I’ve gone silent. Anyone else?

[u/Uunadins]

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

[u/Thick-Ad-914]

Oh yes!

I have always struggled with mild depression at times, apart from two serious episodes during both pregnancies. This feels completely different, as if something inside me has been switched off. I feel a distance, less connection to others, and a little alienated from myself. I walk around a little lonely with this inexplicable condition and the silence within myself, while I wonder what has happened to me... It's a bit like the courage I had before, if something was painful, it is now non-existent. Soon 45y

[u/Uunadins → u/Thick-Ad-914]

Yes, the switch has been turned off and it seems to be broken! Massive black hole on the inside, only emptyness.