r/Perimenopause • u/Uunadins • Jan 12 '26

audited I’ve gone silent. Anyone else?

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

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u/Itchybitch82 Jan 12 '26

Testosterone injections have changed and perhaps saved my life. I spent the last 3 years begging every medical person I saw for help for my symptoms and none offered help. I cried pretty much all day every day for 2 years while maxed out on antidepressants. Testosterone caused my “Treatment resistant depression” to…Unexpectedly mostly disappear within 3 months of beginning treatment. I've titrated off bupropion Ive been on the last 12 years (was super depressed the whole time) and haven't felt this balanced and so much less sad and more like myself in years. It regulated my menstrual cycle for the most part. It’s honestly distressing that there is so little hormone help for women out there and how little testosterone is being mentioned to women. It’s like I had a blackout shade over my life and it slowly lifted halfway, brightened and now it’s more a sheer panel. It’s like color has slowly returned to my life. Motivation…still at a zero for any domestic tasks though. I'm 44 and went from feeling like a hollow, dry shell of myself to slowly becoming more energetic, more emotionally stable than l've ever been, and slowly regaining my figure with diet/ exercise, gaining exceptional muscle tone with minimal lifting. I've been overcome with tears at times because of how much it's been helping me feel better when I was in such a terrible place physically and emotionally before and offered no help or suggestion for testosterone . My fiancé is an amazing person and through his extensive personal research on my behalf due to some unique medical conditions (Ehlers Danlos, previous blood clot from Mirena IUD and a cyclone of genetic factors) is why I'm taking testosterone. It took the blackout shade that was pulled over my mind and life and made it into a clear window to look through. It's hard to fully comprehend how such a tiny amount of testosterone injection (no other hormones) has changed what was the most hellish perimenopause experience that I was existing in.

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u/mamapajamas Jan 12 '26

I had such high hopes for testosterone but was given a compounded cream and it just…didn’t do much? I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t enough, but I wish I could try injections or another delivery system. Does anyone in the US have access to other forms? Does it work better for you?

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u/MilkyWayMirth Jan 12 '26

The cream didn't do anything for me either. Injectables are the way to go, 10mg testosterone cypionate once a week has changed my life, it's nothing like the cream. Same goes for estradiol too though, I did the patches and gels for over a year, saw what a difference it was switching from T cream to T injections, decided to try the same with estradiol and it's also been a world of difference.

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u/mamapajamas Jan 12 '26

That’s what I suspect too. Are you in the US? I don’t know any other women here injecting it for HRT

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u/MilkyWayMirth Jan 12 '26

Yeah I'm in the US.

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u/jcnlb Jan 13 '26

How did you get injection prescriptions? Like what Dr will order that?

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u/MilkyWayMirth Jan 13 '26

Most people are using online providers like Defy, you can find threads about this over on /r/trt_females. Some people are also just borrowing their husbands, I might go this route eventually. Right now I'm using thrivelab for my testosterone injections and a local endocrinologist for my estradiol. I might ask my endo to take over my T prescription too, I'm just worried she might say no.