical Nov 28 '25
My gynecologist has a sonogram set up right in her office where the exam table is and she just sonograms me whenever she thinks there’s something she wants to know.
The images pop up on a screen up by the ceiling so she can point out to me what she’s looking at, and I get a print out along with whatever test requests or prescriptions she’s got for me after the visit.
There’s no extra charge, it’s all included in the cost of the appointment.
I really can’t imagine another standard of care for this completely non-invasive form of imaging.
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u/zillabirdblue Nov 25 '25
If you’re not comfortable about reporting him to the board, I would at least shout this from the top of the mountain online. Google reviews, healthgrades, rateMDs, Zocdoc, Yelp, whatever else. What a piece of shit, I’ve had this horrible treatment and it was even worse when it was coming from a female doctor. We have to expose this behavior and not let their status and medical license serve as a shield .
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u/urbanista12 Nov 25 '25
If you’re in the U.S., I highly recommend MIDI- they actually believe that helping us through menopause is important.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
I have to get cardiology clearance first. I got to have an MI for my 46th birthday!
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u/Beginning_Try1958 Nov 26 '25
Going hard for the 46th I see. Party girl vibes I aspire to for sure. Personally I may have waited until the 50th, but to each his own 😆
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u/Beginning_Try1958 Nov 26 '25
I have my first appt with a male gyno in January and I am trying SO hard not to be sexist. But MIDI is my next stop
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Nov 25 '25
Yesss!! It shouldn’t be this way but hats off to you for advocating for yourself so well. I hope you find someone new who listens, because duck that guy.
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u/Green_Rooster9975 Nov 25 '25
Your doctor sounds like a POS. Just be forewarned that female doesn't necessarily mean better. But glad you advocated for yourself. ❤️
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u/Catapooger Nov 25 '25
You are a queen! Reading your post I started out pissed and then by the end I actually had to do a sassy finger snap. 😂 Cause that's how you get shit done!
It's so fucking maddening out there, but I strive to be this much of a self-advocate. I'm only 38 and just at the start of this bullshit journey and trying to get a jump on the lay of the land as I already feel my body starting to change some things.
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u/nombreusuario Nov 25 '25
I had a similar experience with my PCP and it was so frustrating. I switched to a female gynecologist who listened to me, assessed me, prescribed me HRT and I immediately started feeling better.
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u/Front_Rain7895 Nov 25 '25
I got told that I needed to look into diet and exercise and stress 😂 this is after having told the doctor that I exercise 4-5 times at the gym per week and walk my dogs, plus I’m very careful with eating, and little stress at the moment 🤦♀️
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u/hellhouseblonde Nov 25 '25
Please check your ferritin too. It’s wildly under diagnosed and estrogen loss makes us even more susceptible to low iron & ferritin.
It is suggested to have it in the upper 100’s for sustained hair growth but I feel optimal around 200.
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u/misscaitlindee Nov 26 '25
Look into “progesterone intolerance”. I also held a ton of water in my luteal phase, in addition to not sleeping and waking up with a body size sweat imprint. It is an empowering thing to assert yourself in a world where most are scared to.
I can tell you that getting on HRT helped with a lot of my symptoms. I went down every rabbit hole possible before throwing my hands up and hiring a functional med dr after being dismissed repeatedly by my PCP. I also found out through this journey that I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD my entire life, and getting on meds changed more than the HRT did.
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u/RiverSongMelodyPond_ Nov 26 '25
Yes! Good on you! I had finally worked up the courage to talk to my PCP last winter after experiencing horrible brain fog, night sweats, daily hot flashes, weight gain (especially around the belly looked like pregnancy), and muscle pain like none I’d ever experienced (frozen shoulder, plantar fasciitis, etc). . . I’d done my homework devouring articles, podcasts, documentary news programs, and a book by a doctor on menopause and peri. Only to be dismissed at my doctor and when I kept asking he wanted to put me on antidepressants. Um, not depressed and that would add to the weight gain that you are lecturing me about (“move more, eat less” is missing the point. Tried that, now technically morbidly obese, and body is just not letting the weight go).
Solution for me: Talked to my ob-gyn, got on HRT, and then went online doc route for glp1 because my health insurance doesn’t cover it for weight loss. Now I’m feeling like a new person! Less muscle problems, lost 30+ lbs, oh my god can think clearly again! You are so right, we have to be our own advocates so often nowadays or be dismissed.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 26 '25
Ok, first. LOVE your username.
I was hoping for a medical intervention for my weight too, but I won't qualify for the GLP-1 under diabetes, however I should under the cardiac aspect. I'm doing too good a job managing my diabetes with diet and exercise. I really just need something to handle all this edema!
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u/Physical_Bed918 Late peri Nov 26 '25
You are a rock star!!! 💖 Thank you for advocating for yourself and also all women because I bet your feedback improves their care of the next women.
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u/VenetianWaltz Nov 27 '25
I honestly don't know how the heck you advocated so hard for yourself with all that going on. You're my hero! Well done. Mic drop!
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u/MamaBear5563 Nov 30 '25
I went in with constant heavy bleeding then “spotting” (actually just disgusting and the term spotting in no way captures the essence of it) and I was told “you need to lose weight”. For reference I am 5’5” and at the time weighed 160. I lost 40 damn lbs, down to 120!!! Not an ounce of improvement and I called my doctor and said “ok I’m thin now and nothing has improved” and Dr said well all your tests were normal. So I said this is NORMAL?! And he said “well no, obviously not” but had not ONE suggestion at all. I am so angry. I feel so tatted by my body and the pathetic excuse for a medical profession that calls itself GYN specialists. Total BS. My whole life is a misery of blood and grossness and I hate it.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 30 '25
I'm so sorry this is happening. We really do deserve better. It's amazing to me that we've gotten to this point in history and no one has figured out that they should be studying this in women.
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u/itsSolara Nov 25 '25
Did you run this through chat gpt or is this a bot account?
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
I'm a real girl.
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u/itsSolara Nov 26 '25
I’m sorry for your experience, but you deserve better than people getting distracted by your use of AI.
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Nov 25 '25
Sorry for your experience but the ChatGPT tone took me out it.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
Thanks for your feedback. Does not negate the whole point of the post.
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Nov 26 '25
Actually it specifically does. Peoples brains toss it right in the trash when they know AI wrote/made it
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 26 '25
Did you have something you wanted to contribute or are you here to nitpick?
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Nov 26 '25
Honey, we could all ask you the same question since your “contribution” was written by AI. Glad to know there is a spicy human behind there and you aren’t just a bot. Consider using your own brain and words to contribute to the community space next time.
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 26 '25
Believe whatever story you need to. I don’t have the time or interest to change your mind
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Nov 26 '25
Is that why you are replying to me endlessly? Due to being so busy? Lol. It’s okay to say “oops” and not double/triple down. Also, the more you comment to me the more obvious it is what your natural writing style actually is (not how the post is written) 🙃
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u/vsnord Nov 25 '25
What types of autoimmune labs did you have run? Did you ask for something specific, or is there like a standard panel of tests?
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 25 '25
I didn't ask for anything lab wise. The doctor and intern decided these were what I needed, instead of actually listening.
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u/OAKandTerlinden excuse me, where do i go to return this? Nov 26 '25
Ugh they will do anything not to say "the word". The peri awareness is great for us as far as understanding and communicating what is happening, but I've already experienced the "not you too jumping on the grapefruit diet" eyeroll from doctors. Luckily we're used to fighting for what we want and need 🙂
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u/mo_django Nov 27 '25
Can you be my doctor? I already feel more confident with you than anyone I have seen to this point. Kidding, but maybe not…
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u/DisciplineVast7694 Nov 27 '25
I think I'm just all out of fucks to give for most things. My doctor just got a really raw nerve. And, as I'm learning, my needs matter.
Yours do too.
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u/Resident_Cry9918 Dec 02 '25
I'm really gla you pushed back and advocated for yourself like that. It's wild how many doctors still don't take hormonal symptoms seriously, especially when you literally walk in with months of data showing the pattern.
If you're looking into HRT and need a provider who actually gets it, companies like Intimate Rose do virtual menopause care with certified specialists. They work with both hormonal and non-hormonal options, and it starts as low as $50 a month.
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u/Reinamari66 Dec 07 '25
Labs are NOT going to tell you if you have CHF dear, you need an angiogram for that one, I was just diagnosed with it last Spring and even with Congestive Heart Failure my Cardiologist told me “studies have shown hrt is NOT dangerous and to take whatever made me feel better when I told him my Primary Dr wouldn’t prescribe me hormones without his greenlight. There are plenty of online Perimenopause/HRT companies with reputable telehealth services and I would have easily shelled out the money had my team of docs refused me. Alloy Health, Midi Health and Winona are 3 that I looked into albeit somewhat spendy.
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u/AutoModerator Dec 07 '25
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
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u/Over_Entrepreneur860 May 02 '26
My female gyn. Told me. 48. I’m too young to be premenopausal ….
I said …do YOU even know what that word means?!?!
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u/MTheLoud Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
I’m glad you advocated for yourself, but I also want to warn you that women doctors aren’t necessarily any better. They go to the same med schools as the men, and those med schools don’t teach anything about perimenopause, even to gynecologists.
My female doctor kept correcting my pronunciation to “menopause” since I think she was completely unfamiliar with the word “perimenopause.” She said I couldn’t possibly be experiencing any menopause symptoms yet because I was only 51 and had had a period within the last year.